- Wednesday, March 21st, –
Oliver is at me tail, trying to pass me on the go-kart track. But every time I allow him, he somehow slows down a bit and I get to overtake him again. Sam and Alex are somewhere on this track too, but as it has three layers to race, I have no idea where they are, and I'm doubting to stop for a while to allow Oliver to get away. It's not about passing the line first here it's about setting out the best time, any round.
And I know there's a lightboard above the finish and start line where I could find out who is in first place, but I really don't have time to look up and away to find out my time, or Oliver's. Or Alex's or Sam's for that matter.
Oliver and I could be fighting over who gets to drive ahead, while they're killing our time. But I figure, since they went onto the track behind us, and they're now nowhere in sight, they must be a bit slower.
We have three heats, and the first was won by Oliver. It was my first time in a very, very long time to drive a go-kart and I wasn't doing great, coming in third after Sam too. The second round, however, I beat Oliver's fasted time and not only his best time in that heat, but in the first one too. And now he wants revenge, but I'm getting away from him.
There's no more flags waving to tell me to let him pass – which is one of the rules on this track.
And I'm glad Oliver once again pulled his credit card to simply hire the entire track for just the four of us. Which might come across as spoiled and selfish to others, but it was a necessity according to him.
And looking at the group that was on the track before it was our time, I agree. They had been slow, they had been so inexperienced that they kind of kept bumping into the better riders, or not let them pass while people had been signalling them with flags. They didn't seem to know the rules, nor where to find the brakes on these go-karts.
I'm not in the right mood to deal with that kind of people because go-karting is already expensive enough as it is already. I don't want to spend money only to be disappointed and annoyed by strangers.
I manage to stay in the 'lead' for another two rounds and then there's suddenly flashing lights and flags telling me that our time is up, and we have to leave the track. Time no longer counts, and I slow down a bit while finishing the lap.
I find Sam and Alex already in the pits and Oliver shortly follows after me. We're now going to try and finish an escape room.
"They'll give our times upstairs in the bar area." Sam nudges me. "Think you beat Oliver again?"
"I hope." I smirk, sending a look in Oliver's direction. He's ruffling his hair after removing his helmet, sending me an amused look.
"It's a shame I'm too nice to lock you into that escape room by yourself." He tells me, putting an arm around my shoulder, now also ruffling my hair. "If I wouldn't know any better, I'd say you just had sex, Cris." He whispers, leaning closer to whisper into my ear.
My face heats up a bit and I wiggle out of his hold to look at him with wide eyes.
Oliver being in that close proximity, whispering huskily into my ear, has a bad effect on me. It turns me on a bit.
And since I know he kisses great, he knows his way in bed, it's difficult enough already to not hit on him again.
My body would love for me to do so, and Oliver's constant flirting is annoyingly hard to ignore.
And I first felt like the small smile he showed when I said Alex and Sam would join had been because of Alex. I now start to doubt if going out with me caused it. Because him and Alex have been bickering in the same way I did with him before we became friends. It's no longer hostile, while that had been their contact at first; hostile, cold, full of hatred. Lately it's more the innocent kind of bickering, but they do not grant each other any advantage or pleasure.
They both do their bests not to attack the other verbally for the sake of having a nice day together, but I already pulled Oliver way from Alex twice, because he was starting to become insulting towards Alex.
And I always feel a small need to protect Alex. He isn't a strong personality and according to Sam, he is on the verge of a complete mental break down.
But whenever I see him, he seems stable enough to stand up for himself.
And he seems to like to hang out with me, which makes things ten times harder for me to hang out with Oliver right now. Alex has been glued at my sight almost constantly, while Oliver is doing the same; following me around and trying to get me to pay him some attention instead of Alex.
It's like I'm being pulled from both sides, while Sam is playing referee and decides who can or can not hang out with me for a certain duration.
Like right now, he decided to take Oliver away from me – as I just pushed him off – and Alex instantly appears by my side.
And I can't help but wonder if Alex stays close to me because I'm the only one here who is able to tone Oliver down whenever he's insulting Alex again. Is he using me as a shield towards Oliver?
More people tend to do so; place me in between them and Oliver whenever he has one of his mean moods.
And ever since he drank again, Oliver has been in those moods a lot.
* * * * *
Oliver shows up at my side as I'm solving a riddle in the escape room to finally get the final four numbers to a phone number we need to call to get another code to open a lock.
I have no idea how long we've been at it already, but I feel like we're working our way through the riddles faster then I previously would've figured. Who knew I would be good at these riddles?
Well, not me.
"Doing good, kiddo." Oliver nudges me. "Need help? We need to code..."
"Just do the maths..." I shove a paper in his direction. "There's a calculator over there." I wave absentmindedly, still puzzling an image of ripped pieces of paper together.
"You know..." Oliver mutters as he pulls the calculator in his direction. "I feel like you keep avoiding me, constantly looking for Alex' attention."
"Other way around." I mutter back, shortly looking over my shoulder to find Sam and Alex checking out a fuse box close by the entrance of the room.
Oliver sends me a confused frown, focussing back on the numbers I gave him without responding.
"He's seeking my attention," I explain to him, finally putting the pieces of paper in the right spot. "I'm not sure why, because he acted really insecure around me for a long time."
"Because you're theCris that Finn spoke so highly off. I was impressed by you too, until I met you."
I snort and smirk while pulling the phone towards me. "Thanks, man. I really like how meeting me disappoints people after being under the impression I was better then I truly am."
"Well, you are as loveable as Finn makes people out to believe. You're just a bit oblivious and that's hard to see trough at first. And Alex, I think, had feelings for Finn and he wants to be like you." Oliver shows me to outcome of the sum I made for him to solve. "Need these?"
"It's the locker combination." I tap a drawer beside him. "Not sure what we're going to find in there." I hold up the phone. "Could you all shut up, so I can make this call?"
Sam and Alex silence behind us and Oliver silently enters the code to open the drawer.
I write down the code I got from the call, handing it to Alex.
"Cris, you're rocking these riddles." Sam walks up to me with a happy smile on his face. "Who knew you're that smart?"
"I'm just trying to keep thinking 'what would Finn do?' when I find a new riddle." I blush and shrug. "He would solve this room on his own in ten minutes."
Sam chuckles and nods. "I probably would."
As Alex opens the box he find the third and last fuse, placing it in the box, turning the switch after the three of us nod to tell him to go for it.
And then the lights turn off, and there's box with six cables lighting up.
"I think we need to connect them to the right spots." Alex mumbles, reading the instructions.
There's a button, when pressed showing either a cross, which means one of the lines isn't connected on both ends, it shows a number to indicate how many of the lines are in the right spots, and a smiley as soon as all six are correctly connected.
"So, how do we know which are connected in the right way?" Sam frowns.
"Well, just switch two, leave the rest, see if one is connected right. If so, Alex can hold that cable so we know it's in the right spot."
I let Sam push the button to see how many are correct, while Oliver helps me to disconnect and reconnect line by line.
I don't know how long it takes, but eventually, after messing around for a while, all six are placed correctly. The lights go back on and we see a new video on screen, where it all started.
"Are we done?" Alex seems relieved and I already figured he wasn't really enjoying himself. Which might be mostly because Oliver kept insulting him whenever he came up with an idea.
After the video ends, telling us we need to stop another bomb from going off, we have to crawl through a hatch under the desk, finding the bomb in there. Oliver followed me, while Alex – who is slightly claustrophobic – stays behind with Sam in the bigger room. They're looking for instructions for us to stop the bomb.
"This is... cosy," Oliver huskily drawls into my ear while standing close behind me. There isn't much space for more than two people, so I'm glad Alex and Sam stayed behind.
"Oliver..." I groan, lolling my head backwards, looking towards him from the corners of my eyes. "What's up with you today?"
"I don't know..." He smirks. "You look hot today, Mr. Evans." He lets his hand go through my hair. "I have to keep myself from jumping you..."
I swallow as he decided to stand against me, chest touching my back, his crotch rubbing my butt, while an arm sneaks around my waist.
"Can't we be foolish once more?" He whispers into my ear. My body heats up at the thought of what he's insinuating, and then I take in a deep breath and step away from him.
"No, we really can't Oliver," I seriously tell him in a whispering tone. "I'm sorry, I love Finn..."
Oliver stares at me shortly, before he sighs. "Yeah, I know. I'm just... so horny today..."
"I'm not going to help you with that," I laugh out a little, until I notice Sam crawling through the hatch too.
"Got some instructions here," he calmly tells us, not giving us the impression that he heard what we spoke about just now. "And I'm gonna keep Alex company because he's done, and he really wants out because the room is too small for his likings and now that he isn't being distracted he's starting to freak out."
I frown shortly, but grab the paper with instructions to see what it says. "If it's too difficult, we'll forfeit and get him out right now."
"I agree." Oliver nods. "If he's done, we should just leave."
"He wants you guys to try and solve it. It's the final puzzle." Sam taps the paper shortly. "I'll keep him calm."
I frown shortly, before reading the instructions. Oliver, who's more the impatient kind of guy that just starts trying, taps my shoulder as soon as he grabbed hold of something, starting to twist and turn in, resulting in it coming out of the bomb. "I think I got this." Oliver chuckles as he completely removes the part.
"I think you guys solved it!" Sam calls out, and we crawl back through the hatch to meet them.
The door is opened by the guy who explained everything and Alex sighs in relief, shaking a bit while hurrying out of the room.
"I was about to stop you guys since he was freaking out." The guy nods towards Alex, who, is taking in deep breaths of air. "Maybe not do another escape room with him after this."
"I'm never doing that again." Alex chuckles awkwardly, still shaky. "Thank god Cris seemed to know what he was doing. And Sam to keep me occupied..." He smiles towards us, telling us he's thankful for how we reacted in the room, before sending an annoyed look towards Oliver but at least not snapping an ugly comment in his direction.
We get our time – which is close to the overall record and is the record for groups of four. And even though we were supposed to go laser-tagging before going home, Oliver is done, and so is Alex.
The thing is, we needed them to find out they're both alcoholics, which neither of them shares with just everybody. We wanted them to talk, find out they have more in common then they think and try and get them to get along.
Today didn't help us to succeed in getting them to become friends, even though at least they agreed to hang out together again.
It's a start.
* * * * *
Oliver dropped me off at home but didn't stick around, telling me had other things to do right now. I didn't mind, because I was actually looking forward to a night at home with Nathan, but as soon as I walked inside, I already knew he wasn't home. It's past dinner – Oliver and I picked up fast food and ate in the car. Normally, Wednesday is movie-night. The night Nathan and I hang out at home, not think about school or work or anything else.
Last week I wasn't in the mood to watch a movie since it had been Finnley's birthday; the third one I was missing out on.
This week, I guess Nathan decided to go out.
And since I'm in the least a bit worried, I call him to ask what time he'll be home.
"Cris?" he answers the phone with a worried tone of voice. "Something's wrong?"
"Well, no... but you're not home."
"Oh, right... No I'm with Stan. I figured you would hang out with Oliver, Sam and Alex the entire day."
"Alex and Oliver couldn't stay around each other any longer... and Oliver had other plans for the night." I know I sound sad, and I'm really not trying to make him feel guilty for ditching on me.
But I haven't seen either of them in days. Well, I saw Nathan briefly this morning, and on two other occasions when he got home while I was just leaving for work. But that's it.
We don't ever hang out anymore.
"You sound depressed. Did something happen?"
"No, I am depressed, remember?" I try to brush it off as a joke by chuckling, but it's so forced it almost hurts my facial muscles to do so. "And I'm just sad because I never see you guys anymore and I miss hanging out..."
"I know, but I thought you were doing okay, hanging out with Oliver a lot..." he sighs deeply. "You took Sam to that dinner at Finn's parents' place and all... Do you want me to come home?"
"Can't you guys both come and hang out here? I miss Stan too, you know?"
Nathan chuckles. "We'll, we just finished dinner. We need to pay the bill and then we're coming over, okay?"
"Would be great. I'm taking a shower in the mean time."
"Good, fresh up, because according to Stan, we're picking you up to go out for a drink."
I frown shortly, but then a smile breaks onto my face at the thought of hanging out with them again. I just hope I won't feel like an intruder to their time together.
Though they have been spending a lot of time alone together so I guess invading one night won't be a big deal.
I hang up the phone, hurry to shower and dress up a bit decent. I've been wearing a lot of Finn's sweaters and hoodies and since he like them a bit too big, and I've been losing a bit of weight, I also start to drown in them a bit.
I pull out a flannel since I haven't been wearing them in a while and I think I look decent in those.
I decide on a sort of skinny jeans – though it's a bit loose due to the weight loss too – fix my hair and grab my stuff as soon as a car honks in front of the house.
I find myself being silent a lot during the ride towards the city, while Stan is driving and Nathan is blabbering on about things in school, a project that is starting to become a success and overall good grades. I can't help but notice all the little things that tell me I aman outsider when I'm with them.
How Stan and Nathan hold hands as long as Stan isn't shifting gears, how Nathan plays with the little hairs in Stan's neck without paying too much attention to it. How they smile at each other in a loving way.
And then I allow my mind to wonder back to the months in which Iwas the one in Nathan's seat, doing those things to and with Stan. How he would look at me like I was the most beautiful person in the world, how he would always put me in the first place. How he helped me to find Finn and figure out what secrets he had for me. How he kept picking me up, forcing me to go on.
And how I could use a person like that right now.
Because let's face it; my friendship with Oliver changed since we went on a binge together, ending up sleeping together in the process.
That was a huge mistake and I can't figure out Oliver's thoughts on it. He clearly agreed it shouldn't happen again on multiple occasions, but then again, his constant flirting is confusing, and I can't deny the fact my body and my heart both respond to it.
Oliver is a good-looking guy and knowing him as well as I do, he would be a perfect boyfriend.
But not my boyfriend.
Because I have Finn, somewhere out there, waiting to be found.
And Oliver is interested in another guy. He said so himself on Monday.
Even though he went back to flirting with me right after dinner the same night.
"Where are we going anyway?" I ask, leaning forwards, wanting to be allowed in on their conversation.
"Tiki Room." Stan smirks at me in the back mirror. "We need to get you tipsy, loosen up a bit, enjoy your night."
"So, you're turning me in an alcoholic?" I chuckle. "You do realise every time you want me to relax, you're pouring alcohol down my throat, huh?"
"Well, we kind of assumed you're not drinking when you're with Oliver." Nathan turns in his seat to look at me. "Are you?"
My eyes widen once I realise I haven't told them about Oliver's break down yet. "Oliver drank last Friday... Noah called me, you know? He was drunk out of his mind and he cried almost the entire night."
"Oliver drank?" Nathan now looks worried. "Do you drink a lot when you're with him?"
"Well... yeah, no. Not all the time. But he didn't mind..."
"So, he didn't drink because he always hung around you while drinking?"
"No!" I slide down in my seat with a deep sigh. "There's a different reason. He explained what's behind his alcoholism on Monday and I'm not supposed to talk about it or ever bring it up again."
"But it's not the fact he's always the designated driver to people who drink a lot?"
"Nope."
"And do you drink a lot when you're with him? Or with anyone else? Should we be worried?"
"No, I'm not an alcoholic. I haven't drunk a drip of alcohol in days."
"Good, in that case, we're going to give you a couple of cocktails and get you to relax." Stan smirks again, and I can tell Nathan disagrees a bit, but says nothing nonetheless.
And since he isn't the first one to talk to be about my alcohol consumption lately, I wonder if I should watch my intake a bit better.
I really don't want to end up like Oliver. Or Alex, for that matter. I don't want to be an alcoholic that can't say no, that either drinks nothing, or way too much.
I just want to relax every so often and lately, all that seems to work is alcohol. It makes me relax while awake, and it prevents me from getting nightmares at night.
But does needing alcohol to relax mean I am already slightly addicted?
Maybe I should find another way to relax. But for now, I just want to have a fun night with Stan and Nathan and not worry about something. Just pretend to be fine, pretend to smile, keep the worries at bay.