Chapter 10
Annabelle turned in her bed, sighing when her duvet tangled around her legs. The night before, she hadn’t been able to sleep. The words that she had spoken replayed in her mind, and Annabelle couldn’t help wondering if she had ruined a blooming relationship, or if she had just shown William who she truly was. Was that who she was, though? Was Annabelle the type of woman to stand up for herself, no matter who it was who dealt the insults?
She shook her head as she kicked the cover away from her body. It was already too hot in her chamber to begin with, but the added weight of the blanket had felt good the night before. For an odd reason, it had brought her back to her childhood, where she would burrow under her blanket, thinking that it would protect her from all the dangers of the world. She was naïve then. Now, she knew that simply hiding could not save a person from dangers.
Therefore, maybe she was the person she showed William the night before. No, she was not that person yet, but Annabelle wanted nothing more to become that person. Was it so wrong to want to change herself? Was it wrong of her to dislike the weakness inside of her? She did not know.
Ramsey would have been proud, Anna thought with a smile. The man would have given her a half smile, told her that he could have done better, but he would have been proud. Leaning up in her bed, Annabelle glanced towards the window. It was still dark outside, most likely early in the morning. Daylight would come soon, but she would not wake Ramsey until the light shone in the sky. The man had done enough for her in the past day; she wouldn’t repay that generosity by disturbing him while he slept, but as soon as he woke, Annabelle was going to recount every detail of the night before.
He would tell her what he truly thought. He would tell her if she were too harsh, or not harsh enough, because he was a true friend. It was odd, even thinking the words, but she knew them to be true. Ramsey, although odd at times, was an honest man. Not once had he lied to Annabelle, not once had he pretended to be someone he was not. Was it because he did not care what others thought of him? Anna knew that is what he wanted the world to think, but she saw deeper. The man had secrets, ones that made him who he was today.
Would he ever tell her those secrets? Would he ever trust her enough to divulge the hardships of his past? More questions flew through her mind, and each question brought a small bit of restlessness until she could no longer lie in her bed. It may have been too early for any other guests to be awake, but that did not mean that she had to stay in bed all day waiting for them to awake.
Swinging her feet from her bed and onto the floor, Annabelle smoothed down her platted hair. If her maid were here, Annabelle would have asked the woman to free her hair of its braid, to fix it as the woman had always done, but as it was, Annabelle would have to leave it be. She would be back before her maid arrived, she assured herself. She just simply needed to put on a gown, something she was sure would be easy.
After ten minutes of struggling, twisting, turning, and grunting, Annabelle finally had her gown in place. She could have woken her maid, called for help, but the new Annabelle wouldn’t call for help at the simplest things. She would be able to do things on her own. Glancing down at the gown covering her, she winced. Maybe she should let her maid help her dress, if only to save Annabelle from looking foolish.
Her eyes strayed towards the window. No one would be out this early. No one would see her disheveled appearance. With a small shrug, she slipped on her shoes before walking towards her door. As quietly as she could, she eased the door open far enough for her to glide through. Closing it behind her, she made sure to keep the noise to a minimal. All that Annabelle needed to make the day bad was for her sister to awake. Victoria would give Annabelle a hard look, and then command her to return to her room.
Annabelle shook her head, but quickly moved away from her door. She would not allow her sister to ruin her fun, but she also did not want to tempt fate by lingering near their chambers. Her feet carried her through the halls, into the foyer, and out the doors. Her eyes glanced around, noticing that she was not as alone as she thought. There were men standing watch, others working on various things, but none glanced her way for too long. It almost seemed as if they were familiar with women sneaking from the castle this early in the day.
Not giving their actions a second thought, she began walking towards the place she had wanted to visit since she arrived, the river. Her father had banned her from going near it, something that she understood, but did not like. She knew her mother brought on the man’s fear of the water, but that did not mean Annabelle would suffer the same fate as her mother had. Still, her father’s fear had kept her away from the water. Annabelle had never learned to swim, had never been on trips across the sea, even something as small as letting her feet dangle in a stream had brought her father’s disapproval.
He was not there now though, and as she drew closer to the river, unease began curling up her spine. Maybe it wasn’t very wise to wander away without her sister or father. Still, she couldn’t allow herself to turn back now. She was only feet from the river, only feet away from something she was kept from all her life. Was it worth it though, she asked herself as she slipped her shoes from her feet.
Sitting on the crass, she drew her dress up until it reached her knees. She swung her feet over the bank, letting out a small gasp as the cold water curled around her calves. For the first few minutes, she sat there frozen, but gradually, her fears began to ease. This was not as bad as she had thought it would be. Besides the cold, which she was now accustomed too, the water was soothing as it lapped at her legs.
Leaning forward, she stared at the river as it flowed by. It was not too deep. If she wanted, she was sure that she could stand with her head above the water, but she would not take that chance. She knew that no matter how deep the water was one could drown. Her hands curled into the grass beside her as she stared at the water. Why was her father afraid of the clear mass? It held no secrets, contained no lies. It was exactly what it claimed to be, water.
Her body inched forward, and one of her hands freed itself from the grass. Bending over, she trailed a finger through the water, smiling as it parted around her finger. No matter what was thrown into the river, it would not stop flowing. It was something that Annabelle found oddly admirable, if she were able to admire a river. Things were thrown at it, people disrupted it, but still it found a way to keep going.
Drawing her hand away from the water, she placed it on her knees before letting out a small sigh. She wished she could be as this river was. How easy would it be to allow people’s jests and insults slide past her as if they did not matter? How would if feel to know that no matter what life threw at her, she would be able to keep going?
“As odd as it may seem,” she spoke, “you are something to learn from.”
With a small laugh, she shook her head. If anyone were to come upon her, their first thoughts would be that she had lost her senses. They would believe her mad for talking to a river, and she would not blame them. She wondered if any of them would understand the way she viewed this river. Would they understand how powerful it was?
She glanced up with a smile, noticing that the sun was rising. She had a feeling that someone would understand, that someone out there felt as she did. Her eyes glanced at the sun once more, and with a resigned sigh, she began rising to her feet. If she did not want to be chastised by her sister or father, Annabelle needed to return before either of them woke.
Standing to her feet, she began dusting the grass from her dress, but before she could dispose of all the evidence of her escapade outdoors, hands settled onto her back. With a small yelp of surprise, Annabelle began turning towards the new arrival, but before she could see a face, the hands pushed. Her arms fluttered about, trying to grab anything to keep her from toppling into the water, but she found nothing.
As loud as she could, she let out a scream just as her body hit the water. Cold incased her as she was brought further beneath the stream. Her feet tried to find a steady ground, her hands attempted to grab something to keep her from moving, but no matter how hard her body tried to fight, she could not pull herself from the current. Even as her lungs began to burn, and her eyes began to close, she still fought, hoping that someone had heard her scream, that someone would rescue her, because despite her determination to be on her own, Annabelle knew that without help she would become one more thing that the river took away.