Amber's P.O.V
I am now under strict house arrest.
No moving from my seat without telling someone.
I can't eat food myself and need a brother to feed me so they know exactly how much I have eaten and at what time.
I can't close any doors or lock them.
I no longer have privacy in my bathroom, a brother must supervise me whilst I'm in there.
And I must tell them immediately when I hear the voices...
I hate the fact that I no longer have what little freedom I had but I understand why they're doing this, we are all going through a lot already before I told Jason about the voices. When I woke up this morning, I immediately found out about the new rules put in place for me and the fact that they had a secret family meeting at 1am about the voices in my head. Jason snitched on me to the family.
Now I am under constant supervision and watched by everyone wherever I go.
Its now lunch time and we are all sitting in the lounge, watching TV and Dylan and Isaac are fighting over the remote, nothing new. I am lying down on the couch with a pillow under my head, with Jason rubbing soothing circles on my temples to calm my painful migraines that keep coming. These migraines are becoming a regular thing, my head is always pounding and I hear faint murmurs around me, but like always I try to ignore it, but now I have no choice...
"Jase they're coming back." I whimper in pain, my head feels like a bulldozer is smashing against my skull and acid is filling my mind, suffocating my kind thoughts and good behaviour, turning it to mush and slowly dissolving itself, then being replaced with bad thoughts and voices telling me to walk upstairs, enter my bathroom, fill up my bathtub and slice my pale skin, letting all the worries and pain leak from my body and submerge into the clean bathwater.
I feel the rubbing stop and a feeling of someone towering over me. I look up to see a terrified Jason pacing up and down with his head in his hands. I whimper once more at the pain Jason is going through, I feel so bad that I'm causing him stress. It makes me want to cut myself more...
"Come on angel, take these pills like Mrs Newman told you," Grey said whilst propping my head up to put the big white pills in my mouth. I swallow the gross pills then chug down some water, washing away the vile taste.
The voices turn to whispers then to a dead silence, almost as if they ran to the back of my mind and hid away into the darkness, watching me from afar and silently laughing to themselves.
I instantly smile at the feeling of peace. No migraines and no voices. I felt big hands under my arms lifting me up then pulling me back down, only this time, I am on a familiar lap.
Jason buried his head in my neck and kept it there, shutting his eyes and cuddling me close to him. I cuddled him back and rested my head in his neck, finally at peace.
My therapist Mrs Newman has been checking up on me frequently, ever since my family notified her of these new voices in my mind. She is yet to diagnose me with any more mental health issues but she told us that something was "Definitely wrong with me" her words not mine.
She prescribed me with these special pills that are supposed to suppress the voices for a period of time and soothe my mind, it worked just now but this is the first time I have taken these pills, who knows what is going to happen after a few hours of taking them...
The smell of cake invades my senses and my mouth is immediately watering, I turn my head around and saw the beauty in front of my eyes. Grey walked in with a beautiful lemon cake in his hands, he placed the cake gently on the coffee table and smiled to himself in achievement.
The cake looked stunning but what caught my eye was what it was sitting next too.
A knife.
A sparkly sharp knife placed innocently next to the cake, waiting to be stabbed into its lemony goodness.
A small smile was placed on my face at the thought of stabbing. Wait! Why the heck am I thinking these things?!
Because you want to hurt yourself, silly!
Oh no...the voices are back.
Go get the knife and hold it in your hands Amber.
'To cut the cake? Mom will never let me do that.'
Not the cake silly, hold the knife by the sharp end and cutting yourself!
'I'm not going to do that, get out of my head!'
I'm never going to leave your head Amber, you think those stupid pills would make me go away? Ha ha ha...I will only go when the job is done....
'What job?'
When you finally kill yourself, darling.
"No NO NO NO!"
"Amber, what's wrong?" Mom said in horror at my sudden outburst.
Go on Amber do it! Do it...Do it...Do it!
"SHUT UP!" I scream and bang my head with my fists like a maniac. Through my squinted eyes I saw my family on the edge of their seats, staring at me with fear in their eyes, not knowing what to do.
"Princess what's wrong?!"
"Ambi what's going on?"
"Angel you're scaring us..."
Go on Amber stab your ugly skin. Plunge that knife through your heart and end it all, end your suffering.
You will end your cravings for drugs.
You will end the clinginess from your family.
You will finally be free from Finnick...
Do it
Do it!
You were a whore for giving your virginity to Finnick, such a slut! You practically opened your legs before he got the chance to ask.
You called it rape but we both know that wasn't true...
'The first time wasn't but the second time was!'
Was it though? ...you didn't fight him off, you never even tried.
Whore
Slut
Bitch
End it all!!
You need to end your life like Finnick tried to do.
He was sick of you and so am I
You're a waste of space
Even your brothers hate you.
'No they don't!'
Oh, they do darling...
Go on...what are you waiting for?
Grab the knife
Go!
NOW!
GO ON STAB YOURSELF!!!
"AAARRHHHH FUC*ING SHUT UP YOU STUPID BI*CH!"
I launch myself out my seat and lunged for the knife, grabbing the silver blade in my hands and squeezed, letting the thick crimson liquid to flow from my hand and stain the cream carpet.
I turned the blade around, facing my adrenalin pumping heart.
I breathed in and went to stab my heart but the pain never came. Not even a sting...
I opened my eyes and saw that I was facing the floor, my eyes level with the blood-stained carpet. I let out a gasp when the blood rubbed on my cheek, letting the warm liquid look like a dark blusher on my cheeks.
I blocked everything out and let my world freeze.
I opened up my ears to hear the rush of footsteps, the yelling and screaming, the closing of doors then the voices in my ear.
We will try again another time darling...
Then the voices stopped and the world unfreezes.
Then everything came crashing down around me.
My hands were yanked behind my back so I was immobilised. I heard my mother shrieking in pain and suffering as if she was the one stabbed in the heart. I felt warm water drop onto my exposed neck, letting the droplets run down my neck and soak in the blood. I felt the pull of my wrists and my body levitate from the floor.
My whole body and mind was still feeling quite slow but I could make out what was happening around me.
I turned my head to the side to see my brother Jason holding my wrists together in place with my dad beside him with tears leaking down his face, I guess the droplets of water were his tears...
I looked over to see my mother on the floor with Isaac hovering over her, shaking her shoulders and placing his ear up against her parted lips.
Dylan and Grey were on the phone screaming to someone, telling them to 'come quick' or something like that...
I dropped my head down and closed my eyes, feeling the welcoming sense of drowsiness and guilt, two feelings that I'm not new too.
I felt my body being moved but my feet weren't doing it, I was being carried.
My eyes were opening and closing, feeling numb on the outside and the inside. My body was moving then came to a stop, then I was being lowered onto a hard surface. My head turned side to side, seeing chairs around me in a circle...I concluded I was lying on the kitchen table.
I pushed my head back to its normal place and stared up at the ceiling, seeing all the dust particles and small cobwebs that were missed when cleaning. I looked around at the ceiling more, fascinated by each inch of it. I saw a faint yellowy stain; the kitchen is directly under Grey's bedroom so I wonder how that yellow stain occurred? My mind wondered....
A head blocked my eyes vision and I was forced to look into a bright light. Oh no...am I going to heaven already? Please God, I am too young to die early... I know I intended to kill myself before but it wasn't me! It was the voices with no names! Those evil cackling voices that won't leave me alone, no matter how much I beg. Please give me one last chance...
"Amber, can you hear me sweetie?"
And that is when the darkness filled my being, sending me off to a blissful abyss of peace and tranquillity.
*****
Wow...what do you think of that?
Hope you liked the chapter and tell me what you think in the comments! I always like reading what you have to say.