Unedited
There is so much wrong with me right now... sorry this sucks and is sad.
T.W. Mental illnesses and death.
"Anorexia nervosa is an eating disorder characterized by weight loss (or lack of appropriate weight gain in growing children); difficulties maintaining an appropriate body weight for height, age, and stature; and, in many individuals, distorted body image. People with anorexia generally restrict the number of calories and the types of food they eat. Some people with the disorder also exercise compulsively, purge via vomiting and laxatives, and/or binge eat."
He sighed and looked down at his stomach. It hadn't held food for weeks. The idea of consuming food sickened him. He would skip meals, say he wasn't hungry, because he'd already eaten, claim he was getting better. He wasn't getting better, and he knew he never would, he knew he was sick, in the mind and otherwise. His anxiety prevented him from eating, from doing anything, other than avoiding food. He waited for someone, anyone, to see how badly he was doing, yet no one saw, no one cared. His best friend couldn't even see what was wrong with him, his best friend, who encouraged him to eat, yet didn't know that when he came home, he would remove any food he'd taken into his system, was flushed down the toilet. He would over-exercise, not sleep, and cause too much harm to his body, yet he didn't care, he just wanted to end it all.
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"Dysthymia is a depressed mood that lasts for at least two years. A person diagnosed with persistent depressive disorder may have episodes of major depression along with periods of less severe symptoms, but symptoms must last for two years to be considered persistent depressive disorder."
He would stay in bed for days on end if it wasn't for his brother, and his boyfriend. The two people who cared enough to make sure he got up in the morning. He would be reserved, and not let anyone in, he would take a blade to his wrist, and he wanted to end it all, yet somehow, he was still breathing, his heart was beating. Many nights he would wish to not wake up, yet he did. His mind would be reeling, heart aching, why couldn't he do anything right? He just wanted to end it all.
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"Someone with bipolar disorder experiences episodes of extremely low moods that meet the criteria for major depression (called "bipolar depression"). But a person with bipolar disorder also experiences extreme high – euphoric or irritable – moods called "mania" or a less severe form called "hypomania.""
He sighed and threw the pillow at his wall, why couldn't he help his friend, and boyfriend? He wanted to get his friend to start eating again, lay off the exercise, to help him somehow. But he could never do anything right. He'd stay calm around his friend, despite feeling the anger growing inside him, but he'd try and help, talk him through his rough times, talk him out of his negative thoughts. He couldn't do it, he couldn't be helpful, he couldn't do anything right. He would get home, and his anger would surface, flow over, and he'd throw something, anything, so long as his anger left. He knew it was always there, but he would try anyway. The next time someone saw him, they'd never know what happened.
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"Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a common, chronic and long-lasting disorder in which a person has uncontrollable, reoccurring thoughts (obsessions) and behaviors (compulsions) that he or she feels the urge to repeat over and over."
He would run his hand through his hair, three times. Wash his hands, three times. Turn the light on and off, three times. Nothing would ever be right, unless it was three times. His hands were never clean, unless washed three times. He hated physical contact, and he knew he needed help, yet nothing worked. He spoke to a counsellor, h spoke to a friend, to a parent. Nothing worked, nothing helped, and nothing went right. He was wrong. He just wanted it to be over.
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Virgil was characterized by his eating disorder.
Patton was characterized by his depression.
Roman was characterized by his bi-polar disorder.
Logan was characterized by his OCD.
If only they knew they would have been able to help each other, if they'd only stopped and listened... If only they'd taken their time, and been rational. Instead, they acted impulsively, and on the same day, 4 bodies were found, four different means of death. All four friends, loves, lives, gone.
744 words
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/index.shtml
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/by-eating-disorder/anorexia
Sorry. I know. It's bad.
Hope you enjoyed
Take care
Xx