jungkook woke up earlier than he thought and so he ended up going to school a lot earlier than he expected. he was currently walking his way to the school, after a twenty minute train ride, and was distracted of different thoughts. thoughts about his shitty life, thoughts about his missing diary and other things that cannot seem to stop pestering him. his mind felt like exploding from all these ridiculous things happening to him, and it was all made worse by the recent happenings with kim taehyung. ever since that day, the boy never left his mind again. it felt wrong, the way those unkind words rolled in his tongue, the way he told him that they weren't friends at all. it was the right thing to do, yet it felt like it was the biggest mistake he's ever done. the way they have been was wrong, but denying their friendship felt even wronger.
it's making him so frustrated.
he stopped for a while and heaved out a sigh. a certain emotion struck his heart when he remembered that pained expression from the brunette when he told him that they weren't friends. it wasn't the first time this happened, he can remember other times, too, but this one was different. it hurts him so much, that he feels so weak just by seeing how taehyung's eyes look whenever he would meet his own. his eyes would blur whenever taehyung would give him a small smile, a sad one. his heart would break whenever they would cross paths and he would hear him quietly murmur "i'm sorry" to him. kim taehyung wasn't the only one hurt.
he was also hurt.
jungkook turned to the next corner and saw taehyung from the other side of the road. he was listening to some music, obvious from the earbuds inside his ears. the boy was wearing his school uniform, his shirt fitting nicely with his body, his pants clinging to his thighs and legs perfectly. the handsome lad's smooth, brown hair went along with his face, his bangs covering his eyebrows, falling off perfectly. jungkook swore that he never saw a face as perfect as his: kim taehyung resembled an angel, a very beautiful angel. he stared at him from afar, but he found the older two beautiful brown irises staring at his own.
and jungkook's heart broke at what he saw.
different emotions were conveyed by those gazes. the younger saw the brokenness and pain the other felt and he doesn't know why, but he ran to school fast and immediately to the restrooms when he reached the campus. as soon as he was able to enter a cubicle the tears that he's been trying to hold back streamed down his cheeks and he silently cried inside. what he wanted was to stop all of these pain he's experiencing inside, but it's been getting worse each day. seeing taehyung's crestfallen expression made his heart shatter into pieces. he wanted his happiness, but he was rather causing him the opposite.
the door opened and jungkook hastily wiped the tear stains from his cheeks. at the doorway was namjoon, who was talking to someone over the phone again, but the tall lad rushed inside straightaway when he saw the miserable boy inside. the younger attempted to put his futile crying to a halt, but it just got worse when his hyung knelt down beside him, trying to comfort him.
"kook, oh fuck. jungkook, what happened?" the silver-haired boy in front of him asked, rubbing circles on his back. "stop crying, jungkook. shh, stop crying, okay?"
the mentioned boy kept on wiping his tears that didn't stop from falling from his eyes. "h-hyung, i don't want to see him hurting. i-it's my fault. all of these are my fault, hyung..."
"you're not at fault. calm yourself down," namjoon said to him, as he took deep breaths, trying to stop himself from sobbing once again. "we'll talk about this later. for now, just calm yourself."
after crying for a solid five minutes inside the restrooms, jungkook and namjoon finally exited the place. bidding the latter goodbye and uttering his thanks to him, he entered his classroom, cursing himself for crying so much in the male comfort rooms. some of the students inside his classroom were eyeing him like he was some kind of a stranger that they didn't know, but he doesn't give a shit about that anymore. ignoring the chitchats coming from the others, he sat at the farthest part of the room, trying to get rid of any thoughts about someone owning an angelic face, someone in the name of kim taehyung.
●
he was getting a bit better after a few days had passed since that incident in the restrooms. he started to feel finer than the last four days that had passed. the three of them ate separately from hoseok and taehyung every lunch, which jungkook was eternally grateful for, though he will admit to missing hoseok's lively presence in their table, and even the brunette's. but right now, he still can't face the older. he still blamed himself for all the pain the other is experiencing right now, no matter how many times he told himself he just did the right thing. even though namjoon and jimin told him countless of times that he wasn't the one at fault, jungkook still felt shit. and so, he tries his best to stay away from taehyung, not wanting to hurt him anymore, and not wanting to be hurt anymore.
the three of them entered the cafeteria, lining up to get lunch. after settling themselves on a table, his companions conversed with each other, laughing at some things, apparently having fun. meanwhile, he was staring at some far off space, thinking of how stupid life has become in just a matter of months. jimin noticed this and threw in a remark.
"i'm not gonna be surprised if a fly comes inside your mouth and you'll choke on it," he laughed at his own comment, same as namjoon, while he glowered at them. "you're deep in thoughts."
"i told you, stop overthinking," the eldest of the three told him, a feeling of concern washing over him. "it's not good for your health. stress causes many bad effects to your body, you might get disorders or--"
"stop. you're exaggerating too much," jimin cut him, as jungkook chuckled at that one. "oh hey, it's hobi-hyung!"
bringing his own tray of food, hoseok approached their table with his well-known sunshine smile, a small dimple appearing on his right cheek. the youngest felt a shiver running down his spine when the red head sat down with them. questions aroused in his mind soon. would taehyung sit with them, too? his heart raced at the thought and he started to panic a bit.
namjoon noticed how bothered jungkook looked so he went to ask hoseok the question the boy wanted to ask. "so yeah, where's taehyung? why aren't you two eating together today?"
"he's out with a friend," the energetic guy answered, his smile still not dissipating. "you know, the one from our year. park bogum or something?"
exactly after hoseok answered the question, taehyung and another handsome lad, whom he supposes was bogum, entered the cafeteria, smiles lighting up their faces. jungkook avoided the sight of them two, the sight of his hyungs looking at him with worry, ignored the budding feeling in his chest and ate faster.
jimin gently asked him if he's just okay. "hey, are you just fine?"
"i'm fine," he abruptly answered. "i'm done. i'm going now."
and he stood up, pushing the chair a bit harder than it should be, and stormed off out of the place, leaving a worried namjoon and jimin and a puzzled hoseok staring at him as he exited the cafeteria.
●
it was already past five in the afternoon but they were still on their search for his diary. they were inside the library, trying to spot someone holding a familiar blue notebook. however, his mind continuously drifts back on other thoughts, like what happened earlier. what he saw in the cafeteria kept on pestering his mind and he felt himself seething in rage whenever he would remember how happy taehyung looked while he was talking with the other male. the dark-haired boy tried to distract himself by looking at jimin and trying to initiate a conversation with him, but he noticed that his best friend looked distracted, too.
"you're thinking of yoongi-hyung?" the younger jokingly asked, as the other boy's cheeks crimsoned furiously.
"s-shut up," he tried to conceal his glowing face by 'scanning' a book. "just try finding the damn diary. we're running out of time, it's turning six already."
"you're just denying it." and jungkook's eyes went back to search for someone holding a particular notebook. but as they stared at jimin again, jungkook noticed the baffled look remaining on the older's face.
the expression was stuck on the older's face all throughout the evening. when jungkook went home, he felt quite disturbed by how disoriented his best friend looked during their whole time searching. placing his bag on his bed side, he sat on his desk, taking out his substitute notebook and started to write an entry.
03-07-14
diary,
today was so fucked up.
i've been getting better this past few days but then hoseok-hyung had to show up alone and tell us that taehyung-hyung was out with some friend named bogum. and then taehyung-hyung just had to show up with his freaking friend exactly after hyung told us about it and i just had to feel this fucking upsetting feeling in my stomach which annoyed the hell out of me.
i'm worried about jiminie-hyung (lol, but i really am). he looked so bothered about something. hope he'll get fine soon, maybe he's thinking about yoongi-hyung and how close he is with hobi-hyung again. lol.
g'night.
-jjk
he closed the notebook and sighed. the scenes from earlier kept on replaying in his mind and he just wanted to groan so loud and hit his head on something hard. yeah, this day was really fucked up. it really was.
jungkook just growled to himself and proceeded to do the pile of homeworks he had to do for the night.
-
this felt lame. forgive me for the poor attempt in humor...