We were soo much more
Than you let us be
- Perry Poetry
Tinashe - Fire and Flames
It's been a week since I stopped working at the Sunset pub. Yes— Nicholas did beg me to come back. The job is still open to me but I just want time. I've been in an overdrive mode for what has been my entire life and now I just feel like I need to rest, to cool off.
Having soo much time on my hands has really just worsened me to an extent. Nothing can distract me when those memories come creeping back in. It wasn't a good idea to rest now that I think about it but I just can't find the strength to want to go back to all the chaos.
Zayn had to have had some history with Nicholas concerning a woman. I'm certain. He mentioned something about history trying to repeat itself and just the thought sickened me— knowing that Zayn might have loved someone. Knowing that he has a shadow of a heartbreak that haunts him and possibly prevents him from opening up and allowing himself to be happy sickens me with jealousy.
It's like my life depended on finding out but no matter how I begged and persuaded Nicholas, he wouldn't speak. Not even when I told him I'd come back to work and take him on that date I promised.
My feet carried me closer to the familiar building that I promised myself never to come to. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead and my bag got harder to hold due to my sweaty palms.
It's crazy, I know— I decided to take Zayn up on his offer after days of thinking and mentally slapping myself. First of all, the money he's offering is something I just can't see myself passing out on but most of all— I've been craving him in every way possible.
There has been that voice at the back of my mind that his desperation for me might mean something— that it can change something. If anyone would have told me about six months ago that I would ever see men as anything other than less deserving of my love— I would have laughed my ass off but now here I am, unexplainably and madly in love with a man.
Maybe, just maybe if he feels a little spark then being closer to him could change things and destroy the barrier that any woman might have caused.
I made it to the front of the building successfully without talking myself out of it. There's no turning back.
I received a few weird looks here and there because I looked soo lost but I had a feeling it was because most of his employees recognized me since I had been their hot topic once. With great difficulty and uneasiness, I made my way to the receptionist.
"Good day ma'am, welcome to—"
She began to greet in her well-practised voice but I was way too nervous to wait through it.
"Yeah I'm familiar with that."
I said a little harshly— shutting her up which I regretted instantly because she didn't deserve my frustration to be poured out on her.
Her smile dropped, followed by weak and forced one.
"Look I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to come across as rude."
I apologized instantly, feeling like a dick.
"—No it's fine ma'am, you don't have to apologize."
She rushed out, smiling brightly which was a relief. I returned her smile. A good one.
"How may I help you?"
Reality sunk in immediately she asked. As much as I wanted to speak I couldn't. I stared at her blankly for what must've been minutes as she just watched me expectantly and awkwardly.
"So I mean, are you here to see anyone?"
She clarified herself but the change of question didn't help either. Heat ran down my spine as I thought about the stupid thing I was seconds away from doing.
"Ma'am?"
She pressed, probably getting impatient. I snapped into reality— clearing my throat.
"Oh sorry, I blacked out there for a second."
I chortled awkwardly and she smiled in reply, still watching me impatiently.
"I'm here to see Zayn."
I said boldly, getting into character.
She creased her brow, eyeing me. I could tell it was from the use of his first name because he never allows anyone to call him that.
"Okay? Do you have an appointment?"
She asked, reaching for the telephone as she grabbed a hard copy book.
"No, just call and tell him I'm here, Muna."
I said with a shrug— forgetting that to her I was a slutty bimbo who was dying for his attention and a chance to gold-dig.
"Sorry, ma'am but you can't meet him until you have an appointment, that's the only way I can let you up."
She said calmly but somehow rudely at the same time and I quirked my brow. It was obvious she mentally fucked him— if not in real life.
"Tell him his girlfriend wants to see him, I don't need an appointment."
I taunted, stretching the word girlfriend which caused her eyes to widen. She gave me a blank stare as I watched her in confusion— slightly regretting what I said because what if the entire office already knew Lilja as his girlfriend?
"So?"
The longer I waited the more skeptical I began to get about seeing him.
She snapped out of her shocked state— reaching out for the telephone. I took a deep breath, looking around nervously as she spoke to who I assume was his personal assistant.
"I'm soo sorry for the misunderstanding, you can go up."
She smiled sheepishly, handing me the keycard to the 25th floor and I returned her smile. I nodded and walked away, my eyes focused on the elevator.
The elevator dinged open and in stood a man dressed in a grey suit. I sent an awkward smile his way and stepped in. I swapped my keycard which caused the elevator to close and off we went.
His eyes were on me the entire time which made me feel really uncomfortable as I sent awkward smiles his way. I was internally praying the lift came to an end already.
"Hey."
His deep raspy voice broke the silence. He sounded like he just woke up from bed and had a hot fucking session that left his throat sore from all the grunting.
"Hi," I replied— smiling a little to indicate that he wasn't bordering me.
"The name is Joe," He stretched out his hand and I took it, "Muna," I replied as we shook hands.
It wasn't as awkward anymore. He was a pretty weird guy with the bunch of stories he could tell me just within our ride but he definitely wasn't bad looking. His jet black hair and hazel eyes made him look like he walked straight out of a magazine cover.
"No, really, you should see it."
I laughed as he spilled words from his mouth. I had no idea how we went from talking about work being hard to the size of his dick.
"Yeah I think I'd pass, I love my uterus."
I joked as well and he pouted— running his hand through his hair. The elevator dinged and it so happened that we were going to the same floor.
We stepped out and I sent a nod his way.
"It was nice running into you."
I said and he smiled.
"Likewise Muna," I turned to walk away but he stopped me.
"Oh uuh would you like to hang out with me sometime?"
He asked nervously and I genuinely didn't know how to react. He wasn't asking me out on a date or anything but I knew for a fact that Zayn would kill me for being friends with any of his employees.
"I would love to b—"
"—What's going on here?"
Zayn's voice interrupted us and it was at that moment I realized that Joe was holding my arm. He released me with confusion written all over his face. I turned to look at Zayn and it was the angriest I had ever seen him. He looks beastly more and more with every passing day.
As much as he was fuming with anger— he was also shocked and confused to be seeing me.
"It's nothing baby."
I said in hopes to get him to relax but it didn't seem like it was working. Joe furrowed his brows when the word baby slipped pass my lips.
Zayn shifted his gaze from mine— glaring at Joe with murderous eyes. As much as his posture scared the shit out of me, it made me tingly because I knew he was jealous. Or just selfish.
"Get back to work!"
He ordered and Joe nodded his head— taking one last glance at me before excusing himself.
Zayn held my gaze for a second before his eyes roamed down my body all the while still angry. He stretched out his hand for mine and I nervously accepted his gesture.
He lead us towards his office— looking straight ahead with a clenched jaw. A small part of me was already regretting my decision of coming to meet him but an even larger part of me was more than excited to see him even though he was mad at me for absolutely no reason.
He opened the door to his office— bringing his hand to the small of my back, leading me in. My first time entering his office and seeing where he works and I couldn't believe it. It was beyond what I had expected— classic and modern consisting of only black and grey.
He slammed the door behind us and I came back to reality. The look on his face when I turned around wasn't pretty. It scared the crap out of me.
"What were you doing talking to Joe and what the hell were the both of you talking about?"
He asked calmly which somehow annoyed me because I knew he was angry.
"It took all the strength within me to come here and that's all you're concerned about? Me talking to Joe?"
I asked completely shocked. I had no idea what to expect but definitely not him taking shots at me.
He sighed— staring at me. "I don't like seeing you with other men."
"Since when do you care this much? before I'm sure you wouldn't have given a fuck if you saw me practically fucking someone."
I said in frustration because it was getting annoying.
He glared at me, fire erupting from his eyes.
"I honestly don't get why I want you around, you're a fucking pain in my dick."
He scowled.
"Coming here was a mistake."
I chuckled bitterly, throwing my hands up in surrender— rather a bit too dramatic if you ask me.
"—I'd see myself out."
I badged pass him, feeling extremely stupid and pathetic.
"Fuck."
He muttered as I got closer to the door. I was feeling like shit already. He can be so insensitive sometimes and I hate it.
"Wait!"
He called and even though I didn't want to— I halted. I turned around with sass, quirking a brow as his cue to speak.
He took a single step and was before me instantly.
"What do you think you're doing?"
He whispered, biting his bottom lip after the words left his lips.
Suddenly I became vulnerable before him— all my frustration disappearing. I bit my bottom lip as well, stepping closer to him. 'You're such an idiot Muna'
"Please don't make this harder."
I found myself pleading, wanting him to yell and shout at me so I could have a reason to leave but his calm approach was melting me— just the way he stood before me and asked with a hint of panic and fear in his voice.
"Make what harder?"
He asked, staring into my soul.
"Leaving."
I said simply, watching as he watched me blankly— no emotion in his eyes to give him away.
"But I don't want you to leave, I'm selfish Muna, I want you all to myself."
He stepped closer than he already was and ran his fingers up my sides— stopping at my waist and pulling me closer to his chest.
I inhaled a sharp breath— his gentleness fucking me up. It was so unlike Zayn to be gentle. He always did everything roughly but I also really like his soft and tender side. Against my better judgment, I planted my palms on his chest— locking eyes with him. His body tensed up instantly and for a second I feared that he was going to push me away but he didn't. His gaze trailed down to my hands with a clenched jaw, lingered for seconds but finally trailed up.
"I still don't get why."
I spoke softly— our faces just inches away from each other.
"—Me neither."
He brought his lips closer and closer until they finally touched mine.
Our kiss wasn't like any other. He made no attempt to push his tongue down my throat, instead, he gently sucked on my lips and I reciprocated. He pulled me closer— wrapping his hands around my back, squeezing it as I held onto his waist.
"You should have worn a dress but also you shouldn't be touching me, I have no idea why I haven't peeled your hands off me— yet."
He said between our kiss and I chuckled, pulling away from him. I sighed mentally— knowing right away that not touching him was still imprinted on that piece of damned paper.
It broke my heart but I was doing a darn good job at not letting it show. He half smiled, watching me intently— in deep thoughts. I knew for a fact that he was dying to ask what I was doing there but also mad scared it wouldn't be for what he wants.
It's funny how we fought and it's like we didn't as soon as we kissed— it scared me. What if that's all to it? Lust and craving each other? For him, that is, because I love him with my entire being.
"I accept," I held his gaze, answering his unasked question.
"Anything to be closer to you," I admitted, having the courage to pull him closer to me by the waist. 'You're pushing it Muna'
He remained silent— an expression dancing across his face that had my heart sinking. I shouldn't have said what I said because I already knew for a fact that nothing had changed. It was just going to be sex still. I tore my gaze away from him— peeled my palms off his skin and stepped away.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."
I ran my fingers through my hair, heaving a frustrated sigh.
"This won't get in the way of anything. I know what it is I'm signing up for and I won't be attached, I swear it. I. . . I just—"
I stopped talking because I had no idea where my speech was heading. Panic took over me as he still didn't say anything. All he did was watch me with an expression I couldn't bring meaning to.
"If it's because I touched you, I would never do that again."
I added frustratedly.
"Fucking say something!" I began to panic.
"Come here!"
He ordered, his voice stern— with authority. I gulped hard, hesitating for a second but my feet didn't give me a chance to decide. Within seconds I was before him.
He reached out for my waist, pulling me closer. Being focused on not messing anything up, I clasped my hands behind my back— fighting my urge to touch him.
His face was inches away from mine as he stared into my eyes.
"Watch your mouth!"
He warned and I nodded.
It all came rushing to me at once, my need for him. At that particular moment— I couldn't stomach the idea of him not wanting me so I was willing to do anything, to say anything, to sign anything because I did mean it when I told him anything to be next to him.
He nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck and I tilted my head to give him more access. His breath on my skin caused all the hairs on my body to stand at attention.
"Somethings will change baby, wait till you read the contract."
✯
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•Princess T•