PROLOGUE:
Love is a four letter word that most of humanity misspelled. Others, even if they know, carelessly put each word together leaving nothing but thousands of miseries and pains. Many believed that dying in the name of love is a great heroism and a proof that you are not that coward to face life’s origin. But others do not. I was born and lived in a world, where prejudice and inequality prevails. In a world where a sword serves as the panacea to get freedom and love is the most selfish thing ever existed.I have been in this kind of world many thousand years ago but haven’t seen any single changes at all. After the dusk will come a new day, a new day for us to start a new beginning and leave those bad imprints of yesterday. My life in this world is never that easy. Seeing news of killings every time I opened the television makes me sick. I don’t have any idea on how I will appreciate life with all of this. How I wish I could turn the clock back when I was just a naive little child. Mind is far from cruel civilization. I had nothing to worry about for tomorrow; I just play, eat and sleep the rest of the day. I thought everything will be like that forever, one big happy family at a park with picnic basket on a blanket, watching the sun as it was slowly eaten by the fresh blue water of the lake, playing and laughing together, enjoying each company, but I was wrong. My close to perfect life slowly turned into a perfect hell maybe because my parents got divorced after how many years of foolishness in each other’s arm. Yes, everything I see when I’m in front of them is totally different when they got alone. It was just like perfect couple which everyone whom experiencing marriage troubles would envy. But again, they’re not. When I finally reached my teenage year, I end up laughing on those who envy the “perfect marriage” as what they call my parents successful married life and pity on them. I asked myself, why would they let themselves fool by the mask marriage of my parents? Yes I call it “mask marriage” because I know, even if they don’t tell anyone, that there is something behind that marriage which they prefer to hide to everyone and it was undoubtedly me. That was the hardest part for me to accept. Knowing that I am the reason why my mother raised a family unprepared. No doubt that she was already at the ideal age of having her own family the time I came into their lives, but as what I’ve said, she’s not prepared nor ready. Even though I figured out this hidden complication by myself, I knew she still love me and my younger brother, Nathaniel. But my dad, I just hope she would learn to love him someday. I was already adopted with our situation until my mom got remarried for someone she truly loved. Well, I had to respect her being my mother even there is still a part of me which actually hated her for that. I and my younger brother were left beyond my dad’s supervision but he can’t actually accept the fact that he’s no longer with the woman he promised to be with his whole life. He became depressed and doesn’t even talk to anyone of us. He also stopped attending his business meetings causing him to lose his job and bankruptcy of our little fashion boutique that I once dreamed to run in business someday. I know how badly hurt my dad is. Seeing him every night in front of that old wooden table with a bottle of wine scattered everywhere is just like stabbing my heart with a very sharp knife a thousand times. Suddenly, out of control, he threw the bottle as strong as he can in that blue painted concrete wall of ours. He did it not with only one bottle but almost all that he grabbed were turned into pieces. I stepped backwards in amazement. I didn’t expect he would do that, not a single thought. But on the other side, I should really expect that would happen. There he is on his knees, facing those broken glasses around, crying and whispering how he loved my mother so much. I soon noticed my dad’s hands, it was bloody. I then took a deep breath. I can no longer take this situation. If only I could do something to help my family especially my father whose life now is so miserable. If only I can. I found myself crying too, thinking of those things. When I was about to turn my back away to prevent myself seeing my dad so helpless and hopeless, he called for me. I am thinking to pretend I didn’t hear him but I can’t. I see those red eyes caused by severe crying just like it was telling me that any moment he would die. I begin to walk slowly towards him and with no other words he hugged me tightly as if it will be the last time. Is there something that my dad wants me to tell? Then what would it be? That question of mine bothered me so much that I can no longer sleep. I looked at my alarm clock on my study table just beside my bed to check the time. Dang it! I told myself. It was already two in the morning and if I don’t get enough sleep, I would fail to attend my seven-thirty class in economics early. Surely, when it happens, it’ll be beneficial for me because I will be excused in my two more subjects including trigonometry and physics but..... I’ll be sent around the campus, as usual, to pick up those scattered leaves and litters of those stubborn students. And I was right!
*************
The next day, I hurried for school that I forget to eat my breakfast and comb my long and black hair. Well, combing your hair is such a frivolous thing to do. I wonder why some of the students nowadays can’t manage to go to school without asking whether their hair is properly fixed or not. Was it really a part of teenage life? Being conscious on yourself? I noticed that I am the only one left walking on that deserted hallway of our school. Everyone is inside their room getting ready for their class. The deafening silence of the whole place was broke by the sound of my heavy footsteps. Not surprised, I saw my Economics teacher standing and facing my two other classmates in front of our room. She was scolding them. Minutes later, she noticed that I’m already there and gave me a short second glance with her fierce eyes. I bowed my head, shameful of what had happened. The three of us were sent into the school depository and were asked to put everything up in order.
“What the heck?!” golden brown-haired beauty Shaneille complains when she accidentally touched a gum under the tray she was holding. No doubt of possessing an attitude like that, she belong to a well-known and rich family in our little town.
Charlie just laughed at her.
“Look who has the gum in her hands?” she said in a mocking manner. She was referring to Shaneille.
“Would you just shut your mouth there!” she then replied as she was heading towards the wash area to clean up her hands, of course.
After hearing that, even without any words, Charlie insinuated that she would stop teasing the girl. Suddenly, a familiar voice spoke out at our back.
“You can go now to your next assignment” it was Miss Carmen.
“NO!” Shaneille, from the wash area strongly inveigh.
“I can no longer hold this kind of... this kind of....“but before she could finish her words, Miss Carmen just spoke.
“Kind of what?! Of dirty stuff? Then you must find another school” she reprimanded her.
Charlie and I went stammered. We both don’t know what to do that moment. I looked at Shaneille. Her blue eyes are filled with tears waiting to fall any seconds now. I took a deep breath. I never imagined her being slurred by anyone else especially our teachers. No one has the guts to do it knowing that a single word to offend her might cost their whole lives. I wonder why Shaneille just acted like that.
“Now... you’ll work or just leave this institution” she added.
She does nothing but to follow what just have told her.
After an exhausting punishment, we finally retired. We went straight to the cafeteria and buy some snacks and refreshments. We sat together around the table near the glass window. I took the seat near Charlie and facing towards Shaneille. She is so quiet that I was like staring at a mannequin. I glanced back at Charlie who is now eating her meal. I asked her insinuatingly on what was wrong with Shaneille, but she just gave me an “I don’t know” gesture then she continued eating. I can’t help my curiosity from popping out through my brain stems. I secretly examined her appearance. It seems like there is something bothering her that she no longer touched nor even give a single bite to her food. Minutes of silence had pass.
“Is there something wrong?” I then find my courage to speak.
It could be easily determine that she was surprised by my naughty and frivolous question. She looked at me with her glossy blue eyes but no reply.
“Was it because of what happened a while ago?” and I was referring to what had just happen in the depository area.
“NO, I was just not in the mood” she replied with a bitter smile on her face. With that, I already knew there is something going on. I was about to open my mouth to ask something again but Charlie stopped me by holding my hand well just because in excitement to know the reason why, I nearly carry my chair up. I realized that I shouldn’t put too much attention on what was her problem now that I know I am not helping at all.
“I’m sorry” I apologized.
“It’s ok” she said and then excused herself.
“I gotta go; I’ll be late for my next subject” she added while putting up some books in her bag and then left us alone.
“You see?!” Charlie rolled her eyes around as she reprimanded me.
I know that as a friend, I also need to know the problems my friends are encountering so that I could help them also but in this case, I only made it big for her.
We are on our way for our last subject, Biology. I and Charlie are heading to our locker room when Addison came to talk.
“So what’s up after graduation?” she asked excitedly.
“Well, my family and I will go out of town” Charlie replied so proud.
“Oh! Us, we are planning to go out on a trip maybe in Paris or Rome” said Addison. After their talk, both of them stared at me. I know that they will ask me the same question and I was right.
“How about you? Does your family plan anything for your graduation?” they are obviously talking to me.
I bit my lower lips and sighed. I am flattered so much with that question. A family vacation? It was such a stupid idea. Ever since that day, I no longer have a family to have fun with, a family to lean on when I needed them most and family to help me in everything that I can’t do. I lived on my own now when in fact at my age, seventeen, my parents should still be taking care for me.
“Hey...” Addison called my attention.
“What was it?” I pretended I didn’t know what they are talking hoping they would just excuse me with their conversation but I was wrong.
“Do your parents plan something for you after our graduation?” she repeated her question.
“Nothing...” I replied honestly.
Her face was filled with disbelief.
“So what will you do then?” Charlie’s follow-up question.
“Well, I just wanna try living on my own” I told them.
“I don’t understand” this time, Addison spoke.
“I’ll just get a college degree and look for a good paying job” I explained to them. That is what I really plan for me and my brother.
“You know, you’re killing yourself” then Charlie giggled.
When we reached the locker room, I opened the issue about Shaneille for one good reason, to mislead the two in talking about their family. It is getting through my nerves.
“Does anyone of you know what Shaneille’s problem?”
“Problem? Why did you ask?” Addison, while unloading her locker.
“Well, I just noticed that there’s like something bothering her.”
“Like what?” Addison asked me again. Charlie, from behind, shook her head a little to tell me not to say anything but it was too late.
“There was a confrontation between Shaneille and Miss Carmen a while ago in the depository area. I just wonder why she didn’t dare to fight back as she always does.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s personal” Charlie just joined our talk. We both looked at her.
“You know something?” I asked her in curiosity. Based on her expression, she knew the reason behind.
“I don’t think I should tell you this.....” she started in hesitations.
“But I heard from rumours around that Miss Carmen is her step mother. Others said that she was a tigress in disguise. She put up conditions in marrying him, and that is to completely renounce Shaneille as his only daughter. Well maybe for the inheritance. But I don’t know if it is true.” She added.
I lost my word in hearing that. I felt so sorry for her. For the record, it made me realized that I am still much luckier with my situation comparing to her.
“What?!” Addison exclaimed.
I was about to tell something when the bell rang.
When we entered the room, the whispering silence caught my attention first. I looked around and saw Shaneille working on an experiment, still, no words can be heard from her. I am starting to worry about her. I throw a short glance on her before I take my seat. I took my work sheet. Everything is about plant propagation. It is good I have read a lot of books about this which made it easy for me to answer each questions. I was on the last three items when something just hit on the back of my head. When I looked around, it was a paper plane. I picked it up and noticed some black inks in it.
Strange! I told myself.
I opened it and found a note saying “hi! Can we be friends?” I tried to find where it came from. I’ve examined the whole place but everybody is busy with the experiment. When I looked at the open door, I saw a shadow of a student who ran as long as I got my eye on him? I don’t know. I didn’t even get a chance to see whether he’s a guy or what. Unexpectedly, Mr. Carson came in. He saw me looking at the door.
“Alright then pass your papers. I guess one of you now is in a hurry for home” he said staring at me. And yes, definitely, he was talking about me. I nodded, shamefaced actually. I combed my hair with my hands and wet my lips.
“Class dismissed” after saying that, everybody left the room.
When I got off the school bus when I arrived at home, everything is strange. The door is locked not like before. It was often left open so with the lights. When I got in, everything was in order, from that old sofa in the living room to that newly painted wall in our kitchen which serves as a dart board of my father when he got drunk. Wait, speaking of my dad. Where is he? I found myself alone in this house. I go upstairs to check if they are there but all that I saw is a white envelope placed on a vase table near my room. It was a letter from my dad. What is it suppose to mean? I read it.
My princess,
You know how much I love you and I care for you. But I can’t live a life like this. I know how much painful it is for me to leave this house and start a new beginning away from bad memories without you by my side, but I should take the risk. Seeing you is reminding me those pains which your mother left stained in my heart. This goodbye doesn’t mean I don’t love you anymore. Let’s just say that I am doing this for you. I love you.
Dad
After reading it, I rummaged all over the house. I ran towards Nathaniel’s room and searched for something then to my dad’s room. It was all cleaned. I want to look for something that can prove me this isn’t happening at all or true. I go directly to his closet and opened it. It was emptied. I stepped backwards catching my breath. I forced myself not to cry but I failed. I put all the blame on me for being such an imperfect person and losing everything which is important to me. I am such a disgrace in this world. I don’t have any idea on how to start now. I really don’t. If this is a dream, somebody would please dare to wake me up now.......
I felt so much pain all over my body. It was just like every move I’ll make, a bone of mine will going to break. I stretched my arms and then manage myself to get off in bed. I scratched my eyes to clear out the wooziness I felt at this point. I am still sleepy but I need to get myself ready for school. I noticed a slight change in my room, besides my bed bigger than before is that there is a tea table for two inside my room. I never knew I have like that in my room or anyone else in the family except my dad. I tour my eyes around the place and found myself alone in my father’s room. Perfect sunshine was defeated by sadness and pains that hides deep inside my soul. It’s been a couple of weeks since my dad left to nowhere but still, the memories keep haunting me back. I took a quick shower and then went downstairs to cook for my breakfast. After that, I’ll wash the dishes, pack my things up and get ready for school. This has always been my daily routine. After class, I’ll go straight to a bookstore to buy something to read and then go home.
I am Yvonne Mische, and welcome to my stupid and silly life.......