Song of the chapter: Everything I Need by Skyler Grey
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EVELYN had so much to think about and frankly it was giving her a bit of a headache.
"End it."
She lifted her head slightly from its position on the couch as she sent a confused look towards Aubrey.
"What do you mean?"
"From what I've heard Evelyn," she sighed passing the small girl a look of guilt, "are either of you happy?"
Biting her lip, Evelyn found herself shaking her head slightly. Realizing her actions, her heart dropped. Maddox was the best thing to ever happen to her. He gave her a friend and a reason to stay alive. He gave her love too. She was so grateful for him...for being there for her. He taught her that life wasn't always so bland, dull, and cruel. You're always bound to find someone.
And maybe she didn't need him anymore.
Because she had healed. She didn't need to lean on anyone anymore. She loved herself enough. She didn't want to need anyone anymore. She wanted to be strong for herself.
"I think that's an answer enough," Aubrey spoke up after some time. Her voice was gentle yet firm, giving Evelyn the clear decision that needed to be made.
Evelyn found herself blinking quickly so to keep her tears to herself.
"I don't want to give him up yet," she croaked out suddenly feeling as if her throat was dry. Her hands found the necklace around her neck that Maddox had given her. It held a small pendant that meant so much to Evelyn. Instead of the usual jewel, it was a small sword.
So you always have a weapon to fight with.
His words echoed in her mind and she knew she would love him for as long as she lived. And if she were to ever find someone else, she knew Maddox would always hold a place in her heart. It was impossible to forget the boy who made her hopeful again.
She felt Aubrey's presence settle itself beside her on the couch. Her hand found Evelyn's and she rubbed her thumb against the scars on Evelyn's wrist. The reminders of when Evelyn was at one of the lowest points in her life. But Evelyn no longer looked at the jagged and raised skin with distaste anymore. She smiled when she saw them because she knew she had no feelings to do it again. To hurt herself again.
"I know you healed Evelyn. Maddox helped you so much. But he hasn't healed yet. Don't think you didn't try to help him though because I think you did all you could. However, his mother's death threw him back a couple of steps, he lost some of his progress. And he needs to heal again. This time, I think he needs to do it himself. You found yourself," Aubrey said with an encouraging smile before continuing, "Now he needs to find himself."
Evelyn nodded her head ignoring the tears that fell at the motion, "I'm so in love with him Aubrey," she cried quietly as she admitted those words out loud.
Taking her into her arms, Aubrey kissed Evelyn's hair soothing the crying girl's emotions as much as she could.
"I know you do babe I know you do," she sighed softly. "You guys are one of the most pure couples I've ever come across, but sometimes love doesn't mean happiness. Most times, it causes pain more than anything and that happens when you guys have problems you haven't addressed. You pushed it under the rug and it's time to confront them."
"What would I do without you?" Evelyn whispered as a tiny laugh bubbled up inside her.
Aubrey shrugged flicking Evelyn's forehead playfully, "I have no clue."
As the two got into more lighter topics to lighten the mood, their previous conversation played repeatedly in Evelyn's head.
She knew what she had to do.
~•~
They were walking along the river bank, hands held as if nothing was wrong. But she knew what was about to happen.
Sometimes, she wondered if her and Maddox were supposed to just be a moment. It never seemed like they were meant to be something that stayed continuous. So with that thought, she let a little part of herself mourn over what was and what could've been.
He didn't talk to her anymore. He kept to himself and barely acknowledged her unless she spoke first. His one hand held hers without any grip, it was lax and dead as if he was engaging with her simply because that's what she wanted. Not what he wanted. His other hand held his phone in which his attention seemed to be drawn into immensely.
"Maddox?"
His head bobbed up before turning a little to look at her, "What?" he spoke without any sort of interest to really hear what she was going to say.
Not wanting the moment to end before she had to, she shook her head and mumbled a small 'never mind' before continuing to walk.
The chatter from people around them was drowned out as both of them were immersed in their own thoughts. She barely felt when he shook his hand out of her grasp and shoved it in his pocket. When she felt a cool breeze hit her skin, it was then she realized that the warmth of his skin was so longer protecting hers. A traitorous tear slipped down her cheek, but she wiped it before anyone could notice or question her.
Soon enough, they had made it to a more quiet and desolate area where all they could hear was the faint crashing of waves against rocks and their own footsteps.
"Maddox," she said with exhaustion in her voice. This wasn't something she could hold off any longer. Dragging the process out wasn't exactly any better.
He barely glanced at her when she spoke and rather continued to walk forward leaving her still form behind. He wasn't planning on listening to her and she wasn't going to wait for him to give her his full attention. So she came right out with it.
"Let's end this."
The words left her mouth in a calculating mess and she watched as he stopped in his steps and his back tensed. It felt like time stood still when he finally turned around and his dark, enticing eyes found her soft ones. Her breathing had seized at the moment and she sent him a small, sorrowful smile.
He narrowed his eyes before rolling them, "Don't be ridiculous."
Before he could turn back and walk away, she spoke again, "Please Maddox," she practically begged as her voice broke.
Her eyes found the ground this time and she refused to look at him. She felt him walk closer until he was standing so close that if she raised her head to look straight ahead, her nose would've grazed his chest. He brought his hand up to cup her chin before forcing her gaze to meet his. The tears glistened in her eyes and fell as she blinked again. He watched her silently as he wiped the tear away.
She finally saw it.
The regret and pain in his demeanor. All the hurt he tried to bury down below with no intention of ever acknowledging it. But he cracked. She knew he did and she knew why. That was all the more reason to end it because as long as they were together, she'd give him reasons to not care. She was easy like that, she let him act out however he pleased and that gave him the idea that he could be as rash as possible, the world would still fall at his feet.
He was broken and he didn't care.
"Please Maddox," she pleaded with him once more as she brought her hand up to cover his and remove it from her cheek. She didn't want the contact between them anymore. At least not right now.
The thing was she still wanted him, but sometimes wanting someone didn't mean it was okay to. Just because she wanted him didn't mean it was good for her. It didn't mean he was good for her. Or maybe she wasn't good for him.
He needed to figure out how to deal with pain on his own. He had to learn how to handle it. She was doing this for him. And maybe it wasn't her decision to make. So maybe she was doing it for herself.
No. She was doing it for them.
He shook his head refusing to listen to her quiet pleas as she pushed him away, as she walked backwards away from his warmth.
"I'll be better Evelyn," he finally said as his eyes begged her not to go through with it, "I promise I promise I'll figure it out."
He walked closer to her as she walked backwards and eventually the back of her knees hit a boulder behind her. She was suddenly thankful for the obstacle because she had to take a seat. To get herself together.
"Please please please Maddox," she whispered out brokenly pushing him away as he peppered her with soft kissed against her cheeks.
"Don't do this Evelyn. I promise. I'll treat you like you're the best thing to ever happen to me because you are," he quietly told her, "You keep me grounded and god I'll be better for you I swear baby. I'll fix myself for you," he mumbled against her ear.
She let herself surrender the fight just for a second, allowing him to cradle her in his arms. Allowing herself to fall in love with him a little more. Then suddenly as the crashing of the waves got louder, it's as if it jerked her out of the moment and forced her to remember how bad everything had gotten.
"Stop it Maddox!" she sobbed silently pushing him away again. "Just stop. You can't just make me feel like we were good enough and then let me fall all alone."
Maddox swallowed hard before opening his mouth.
"Just another chance Evelyn," he asked with regret. "Please, just one more chance."
She shook her head as she stood up from the boulder and backed away from his figure. The tears wouldn't stop. They blinded her vision, they manipulated how far away she thought Maddox was. Because when she stopped moving, he only had to take a few steps to grab a hold of her waist.
"Face it Maddox. You and I, we were a fantasy. We weren't real. We were two people lost in the bubble of happiness that formed when we hit the water," she whispered so softly it was almost barely a voice.
"We thought we got through it. But turns out, both of us fell off the cliff. The cliff we promised to walk away from. But I think what actually happened...was that we fell before even becoming something. Before I ran into that warehouse and before you helped calm me down. Before we became friends. Before we became something more. We both fell," her voice broke as she brought her hands to his cheeks.
"And we met at the bottom. We saw each other when we opened our eyes in the deep blue water. Then we fainted, we were gone. And maybe being the last person the other saw, we dreamt. We dreamt of a dream, another life where we didn't fall off the cliff. A dream where we met before everything was too late. Too ruined. But now people found us," she mumbled looking into his eyes. Trying to show him that they weren't real. "No, someone found me. But it's as if you don't want to be found Maddox. The waves took you away before anyone could save you."
Her voice held a little anger and frustration, but the pain that trembled her body caused an earthquake-like beat of his heart. It hammered as he listened to her words.
He stared at her for a few seconds. A few seconds to think, to comprehend her words. And before he knew it, he pulled her closer for a kiss. It was filled with passion and love and hate and hurt. It was filled with guilt and regret. The tears streaming down her face mixed into their kiss. Reminding him of the pain he had caused her. His hand tightened around the curve of her hip as his arm around her waist brought her even closer.
"I'm sorry," he murmured softly as he kissed her lips. "I'm sorry for hurting you. For causing you this pain."
Shaking her head, she pushed against his chest to put distance between them.
"One day," she started with a sad smile gracing her lips, "I'll forget your name and you'll forget mine. I'll forget your voice and you'll forget the color of my eyes. We will move on. And I'll find someone else whose voice I'll never forget. I'll go home to them, I'll remember their name. I'll remember their touch. And you'll find someone whose eyes will become your favorite color. Not mine, not my boring dull brown eyes. You'll find someone. And you're going to love the way they say your name more than how anyone else ever had."
Her voice cracked as the realization hit them both.
"You'll be happy Maddox," she faintly whispered as another tear fell down her cheek.
"And so will I," she ended.
Looking at him once more, she walked away leaving him a mess. As he blinked, a tear fell. And then another and another.
She had left her own revenge.
On a boy who helped her through everything.
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I'm so excited for the next chapter because that's been ready since the first half of this book! I know I broke a few hearts with the turn out of this chapter so here's my formal apology: I'm sorry.
Hope you loved it! Comment, vote, and if you're feeling extra then a follow wouldn't hurt. 🤷♀️
Love you all. Xx
~ Shay