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ECSTACY & TORN
❝I'm sorry for not being able to protect you from the world.❞
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I TOOK EVERY step, looking around frantically and with dread. My body felt heavy and I did not know what I was going to do anymore.
Taehyung's departure was something I expected, sooner or later. The issue arose when I expected the later to last longer than ever. I crossed the road, every step with a sigh of resignation, deeper and louder than the previous one.
Taehyung and I had never exactly talked about us being away. For heaven's sake, we just got together without any obstacles, merely a few days back. To talk about departure or being away was too early.
Yet, here we were.
Stuck in a position where we found a solution or live the entirety of our lives in remorse of the things we lost. Beyond everything, I had to stay back till Xavier's treatment was done and perfected. It was a promise not made by the girl who had her leap and fall with him, but by a doctor who cared day and night for the patient's she had to save.
I was snapped back into reality as soon as soon the cars honked. It was then that I realised that I was in fact standing on the zebra crossing, midway, blocking traffic. My eyes widened and I quickly bowed down, apologetically and ran ahead.
My phone rang and I let it ring. Once. Twice. Thrice. Till the sound died on me. However, whoever called me seemed more determined than I was. I stopped in my tracks and pulled out my phone.
Jeon Jungkook.
"What do you want?" I asked, my voice sounding distinctly mean. At that minute, I didn't care if I was remotely rude. I was hurt and my emotions that surged through every nerve cell within me and flooding my thoughts was all I could bother about.
"Olivia?"
"It's me, Jungkook."
"Oh, that's great. Where have you been? It's been long," Jungkook whined through the receiver. I sighed. Conflicting thoughts clashed like it was a battlefield - a war for superiority.
I looked forward to see the stream of people flooding the streets and walking in every possible direction. Some were determined to get where they intended to and some merely roamed the streets with a distinct joy on their face of what was to make their entire day.
And there I was. Voice trying to come out my vocal box as much as possible, eyes threatening to stream down a river and hands along with my entire system shivering and ready to collapse.
I sobbed slightly with the intensity of emotions I was feeling and Jungkook's hearing skills heightened as he asked, "Are you alright, Olivia?"
"No," I said. A man walking past dashed my shoulders with his as he walked past and I grunted in pain. I sighed at how bad the day was going so far and my heavy heart set lose. The tears flowed down, one drop after another till it was streaming down my face, staining it and making it hard for me to see clearly.
"Where are you?" He asked, firmly and with a strong sense of determination. I chuckled sardonically and muttered, "You don't even know Androsia. For heaven's sake, you landed here not more than a week back."
Jungkook got me to spew out the location I was at to him. He hastily told, "Do not move a step forward, alright? I'll be there in a few."
"Jungkook," I sighed deeply, almost wondering why he was doing this.
Jungkook chuckled, "You underestimate a king way too much, love. Sometimes it's alright to trust a royalty. All of us don't screw around. Some of us really do the role of Prince Charming we are bestowed with."
I laughed brokenly with exasperated breaths and Jungkook hung up as he reminded me to stay put. At that moment, I could only wish that Taehyung would stay and play my Prince Charming just as I would play his Damsel not-so in distress anymore.
I stayed put just as Jungkook wanted me to. I leaned against the wall of a shop with a fluorescent pink banner stuck on every free space adjacent to the door. My attention momentarily drifted and I read the banners. Free Ramen from 3 to 4 today. That's what it was about.
My stomach growled loudly and I flicked myself in my forehead for feeling hungry as soon as I read the poster. Fortunately, Jungkook reached quicker than I expected him to. He waved to me from at least ten metres away on spotting me amongst the crowd and rushed to my side.
A fitted leather jacket swung over his shoulder along with the same white shirt he had in the hospital, loosely fitting on him. Jungkook still managed to look dashing. He stopped right before me and waved ecstatically. I smiled, my lips finding their way upwards almost immediately on seeing Jungkook this delighted.
"Hi," he stretched the latter end of the syllable and gave me a toothy smile.
"Hey," I responded and stood up straight, pushing myself off the wall. "Is Taehyung alright?"
Jungkook paused his ecstatic behaviour and just stared at me. His eyebrows rose and then, after a minute or so, his lips curved upwards slowly.
"You're cute."
"Excuse me?"
And he repeated, "You're cute. You're here, standing before an insanely hot king, with puffy eyes and a swollen face and the first thing you ask is about another man."
Jungkook laughed out loud as he stopped only to continue, "I don't know whether I should feel offended that you don't care about my magnificent presence or blessed that my best friend's finally got a woman who loves him sincerely."
I blushed and shuffled the body weight of mine from one foot to another. And then the thought hit again. Quicker than ever and way more intense than before.
He was going to leave, along with Taehyung. Jimin was going to leave too. They were all going to leave and then, I had to make a decision.
"Are you really alright, Olivia?" Jungkook asked and embarrassingly, my stomach rumbled out loud then. The built man laughed and turned his head only to notice the neon banners.
"Do you want ramen?"
"Are you trying to hit on me?"
"Do you want me to?"
"Stop flirting with me and buy me food, child," I laughed, throwing my head slightly back and momentarily forgetting my worries.
A drop hit my shoulder and then another, followed by many. I looked up and smiled slightly, mumbling, "It's raining."
Jungkook caught hold of my hand and dragged me into the shop with a toothy smile. Charming, I thought.
That was how Jungkook found himself alongside a worried doctor in the mid afternoon, watching the rain drops trickle down the shop's windows.
"What's truly bothering you?" Jungkook asked again after slurping some of his ramen. I looked at him, my eyes widening slightly and I couldn't help but realise that he reminded me so much of Ben.
"If I said nothing, would you drop it?"
"Nope," he popped the word and winked at me.
I ate some of my ramen before looking at him and answering, "I know that you guys are leaving in two days. Chen must have informed you that it was alright to be discharged tomorrow."
"How did you -"
"Xavier," I cut him halfway and continued. "And I know that I should have been prepared for this but it hurts."
Jungkook raised his eyebrows at me and quickly slurping the rest of his food, he asked, "You could always go along with Taehyung to Rossa?"
Jungkook made it sound so easy. I stared at him with a void expression. I shook my head slightly and turned to look at my cup of ramen rather.
"You could always do that, Olivia," Jungkook exclaimed. "I'm pretty sure that Taehyung's probably thinking of doing the same - taking you along with him, that is."
"Jungkook," I sighed. "It's not that easy."
"How is it not?"
"You're asking me to leave my entire life - my people - here in Androsia. That's a massive change hitting me straight on my face. You're not merely asking me to pack and leave with Taehyung but rather asking me to leave my commitments, my promise, my love for everything and everyone here for Taehyung."
I stared at the window, trying to distract the sorrowful thoughts in my head by looking at the drops of water trickling down the shabby window.
"Isn't he worth it?" Jungkook asked, folding his arms and giving me a very judgemental look.
He is. Taehyung was worth that and everything more. However, I couldn't leave in two days. I never could. It was sudden and insane. I had to tell Julia that everything was alright. I wanted to be there for Julia and be her wingwoman.
And then there was Xavier. The man finally seemed to have realised and I didn't want to be the one pushing him to the brink of insanity. When he had finally realised and accepted to get treatment, I didn't want him to lose out on anything because I didn't keep my word. There was the guilt of not having known this when I was him that was prevalent. However, it was more of the heart of the doctor that I was that made me determined to be there for Xavier through his treatment.
"Taehyung's worth every fibre of my being, Jungkook," I informed him. "But, this is too sudden. You can't ask of me to leave Androsia this quickly. This is home."
"I understand," Jungkook nodded. "You'll find a way out of this. I trust you."
Those words were comforting enough, yet burdening. However, you knew one thing for sure. If a man who you had know for not more than few days trusts you, maybe you could get through this.
Jungkook's phone rang instantly and he quickly pulled it out to glance at who was calling him. He looked at him and smirking slightly, he teased, "It's your boyfriend."
I blushed and lowered my head, letting the hair cover my face from his view. He laughed and picked up the phone.
"Where is Olivia, Jungkook? Please tell me she is with you," Taehyung sounded worried through the phone. I looked up in surprise.
"Why don't you call her?" Jungkook teased Taehyung who ignored the teasing in his moment of panic and said, "I did. She isn't picking it up."
I was confused. He had called me? I instantly pulled my phone out only to realise that I had in fact put my phone on silent and had about nine missed call notifications from Taehyung.
"Oh damn," I mumbled and Jungkook chuckled.
"She's with me," Jungkook reassured Taehyung. He glanced at me and gave me a quick smile. I pressed my lips and smiled back awkwardly.
"Stop keeping my girlfriend away from me, Jungkook," Taehyung slightly growled which was loud enough for me to have heard it. My eyebrows shot up and Jungkook looked amused.
"You wish," Jungkook sniggered and I threw my head back as I laughed.
Taehyung whined through the receiver quite evidently and Jungkook hung up on him, teasing him a bit more.
"We should probably leave," he said as he stood up. I nodded.
"Your boyfriend will probably throw a tantrum if you don't reach there by now," he shook his head and sniggered. "How is he ruling Rossa this successfully?"
I gleamed with pride and I realised that in those small hours I spent with Jungkook, I felt a lot better. However, that realisation strung in another one of disappointment and dismay. I had to make a choice.
And I think I just might have made a heartbreaking one.
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I HAD MET Taehyung months back in a buzzing club on the most crowded streets of Androsia. Taehyung had seen me for the very first time in my most vulnerable and despicable state. With battered bruises splashed all over my skin like it belonged there, Taehyung loved me yet, unconditionally.
The next two days were passed by so delicately with every single one of my prayers being sent upwards, asking the almighty to slow down the time. I wanted - no, needed - to spend more time with Taehyung.
He told me that day as I walked upto him that he was leaving soon. He caught hold of my hand, firmly, and continued, "I want you to come with me. Please."
However, I did what I needed to. I did what I felt was morally right yet something that felt so wrong and shattering at the same time. I pulled my head back and apologized. Silence had covered us as a whole and Taehyung asked a mere question that made me wonder too.
"Why?"
It was an excellent question. One that I sadly did not have an answer to. I did not know why exactly I was doing this to myself. Anyone around us could see that the both of us were hurting. Yet, things had to turn out like this.
"I have to. I'll be with you soon though."
And that was a good enough promise for Taehyung to hook his hope on to - to wait every single day for my presence.
It was only believable thereafter that we did not leave each other for the next two days. I decided to take Taehyung for a walk throughout Androsia, for one last time.
Things turned out a lot better than what I had originally planned for, because Taehyung had to spoil the entire plan as he pulled me into a narrow alleyway, before pushing me against the wall of a building.
He edged close to me and my eyes glanced at his arm worried. Taehyung moved around casually like he wasn't shot few days back and it made me anxious.
"Stop worrying about my arm," Taehyung chuckled. "You're killing the mood."
"Ah," I realised and let out a small laughter.
"I love you so much," Taehyung pressed his forehead against mine. His breath so close to mine and yet I craved it more. Something about knowing that he was not going to be there in few days made everything so much more precious.
I kissed him. I kissed him like my entire life depended on Taehyung. My lips pressed against his gently before they parted open in response to Taehyung's gestures. His arms wrapped itself around my waist as he pulled my closer. My hands raised upwards to find its way to his hair and found themselves tangled there.
Taehyung pulled away, only to pepper kisses on my neck. I pulled Taehyung closer almost as if it was a reflex. My legs were slowing losing its balance and my head was losing its senses. Taehyung was my sweet pleasure and everything more that I craved.
"We should leave before someone, ah-" Taehyung bit lightly on the skin at the curve of my neck. Nonetheless, I tried continuing, "Taehyung, we should stop."
He pulled back and running a hand through his hair, he sheepishly agreed and with his finger entwining with mine, he pulled me forward as he screamed, "Let's go."
And when the day come for Taehyung to leave, I didn't want to accept the truth. I was in this wave of denial that I strongly believed that he was going to stay. My blanket witnessed a series of dramatic crying and heartbreaking sighs.
It reached to an extent where I called Taehyung, crying. He picked up instantly and yelped, "Babe!"
I sobbed through the receiver and Taehyung panicked. He kept asking if I was alright and I mumbled a yes.
"Don't go, Tae," I cried. "Please."
"Snow," he sighed through the phone helplessly.
"Don't go, please."
"Don't cry, Livia. It breaks my heart to hear you crying."
"Then don't go," I begged desperately. My moral sense of right and wrong and the entire concept of reason fell silent as I desperately begged him to stay.
"I'm leaving right now to the building where the helicopter would arrive. Why don't you come with me to drop me till there?"
I cried even further, and mumbling, "Okay," I cut the call.
Taehyung picked me up quickly. Jimin and Jungkook who were in the cab with him fell silent on seeing me, merely waving a hey. On seeing Taehyung inside, I quickly fell into his arms and hugged him tightly, crying more now.
"Aw, babe," Taehyung rubbed the back of my head in attempts of consoling me. "Should I remind you of your very own words?"
I shook my head to signal a no. However, Taehyung still proceeded and said, "You'll be beside me soon and I'll be cuddling up next to you. We'll be happy. We always will."
"I'll miss you," I mumbled into his chest. Taehyung hugged me tightly and responded back, "I genuinely don't know what I'd do now that you won't be there. I'll eagerly wait."
I could hear a sob and I turned only to see Jimin shed a tear and Jungkook looking morose. I tried smiling at them through my tears and they did the same.
Time flew past quickly because we reached the building quicker than I ever wanted to. I held onto Taehyung with the smallest hope in my heart that he'd stay. However, everyone in the room knew that it was not going to happen.
The helicopter was waiting for them already. The loud sound and strong wind accompanied by the slowly building sense of loss made it hard for me to take every single step. Taehyung dropped his baggage and quickly pulled me into another hug.
"Stay happy, okay?"
"Don't forget me," I mumbled back into his chest.
He pulled me back slightly and kissing my forehead, the peck lingering for longer than ever, he pulled away. His eyes were glassy and I realised that he was going through the same sense of loss I was. Probably even harder than I was going through it.
Jimin and Jungkook hugged me and I wished them the best, "Don't get into trouble, alright? Come and visit me soon. Thank you for everything." They responded back with the finest and nicest words that made my heart ache.
Soon, the three of them got into the helicopter as they waved at me, sweet farewell ringing through the air. The helicopter took off and my heart seemingly broke slowly, one piece after another.
The realisation has finally completely dawned. They had left. I wouldn't see Taehyung for long. I fell onto my knees and broke into tears, holding myself tightly.
And that was probably how sheer sense of loss and heartbreak felt. When Taehyung left me, even though it was my very own decision, a part of me went back into hiding.
Yet another took its appearance. That of eagerness and long awaited hope to see him again.
And to see Taehyung again and to love him harder would probably be the greatest of experiences I'd have in a long time.
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annyeong haseyo!
how has your month been? i miss you all so much. i want to catch up on everything i missed.
this is it. this was the ultimate chapter. (the epilogue not counted.) how was it? this is super unedited but i was very excited for y'all to have a look at this. i'm sorry. i'm also sorry for the delay. academics have been eating me alive.
tell me all about your week and how it was. i'm excited to hear about it. i also started watching my ID is Gangnam beauty and gosh, i really like it. i also started stanning ASTRO.
epiphany is the most beautiful thing i've seen, period.
vote and comment, if you liked the chapter and drop by your feedback. i'd appreciate that. thank you. saranghae.
much love, ruth x