Just when I thought that nothing could possibly ruin my time in London, things had to become complicated. Being near Jonathan was now more awkward than ever before. It seemed that neither of us could think of anything to say to the other. We had accidentally bumped into each other in the hallway a couple of days before, and I found it incredibly hard to concentrate on anything aside from his mysterious grey eyes. How I wished that I could hate them for causing me such grief.
I did briefly notice that he too seemed to be distracted by something; however, my only thought was that he'd had another argument with his mother or brother. I never suspected that it might be the cause of something else. I honestly thought that my newly discovered feelings were purely one sided. I did not think that they could ever be reciprocated.
Just then, a knock came at my door. "I shall get it," Edith announced, as she stopped what she had been doing and went to open the door.
Rising from my seat in front of the vanity, where Hannah had been styling my hair, I was pleased to see that it was Miss Edwards. "Is Miss Hoffman ready?" she asked.
Miss Edwards had offered to take me into London to look for a new dress for the ball, a most kind and thoughtful offer. I did have a bit of money, but I feared that I would not be able to afford anything extravagant. My primary reason for accepting her offer was so that I could look around a bit. I knew that I would probably never return to London, so I wanted to make the most of this trip and see all that I could.
"We had a bit of trouble waking her up, but she is ready now," Edith told her, motioning for me to come.
She smiled at me as I came out from the bedroom. "Mr. Brown has agreed to accompany us, and the carriage is waiting for us as we speak."
I smiled slightly at Mr. Brown, who was peeking around the corner, silently thanking him for being our escort. "Then let us get going."
Mr. Brown escorted us through the long maze of corridors, down a couple flights of stairs, and to the door. As usual, I momentarily got lost in my observations, marvelling at how different the Edwards home was from the Gilmore's. It was less extravagant and seemed a bit less stuffy, which was a description that seemed fitting of the Edwards.
When we stepped out of the door, I was a bit taken back by the sight of the carriage that we would be riding in. It was the fanciest carriage that I had ever seen in my life! There was even a gold detailed family crest on the door. Although, it was not the first time I had seen such a detail. The Gilmore's had a couple of carriages with their family crest displayed on the door as well. Unfortunately it was incredibly rare to actually see them use those carriages. Mr. Gilmore usually preferred to travel by a more modest looking carriage.
As I climbed inside, I was surprised to find that it was even more luxurious than the outside. Taking a seat on the rich red velvet cushion's, I found myself momentarily overwhelmed by the luxury in which we were travelling, which in turn caused me to feel rather self conscious about my appearance. I began to fuss over the wrinkles and folds in my skirt, feeling as though I was going to stick out like a sore thumb in the city. However, both Miss Edwards and Mr. Brown assured me that I looked just fine, and that made me feel a bit better, even though I knew that I could never hope to compare with their sophistication.
"So, what do the women of Portsmouth think about my two cousins, Vincent and Jonathan?" Miss Edwards began the conversation.
I considered my reply for a moment, not wanting to make them sound bad, but also not wanting to lie at the same time. "Well, Vincent is considered the town flirt. Every woman who comes to my mind would jump at the chance to spend even a minute with him."
"Vincent always was popular with ladies, even as a child they all thought he was adorable," she giggled. "And what about Jonathan?"
I was unsure of what to tell her initially. However, I finally decided to simply tell her how they really saw him. "Most of the women are hypnotized by his dashing good looks, but think that he is arrogant."
"Why?"
"Well, he never dances with anyone."
She nodded her head in understanding. "Vincent was teasing him about that earlier, but Jonathan claimed that he had danced with one woman, who ironically enough hated him."
Initially I was confused by this. When had he danced with a woman who hated him? I did not recall having seen him dance with anyone but me. That was when I realized that it was I who he had been referring to. I suppose that was true. I had definitely disliked him at that time. It was almost funny to think back on that.
"I have heard that as well, although no one knows who she is."
"She must not mean very much to him. If she did, he would have told us her name."
My heart sank when she said that. She was probably right; I did not mean that much to him. I tried so hard not to care, but my efforts seemed worthless. No matter what I did, I could not stop myself from caring. At that moment, I would have been perfectly happy if I could have found a way to rip all of the feelings from my chest and bury them twenty feet in the ground.
"At which shop did you wish to stop?" Mr. Brown asked.
"I was hoping to stop at my favourite dress shop," she said, and then turned to me. "Mr. Pike's Dress Emporium has the most wonderful gowns in all of London!"
"I look forward to seeing them," I told her, trying my hardest to give her a genuine smile.
We chatted about the latest style of gowns for a while before we arrived at a fancy-looking shop. Mr. Brown stepped out and helped us out of the carriage before leading us into the shop. The shop was quite large and there were quite a few young women close to my age in the shop, looking at gowns of every colour and size. In all my life, I had never seen so many beautiful dresses in one place. The only problem was that I could not afford any of them. All of the dresses were very expensive. However, I looked around and pretended that I could afford them. The last thing I wanted was to draw attention to myself among these high-society women.
"Have you found any that you like?" Anne asked, coming up to me after a while.
"It is such a hard decision. There are so many to choose from."
"Perhaps I can help you," she suggested. "What is your favourite colour?"
"I am quite fond of blue,"
"We require assistance!" she declared loudly, causing all of the young women to glance over at us. At her call, the shop owner immediately rushed over to us, bowing and scraping to us. I tried not to reveal how surprised I was, and remain just as calm and collected as Miss Edwards was. "Bring my friend the most beautiful blue dress that you can find," she commanded, her voice soft yet demanding at the same time.
The shop owner ran into the back of the shop as fast as he could and returned a few moments later with a breath-taking blue satin dress with white trim and small ruffly sleeves. "It is beautiful," I admitted.
"We will take this one as well as the lilac one near the counter," she said, pointing to the dress that she wanted.
"As you wish, m'lady," the shop owner said, leaving us to fetch the other dress.
As he walked away, I caught a glimpse at the price tag dangling from it and had to clamp a hand over my mouth to prevent my jaw from dropping. Not wishing to make a spectacle, I discreetly motioned for Miss Edwards to follow me away from the crowd.
"That dress is even more expensive than the one you are buying," I whispered. "I could never afford it."
"That is why I am going to purchase it for you, silly," she said with a giggle. "You need not worry about owing me."
I was speechless. I was having a troublesome time figuring out why she would do such a selfless thing. No one had ever done something like this for me. Not even my own parents. I had done nothing for her and yet she had treated me so kindly and spoken with me as if we were old friends. I had to admit that it was nice to be able to talk to someone who was not constantly trying to outshine me.
Once we were finished at the dress shop, and had climbed back into the carriage, I decided to question her. "May I ask why you purchased such an extravagant dress for me?"
She was quiet for a moment, "I have never had a real friend before. There have been many women who have claimed to be my friend, but they only pretend to be my friend because of who my father is. I only wanted to do something nice for you since you have been so nice to me."
I was surprised to say the least. "I too have never had a real friend. There is a girl back in Portsmouth who claims to be my friend. However, she likes to think that she is better than me at everything,"
She too seemed surprised. "It would seem that we have a bit in common, even though we come from completely different parts of the world."
I nodded in agreement. "I have to admit that, when I first arrived here, I was expecting to meet a family of snobby nobles who thought they were better than me, but now that I have met you and your family, I see that not all nobles are bad."
"I am glad to hear that," she smiled widely. We rode for a short while in silence before she spoke again. "If you ever feel like venting to someone about your so-called friend in Portsmouth, you could write me a letter. I would not mind."
"Perhaps I will take you up on your offer sometime," I said, smiling back at her.