CONTENT WARNING W/SPOILERS: skip this part of the blurb if you don't want spoilers. ...okay. so, you thought kiyotaka's parents were bad? mondo's dad makes them look like ANGELS. warning for discussion of child abuse of the physical and sexual varieties, attempted suicide, and excessive drinking. and anger and depression and self-loathing.
NON-SPOILERY VERSION: this is a really long chapter compared to the others because it's tying together so many little hints and loose ends. and our boys have quite a bit to discuss. and also this one's definitely sad/heavy and painful to read in parts even if you don't have any experience with the issues covered. that said, it's a positive story in the end, because the boy is okay now and has had time to heal in a healthy way. hence the chapter title.
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Once they had escaped the suddenly oppressive atmosphere of the city streets, Mondo used his motorcyle to transport both himself and his passenger to a quiet place that Kiyotaka had never seen before. Mondo coaxed Kiyotaka off of the bike before he carefully guided it along with them through the grass, deploying the kickstand when he had reached his apparent destination.
They were near the edge of a cliff that jutted out over the sea. Kiyotaka had always known that the city was located by the shore, but he hadn't ever gotten to see the beach since moving there with his family. He'd never had the time. And while the cliffside wasn't exactly a beach, it overlooked the ocean. For as far as he could see, there was only water below and the expanse of dark sky above. He could hardly determine where one ended and the other began. They blended into one another.
"I used t'come here when I needed to be alone."
Mondo offered that as his only explanation, and then he allowed himself to slide down until he was seated in the grass. He patted the spot beside him. The motorcyle offered them a shield from prying eyes. Kiyotaka sighed and stormed away, closer to the edge. He wasn't ready to sit down just yet. He was too full of nervous energy that he needed to work out of his system. Mondo didn't demand that he join him. He just waited quietly as Kiyotaka paced back and forth.
The words started pouring from his mouth before he even realized that he was speaking. His voice was a pitiful screech, and tears swelled from his weary eyes. Mondo still didn't say anything. And Kiyotaka appreciated that— he needed it. He needed time to sort out his thoughts amid the jumble of it all, to finally put into words what he never, ever had, without being interrupted or asked to clarify.
Kiyotaka told Mondo about the happy family life he'd had when he was little. He told him all about Toranosuke's unforeseen betrayal, and about the bankruptcy and the school transfers and the bullying. He told him about the cold townhome full of spiders and about Snowball and the loss of his prized calligraphy set.
Kiyotaka told Mondo all about his friendless high school career and the many jobs he'd worked only to have all of his earnings confiscated, and about the secret boyfriend he'd had in college before the fear of being found out by his parents made him flee the relationship, and he explained how that pressure had forced him into confiding in his parents about his orientation just for them to slap it down like it was an arbitrary preference that didn't mean anything. He talked about their unplanned visits to make sure that he was studying, and recounted the time he'd been hospitalized from sheer over-work and had thought, for only a minute, that it would be easier to just die.
Kiyotaka cried and told Mondo about how much he had always hated the tech industry, but had gone and worked in the field anyway simply because he didn't know what else to do. He confessed everything about the fake-relationship-turned-fake-engagement, and admitted to his tantrum after he'd gotten his promotion. He talked and talked until, finally, he made it up to the events of that very night. He described everything in detail, not leaving out a single ounce of information.
When he had finally finished, he felt like he had deflated. He groaned and sat down beside Mondo. He managed to make the action look like a collapse. Mondo whistled.
"That's... That's a lot. I dunno where to start with that. But... didja actually punch your dad?"
Mondo's voice was a murmur, barely audible over the distant sound of waves crashing against rock. Kiyotaka nodded, and then Mondo smiled. Only a little— it was a brief and barely-noticeable twitch at the corner of the man's mouth. The sort of thing that Kiyotaka wouldn't have noticed in someone else. Someone less significant.
"...Honestly, kid, I'm impressed," Mondo chuckled. Kiyotaka would have laughed along with him if he were in a less sour mood. "I didn't think ya had it in ya to sock somebody right in the jaw. You're always tellin' me to behave myself."
Mondo was clearly trying to lighten the mood a bit, but his voice was still quiet. Kiyotaka bit his lip before saying anything, as he suddenly felt the urge to cry all over again. He wanted to let the current batch of tears dry before he went and produced another one.
"...I used to be intense, you know," he croaked. "I-I wanted to make my family proud." Kiyotaka paused to swallow the lump in his throat. "B-But then, after the hospital incident, I just... I hit a wall. Something about my family had changed, and I was so tired, and I didn't have anyone to talk to. I... I..."
"Ya burned out," Mondo finished for him. It was the first time he'd spoken at his usual volume in a long while. "Of course ya did. Everybody's got a limit. Ya can't work your ass off without stoppin' for so long n' expect not ta fall down at some point."
"But that's just it! I— I had fallen down before. But I'd gotten back up because I was so passionate about learning. And this time... this time it was different. Because I managed to get up and continue to earn the kinds of grades I'd gotten before, but..." He covered his eyes. "...Something was different this time. It was like something inside of me had died, and now... I don't know how to get that back. I don't even know if I can, or if I should."
Mondo didn't reply for at least a minute. He watched as Kiyotaka sobbed into his hand and stubbornly wiped tears away from his eyes. Then, as if he was completely changing the subject, Mondo lit up a cigarette. Kiyotaka didn't bother to scold him about it.
"...A while back, you asked me how I up and decided to be happy. Y'remember that, right?" Mondo's voice was uncharacteristically serious. Kiyotaka blinked as he waited for his memory to catch up with him, and then he nodded.
"I-I do... Why?"
"Well, like I said, it's a real long story. So y'don't have t'hear it if ya don't wanna."
Kiyotaka studied the small cloud of smoke that billowed up into the sky and the way that it faded into the stars as he thought. If Mondo was bringing this up now, of all times, then perhaps it was important.
"I want to know," Kiyotaka said. "Tell me."
"Alright." Mondo readjusted himself until he was comfortable, and then he stared out at the sky, unmoving, like he had forgotten about the cigarette in his hand. "Well, uh, my brother's all I've ever had. We were born to drunks. They'd throw bottles at us n' beat us for no reason, and half the time I don't think they even knew what my name was."
Kiyotaka frowned. He didn't know what this unexpectedly dark history had to do with happiness, but for the moment, he would listen. Mondo had listened to plenty of his complaining.
"That... sounds awful."
"It was. But it's why me n' Daiya are so close. We couldn't rely on anyone else. By the time the cops took us outta that place, it was too late. ...I didn't trust adults."
"For good reason!"
"Ha. Yeah." He laughed at something and shook his head. "...After that, we got tossed inta foster care. Mosta the people jus' wanted the money. They didn't even care when we got inta trouble n' started meetin' dangerous people. But the agency would find out, and then we'd get a new family. It went on like that til' I was thirteen. Daiya was seventeen and just startin' up the Diamonds."
"A-And then, you... found a nice family?" Kiyotaka asked, his tone hopeful.
"Well, no. We ran away. Daiya picked me up from school one day on a motorcyle I'd never seen before, with all my clothes n' shit stuffed into the bags, and told me we weren't gonna have to stay with anybody we didn't want to no more. The foster people never even came after us."
"...S-So you've lived without any parents since you were thirteen?! How did the two of you even support yourselves?!"
"I'll admit there was some illegal shit mixed in... N' we had to work lots of odd jobs. Daiya started learnin' to tattoo from another gang member, n' I learned about the car business from some guy I used to meet in a bar. ...Funny, really, 'cuz every time we met I cheated at card games and took a hundred bucks from him."
Kiyotaka bit his lip. Normally, he'd have scolded a lawbreaker like Mondo, but... what else were two kids abandoned by the system supposed to do? His condemnation wouldn't change the past, and Mondo had a steady job now. Daiya owned a small business. The two of them had come a long way.
"I'm... sorry that the two of you had to go through all of that by yourselves," Kiyotaka said glumly. "But at least you were happy, right?"
Mondo's slight smile vanished. He twirled his cigarette around, studying it, before taking a long puff.
"...I wasn't happy. I was runnin' away from my problems. I thought that if I was doin' whatever I felt like, I was happy, but that shit was just adrenaline. N' as it got worse, I needed more of it. I started pickin' fights. N' that was when I picked up my cig habit, and I started drinking a lot some nights just t'get some kinda thrill n' cope with it for a little longer. I didn't wanna face the facts."
"What facts? That... What happened?"
Mondo looked squarely at him for a moment, and then he huffed a breath out through his nose. His voice was lower the next time that he spoke.
"You've gotta promise to keep it to yourself, alright? I know it's a lot, but I wanna tell ya. ...Don't make me think too hard about it."
Kiyotaka blinked at him for a moment. Mondo continued to smoke as he waited. Kiyotaka had never intended to go around sharing this information, but what could be so serious that Mondo would want a promise that he'd keep it a secret? It didn't make much sense to share that sort of thing with a man he didn't know. That was the truth of it— as influential as Mondo had been over him recently, he just barely knew the man.
Still... Kiyotaka wanted to know.
If this was something that Mondo wanted to give him, such an intimate piece of himself, Kiyotaka wanted to have it and hold it and take it with him to his grave. It was stupid and it didn't make any sense, but he was sure of this.
"...I promise," Kiyotaka whispered. "I won't tell anyone."
Mondo nodded, slightly, and took another puff before continuing.
"In the gang days, I was a fuckin' mess. I was always tryin' to emulate Daiya, but we're different. He was confident, right or wrong. I never had any fuckin' clue who I was. So I got frustrated. Started rackin' up criminal charges. Daiya was gettin' real worried, but I refused to tell him anything. Until the night I got hit by a bus."
"Were you okay?!"
"Mostly. Just a minor concussion n' a broken arm. I told the gang I got hit cuz I wasn't payin' attention. The truth was that I'd... kinda been hopin' to get killed, n' Daiya knew. He cornered me in my hospital room, n' he wouldn't let me go 'til I told him why I would do somethin' so fuckin' stupid. I didn't wanna say it, but... he cried, so I had to."
Kiyotaka didn't comment on the failed suicide attempt, mostly because he couldn't formulate any thoughts on it through his shock. Mondo always seemed so confident and sure of who he was and of what he was doing. It was hard for him to picture the man feeling so lost that he thought death was a better option than life.
"...What was it? Why would you ever want to die?"
Mondo didn't answer for a moment. He stared for a long minute at his mostly-intact cigarette, and then, like it was a very significant action, he used the sole of his shoe to put it out. He did not move to light up another.
"Well... What I had never told anybody was that I liked my dad— the first one— a whole lot better when he was drunk."
The line was delivered calmly enough, but Kiyotaka didn't like it. He didn't like it at all. Something about the phrasing was weird and made him uncomfortable.
"...That... doesn't make any sense. I don't understand."
"When my father was drunk," Mondo continued, "he just hit us n' threw shit and yelled. But when he was sober, he knew how to get in people's heads. And it was worse than gettin' hit. ...Hell, I asked him to hit me just t'get it over with."
"What... What the hell did he do?" Kiyotaka really, really didn't like where this was headed.
"...When I was seven, I got stuck alone in the house with him. And he made me go to his room, said somethin' about how good I was compared to my brother. That was... the first time he made me touch him. He got me ice cream after."
"Oh, Jesus Christ."
Kiyotaka covered his eyes as he cursed under his breath. It had, in fact, gone the route he'd hoped it wouldn't. When he peeked back out from between his fingers, he saw Mondo raising an eyebrow at him. The language was uncharacteristic for him, sure, but was now the time to be focusing on that? Mondo was shockingly calm for someone talking about something so traumatic.
"...I was just a little kid. I didn't really get it, but I felt guilty, so I didn't tell any adults. I thought I'd get in trouble. My dad said other people 'wouldn't understand'. He'd, uh... caught me lookin' at one of the neighbor boys."
"...S-So he tried to make it out to be your fault. Just because you liked boys?!"
"Yeah. He reminded me every time that my brother wouldn't get it, 'cuz he knew Daiya was the only person I trusted. I was sure that if Daiya found out, he'd hate me n' think I was gross. So... I never told."
Kiyotaka wanted to vomit. He was aware that these things happened. One couldn't watch the news without hearing stories. Wasn't there an entire Law and Order about it? Kiyotaka wasn't so naive that he would refuse to believe Mondo. But hearing it directly from the mouth of a person that he had grown to care so deeply for was something else altogether. He'd never been so harshly confronted with this reality.
There are people out there who prey on children, Kiyotaka reminded himself, and they all too often get away with it. Because kids can't fight back.
"When the police eventually took us, my father yelled somethin' about nobody ever bein' able to love me if they knew. Daiya told him to go fuck himself n' dismissed it as drunken bullshit, but... I knew what he meant, n' it stuck.
"As I got older, I buried the memory. I didn't think it was fair to pretend I'd had it worse than Daiya. He'd always taken the most hits just 'cuz he was bigger. And he was workin' so hard to try n' make a life for us. I got pretty good at pretendin' it never happened. But..."
"Something like that never really goes away, does it?"
"No. It doesn't. ...See, I eventually hit puberty. N' puberty is when your hormones are ragin' and you start to notice people more, right? For Daiya, it was girls, but for me... I started noticin' the other guys."
Kiyotaka nodded. He understood that much, because he still remembered how scary and confusing puberty had been for him, and how he'd thought he was sick until he understood that it was normal.
"I know. I went through something similar at that age."
"Right. ...It shouldn'ta been a big deal, but... every time I found myself attracted to another dude, it really hurt. I didn't think about what had happened, so I never put it together, but... I guess deep down, I thought if I admitted I was gay, then my father would be right. N' Daiya would hate me. N' then I wouldn't have anything."
"And that... eventually made you want to die." It made perfect sense, and somehow, it didn't make any sense at all. If he'd been in such a place, how did Mondo become who he was now? How was he able to talk about this so openly? He sounded serious, but there wasn't any tremor in his voice. "...But you did tell him. How did... how did he react?"
Mondo smiled, for some reason, as he recalled that confrontation. He chuckled at Kiyotaka's perplexed expression.
"It— It might not seem like anythin' to be smilin' about, but that was the day everythin' turned around. ...See, Daiya was fuckin' furious. But not like I'd expected. He... Well, he cried a whole lot, n' kept apologizing. He'd never realized, and he's my big bro, so he thought he'd failed me. Then he asked why I didn't tell him, 'cuz I shoulda known that he'd never turn his back on me. So I had to make another admission, about the fact that I was gay, and..."
"...And he wasn't upset?"
"Oh, he was upset. He was upset that he'd been tryin' to land me a girlfriend for no good goddamn reason. His exact words were somethin' like if you'd'a just fuckin' told me, you woulda been knee-deep in cocks right about now!"
Kiyotaka couldn't contain the small burst of laughter that he released. He tried to hold it back, thinking that maybe Mondo didn't want him laughing right now. But Mondo patted his hand, and then they both laughed.
"That's... really crude, but it's also very supportive."
"Yeah, well. I'd say that's a pretty good description of the guy in general. He's always tryin' to find me a boyfriend."
Kiyotaka already knew that for a fact. And he also understood why Daiya had said what he said— he probably wanted to make sure that anyone Mondo was interested in knew not to take his history lightly, and to treat him with patience and compassion and respect.
"My parents rolled their eyes and said I'd get over it eventually."
"Fuck your parents." Mondo said that with no hint of enthusiasm or humor. Kiyotaka smiled sadly and looked at his own shoes.
"Yeah." Mondo seemed surprised to hear that coming from Kiyotaka, but he wasn't displeased. It was a step forward. Kiyotaka was finally acknowledging that they didn't deserve his respect. "S-So... What happened after that?"
Mondo noticed that Kiyotaka was shivering. What he was wearing had been more than warm enough for a crowded bar, but not for a windy cliffside at night. He removed his jacket— the leather one— and carefully wrapped it around the other man's shoulders. Kiyotaka made no attempt to refuse and pulled the garment tighter around himself. Mondo returned his gaze to the water.
"...After that, we left the gang. N' then we both committed to cleanin' up our acts n' gettin' me better. It... wasn't easy to do, n' it took time, but I'd say I'm doin' pretty good these days. Used ta think I'd never be able t'live alone. I still miss havin' Daiya around all the time, but I'm okay. And I'm pretty fuckin' proud of that. Think I've earned that much."
"Yes," Kiyotaka agreed. "You have."
Mondo exhaled a long, heavy breath.
"...Anyway, that's the long answer to your question. I didn't just up and decide to be happy one day. I hadta hit rock bottom first, n' then I had to decide t'treat me better n' do what had to be done."
"I... I-I understand." Kiyotaka could barely get the words out through a sob. Mondo looked surprised, and then he jostled Kiyotaka's shoulder in a playful manner.
"Fuck are you cryin' about? It's my depressing backstory, not yours."
"I know, I know! I-I'm just... I'm so sorry that those things had to happen to you."
"Don't be. Won't change nothin'. N' it doesn't define me. It's just somethin' that happened. Plenty'a people have been through shit you wouldn't even believe. People can... People can be so fuckin' terrible to each other, y'know?"
"...I know." Kiyotaka's heart twisted, for just a moment, at that very sobering thought. Human beings had a special capacity for cruelty that no one seemed entirely able to explain, much less fix. "I'm not claiming to be perfect, but... Sometimes I just don't understand."
"Yeah. I don't think anybody really does." He scratched the back of his neck, realizing that his bun was still tied up. He removed the band and shook the hair out. It fanned around his shoulders until he pulled it back again into a looser ponytail. "...Anyway, I'm done ramblin' on and on about the past. I just wanted ya to understand."
"T-To understand... what, exactly?"
"Y'know... why I can't seem t'leave ya alone. You were always tellin' me to quit it with the advice and the coaxin', but I want ya to get that it's not like I'm just some impulsive thug who does whatever the fuck he feels like. I just... happen to understand how important it is to cut all the toxic shit outta your life. If ya don't, it might damn well kill ya. And... ya don't wanna die, do ya?"
Kiyotaka furiously shook his head. Of this, at least, he was certain.
"I don't," he croaked. "...I don't!"
"That's good. It's a start." Mondo tilted his head as if to get a better look at Kiyotaka. "I, uh... happen ta think we're pretty similar. In a lotta ways. Maybe that's parta why I like ya so fuckin' much. I dunno."
"How... How so?" Kiyotaka kept having to pause to sniffle or wipe his eyes, even if he wasn't openly sobbing anymore. Mondo had described the story he'd planned to tell as heavy, and that was a more than appropriate word. It felt like a physical weight on his conscience. He understood that expression better. Mondo looked up at the stars, for just a second, to find the right words.
"You're where I was a long time ago, even if ya handle it different. You're at your breaking point, n' you're gettin' destroyed by your parents' bad decisions n' your own bad habits. You, uh... already told me some of the stuff ya said. At the bar. I know ya don't remember all that, though." He frowned. "I gotta admit... I didn't know it was anywhere near this bad. I only started realizin' how deep in it ya really were when ya told me you were engaged. Maybe..."
He broke off, suddenly looking sheepish and blushing slightly. Kiyotaka edged a bit closer to him.
"You can say anything you want. It's okay."
"Maybe I shoulda been more honest," he blurted out. "If I had told ya even halfa this shit in the beginning— if I'd admitted to wantin' to help ya out for personal reasons insteada being so fuckin' vague and nosy— then maybe this wouldn't have happened in the first place. We coulda had this talk earlier. I shoulda tried t'get ya some help instead of runnin' when ya told me to—"
"You didn't owe me that kind of an explanation! A-And I don't know that I would have been receptive to what you had to say. I... You've been consistently good to me and there for me for months now. And I know you were never just flirting aimlessly! If I'd thought that, I wouldn't have told you that you'd see me again when we were at the rental place. I would have cut my ties then and there." Kiyotaka glared at the too-long sleeves of Mondo's jacket. "I... think that I needed to get to this point. I needed to hit rock bottom. It just never would have gotten through to me otherwise. You... You did everything you could, and it's my fault for being so stubborn."
"Y'might be right, but I wish ya coulda been spared. It's not a great place to be. I sure as hell don't miss it. But... it can get better."
"How?" Mondo apparently hadn't expected to hear that question and raised an eyebrow. Kiyotaka rephrased it. "What do you think I should do?"
"Well, uh..." He scratched at his chin stubble. "First of all, I think ya gotta acknowledge the fact that your folks are abusive."
"You think they're abusive?"
That seemed like a lot, coming from someone who'd been beaten and molested. Kiyotaka felt like he'd hardly been through anything by comparison. But Mondo nodded firmly. He meant what he was saying.
"I do. There's plenty'a different kinds. 'Cause there are plenty'a ways to hurt people. ...Your parents put their failures on you n' force ya into doin' what they want even when it almost gets you killed, WHICH IT DID, and if ya complain they flip it around. That's exactly what a narcissist is."
Narcissist. Kiyotaka was vaguely familiar with the ugly word, and for a moment, he wanted to protest giving them such a harsh label. But he thought about it some more, and then he realized that Mondo was probably right. It seemed he would have to do some online research once he got home.
"...You're probably right. What else?"
"You'll start havin' to work at gettin' better. ...Look, I won't lie to ya. It's not gonna happen overnight. Ya gotta totally rewire your thinking. But there're treatments."
"Treatments?" It seemed, to Kiyotaka, like a strange word to use. It wasn't like he had cancer or a broken arm.
"Yeah, y'know... ya gotta take better care of yourself first, n' then there's talkin' to a professional about it or joinin' a group. I did both for a while. N' I take meds for keepin' the anxiety under control. CBT worked fuckin' wonders, too."
"I don't know what CBT stands for."
"Oh, it's, uh, it's cognitive behavioral therapy. Y'learn to trick your own brain, basically. It's hard, but it works. Now I've only gotta see somebody once every few months, just t'make sure the meds are still workin' and to check in."
"You want me to talk to a therapist?" Kiyotaka laughed incredulously and hid his face. "I-I don't know about that. What if people find out and think I'm crazy?"
"I got a shrink. Am I crazy?"
"...N... No." Kiyotaka lowered his head in shame. "You're not, I just—"
"I know what ya meant. There's a stigma. But... if somebody fucks up their back, they go to a chiropractor. Y'need surgery, ya go to a surgeon. N' if your head is fucked, y'see a psychiatrist. ...It's just a doctor. No big deal."
"It just... sounds like a lot."
"Because it is."
"I-I don't know that I can handle this all by myself."
"Who said anythin' about goin' it alone? ...I told ya I'd look after ya, didn't I?"
"...You did." Kiyotaka smiled and gave the other man's hand a gentle squeeze.
"Y'know, for me, the thing I needed was structure and routine. Somethin' to make me feel like a decent guy. Findin' a hobby helped. I'm happier now than I've ever been. Got no regrets. ...You, though, you got a little too much structure. Y'handle things different. You're a work-a-holic. You'll have to learn to relax n' find somethin' fulfillin' to do."
Kiyotaka felt that he understood, and this was very, very good advice. He sniffled and wiped the last of the water from his eyes. Then he looked at Mondo again, as something had just occurred to him. Something that was, perhaps, a small consolation for all of this.
"...Oh... Oh! Y-You said that your father's— not to bring him up again— you said that he's in prison, didn't you?!" Mondo had also said that he had no intention of visiting him there, and that comment now made more sense than anything Kiyotaka had ever heard. "Does that mean he...?"
Mondo grinned a wide grin for the first time in a while. Kiyotaka was relieved to see that familiar expression. Something about this grin was different, though. It was the kind of smile that people like Mondo had earned.
"Yeah, they nabbed 'im for it. It was actually, uh..." He paused to mask a burst of laughter. "...I'll be honest. This is my favorite fuckin' story."
"Tell me! How did they get him?!"
"Well, my old man... he got ta walk around like anybody else for years, cuz Daiya and I didn't testify against him. But one day, by some stroke of fuckin' luck... He n' Daiya crossed paths in an auto store. ...After I had told Daiya the whole truth."
"Oooohhhhh. ...Did he—"
"The way Daiya tells it, they locked eyes for a second. The guy workin' the counter said he could tell from the look on my brother's face that he wanted to kill 'im, and I guess my dad realized that he knew. He tried t'take off. Daiya caught up pretty easy. And Lord, did he beat the ever-lovin' shit outta him. I wish ya coulda seen it. Motherfucker's face looked like a plum."
Kiyotaka allowed a grin of his own to take over his features. It was a childishly simple kind of justice, sure, but it was nice to know that there was at least some of it left in the world.
"I'm... guessing they didn't just let him kill him, though." Kiyotaka couldn't help sounding disappointed.
"Nah. Cops came n' broke it up. But Daiya told 'em why he'd done it, and... They were on his side, n' decided it was high time he got put away. I said I'd testify if it came to it, n' the cops gave him an ultimatum: he could confess n' go to prison, or he could continue to walk the streets, where Daiya could get to him at any time. Guess he figured he was safer in a jail cell. Hell, he's probably right."
"If you were in a place that you felt you could testify... How long ago was this?"
"About a year ago. ...I do kinda wish it had gone to court, though. Wish I coulda made him sit there and listen to me for once. I did see him real quick before they locked 'im up. Guy looked like he'd seen a ghost. I flipped him the bird."
Kiyotaka chuckled, linking an arm with Mondo's and giving it a squeeze. He felt Mondo lean into the touch.
"Good job."
"Thanks."
"H-Hey, um... Mondo?"
Once more, he looked pleased to hear Kiyotaka using his first name. He looked expectantly at him.
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry." Kiyotaka huffed in a breath. His face was reddening. Mondo's eyes widened. "I've... judged you really harshly when I didn't know anything about you. I was unfair to you."
"Hey. Don't sweat it." Mondo smiled warmly. "I know what kinda front I put on, n' what I look like. People get the wrong idea pretty easy. People cross the street to avoid walkin' past me. Usually old ladies."
"S-Still—"
"It's alright. Y'don't gotta apologize. ...What do you wanna do for a livin', anyway? If you could do whatever. You've actually never told me."
Kiyotaka looked Mondo in the eyes. They were clear and calm.
"I-I want..." He'd thought the question was somewhat random and unimportant, but when he noticed that it was hard for him to force the words from his throat, he felt that it made sense. "I want... I want to be a teacher."
Mondo's smile widened.
"That's great. Sounds kinda perfect for ya."
"...You think so?"
"Hell yeah! You're plenty stiff enough."
Kiyotaka punched him in the side.
"Oh, shut up."
There was little excuse to stay like that for much longer. Kiyotaka focused on his breathing as he contemplated the totality of everything. He knew that Mondo was right— he needed help. Fixing this problem was beyond him. If anyone else had said it, he'd probably get mad, but Mondo had made it clear that he wasn't just some guy reprimanding him, and that he did genuinely care beyond the level that his mischievous flirtations had suggested. Mondo was speaking from experience. That meant something.
Kiyotaka's phone rang. He glanced at it, expecting to see that his parents were calling him, and he had every intention of dismissing the call. Instead, he saw Chihiro's name and contact picture.
"Fujisaki-chan?! Did everybody else go home, or—"
"Where have you been?! I've been looking all over for you! Y-You just ran off, and I thought that you must have gone home, but your car is still here... Do you have any idea how scared I've been?! Y-Your father looks pretty bad, too!"
Kiyotaka laughed nervously. He was glad that Chihiro couldn't see his face, or she'd know that he was proud to hear that he'd left a mark on Takaaki.
"I didn't mean to worry you. I thought that everyone would disperse. I just had to get out of there! You saw what happened."
"Izzat Chi?" Mondo asked, furrowing his brow. Kiyotaka nodded once he figured out that Chi was supposed to be short for Chihiro.
"She didn't know where I went." He returned his attention to the phone. "Listen, I'm okay. Your friend Oowada actually came and got me."
"Y-You're—" Chihiro gasped, and when she next spoke, her voice was serious. "You're with Oowada-kun?"
"I am. He's right beside me. He took me somewhere—"
"Give him the phone."
"I'm sorry?"
"Give him the phone!"
The shock of hearing her shout a sharp command made him flinch.
"...Sh-She wants to talk to you." Kiyotaka timidly handed the phone over. Mondo's eyebrows raised, but he took it and lifted it to his ear as he also stood and took a couple of steps forward.
"Yeah, Chi?" Kiyotaka couldn't make out what she was saying. He stood and tiptoed closer, but even so, he couldn't quite tell. She didn't sound happy. Her voice was loud and scolding. Mondo was just laughing and shaking his head. "I AM behavin' myself! I was jus' bein' nice, is all!"
Oh my god, Kiyotaka realized just then. She knows. Chihiro knew that Mondo liked him. Somehow, everyone in the world had found out about that before he had. That was why Chihiro had talked about him so nicely, too. She, like his older brother, had been attempting to talk him up. He tried to focus on the current conversation instead.
"But anyway, we were just gettin' ready to head back— yeah, he's fine, I gave 'im my jacket. What are ya, his mom? ...Yeah, I'M fine, I'm wearin' a thermal. News said there'd be a cold snap. YES, my chest is covered. ...We're grown-ups. We're doin' fine. You go home and get some sleep, n' I'll get him home safe. Just make sure his dad ain't waitin' around. ...Okay. Got it. See ya at the gym."
Mondo hung up the phone and handed it back to its rightful owner, who shoved it into his pocket. Kiyotaka suddenly felt awkward and stared at his feet.
"W-We're, uh... heading back, then?"
"Prolly should. Chi says it's past your usual bedtime."
"You can have your jacket back—"
"Nah, keep it on for the ride. It's cold. Your dress shirt ain't gonna cut it."
Mondo would not be swayed on the matter. They got back on the motorcycle once more. The first ride had been scary, but Kiyotaka now felt that he was used to it. If anything, he was starting to think that it was fun. And Mondo's steady heartbeat was more calming to him than anything else.
"...I suppose I should go to bed as soon as I get home." Kiyotaka said this glumly when he found himself back at the bar, in front of the car he had left parked there. His father and his coworkers had left. Even Chihiro was nowhere to be seen. He yawned. Mondo gently patted his shoulder. "I just realized... if I'm going to talk this through with my parents, I'm going to have to apologize for punching my father."
Mondo groaned and rolled his eyes.
"...Yeah, probably. Guess it's not like one good sock in his face is gonna fix everything. Go ahead n' apologize if it's just t'get your foot in the door. N' then you can confront your mom, too. Y'don't hafta start a brawl or anythin', just... show some spine."
Kiyotaka didn't quite know how to respond. He moved to return the jacket, again, and Mondo shook his head.
"You can borrow it. It's cold out."
"I have heating in my car!"
"Yeah, but it takes a little while to start up, don't it?"
"...I suppose so."
Kiyotaka knew that he was willfully prolonging this exchange, and in truth, he had wanted to keep the jacket. It was warm, and it smelled like the other man's cologne.
He wanted, for just a moment, to kiss him. But that would be terribly selfish of him, wouldn't it? Now wasn't the time, and it was probably best that he figure out how he was feeling and talk about it first. Giving in to reckless impulses wouldn't do him any good. He thought of a different farewell, and he thought of something good. He signaled Mondo to wait, and then he fished for a couple of items in his glove compartment.
"I can't... find any paper! Just a pen..."
"Whaddya need paper for?"
"I-I wanted to... to give you my phone number. S-So you'll recognize the message."
"You could just drop text me."
"Huh?"
They stared at each other. Mondo smiled nervously, shook his head, and then pulled up the sleeve on one of his arms.
"Jus' write it here."
"...O-Okay."
Kiyotaka wrote his own number on the only remaining bare space of Mondo's right forearm, in large and easily legible numbers. Mondo allowed the ink to dry before he pulled the sleeve back over it.
"S-So... You can call whenever you want. I'll see you."
Though the situation of their last meeting had been almost completely reversed, it was still Kiyotaka who fled the scene. Mondo was laughing this time instead of watching him leave with a dejected look on his face.
He thought further on everything as he drove home in silence, with the radio turned completely off. There was a constant tug in his heart that he couldn't bring himself to observe closely enough to determine if it was painful or not. And when he got home and put himself to bed, he dreamed about Mondo again.
Not the x-rated and blatantly pornographic kinds of dreams he'd had in the beginning. This time, he dreamed of the two of them going on a daytime date on Mondo's motorcycle and having a picnic out by the water. He dreamed that Mondo managed to totally quit smoking, and that he was proud and congratulatory and greeted him when he got back to their shared home with a kiss on his forehead. He dreamed that they went out to adopt a kitten together to celebrate, and then they had a homemade dinner and put the dogs and their new cat to bed before they fell asleep, cuddled together in their bedroom.
It was a nice, peaceful dream, and for the first time in years, Kiyotaka had a nice, peaceful sleep.