A/N: This took forever to update, but hey it's an update none the less but it is kind of short. But it's still something.
VIII.
"You can't hide away from me forever, Amanda." Rebecca sighed when I shut the bathroom door in her face to put a wall between us, not wanting to look at her when she tried to get me to open up to her and talk.
"Oh I can and I will," the frustration evident in my voice when I locked the door to make sure she couldn't get in.
"Amanda, unlock the door, please." Her voice unusually calm when she rattled the door handle in an attempt to open it.
"How did you even get into my house?" ignoring her please as I asked her a question, my hand resting on the sink as I leant on it. Trying to fight the urge to do anything stupid, tightening my grip around the porcelain basin to keep me in place.
"Your front door was open, now please unlock the bathroom door so we can talk." The stress starting to rise in her voice the more she pleaded, "Amanda, unlock the door."
"Leave me alone, Rebecca," I called, hearing it break when I said her name. A shaky sigh escaping my lips when I looked at myself in the mirror. The hours of lost sleep showing in my features the longer I stared at the person in the mirror, looking like my old self once again.
"Amanda, please just open up this fucking door." Mixed emotions in her voice this time when she spoke, her hands banging on the door when I made no attempt to move from where I was standing. "Please, just open the door." Listening to her calm down when she started to sound exasperated, her body sliding down the surface of the door when I heard it slump to the floor.
The silence was deafening when neither one of us spoke. I let go of the sink with my feet leading me towards the door to sit down with the back of my head resting against it, my legs outstretched with my hands in my lap clasped together.
"Why did you dump me back in, November?" the need to know was starting to consume me the longer the silence dragged on.
"If I answer, will you open up the door?" she propositioned me, my head nodding even though she couldn't see me.
"Yes." Was all I said back. Not sure if I wanted to hear her reason for doing it.
"Because I was stupid. I thought that maybe if I drove you away, then being away from you would be easier to deal with. I felt guilty leaving you when you was going through all that shit with your mum and I guess I decided to be selfish for my benefit, but it made everything worse. And I didn't realise that until I came home." She answered earnestly, the regret clinging to her voice when she spoke the reason. My eyes falling to my inner thighs when I knew what she was talking about without saying the words.
"Why didn't you just tell me from the beginning?" I pressed. Hearing her sigh at my question.
"I don't know, I thought that up and leaving was the best thing to do than giving you a reason for my disappearing act." Hearing her shrug against the door in defeat. "Can you please open the door now?" her voice sounding small.
I reached up to the locked as I unlocked it, moving away from the door to open it to reveal Rebecca leaning against the door frame with shame painted across her facial features.
"You don't have to watch over me anymore, we're no longer together." The honesty hurting more when I heard myself speak it than hearing it come from her.
"It doesn't change the fact that I still love and care for you, Amanda." A small smile on her lips, but her eyes were saying something else.
The urge to lean forward and kiss her had me feeling sick inside but I stayed planted where I was sat, not having a reaction to what she just said to me. I knew in my heart I would always love her but at this moment in time, I couldn't stand to look at her. Knowing that part of her still believed Ryan over me even though she won't admit it, she swears she believes me but I can see it on her face she isn't sure who to side with.
After that day we haven't spoken about it since, I've tried my best to keep away from both her and Ryan and anyone else within that group, but Rebecca wouldn't stop chasing after me until we had a chance to speak and when we did no one said anything.
It had been three days since my confession to her and I know I can't keep running away from her any longer, I've been missing work and phoning in sick in fear of him coming after me for telling her the truth.
"Does Ryan know that I told you the truth?" I had to ask, just watching her shrug.
"I haven't told him or spoke to him about it. I've been too busy running after you."
"Well, I have to get ready for work. You know the way out." Not wanting to talk about this subject any further when I tried to get up off the floor, her hand grabbing onto my wrist to pull me back down to where I was sat.
"So that's it then?" she questioned in disbelief when I didn't give her the time of day anymore.
"If I remember correctly, you ended things. I'm not running after you to be forgiven for something I didn't do. So let go of my arm and please leave me alone." I sighed, suddenly feeling exhausted when it all came crashing down on me.
I had no one. Since leaving high school I turned my back on Chrissie and Tiffany, my mother was barely home since she got back into the hospital scene. And now I've lost Rebecca. Very slowly I felt myself giving up on people, ready to welcome back my old ways with open arms.
Without thinking, I leant forward and placed a soft kiss on her lips before I got up to get ready for work. Not having anything left to say and neither did she when I heard the front door slam shut a few seconds after I entered my bedroom.
Work that day was more of a distraction that anything else. I spent my whole time checking the inventory and stocks to make sure I had enough of everything in my department. Taking my time to count and then recount ensuring I double checked every item on the list.
"Are you okay, Amanda?" the trainee commented from behind me.
"Tom, just go and restock the empty shelves." Not having the time to be pestered by irrelevant questions.
"It's, Tim." He corrected me as I turned around on my heels to look at him.
"That's what I said," my voice coming off curt.
"You called me, T-"
"Just go do what I asked," not feeling like getting into a debate about what I said.
"All the shelves have been restocked."
"Then go and do something, just stop talking to me." I snapped, going back to whatever it was that I was doing before.
I heard him mutter something under his breath before he finally walked away leaving me in peace, the only sound that hummed throughout the warehouse was the constant chatter of customers along the aisles.
Every now and then I found myself zoning out and thinking about Rebecca and how fast she can drop everything that we had, slowly making myself become angry that she can't even admit that she'd believe him over me. I understand we have had our differences in the past but I thought we were both on the same page now. Obviously, I was deluding myself. Too wrapped up something that I thought was love, but clearly, I was the only one devoted. I always am the only one devoted when feelings are involved.
I felt myself being pulled from my sombre thoughts when a rough hand wrapped around the top of my arm, forcing me to turn around as they pushed me against the shelving.
My eyes quickly took in their features to see it was masked in bruising, a dull hard look in their eyes.
"Get your hand off of me," I growled, forcefully shoving him away by his broad chest as I watched him stagger backwards.
"What did you tell her?!" He snapped back, panic in his voice when he tried to keep it even as he yelled at me. His body held ridge with his hands balled up into fists making his knuckles go white.
"What did she say to you?" I asked completely avoiding his question. My voice sounded smaller than I would have liked it to have been whilst talking to him, I didn't want him to get the impression I was fearful of him.
"She didn't have to say anything, she said it all by doing this to me!" His voice beginning to get louder, his face turning red the more he screamed at me as he took a step closer with his hand indicating to the bruising on his face.
"Excuse me, I think you should leave," Tim called when he approached the commotion that Ryan was causing, other customers stopping in the aisles to stare.
"You walk the other way. This is none of your business," Ryan said quieter this time when he turned around to look down at Tim.
"It's my business when you threaten a colleague, leave now." Tim showed no signs of backing down when Ryan walked up to him, standing several inches taller than he was.
"Don't you dare think about touching him," my hand grabbing onto the back of Ryan's shirt to pull him away. "I want you gone, now."
He looked down at me then back at Tim before he shook his head in disbelief, "This isn't over, Amanda." He pointed his index finger into my face as I slapped his hand away, watching him turn around to leave the hardware store. Not realising my heart was in my throat until I swallowed it back down.
I went to open my mouth to say thank you to him, having him cut me off when he spoke up. "You don't have to say anything, I can tell you're going through a hard time right now. And I heard him yelling so I stepped in, I'll leave you alone now." He smiled half-heartedly before walking away, guilt filling my stomach when I watched him go back to the aisle he came from.
The rest of my shift dragged by at a painstakingly slow pace even when I tried to keep myself busy. Tim didn't speak to me or look my way after the incident with Ryan coming into the warehouse.
It wasn't until my shift was over and I was walking to my car that I decided to talk to him when I saw he didn't have a car, not having the heart to allow him to walk home in the rain.
"Tim?!" I called out after unlocking the car doors and watching him swivel around to face me. "Would you like a lift home?" I asked as he began to look slightly confused at my sudden act of charity.
"I'm okay, I don't live that far. It's just around the corner, thank you anyway." He smiled before turning back around.
With a small sigh, I shrugged my shoulders slightly and clambered into the driver's seat.
I drove aimlessly without thinking about where I was going until I subconsciously parked up outside Rebecca's home, her car the only one in the driveway. My body acted faster than my mind as I got out the car, already walking up the driveway to her front door not bothering to knock it as I let myself in closing it quietly when she appeared down the long hallway in the kitchen door frame, a questioning look placed on her face when she looked me up and down.
"Yes?" she questioned, crossing her arms over her chest waiting for me to talk.
I kept my feet planted in the hallway to stop myself from walking up to her kissing her.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I watched her facial expression change as she looked down at the floor then back up at me.
"Tell you what, DeCeno?" she sighed, her body leaning against the side of the door frame.
"That you went to see him," this receiving a short laugh to escape from her lips.
"How did you know about it?" her voice sounding amused.
"He came to the hardware store." I swallowed, her face going hard as she pushed herself up to stand up straight.
"Explain." She demanded more than asked when her feet walked closer towards me, "he didn't touch you did he?" she quickly questioned, her eyes searching my skin for any marks.
"No, he didn't touch me. Why?" my turn to question.
"No reason," she shook her head as she took a step back from me. "Look there is something I need to go and do, I'll catch up with you later." She smiled quickly as she gave me a short quick kiss on the lips, not realising what she did as she left the house in a hurry. Leaving me standing there feeling confused about what was going on.
I felt my phone vibrate in my jeans pocket as I automatically took it out and answered it without looking at the screen, "hello?"
"Hi, Amanda, it's Jessica. Your one night stand from the other night." Humour was hidden in her voice when I didn't say anything back for a few seconds.
"Please, don't remind." I sighed whilst I exited from Rebecca's house to head towards my house.
"Surely I wasn't that bad, from the sounds you were making," I quickly cut her off before she could finish her sentence.
"What do you want, Jessica?" trying to get straight to the point.
"I was wondering if you were busy tonight. Maybe we could do something?" she asked, making me hesitate in a reply before she decided to quickly add something onto the end. "No strings attached."
"I'll get back to you, I have to go somewhere first." I completely lied, not knowing whether or not I was in the mood to see her or anyone.
"You said something similar to that last time and it never happened," she commented on my excuse as I climbed into my car. "Or maybe you actually do have to go somewhere by the sounds of the door slamming in the background." She observed, my turn to laugh in response.
"Look, I'll come 'round later. Goodbye now, Jessica." I hung up not giving her the chance to say anything else, feeling my mood lighten up a little bit.