“Hazza, I’m home!” Louis darted across the room and threw himself into my arms, making us both fall on top of each other on my bed.
My heart was pounding in my chest and I felt heat rise in my cheeks. This position really wasn’t good for my newly discovered love for a certain Doncaster boy. But knowing I couldn’t risk letting him notice something had changed, I wrapped my arms around him and let him bury himself into my chest.
“I missed you, Boo,” I murmured in his ear. It was true; although I’d been spending my time reading his diary, I still missed the one I loved.
“Missed you too,” he replied.
We sat there for a bit, just enjoying the company of each other and relaxing with the knowledge that we were back together again. It was soothing to have him here. All the nerves and discomfort of the past few days and everything weighing on my brain seemed to have been washed away, at least for the moment.
Suddenly a thought ran across my mind. “Um, don’t take this the wrong way, but why are you here?”
He removed his face from my body, looking up to meet my eyes. I noticed his expression had dropped. “Don’t you want me here? I thought you missed me, Harry,” he sadly answered, a lone tear trickling down his cheek.
“No, no! That’s not what I meant; it came out wrong. Of course I want you here Boobear, you know how I get when you’re away. I missed you so much. I just didn’t think you’d be back until tomorrow is all,” I hurriedly explained and watched his face return to its previous joyfulness.
“I was getting ready to come home anyway and Mum noticed I was missing you and the others so she told me to just go, so I did! And now I’m here with you guys!” Grinning, he squeezed his arms around me tighter for a few seconds before releasing me and rolling off my body. Until then, I hadn’t noticed that we were practically merged together we were so wrapped around each other. Chuckling, I helped him untangle our bodies. We laid beside each other in comfortable silence.
Until Liam broke the peace. “Hey Harry, did you want to come down and eat with Nialler, Zayn and I? We’re making-“ he stopped short, noticing the extra body on my bed. “Louis! You’re back!” Lou stood and let Liam embrace him before pulling away and flopping back down next to me.
“I sure am,” he replied, grinning lazily. I reached over to wipe a few stray strands of hair from his forehead, and he smiled up at me softly. He was so adorable, sprawled out al over my bed and displaying that beautiful little smile just for me. I wished I had a camera, to take a picture of this moment and have it to look back on forever.
I was woken from my thoughts by a tug on my arm. Louis had stood and was now attempting to pull me up as well. I sighed, squirming out of his grip and getting up. I’d forgotten Liam was even in here, but apparently he’d just told Louis to get me up and make sure I came down to help with dinner.
About to step out the door, I was held back by a force around my waist. Glancing down, I realized Louis had an arm around me. What was that for? I raised my eyebrow at him questioningly.
“Would you mind giving me back that journal? Remember, the one I asked you about the day I left and you said you’d find it for me?” He peered anxiously at me.
I gulped guiltily hoping he wouldn’t notice the slight tensing of my body and scrambling of my mind at the mention of the journal. How could I forget? Had I really been so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I’d forgotten the last important thing I’d found out about him? I snapped myself out of my thoughts, noticing Lou staring at me curiously.
“Of course you can have it, Boo. It’s your journal. Let me just…” I let my voice trail off as I ducked down, crouching in such a way that he couldn’t see my face. I knew I was a horrible liar and actor, so I planned to give myself the least opportunities to mess this up as I could.
Pulling the journal from beneath the mattress, I composed my expression before standing. “Here you go,” I said, handing it to him. He simply smiled and thanked me before walking out, presumably to put the journal back in the thinking room.
Now that Louis was back, I couldn’t really use that as my thinking room anymore. I’d have to make sure he wasn’t up there and wouldn’t have a chance to go up soon in order to not be caught. I also couldn’t read his journal. That was unfortunate due to the spot I had stopped at.
Louis was bisexual and hiding that he fancied someone in the band. I’d already gotten over the fact that he was bi, and had even come to terms with my own love for him. I was still a bit upset he hadn’t told me, but I understood how he felt and couldn’t blame him.
However, I hadn’t given myself time to think about who he might fancy. I would have to watch how he acted around each of us and see if I could determine who it was that he wanted. As much as it would hurt knowing I couldn’t have him, I planned to do everything I could to help him be happy, even if it meant supporting him with someone else.
I wasn’t even going to let myself wonder if he liked me, because it simply wasn’t possible. He’d always been firm in interviews and answering any sort of questions with his replies about our strong friendship. He’d been terribly supportive of our promise to be best friends forever. Why would he agree to such a thing if he loved me for more?
It was time to go don for dinner by now. I’d already been up here thinking over everything for a good twenty minutes and Liam was going to burst his remaining kidney if I didn’t help him. He couldn’t cook for his life, but he still thought of himself as the big man and tried to every once in a while. It always ended with me tossing out whatever he’d made and whipping up my own dish for everyone, but he certainly didn’t mind my better quality cooking.
I paused in the hall to check over myself in the mirror. My hair was ruffled and messy, but it didn’t matter since it was only the boys here. My face looked as if I needed some more sleep, and my skin was flushed from the touches Louis had given me in our little cuddle session earlier. Rearranging my expression once more, I slipped into the kitchen.
“Hey guys,” I greeted them, still taking in the scene.
As I had predicted, Liam was bent over something on the stove. He was bending a little too far, and I felt an urge to pull him back before he set his clothes on fire or burnt his face. Niall was sitting at the table looking dejected, likely because Liam wouldn’t let him eat anything right before he made dinner. Zayn was sitting beside Niall on his phone and I couldn’t tell if he was using his phone as a mirror or checking his Twitter. Probably both.
Louis was skipping back and forth and in circles, singing random verses of different songs and smiling merrily. He got dangerously close to Liam and almost pushed him into the pot of boiling something or other he’d been working on, and then ended up crashing into the side of the table, which resulted in him, Zayn, and Niall all toppled over on the floor. He just chuckled, jumping up and resuming his skipping.
“Boo, you might want to stop it now,” I warned him. He listened, halting his movements in front of me.
“Why? I’m having so much fun! Since when are you Daddy, anyway? That’s Liam’s job,” he pouted at me.
“Since Liam decided to try to cook. It may be fun, but you’ve already knocked over two people and you really shouldn’t be doing something like that dangerously close to things that are boiling or could shatter, like glass cups,” I explained. He nodded sadly and took his usual seat at the table beside Zayn.
Liam was still bent precariously over the boiling pot. “Hey Li, you might want to watch out and scoot back before you-“ I was cut off by a rather loud yelp and hiss, and Liam shot away from the stovetop. “What happened?”
“The stupid steaming pot burned my face!” he whined, sounding very unlike his usual mature self. I chuckled.
“I knew that was going to happen. In fact, that’s what I was just warning you about. Here, use this cloth. Go soak it in cold water and have Niall help you use it to calm the burn.” I handed him a washcloth off the counter and he went over to the table to ask for Niall’s help.
Turning my attention to the actual pot, I quickly switched off the burners and peered inside. It appeared he’d been trying to make some sort of beef stew, but didn’t know how to efficiently work a burner. Sighing at the waste of perfectly good ingredients, I threw the mush in the bin and left the pot in the sink to cool down. Looking around, I hastily picked what I would need for tacos and prepared some the way each of the boys liked them, making all the extras into tacos for Niall’s insatiable hunger. Gathering them together, I placed them onto regular plates and set them out on the table.
When Niall saw the food, he dropped the cloth he’d been dabbing on Liam’s face and darted over. “Food, finally! Yum, tacos! Thanks, Harry!” and he dug right in, not waiting for anyone else. Yes that was certainly our Nialler: the ever-hungry leprechaun. Smirking, I began to eat my own tacos.
The other boys all complimented my cooking skills as well, which I highly enjoyed. When we finished, Liam piled up the dirty dishes and went to wash them all. Zayn walked up the stairs, having returned to texting whoever he’d been talking to before. He was probably making a new friend, so I didn’t want to interrupt him. Niall plopped down on the couch and clicked on the television, which was on a movie channel. It was currently playing The Notebook.
Louis and I joined Niall, curling up on the couch. As the movie continued, we gradually moved closer to each other until we ended up cuddling once again. I’d given up on avoiding contact with him and was going to just do what I felt like doing, but hopefully without revealing my deeper feelings. We’d always been super close, so nobody should suspect anything.
I was lying with my head on his chest and our legs tangled. One of my hands was on his opposite shoulder and the other gripped his shirt. He had one arm wrapped around my waist and the other hand cupping my cheek, resting his head on my own. Soon enough, the sounds of the movie faded and I stopped caring what went on around me. I just focused on Lou’s steady breathing, and I felt my eyelids beginning to droop.
Before I could drift off, I managed to whisper, “Night, Boo. Love you.” I immediately regretted it, thinking I shouldn’t say I love him. I’d forgotten it was something we said all the time since it now meant so much more to me.
I wasn’t expecting a reply, so I was shocked when I heard him mumbling in my ear, “I love you too, Hazzabear.”
He said he loved me! My heart was jumping for joy before I remembered it was just natural habit. He may have sounded like he meant it when he said those three words, but it meant something totally different to him. He was just letting his friend know he cared. I was telling but not telling him that I wanted him to be mine, for him to love me the way I’d fallen for him. There was absolutely no way he knew how I was feeling, and how his words gave me false hope only to let me down.
There was no way Louis Tomlinson could love me.