"Jonah?" the teen heard from his doorway, spinning around in his desk chair to meet his father's face appearing from behind the door, "can I ask you something?"
The young man turned around fully, placing the pencil that he was scrawling biology notes with back down on his desk. So far, his attention hadn't been on his studies, his eyes drifting away from the page as his thought process had, eventually leading to him staring out the window beside him instead, and so, he had no problem with turning away from the revision he was supposed to be doing. He greeted Dominik with a smile, deciding that, due to his lack of focus on his studies and his father's lack of social skill, a conversation between them would probably do both of them good.
"Sure," he nodded, "what do you need?"
Hearing this invitation to carry on, Dominik stepped into his son's room, closing the door behind him with the same vacant expression he always wore, taking slow steps towards the boy. "I don't particularly need anything," he stated, "but I want to know; how many friends have you made at school? Since moving, have you been very social?"
His question received a somewhat delayed answer, the dark-haired student taking a moment to re-think about the friends he had. "Three minimum?" he shrugged again, "depending on what the hell's going on with the other two." A slight laugh escaped his lips as he remembered Mason and Millie, casting his mind back to their apology, his list consisting of Daniel, Christine Scott and Connor. Those three, it seemed, his friendship with was certain, despite still having little contact with the redhead girl since the incident that had occurred, now up to a month ago.
He'd returned to school after new years, feeling somewhat refreshed despite having to go back to school again. Although, this feeling did eventually shift to something much more like boredom as he was hurried straight into the assembly hall about the exams coming up that summer. He'd made the effort to not complain about this and, as the day pressed on, his happiness slowly returned to him, a form of optimism building in the pit of his stomach, enough for him to invite their ginger classmate to sit with them at lunch, despite her then choosing not to say anything. They were then joined by Daniel, who tried to speak to her casually, which seemed to be the only thing that got her to talk to anybody.
"I'm sorry for asking," Dominik continued, his voice low and quiet, "but I was just wondering. You only seem to have invited that boy around, I've not seen anybody else. Remind me of his name?"
"Connor," Jonah nodded, pursing his lips as he let his gaze meet the carpet, "do you not like the fact that he's the only one who comes over? Don't you like him?"
His father shook his head, momentarily glancing at the ground, taking a split-second to follow Jonah's gaze before looking back up to the boy, "no, he seems nice, from the little I've seen and know about him," he once again took a second to look away as he thought, trying to phrase the sentence just right in his head, cursing the lack of communication he shared with his son. In truth, he wanted to build a stronger relationship with the teenager, but it seemed that he would still struggle, regardless of the subject at hand. Finally , he continued, "but a lot of boys your age start bringing girlfriends home with them."
Dominik saw this as a successful attempt at subtly posing the question of whether or not his son had a girlfriend or not, but Jonah saw this as a golden opportunity. After waiting and waiting for a chance to finally tell his dad his biggest secret in a conversation that seemed like it would flow quite naturally and comfortably if he only put it right. It came to him immediately.
"No, I don't have one," Jonah admitted, "you see, uhm," he took another pause, taking a moment to think, bringing his hand to the back of his neck, scratching at his skin, nervously, "Connor's actually my boyfriend."
Hearing the words that his son had just said to him, Dominik's gaze fixed on the young man's face, for a moment staring blankly into his eyes, partially trying to figure out if this was just a joke. As both of them made eye contact, their expresions became mirrored, displaying a very serious look, although, the eye contact from his dad caused Jonah's face to shift first. Suddenly, he looked much more distressed, a hint of fear and embarassment in his eye
"You have a boyfriend?" Dominik clarified, raising an eyebrow, "so you like boys?"
Jonah nodded.
"And girls?"
Jonah shook his head, speaking quietly. "Just boys."
"I see," was Dominik's only reaction, simply nodding his head.
That was it? Was that going to be his only response, Jonah thought. What kept him so long from speaking then, if it was going to be this easy? All of his agonising thought over whether or not it was the right time to finally come out to his father, done and over with, earning him the slightest of responses from the man in question. The teenager found himself feeling slightly more relieved that these thoughts would have let him believe, considering how well Dominik seemed to be taking the news. However, just as he was thinking that it definitely could've gone worse, he caught sight of the change in his father's expression, displaying the exact same look that had deterred him from bringing this up in the first place; the expression that made him appear on the edge of snapping. Something about his face seemed angry, a very subtle downturn of his lips changing the look of his usually blank expression.
"Is that okay?" Jonah asked him, fearing the response and so feeling the need to clarify.
Although, as the man nodded again, he made his way over to the teenager's desk, his gaze having fallen onto the boy's notebook. "Don't worry, I'm more accepting than I probably seem," he spoke monotonously, but only took a short pause before continuing, changing the subject entirely, "how long have you been studying for?"
"About an hour?" Jonah shrugged, very comfortably changing the direction of the conversation, however, this response didn't get a very positive response. Dominik sighed, looking at his notes as his brow furrowed, the corner of his lips twisting into something that resembled disgust. "You've written very little in an hour," he pointed out.
"Yeah," the teenager admitted, turning back to the books on the desk, "I've not been that focused. I was distracted."
"By what?" Dominik queried. In his eyes, there was nothing in the near vicinity that his son could be more focused on than his studies. The day outside was progressing as any other day would, nobody lingering in the streets and nothing interesting to behold. Scattered about the desk was purely revision notes and on the screen of his laptop, the website that occupied the only tab he had open was displaying multiple diagrams of labelled blood cells.
As Jonah briefly scanned the small number of notes he'd gotten down that day, he let out a deep breath, accepting that his work definitely wasn't sufficient for the time he'd spent on it, but truly, he didn't quite know what kept him so off-topic. "I just can't seem to think today, I don't know."
His father looked back at him, casting a sideways glance his way, seeing his phone at his side. "Maybe that?" he suggested, simply pointing to the device, seeing his son's gaze switch to it.
Again, Jonah shrugged. "Maybe? I'm really bored of studying already. I kind of want my social life back." His statement was followed by a light chuckle as he turned his head to his father again, this statement sounding entirely plausible and relatable, considering he had found this to be the reason behind his lack of a studious attitude previously in his life, before seemingly losing all of his friends at his previous school. Although, despite this being a reason that he would gladly accept, Dominik seemed much less impressed hearing this. Having never had to worry too much about a social life and had spent most of his time studying anyway, he didn't seem to understand this.
"Then stop focusing on it," he spoke, his tone suddenly sounding much harsher, although, he didn't seem to realise this.
Through his lack of acknowledgement, it seemed that all that would be received would be an incorrect message. "Sorry," Jonah spoke quietly, his voice soft due to the intimidation he experienced upon hearing this sudden shift, "I just prefer hanging out with people over studying. I could probably ask Connor if he's off work yet so that we can study together. That way I kill two birds with one stone, right?"
"No," the older man suddenly reached out, placing his hand down on the table beside the hand that Jonah was reaching out to his phone with, startling the teen into pausing immediately, "I want you to stay in for a little while. Your exams are this year, remember?"
The darker-haired boy looked from his father back to his phone, then allowing his gaze to return to his notes, he sighed. "I know, dad. But we'll probably just head to the library or something."
This only earned him an irritated sigh from his father, who looked down at him with his brow furrowed. He stood his ground, his argument not changing as he persisted.
"For the last time, no."
The younger male's brow furrowed in return, growing irritated at his father's refusal, seeing this as an understandable idea and not recognising anything in his plan that could cause alarm or distraction.
"Fine," he snapped, his aggravation causing his tone to shift in a similar way to his father's, his words sounding harsh as he pointed out, "I'll stay at home, where my focus is clearly drawn elsewhere, instead of going somewhere where I don't have to worry about limited resources and where there is very little else to do than read and study. Good plan."
"Don't use that tone on me," Dominik spoke, now consciously letting himself sound angered, although, this lead to another change in his voice, now in control of the snappy response he gave. His raised voice and growingly aggressive tone received an eye roll from his teenage son, who turned back to his desk with a deep exhale.
"I'm going to keep studying," he announced, raising his voice to rival the volume of his father, "and to keep me from getting distracted, I'd like for you to go."
Dominik's eyes narrowed, taking a deep breath before taking a step backwards. His arm outstretched, grabbing the mobile phone off the desk, taking it away from his son's side, which earned him yet another disapproving response as Jonah spun around in his chair again, reaching to grab his phone, his expression displaying his anger clearly.
"Hey!"
"I'll bring it back in an hour, provided you've done more than a couple of minutes worth of work in that time."
Standing up from his seat, the teenager reached towards the hand clutching his mobile, only for it to be pulled back out of his reach, and again as he attempted to grab it again.
"Dad, give my phone back," Jonah snapped, stepping back away from the man holding it, holding a hand out for it. Dominik raised his eyebrows.
"I don't want your social life or relationship getting in the way of something much more important," he stated, simply, "because your grades will get you further than your friends will."
Jonah raised an eyebrow, lowering his arm back to his side. "I finally have friends again, dad," he pointed out, his voice rising again, "and maybe it's your lack of your own social life giving you this idea of what's getting in my way, but not everyone's brain works the same way. Right now, my only distraction is you, so just give me my phone back and let me go to the library. That is literally all I'm asking you for!"
His outburst brought an expression to Dominik's face that he'd never seen before; a look of shock and surprise in his eyes, obvious hints of an angry glare lingering in the stare he delivered to his teenage son. It seemed that the comment made regarding his own lack of a social life struck a nerve, bringing about a clear expression, which was something that Jonah wasn't accustomed to seeing from this man in particular; his expression of rage clear on his face, he began to speak again.
"I have said no, I will not say it again! Today is no different from other days you've spent studying in your room in isolation, so I see no reason whatsoever that I should grant you access to more distractions," he yelled, Jonah taking a step back out of shock and intimidation, the backs of his legs hitting the desk, "and my own social life is irrelevant in this conversation, but if you're going to allow your own to get in the way of achieving academically, then what other action do you expect me to take?"
"It's not that big of a deal!" Jonah protested, raising his own voice, his only aim to be to bring an end to an unnecessary 'punishment', "I'll keep it off or on the other side of my room. I'll focus on the revision, I'll research until I've finished all the sub-topic of this course, but you really don't need to take it away. My social life isn't what's distracting me," by now, his expression had softened, his voice, on the other hand, definitely hadn't. His volume was still raised as he spoke, trying to think of something, anything, that would make the man return his phone and leave him to the studying which he was now consciously keeping him from, "besides, it's not healthy for someone to study for hours on end without taking breaks every so often. My teachers tell me this all the time, and I-"
He was cut off. His raised voice and heightened irritation had pushed them both, anger striking a cord deep within Dominik, who had always had his own strange ways of addressing how he felt. An explosive and sudden rage seemed to have built up, boiling in his stomach for a while, his own suppressed expressions being the root of it; the suppression that he just couldn't seem to reverse or prevent. Last time he remembered losing it was when his son was only a little boy, his rage taken out on an old punching bag that they'd kept in their old garage, but now, all that was in front of him was the now teenage boy. On a sudden and unforeseen impulse, he struck the boy around the face, hearing the loud clap as his palm met Jonah's cheek, the split-second glance he got at his son's face before showing him the eyes that widened in shock.
Jonah brought his hand to his cheek, taking a moment to process what had just happened to him, realising that his dad had in fact just hit him. He looked back up, his brows furrowed and his eyes narrowed, willing and ready to continue this argument if needs be, but as he saw the look that was now spread across Dominik's face, he stopped, rage seeming to melt away.
His father's eyes were wide, his arm still raised and the fingers on the hand that had struck him were twitching. His breaths were laboured and heavy, the movement of his chest and shoulders obvious as he inhaled and exhaled shaky breaths.
"Oh, god," he exhaled, lowering his hand and stepping away, "I'm so sorry, I really didn't mean to do that. I'm so-..." he trailed off, looking down at the ground, his voice strained as he began rambling to himself, "that's not happened for years, sometimes I do just explode, but I never once thought of that happening. Now it has, now I've done it. Oh, god."
Seeing this left Jonah more shocked than either of them. His father had never wanted to develop his condition, having to detach himself from the world and keep most things to himself, or only have Hazel to express them to. Obviously, holding so many thoughts and feelings back for so long takes its toll eventually, this leading to a sudden shift, pushing all emotions to the surface.
To the teenage boy, this was his father's breaking point for the first time in a while. As he heard his rambling come to an end, he muttered a few words, "everyone has their limit, dad."
Dominik looked back at him and, for the most part, his vacant look was back, a slight downturn of his lips showing the sadness behind it. As the two looked at each other, neither saying a word, Jonah's previous statement seemed to be translated to words of forgiveness.
"That was still scary, though," the teen admitted, looking away after a few seconds, "and it really hurt."
"I'm so sorry."
"Dad, I won't say it's fine. It's not fine, it hurt and it was pointless anyway. But, promise me something?" he paused, waiting for Dominik to nod before continuing, "never let it happen again. Buy a stress toy or do breathing exercises, anything." As it came to the end of his statement, his father recognised something, a slight wavering in his voice and a shine to his eyes that immediately gave away that the boy was trying not to cry. Dominik nodded again, looking back down to see his son's phone still in his hand. He slowly passed it over, speaking quietly as he addressed him one more time.
"Your mother should be getting home soon. I'm going to wait for her downstairs and tell her about this." Just as he turned and neared the door, the older male looked over his shoulder and muttered, "if you want to leave the house today, just tell me where and when you'll be back."
Jonah nodded. "I think I'm just going to go and see Connor. I can do biology tomorrow and we can study chemistry together today."
"Get home before dark," was the last thing he heard before Dominik left his bedroom, descending the stairs and leaving both of them feeling quite rotten.