"Wait. Hold on for a minute there, Thirlwall."
Jesy held her hand up in front of Jade, brows furrowing as she stares at her brewed coffee for a few seconds, clearly processing what the other woman told her.
Jade put both her hands up in feigned surrender, expectant as her eyebrows were raised up high as well.
"Take all the time that you need," Jade says.
Of course Jade took that phrase as a joke, and she hoped that Jesy didn't really take that seriously. But seeing as though the older woman seemed to be in her own world filled with the cryptic information that Jade said, Jade immediately started to feel regret already.
That was until Jesy finally blinked herself back to reality.
"You want . . . more?" Jesy questioned.
"Yes."
"Oh, god. Tell me you're no longer in love with my best friend and I am going to kill you."
Jade felt like her eyes bulged out by Jesy's misconstrue of what the woman is trying to explain. For a moment she cringed internally, the thought of her love's cessation — even just the hypothetical scenario — repelled her already; she certainly does not want to stop loving the blonde.
Meanwhile Jesy feels like her head is about to explode because of Jade's not quite auspicious silence as she pointed at Jade accusingly and started to speak up again.
"No kidding, female Casanova. I will not dither to whoop your ass even if we're in public. I will literally smash this mug against your head and I don't care if I have to reimburse the coffee shop."
In the span of five seconds, Jade was vigorously whipping her head alternately on both sides and waving her hand dismissively as if her life depended on it. Because Jesy Nelson being in this state of mind is not the type of Jesy Nelson that Jade loves at least remotely, especially when this version of her best friend has the capability to murder anyone that provokes her.
"No, no, no!" Jade denied almost vehemently.
As soon as Jesy heard this, Jesy felt relieved whilst Jade was still trying to catch her breath.
"Jesus, Jade. You scared the crap out of me," Jesy exclaimed, clutching her chest as she starts to regulate her breath now.
"It's not like that at all," Jade says, shaking her head once again. "I'm literally head over heels in love with Perrie — you should know that by now, Jesy."
Jesy pursed her lips and nodded; Jade took this as a cue to move on with her explanation as she heaved a sigh before speaking.
"But it's just that I want more with her."
"What, you want a baby with her?"
"I do, yes. But you clearly missed a step there."
"I'm confused," Jesy says. "I don't think I missed any step at all."
"Obviously having a baby legally necessitates . . . ?" Jade queried, hoping the other woman would somehow fit the puzzle effortlessly.
But Jesy still has no clue, it was apparently written all over her face. Jade frustratedly raked her hand through her waves and face-palmed herself before looking back at Jesy.
"How dense can someone be?" She asked particularly to nobody.
"Jade, honey, you need to walk me through this."
"I want to have kids with her, yes, that's patently true. But I need to marry her first. I want to marry her first."
Jesy was rendered speechless by the revelation, but Jade didn't bother to wait for her friend's reaction though, not until she's explained her part.
"Listen, all I'm trying to say is that Perrie and I have been together for five years now, almost six actually since our anniversary's just around the corner. And I'm like so in love with her and I don't think I could give over; I don't think there's anything I wanted more than to be with her and explore everything with her by my side. Perrie means literally the world to me, Jesy, and I think . . . I know . . . that I wanna settle down with her already and —"
Jade halted her words at the tip of her tongue when she realized she was beginning to derail from her impromptu speech and go off at a tangent. She watches as Jesy wore various masks of emotions and wishes Jesy didn't have to read between the lines to be able to comprehend, she was sure that her speech was intelligible enough.
At first Jade was starting to feel queasy. After all, Jesy was Perrie's best friend for how many years now compared to the years of Jade and Perrie's relationship. And it seemed unfair for Jade to suddenly drag Perrie along with her and leave her friends behind — and Jade made sure not to do that, or at least she hopes she didn't do that. And then for a second Jade thought that her speech isn't convincing enough; that it wasn't believable because Jesy thought she's breaking up with Perrie in the first place which added to Jade's theory that she needed to adorn her speech even more to make it sound true — even though it is.
But Jade's mind went blank and she felt her eardrums vibrating when Jesy lets out an ear-shattering shriek inside the coffee shop.
"Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my fucking God!"
"Shh," Jade pressed her forefinger against her lips in emphasis.
"When did you know?"
Jade shrugged lamely. "Yesterday during Lauren and Camila's wedding."
"How?"
"I . . . I just knew she's the one I wanted to marry."
"Is this the reason why you don't want Perrie to come with us here?"
"Evidently, yes." Jade rolled her eyes. "Because God knows how long you could keep quiet whilst Perrie's about."
"Oh, my God!"
"Jesy, be quiet!"
But the other woman was not taking it as she stands up from her seat and lets out another rapturous shriek of excitement, a louder one at that. Jade glanced at everyone who glued their attention on the both of them and was forced to practically haul the mad woman down back to her seat and clutch both of Jesy's hands tightly.
"Jesy, please be quiet or they're gonna kick us out of here," Jade practically implored.
After a few seconds of her indulging in her hysterics, Jesy did so, but her smile never disappeared.
"When are you going to propose?" Jesy asked her abruptly.
Jade thought about it for a moment. She didn't mull over the precise date of when she wanted to propose to Perrie. All she ever thought about was the fact that she wanted Perrie to be her wife as soon as possible.
"I'm not sure. Probably on our anniversary?"
"Ooh-la-la. That's very romantic."
Although Jesy was teasing, Jade panicked.
"Is it too much?"
Jesy scoffed and shook her head disbelievingly.
"Did you hear what I just said? It's romantic. It's never too much, you idiot."
"I don't want Perrie to feel overwhelmed."
Jesy trapped her bottom lip between her teeth as she staves off her laughter. She leaned forward and gave Jade's hands a quick squeeze before loosening her hold.
"Sometimes I wonder if you genuinely know her," Jesy says. "It's your wife, Jade. She loves feeling overwhelmed as much as she loves you."
Jade could not help prevent her cheeks from burning up just hearing the word she wanted to call Perrie one day.
"Wife," she says, as if she's testing the word rolling off her tongue.
"Nuh-uh. I'm not your wife, Perrie is."
Jade could only shake her head and grin at Jesy's remark. Then at the drop of a hat, her eyes widened at a sudden realization and her mouth made an 'O' shape.
"What if she's not ready?" Jade quickly questioned, her voice laced with panic and apprehension.
Jesy furrowed her eyebrows, not seeming to understand what the woman was saying as the woman spoke too abruptly and cocked her head in bewilderment.
"What?"
"What if Perrie's not ready to settle down yet? What if she's not yet ready to get married? What if she's never going to be ready to get married? Hell what if she doesn't love me enough to get married —"
Jade didn't realize she was venting until she felt pain on her forearm. She stared at Jesy humorlessly while Jesy stared back the same way.
"Did you just pinch me?"
"Did you just doubt my best friend's love for you?"
"N-no, of course not," Jade replied almost immediately, instantly regretting even thinking about it.
Jesy merely shook her head and smiled sadly, feeling a bit sorry for Jade.
"You're anxious, I get that," she says, "But you really have nothing to worry about, Jade."
"How are you so sure about that?"
Jade noticed her best friend's reluctance, and knew that Jesy was trying to figure it out or better yet trying to muster up what to say in response.
"Do you remember the day when you went to Ohio last year to visit your family and you had to leave Perrie with me?"
Jade nodded in response, and Jesy continued.
"Well, Perrie didn't want you to know about this and I honestly don't even know why because it's cute . . . But when her and I got wasted, she told me out of the blue how she's starting to hate her name because it sounded mundane and how she wanted it to be Perrie Edwards-Thirlwall instead."
Jade's cheeks were flushed just by the mere imagination of Perrie saying that to Jesy.
"And did I forget to mention that a minute after that, drunk Perrie began declaring she's already married to you?" Jesy added, "Like seriously, Jade, your girlfriend bawled her eyes out for thirty fucking straight minutes because she thought she lost her nonexistent engagement ring and wedding ring. And it took five slaps to get her to think straight."
Jade couldn't help it, but the muscles of her cheeks are literally in pain because of how wide she grinned at the information.
"That's cute. She's cute. But let's not forget that she was completely plastered that night."
"And let's not also forget that drunk Perrie is the most genuine and most honest person you'll know. Despite, of course, her proclamation of being married to you," Jesy points out. "Anywho, I think Leigh deserves to know about this, don't you think?"
Jade nodded. "Yeah. We should call her."
~•~•~
It wasn't until next Tuesday when Jesy and Perrie had to pick Leigh-Anne up from the airport that Perrie wanted to apprise the couple of her endless thoughts and told the couple to hang out at McDonald's Cafe for awhile and catch up, or in other words, hear about Leigh's lovely excursion in Brazil amidst a conference there.
It has been a week since the wedding and it was one hell of a week for the blonde considering the fact that her and Jade had finally got the chance to be able to witness the power of matrimony.
Being able to witness a wedding was definitely something that made Perrie see Jade differently — in a good way of course. For some reason, instead of watching Camila and Lauren marry at the altar, Perrie visualized herself marrying someone she truly loved with all her heart and soul.
Perrie visualized marrying Jade.
It was absurd . . . but heartwarming for her. Absurd because she had never imagined herself standing by the altar and patiently waiting for the priest to pop up the question for her, but heartwarming because she'll be able to seal the deal legally. And Perrie just loves sealing the deal, especially with her girlfriend — especially with Jade.
Perrie exerted all her efforts to fix her attention at Leigh and Jesy; listening attentively to them talking about . . . Perrie doesn't even remember anymore. Clearly she isn't even remotely listening to their conversation. In fact, she had suddenly plugged herself inside her own world filled with imaginations — Jade Thirlwall undoubtedly being the main character in her scenarios.
But it wasn't until Leigh called her out that Perrie was snapped back to reality and acknowledge her with raised expectant eyebrows.
"I'm sorry. What?" the blonde dumbly questioned.
Leigh and Jesy exchanged a furtive glance before meeting Perrie's gaze.
"Are you alright there, Perrie?" Jesy asked, her voice laced with solicitude.
This is it, Perrie thought. Maybe I should just tell them already. I think it's time.
And so she did just that. Except that when she did say it, it went along the lines of an almost inaudible 'Is Jade the marrying type?' The unanticipated question caught both the couple and surprisingly Perrie herself off guard because apparently that question was never thought clearly about, more like arbitrarily.
The three of them stared at each other for a moment, be it a moment that was accompanied by an awkward silence as well. But Perrie cleared her throat after awhile, she couldn't tolerate the silence any longer. She rolled her bottom lip between her teeth and glanced nervously at her probably cold coffee.
"Is Jade the marrying type?" She asked again, clearer this time. She looked back at the other two, and noticed their silence. "I mean — I just — Jade —"
"Perrie, catch your breath," Leigh consoled her, reaching out to grab Perrie's hand which is apparently shivering in anxiety.
And so Perrie did just that, inhaling all the assertiveness and exhaling all the nervousness, before looking back up to meet two pairs of waiting eyes. Perrie wanted to turn back time and not say a word, but sadly that couldn't be done, knowing well enough that she can't back out right now at the moment she knew she needed to tell Jesy and Leigh about what she had pondered about the past week.
"I wanna marry Jade," Perrie told them finally.
Ecstasy flashed across the couple's features and Perrie was bewildered because Jesy and Leigh for at least a millisecond did not even show Perrie if they're curious or not.
It almost felt like they knew about this.
"O. M. G.," Leigh brought her hands up to cover her smile. "Well, this is interesting."
"Very interesting," Jesy agreed, taking a quick swig from her mug.
Perrie knitted her eyebrows in perplexity, obviously not comprehending the situation she had unknowingly embroiled herself in. She noticed the two women in front sharing yet another furtive glance at each other and instead of refusing to acknowledge it, she focuses on it.
"You two are up to something, aren't you?" Perrie squinted her eyes at them, a tad bit skeptical. And then she sees the couple making eye contact, which only aggravated her frustration. She groaned, "What is it? Why are you guys communicating through eye contact? Did Jade say anything about marriage? Because as her girlfriend who wants to marry her, I think I deserve to know about it."
"Tsk. Assumptions, assumptions," Jesy quickly chimed in. She shakes her head and flashed Perrie a smile, a different one actually, one that Perrie is not accustomed to seeing daily. "Stop making them, Pez. We're just very stoked for this. When are you going to propose though?"
"I . . . I actually don't know."
"How about on your anniversary," Jesy joked, and Leigh glowered at her older girlfriend because evidently an imminent proposal would be held at that day as well.
Leigh rolled her eyes and faced Perrie as she trots out an excuse for the blonde.
"Too romantic. Try the day before," Leigh suggested.
Jesy snorted. "Yeah, sure. As if that doesn't scream romance as well. Perrie, try the day before the day before your anniversary. I'm pretty sure it's less romantic."
"You mocking your girlfriend, Nelson?" Leigh questioned, leaning back with her arms crossed, raising a challenging eyebrow at her.
"It's a proposal, babe; it's supposed to be romantic. That's basically one of the fundamental edicts of a relationship."
Suddenly Perrie wished she was dead right now instead of witnessing the pettiest of the pettiest dispute she's ever seen.
"Alright, Casanova, let's see if your fervent talk of romance could somehow persuade me to continue our relationship."
And with that Jesy widened her eyes and gasped at Leigh's response. "Oh, you wouldn't."
Leigh flashed a smirk and cocked her head. "Try me, sugar."
"Guys, let's not waste our time arguing here," Perrie sighed. She buried her face in her hands and made a grumbling noise before lying her face down on the table. "I literally don't know what to do. I'm just good at the abstract part of proposals, not the realistic part."
"Which is why we're here to help you," Jesy told her, making a gesture that looked like a salute. "We're here at your service."
"Thanks," Perrie muttered before sitting straight again. "I'm thinking of proposing on our anniversary if that's alright."
"Alright then," Leigh says, looking at Jesy frantically then looking back at the somehow still anxious blonde, "Now that the date has already been set, I believe we have three weeks to prepare. Do you have a ring already or . . . ?"
Perrie pursed her lips and nodded hesitantly. "Yeah, I do actually."
And before Perrie could wait for their responses, the woman had already found herself digging through her clutch bag until she eventually unearthed the small box that — even just from taking a gander at it — made her heart bounce restlessly. She flipped open the fastener of the box and slowly revealed the luminescent jewelry, earning gasps from her two best friends.
"That looked expensive, Pez," Leigh noticed to which Jesy nodded in agreement. "You stole that or something?"
"Thanks for underestimating my hardwork, Leigh." Perrie rolled her eyes in feigned offence. She merely shrugged. "I — uhm . . . I've actually thought about my relationship with Jade for awhile even before the wedding? And, I don't know why, but for some reason I suddenly see a future with Jade. And I just have a feeling that watching Lauren and Camila get married must have been a wake-up call for me. Like it's an indication that I should marry Jade already because I've only been in love with her and nobody else and I'm pretty sure that's never going to change. You get me? I'm not sure if it's weird but—"
"— It's anything but weird —" Jesy butted in.
"— I bought the ring last year actually," Perrie confessed, despite Jesy's interruption. "I don't know . . . I mean, like I said, I thought about myself with Jade in the future. I thought about raising kids with her as well and sending them to schools, and waking up with only Jade by my side and . . ."
"And that's how you knew?" Leigh filled the blanks and Perrie nodded gratefully.
"Pretty much, yeah." Then Perrie shakes her head. "But I'm not pressuring Jade to picture a future with me as well only because I did. And I don't want to dive into that discussion if it meant making her uncomfortable, too."
"Ahh. You're afraid she'll reject you, is that it?"
Perrie could feel her throat close up, because the mere thought of rejection is killing her. To be frank, Perrie won't have a clue on what to do if Jade told her the dreadful 'no', in fact she'll never hear the end of it. Perrie shook her thoughts away and heaved a sigh.
"That and I'm afraid she doesn't see a future with me."
"What the freak?" Leigh reacted, stunned. "Perrie, that woman has been with you for nearly 6 years. I'm more than sure she's thought about a future with you at least once."
"I know but —"
"No more 'but's. You are going to man up."
Perrie sighed heavily and nodded. She felt grateful that she has Leigh and Jesy to boost her confidence because God knows that she and Jade won't be getting married too soon if she allows her anxiety to choke her.
~•~•~
Later that day Perrie messaged Jade whilst driving within a familiar street that she'll be going somewhere important, assuring the woman she'll be back by noon to which Jade replied with an 'okay. take care'. At first Perrie felt guilty about informing Jade of her whereabouts, that mere feeling almost making Perrie give in, but the woman knows better and forced herself to think that this is for the better because she needed to do this.
Get up there.
Knock on the door twice or thrice.
Ring the doorbell fifty times just in case the man's deaf.
Say 'Hello' like a normal person and not a maniac.
Proceed.
Perrie's thoughts were basically formed as a personal mantra for the blonde once she halted her car in front of James Thirlwall's and previously Jade's house. She took a few deep breaths before proceeding to scare herself shitless as she disembarks from the car and walking up there.
Get up there.
Knock on the door twice or thrice.
Ring the doorbell fifty times just in case the man's deaf.
Say 'Hello' like a normal person and not a maniac.
Proceed.
And just when she pulled her hand back to knock, the door had already revealed James who looked like he was going out as he donned a sweater and jeans. As Perrie had concluded, bemusement flashed across James's face though he managed to successfully cover it up with a genuine smile that made Perrie's breath hitch for a millisecond because it felt like seeing the male version of her girlfriend.
"Edwards, it's nice to see you again," James greeted.
Yep. The name-calling is one hell of an evidence Perrie could actually be talking Jade right now. Perrie didn't hesitate to smile back at him as she waved lamely.
"Good morning, James."
"What brought you here?"
"I — uhm — I wanted to . . . ," Perrie stuttered. She closed her eyes and mentally scolded herself for being a wuss before opening them to meet James's confused gaze. She cleared her throat and gave herself another attempt to make a coherent sentence. "Can I talk to you about something?"
James cocked his head, and Perrie's heart swelled because it's like talking to a seventeen-year-old naive Jade Thirlwall in high school who tilts her head in curiousity all the damn time.
Eventually James nodded. "Of course. I'm actually going to Pancake House and have breakfast there for awhile. If you'd like to, we could have a talk there?"
"I'd love that."