Mauw! I just decided to keep writing right after I finished the second chapter. Hope you enjoy it. Please comment and vote. It's my first HP fanfic so please be patient with me......
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As I dashed down the stairs I felt like I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. Feeling the salty liquid stream down my cheeks I couldn't help the sobs that racked my body. And just as I ran down the stairs and reached the bottom, intent on sprinting down the corridor, I nearly run into Lupin again.
Barely avoiding the collision I see the shock register on his face as he sees me, and I can only imagine the sight I must be. Face red and eyes puffy from the continuous torrent of tears, hair loose and looking wild and untamed from my rush down the stairs, and the pain etched in my features.
He tries to stop me, then, by reaching for my arm. I don't know why he does it, maybe because he pities me. It doesn't matter. I jank my arm free and continue running, my lungs burning from the effort as I continue to push myself to run faster. Harder. Because maybe, just maybe, if I keep running, the pain will dissappear. Fade away. Sobs rack my body, and the constricting pain in my chest only seems to be getting worse, but even then, I don't stop. I continue running until I feel like my legs will give way underneath me. Until my lungs burn with each ragged breath and I nearly can't breath. Until I really can't run no more.
I let myself sag against the wall then, my body sliding down the wall until I'm stitting on the cold marble floor. Pulling up my knees and hugging them to my chest I rest my chin on them, and in that moment I feel overwhelmed. Hypersensitive. Hopeless. Pained. Beaten. Broken. Every emotion I have tried to push back down for the past six years comes rushing back to me in an overwhelming torrent that engulfs me and tries to break me down into a million little pieces.
It feels like hours, but I was probably sitting there only for about thirty minutes when I sensed something. I got the feeling that someone was watching me. The hall I'm currently in is deserted, only a few torches illuminating it faintly. Looking up I wipe my cheeks clean of the fresh torrent of tears that threatens to spill. There, from the shadows behind an armour standing in a niche in the wall, Lupin appears. He looks concerned, almost unsure as to what to do.
"Are... are you okay?" he finally asked, his voice so low I could barely hear it.
That almost made me smile. It must have looked like some sort of grimace.
"No. Not really" I managed, my voice hoarse as I eyed Lupin carefully as he approached me.
"...Want-Do you want to talk about it?" Lupin said after a brief silence. I saw him wring his hands as he stood before me, and somehow the fact that he was so uncomfortable made me feel slightly better. He defenitely wasn't used to comforting crying women.
I shook my head, feeling very tired all of the sudden. When Lupin sat down beside me, I couldn't have been more suprised.
"What are you doing here?" I asked tiredly, pinching the bridge of my nose with my fingers.
"I'm just making sure you're okay" he said with a small smile "Dumbledore came down from his office about a minute after you did. He was pretty worried after you left in such a hurry"
"So you came to babysit me" I muttered, to tired to even sound angry.
Lupin shook his head. Before I even realized it, he was reaching for me, his hand brushing away a wayward strand of hair and pushing it back, behind my ear. He was looking at me intently, his eyes seemingly full with genuine concern. Which was off-putting to say the least. Why would he care? Who was he to appear out of the blue and try ro comfort me?
As those questions buzzed through my mind, all I really wanted was to be left alone. I liked the solitude, the peace and quiet.
A few minutes passed in complete silence before I finally regained some of my composure. I was about to get up, but Lupin seemed to notice my intentions, for he stood up before I did and offered me a hand. I looked at him quizically.
"Don't worry, I don't bite" he said. Something about the way he said it had me looking at him intently. It was as if he was being sarcastic, but at the same time serious and polite. So instead of overthinking this strange man and his akwards gestures I took his hand, letting him haul me to my feet. His grip was suprisingly strong and I couldn't help the small smile that curved my lips.
"Look...it's late. I think I should be going" I muttered, passing a hand through my hair and the other reaching inside my robe to touch the envelope from the Ministry. Just thinking of its contents had my stomach churning.
"Then I'll walk with you" Lupin offered.
"Nah, that isn't necessary" I said quietly, shaking my head "You should head back to the Headmasters office. You were there to talk to him, right?"
Lupin nodded in agreement, but seemed reluctant to let me wander off alone.
"I'll be fine" I tried to assure him "I'm going straight to the Slytherin Common Room and the girls dormitory"
Lupin raised an eyebrow and seemed to think about my words. Then he nodded.
I turned away from him and started walking down the hallway.
"Good night" he called after me, startling me.
"Good night" I answered, shaking my head and wondering what on earth was going on. Things had defenitely changed somehow. I didn't know how exaclty, but I intended to find out.
When I reached the girls dormitory I looked at all the packed bags and suitcases, and couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness. Again I was remaining behind durning the holidays, spending Christmas here at Hogwarts together with only a handful of arudent, while all the others went home to their families.
The nightmares had returned in full force, but by now I was used to waking up soundlessly screaming, silent tears streaming down my face and gasping for breath.
What continued to surprise me was the timing. The nightmares came and went almost periodically. The first two or three weeks would go by almost peacefully, nearly without any nightmares. And then they wouod return full force, out of the blue, breaking down my spirit a bit more with each sleepless night. They lasted about three days, sometimes four or five, and would drive me nearly to the brink of a nervous breakdown or a serious depression. Then the nightmares would recede and the whole thing would start over again.
Waking up the next morning I went down to the Great Hall to get some breakfast with Jenna and Dorian, before they headed towards the Entrance Hall.
"You'll be all right, right?" Jenna asked with a sad smile as she pulled me in for a bone-crushing hug.
"Jenna. Can't. Breathe" I muttered with a smile. When she let go of me I tried to assure her "And of course...I'll be fine"
"You know I'd offer you to stay with me, but were going Skiing in Austria" Dorian said with a guilty smile as he hugged me strongly. I smiled against his shoulder and playfully puahed his shoulder.
"It's okay, Dorian, really" I answered as I eyed Jenna. She had said pretty much the same thing; that she'd love to let me stay for the hollodays, but that she was having a family reunion somewhere in France.
When we said our goodbyes and the two of them left for the carriages, I made my way back inside the castle. My first day alone I spend it in the common room, curled up on a comfortable couch next to the emerald fire burning in the hearth, working on the Mount Everest of homework we had been assigned. I went to bed early after eating dinner and spend a restless night tossing and turning under the covers.
The next morning was slightly better. The nightmares hadn't been that bad. I woke up around 8 and decided to make the best of the day. So as I pulled on a pair of akinny jeans and a dark green sweater, I felt slightly more calm and relaxed, for the first time in ages. Walking over to the vanity in front of Jennas bed, I looked at my own reflection for what seemed like the first time in ages.
My most noticeable feature had always been my hair. A deep crimson, most people assumed it was dyed, but the nearly blood-red colour was actually natural. It cascaded down my back until just below my shoulderblades, and had a slight weave to it. With my pale skin and lean figure I stood at 5'10, which was pretty tall for a girl my age. I looked young though, and my big green eyes and freckles dusted across my nose and cheeks only added to my youtful appearance. If it weren't for the womanly curves that adorned my body I would probably still be mistaken for a child.
Sighing at the dark circles that seemed to have taken a permanent residence underneath my eyes, I pulled my hair back into a loose chignon and threw on my warmest cloak, a black one lined with green and embroided with silver.
As I headed downstairs I couldn't help but feel a bit lighthearted at the sight of all the Christmas decorations that had appeared overnight. Curtesy of the houselves, I knew. Reaching the Great Hall I made my way inside, only to see that the 4 big tables had now disappeared, and in its place was a single long table. I was very familiar with this arrangement, and enjoyed Dumbledores attempts to bring those who stayed behind a little closer over the hollidays.
Sitting down I noticed that most of the table was already occupied, and I recognized a few of the people seated. I also saw the Headmaster, who was seated next to some 4th year student from Ravenclaw and in front of McGonagall. Hagrid was also there, and Snape. Five students from Gryffindor, which to my surprisw included Bill Weasley, 7 from kids Huffelpuf and another three from Ravenclaw, plus 4 Slytherins were everyone present at the table. My eyes remained fixed on Lupin, who was talking to another Professor. 27 people. That wasn't much. But then, who would want to spend Christnas at school?
Preparing myself a plate and wolfing it down in record time I was pleased to have actually eaten something. There were days in which even the thought of food sickened me. Today wasn't one of them. After breakfast I decided on going to the library.
I needed some answers.
Having overheard Snapes rant against Dumblesore on what I could only assume was Lupins prescence at the school, I was more determined than ever to find out what was going on. Snape had mentioned an improved Wolfsbane potion. I wasn't very good at potions, but I intended to find out more about the matter.
So I went to the library, and after some searching found several potions books on the subject. Choosing a table near the window in the back of the library I made myself at home, intent on reading in on the subject as best as I could. As it happened, some of the books went into great detail about the topic, and I skipped lunch as the hours flew by and I grew more and more confused.....
.......There are over 250 species of Aconitum, the most common of which are known as aconite, monkshood, or wolfsbane........
..........Aconitum species are highly toxic, although they were used in medicine as a pain-reliever, diuretic, heart sedative, and to induce sweating............
......In medieval Europe, aconite was often used as poison in animal bait or on arrows used when hunting wolves, hence the herb also became known as wolfsbane..........
.........Aconite (also known as monkshood or wolfsbane) is a plant with magical proprieties. Once widespread, this plant is now only found in wild places. Its flowers are useful in potion-making, but its leaves are very toxic. Aconite is most commonly known as an ingredient of the Wolfsbane Potion. The root of aconite can be used as a potion ingredient.......
Now things started to make sense.... But even as they did, a strange sensation came over me. Almost like dread. But what could be so dreadful about some plant? And what on earth was Snape making with it? And, even more importantly, why did Lupin need it?
Not soon after I found my answer....
.....The Wolfsbane Potion is an innovative and complex potion that relieves, but does not cure, the symptoms of lycanthropy. The main ingredient is wolfsbane (also referred to as aconite or monkswood). As such, this Potion is very dangerous when incorrectly concocted, since Aconite is a very poisonous substance. The way one must imbibe it is very unique among potions, in that a gobletful of wolfsbane potion must be taken for each day of a week preceding the full moon. It is extremely difficult to make.....
......"must be drunk once per day in the week leading up to the full moon."..........
...........The Wolfsbane Potion, invented by Damocles, allows the werewolf to keep their human mind during transformation.............
My mind was reeling. I had like a thousand and one questions. It couldn't be, right? That wasn't possible. Dumbledore wouldn't endanger the student body in such a manner. Although it did answer some questions. It explained why Lupin looked ill. It explained why he came looking for Snape. It explained Snapes behaviour and reluctance to having Lupin around. The Wolfsbane potion also made perfect sense if what I though was right. And more importantly, it explained the air of sadness and pain that surrounded the man.
After all, if he was what I suspected he was, then his very existence must be like a continuous fight. A struggle for control.
Because a Lycanthrope would most defenitely have some control issues.
A Werewolf.....
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Oki-doki. I know, it's kinda fast for her to find out about LUpins true nature, but it's just that I want the story to be more than just another werewolf romance. This has to be about other problems, other struggle. So yeah. She knows. And guess what? She. Doesn't. Care.
Mauw mauw.