Day 2
So, the next morning I look at the clothes I brought with me. Jeans and T-Shirts, there is not a romantic fluffy blouse among them. I panic what I am going to do? I call downstairs and get directions to a dress shop nearby. I bought a pink dress that looks as if Doris Day should be wearing it, except the dress is pretty short. Oh well, I bought a pair of tights, so the dress won’t look too micro mini. Combine that with the union jack underwear and the platform heels and I was ready for my non-date. I bet as you’re reading this you’re thinking, short dress, high heels, and a ride on a motorcycle, hmm, how is that going to work? Well, you are smarter than I am. I wish I had my reader’s insight, so that I could have saved myself some embarrassment, however, the day did start out okay. I met Benedict out back to avoid the paparazzi. He met me at the door and walked me to his motorcycle. He told me I looked nice and we slowly walked towards our destination. I am not used to high heels, so it seemed like ages before we reached the motorcycle. Well nothing had gone wrong, so I thought I was in the clear. As, I looked at the motorcycle seat, I thought. “How in the hell am I going to straddle that seat without my dress going up to my waist. Benedict looked away as I struggled to fit on the seat behind him. By this time I am feeling positively giddy. Nothing has gone wrong. “You know” I say to Benedict, “We call the seat behind the motorcycle driver a bitch seat. I guess this seat is called a Cumberbitch seat over here?” I laugh and snort. Trust me don’t laugh at your own jokes. Benedict smiled thinly and then we were off.
I can’t really describe how great it is to ride on a motorcycle in London, every turn and acceleration movement is so full of freedom that one cannot help but feel the rush. I am an adrenaline junkie from way back, so needless to say I was in heaven. The Auto-Icon is where the body of Jeremy Bentham resides in University College London, his body was mummified in the 1800’s and willed to the college around 1850. He is most known for his contribution to economics with his theory Utilitarianism. Okay, okay enough of the history lesson. Jeremy Bentham willed his huge sums of money to the college, the only catch being that the college have his body stuffed and drag it out to preside over meetings. Gross, well it gets worse. Jeremy Bentham was stuffed and now resides in a wooden structure that resembles an old phone booth. On the ground beside him is a wax copy of his head. The real head was supposed to be in the Auto-Icon, however, someone messed up the mummification process and his head was too grotesque to display. Gross, Gross, Gross, well I am sure by now you think I am pretty sick; however, don’t miss it if you go to London. Ok, so back to Benedict we looked at the stuffed mummy, walked around the campus, then decided to go on our other adventure-the English Countryside. Well, before we left I had to go pee, and that is where the unknown disaster struck me. Ok, so if you don’t wear dresses and tights very often, the bathroom is an experience in semi acrobatics. Just as I got the tights pulled up, my underwear was a wrinkled uncomfortable wad. The last thing I wanted to do was to have to pull my underwear out of my crack, so I started over. I finally got everything straightened out and happily ran down the stairs to where Benedict was waiting. I hoped on back of the bike and whoosh we were off. Now dear reader what happened next was well epic. As we made our way through the city, I thought it strange that so many people were catcalling, things like, “Way to go Love. Hey fancy a pint? Come ride with me and I’ll fly your flag up the pole.” I was pretty embarrassed. I thought the British were supposed to be civilized and polite. Once we left the city the ride became even more enjoyable. I can only say save your money and visit the countryside. The air smelled of freshly turned earth, and there was just enough moisture in the air to ruin my hair, however, there was not enough to make a person feel sticky and uncomfortable. My eyes couldn’t take in enough of the scenery, the ducks, the green grass, the flowers, the thatched cottages, the brilliant blue sky, my God the English Countryside rocks. We finally arrived at our destination, Hampstead Heath.
There were just a few people around so I enthusiastically jumped off the bike as soon as it rolled to a stop. “Oh my God, “I shouted. “I am in Narnia.” A few people turned around and smiled. Then I heard Benedict calling my name. “Charlotte, wait come back. Charlotte your…”
I ignored him. I mean it can’t get much better than Benedict Cumberbatch chasing one through Hampstead Heath. Okay, so it wasn’t a mad passionate romp, but well I could pretend, right? Benedict is finally behind me and something in his voice makes me stop. People are staring and laughing by this time, and well I thought that English people must really be happy.
“Stop,” Benedict pants as he comes up behind me. Suddenly, I feel a bunch of material being pulled out of my tights and the sound of the elastic waist band snapping back into place. Oh dear God no. Benedict is trying not to laugh because he can see how embarrassed I am. “Sorry, but your panties were… you know… showing. Nice Union Jack by the way.”
By this time I am ready to hide. “You mean all through London my underwear was showing?”
Benedict looks down at the ground. “It would appear so.”
I look away and make my way towards the river. God, I am so stupid. Close to the bank I lose my balance and go tumbling down the embankment. Benedict runs after me and slips as well. We both roll for what seems like forever. At the bottom of the hill we look at each other, my dress is torn, one of my shoes is embedded in the grass somewhere, and my tights are ripped and muddy. Benedict fared a little better he just has a bit of dirt and grass stains on his clothing. His hair well it looked perfect.
“Charlotte, are you okay?” Benedicts asks in concern.
I look down, shit could it get any worse. I start to laugh, and then Benedict looks away and starts to laugh. He reaches over towards my leg and my heart begins to pound. Is he going to grab my leg? I close my eyes and I feel him pick something off.
Benedict is smiling. “You didn’t want to keep that slug did you?”
I shake my head. “ Gross, no, and now let me see. I showed by union jack panties all over London, right?”
Benedict nods solemnly “Yes, Charlotte all of London saw your panties and it is probably gone viral by now.”
I sigh, lean back and look at the clouds. God, they are beautiful. “Hey, Benedict, when was the last time you played the cloud shape game, or do you do that as kids over here?”
Benedict leans back. “We do play the cloud shape game over here too.”
We are both silent for a moment taking in the beauty. “Hey, doesn’t that one look like a dragon?” I exclaim.
Benedict groans. “Oh no, anything but a Dragon please.”
I laugh. “Oh, sorry, I wouldn’t want you to suffer desolation or anything.”
I don’t know how long we laid there looking at the clouds, but we both agreed that it was the most relaxing afternoon, that we had experienced in a while.
Benedict leaned up on one elbow. “Are you hungry?”
“I’m starved, but I can’t go anywhere like this.” I said as I gestured towards my ripped tights and torn dress. “Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t we go back to my room and order room service?”
Oh God, did I just ask Benedict Cumberbatch back to my room? NOOOOOOOOOOOO. Okay, I have to stay calm. “I mean you know, we could have something to eat, and then watch a movie or something.” My throat hurts and I am starting to feel so small and stupid.
Benedict comes to the rescue. “I’ll tell you what. Let’s do that, however, I won’t be able to stay too long.”
I nod my head enthusiastically like a puppy going for its first walk. “Ok, ok that sounds good.”
Benedict makes sure that I am all covered up before I get on the seat, and then off we go.
The ride back to my hotel is uneventful and I am starting to feel nervous. We go in the back way and when were outside of my room Benedict, picks up his phone and starts texting. “Sorry, Charlotte I have to go, I had a wonderful afternoon. I’ll see you tomorrow on the set.”
I am ready to cry, so I nod my head mutely. Poor Benedict probably pushed a panic button on his phone to have a buddy get him out of the situation. I sigh. “I had a great time too, maybe I‘ll see you tomorrow.”
Once the door shuts, I exhale deeply, and then I make my way towards the bathroom and take a shower. I felt refreshed afterwards and my Hello Kitty PJ’s are so comfortable. I then look at the room service menu. After I day like I’ve had I am just going to order dessert. My eyes scan the column and fixate on one dessert. One item reads, Spotted Dick. “No Way,” I laugh. So, I called room service. When the clipped voice answered on the other end, I stifled a giggle and ordered the Spotted Dick dessert. I switched on the TV and was just in time to catch the last few minutes of Somewhere in Time. Christopher Reeves, as Richard Collier has just died of a broken heart, so that he can join Elise McKenna, played by Jane Seymour. They met in 1912 when Richard went back in time. The day is too much and I cry at the ending. A knock at the door startles me. Gosh, that was quick; room service usually took around a half hour. I opened the door without asking who it was. Now, I know what you are thinking, what woman from Southern California would just open the door without asking? Well, give me a break; England makes a person feel safe. Benedict stood there with a take-out container, of salad.
“I felt bad about having to run off so, I thought I bring you by something to eat,” Benedict smiled, then noticed the PJs and my tear stained face. “Charlotte, are you okay?”
I nodded. “Somewhere in Time, was on. Have you seen that movie?”
Benedict nodded. “Yes, it is a wonderfully romantic movie. However, it’s just a movie, so no more tears okay?”
I nodded and then we sat down at the little table in my room. We are a third of the way through the salad, when I hear a knock on the door. “Hmm, “I thought, “Who could that be?” As I am opening the door I remember my dessert order, however, it is too late to shut the door, or meet the room service guy in the hall, and in his most imperious manner he says as he is taking off the lid to my dessert. “Enjoy your Spotted Dick, Miss.” I glared at him as he left. Benedict is already starting to laugh as he imitates the room service guy.
“Enjoy your Spotted Dick, Miss.” Benedict’s impersonation was perfect.
I shrug helplessly at Benedict. “Well it’s never a dull moment with me.”
Benedict smiles and shakes his head. “Yes, Miss. How about some of that Spotted Dick, please?”
I laugh and playfully punch Benedict on the arm. “Hey, maybe I don’t want to share my Spotted Dick.”
Now, dear reader, don’t let the name of the dessert put you off, it is really quite good, and if you order it under Spotted Dog, you will still get the delicious dessert, without the embarrassment. Okay, so back to Benedict, we talked about movies for a while and he actually sat through “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”. What is your favorite saying in the movie Benedict asks? I don’t hesitate,”Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
He nods thoughtfully, and then gets up to leave. “I have an early start time on the set tomorrow. See you tomorrow, Charlotte. I walked him to the door, hoping for a kiss. It’s pretty obvious I’m begging, so Benedict bends down and kisses my forehead. “Goodnight, Charlotte.”
“Yeah, umm, you too,” I stutter, and then just like that he’s gone.