My story begins in the most typical, tragic, timeless setting: high school.
For most, including myself, high school is not the best four years. In fact, it's somewhere full of hatred, depression, judgement, needless cruelty, peer pressure, and all-around misery. Only those select few that miraculously sprout a social life and have the opportunity to live the high life are free to give that 'best four years' speech.
The sad reality is, it's in these four years of decision and choice and growing when we most lose ourselves. The system is as corrupt as the people living it.
I'm not here to dwell on all the negativity. In fact, I'm not even here to dwell on the positive. I'm here to explain my search for a semi-successful experience with the hellhole known as high school. Because there is hope for the hopeless, as my little story will express.
Sometimes things work out in unexplained ways, and sometimes we don't know people as well as we think we do.
On this particularly dreary day, I sit in the corner of the classroom, taking notes just like everyone else in the class. Most everyone, that is.
My teacher, Mr. Bennett, is still droning on about some English project that needs to be done, etc. etc. The little interest I offered at the start of class is long gone, and the doodles in my notebook are proof of this.
There are whispers and laughs around me but I've learned to pay no attention to it. I've been in this class for a semester already, and it's always the same routine. The stereotypical group of troublemakers sit in the back, right next to where I do (tragically). The group consists of Shelby Clark, head cheerleader, Missy Livens, her best friend, Karen Johnson, the other best friend. On the other side is Brendan Marks, quarterback of the football team, typical jerk, and arrogantly attractive. A few of his friends, Luke, Drew, and Danny surround him.
Why was the choice ever made to put me in their class? In fact, I happen to be in multiple classes with them. Of course, they wouldn't know that. They pay attention to nobody but themselves.
"No, no, no, Danny, you've got it all wrong. It was Shelby who wore the red dress last time. Do you really not remember the purple dress I wore to prom? Really?" Missy's voice rings through the classroom. Snickers are heard throughout the room. I can't help myself from smirking.
"Look, Missy, I have been to multiple dances with you. You drag me to every single one. And I'm pretty sure that the fact I don't remember one color of one dress that you wore one time isn't that big of a deal," Danny sighs.
"Excuse me, class. I'm giving very important instructions. I would very much appreciate it if you would settle down and listen," Mr. Bennett says.
"Danny, really? Really? I can't believe you! Do you know how much time I spent finding that dress? Do you know how excited I was to wear that dress? And you go mistake it for Shelby's? What kind of a boyfriend are you?" Missy yells.
"Calm down this instant!" Mr. Bennett demands.
"Really, I can't deal with you anymore. I'm not going to take it anymore," Danny sighs, rubbing his face. "We're done. I'm done with you. Done."
"What?!" Missy screams. "You... you can't do that!"
"Just did," Danny says. then he mutters quietly, "Best decision I've made all year."
She stands up and darts out of the classroom, her face bright red.
"That's it! The entire back row, every last one of you, you're going to detention after school for the next week. I am sick and tired of listening to this arguing. I'm done," Mr. Bennett says.
All eyes in the class focus on the back row. And so do mine. As I see every member of their group stare back in horror, I realize something. Something terrible.
I just so happen to be in the back row too.
After class, I approach Mr. Bennett's desk. He looks annoyed and tired and furious all at once.
"Uh, Mr. Bennett," I clear my throat.
"What?" He asks, not paying the slightest bit of attention to me.
"I, uh, I am in the back row, you see. And I didn't think I did anything wrong, sir," I explain.
"Look, I'm tired, I want to go home, but I don't want to deal with this. You got detention. So did everyone else. Deal with it," he says, not looking up from his stack of papers.
"But-"
"No. No buts. I'll see you back here after school," he says.
And I take that as an invitation to leave the classroom.
As always, Caleb is waiting for me outside the door. He smiles at me, and I can't even offer one back in return. He looks at me confused.
"What?" He asks.
"What what?"
"What was that all about?" He asks.
"Oh, you know, just being forced to go to detention for a week because I did absolutely nothing," I explain. "Not to mention the fact that I've only got the stupid group of cheddar rolls for company."
Cheddar rolls, mine and Caleb's name for the popular kids. Don't ask. It was freshman year, and we all know how unspeakably strange freshmen are.
"Really?" He looks at me in disbelief.
"Yeah," I confirm, sighing. I push a lock of my long blond hair out of my face and sigh again.
"Hey, lets go eat, okay? May as well feed the monster of a stomach you've got," Caleb says.
"You've really got a way with talking to girls, you know."
He laughs. And we head to the cafeteria because he is actually right. My monster of a stomach is asking to be fed.
**********************************
"Sit," Mr. Bennett says. There are grunts in reply but everyone manages to get into a seat. "You're here for an hour. I can keep you for more, so I suggest you stay out of trouble. I am needed in the next door class, but the I am not deaf. I can still hear you. If I come here and find one pencil shaving out of place, I will not be happy. Understood?"
There is a murmur of agreement and Mr. Bennett leaves.
And the talking begins. The Cheddar Rolls all burst out in laughter. I am sitting there silently, staring at them, eyebrows drawn together in curiosity.
"Oh my gosh, you remember how Danny was all like, 'I never made out with Jenny. Never. How could you think that?' and Shelby actually pulls out a video, and- hah! Priceless!" Drew says between deep laughs.
"I remember that! I have never seen Danny that pi-issed!" Shelby exclaims.
I continue to watch the group in silence, having nothing better to do. Luke laughing, clutching his stomach. Missy next to him, arms crossed, scowling with annoyance that I assume is still from earlier, with Shelby by her side. Danny and Drew side by side across from them, turned around in their seat, talking to Karen. When my gaze falls on Brendan, I find eyes staring back into mine.
"Who are you?" he demands.
I blank for a moment before realizing that he's speaking to me. I blink. And blink again, unable to find any words. Letters are jumbled in my brain as I stare into the bright green eyes.
"Are you deaf?" By now every single Cheddar Roll is looking at me with curiosity. I feel overwhelmed. I blink again and take a quick breath. I've never had the attention of any single person in this group on me.
"Uh... No... Sorry... I'm Lili," I say.
"Lili. Sounds familiar," Karen says.
"Uh, yeah. I'm in your English class. And math, and history, and science," I reply.
"Huh," is all she says in reply.
"Why are you here?" Brendan asks, raising his eyebrows. "I can hardly imagine you getting in trouble."
"Yeah, it wasn't me. It was your fault."
"Excuse me?" Brendan says.
"I told you, I'm in your English class. I also just so happen to be the unlucky person in the same row as you," I reply before I realize what I've done. I think I sort of insulted the Cheddar Rolls.
"Hm, that's interesting. Unlucky, indeed," Brendan taps his chin.
"Yeah, that's what I just said."
"Are you really sassing me?" Brendan says.
"Did you really just say 'sassing'?" I quirk my eyebrow at him.
"Whatever," Brendan says, rolling his eyes.
Drew stands up and walks up to me. He gets really close to me, too close. He leans in, close to my face and I stare at him in disbelief. He takes a lock of my light hair in between his fingers and twirls it around.
"Uh, what are you doing?" I ask him, not flinching.
"I think I like this girl," Drew says.
"Huh?" Brendan asks.
"I think I like this girl," Drew repeats.
"And?"
"And, nothing. That's it," Drew says. And he takes a seat next to me. "Tell me about yourself."
I raise my eyebrows at him and he is just staring at me, expecting an answer.
"I don't even know you," I tell him.
"The reason I'm asking you about yourself," he says, resting an elbow on my desk.
"What if I don't want to tell you?" I ask, leaning away from him.
"Leave the girl alone, Drew. She's obviously not interested in you," Brendan rolls his eyes.
"Shut up, Brendan. I'm busy," he turns to me. "Lili, right?"
And I stand up and walk to another seat, further away from him. Gosh, I'm not a dumbwad.
"Hard to get, huh?" he asks. And he follows me to the seat beside me again.
"You've never talked to me once," I point out. "And you've been in my classes since freshman year. What makes you think I even want to speak to you? Is getting detention a part of your dating criteria, or is that just a bonus?"
After years of watching the Cheddar Rolls in the hallways, in class, anywhere, I've realized that they are not to be associated with. The guys are arrogant, careless, and jerky, cough cough Brendan. The girls are psychotic, jealous, gossipy, rumor-spreading idiots. Do I ever want to spend my high school experience with a group of 'friends' like that? No.
Drew laughs, letting his head fall back. "Why wouldn't you?"
"I'm not part of your follower suck-up group, Drew. I could care less," I tell him.
"Oh, fiesty." He laughs again.
"Oh, shut up, Drew," Brendan says again. "Do you think she's actually worth your efforts? You've got a school full of girls dying to go out with you, and you can't hit on one of them?"
"Where's the fun in that?" Drew asks with a smirk.
I roll my eyes and turn away, annoyed. He can try all he wants, but I hope he knows he'll get nothing from me. I'm not falling for his good looks like every other girl, just to be thrown aside a day later. For whatever reason he decided to talk to me, I'm not giving him the satisfaction of being right.
"Unlike all the other girls you've miraculously charmed, I have a brain. I'm not an idiot. Stay away from me," I tell him. "I'm not all of a sudden a viable option because I was forced to be in detention with you."
But he's still smirking at me.
"I want her to be our friend," Drew announces to the others.
"Oh yeah?" Brendan asks, raising his eyebrows.
"Mhmm," Drew nods.
"Drew, you can't do that. You can't just invite people to be friends with us. It doesn't work like that," Missy says.
"We asked you to be our friend, do we need to make you leave?" Drew raises his eyebrows.
"You're so unfair," Missy rolls her eyes. "I've been your friend since eighth grade. This random girl shows up and suddenly you want her to join us in Senior year?"
"Who ever said I want to join your bratty group of friends?" I ask, crossing my arms.
"You really don't know when to stop," Brendan shakes his head slowly.
"Whatever," I turn away. Even moreso than when I found out I was bound to this detention in class earlier, I'm pitying myself for being in this situation.
"We're going to the mall later today, on girls request, you should come," Drew says.
"Not likely."
***********************************
"Lili, come on! I'm leaving without you!"
I groan and flop over onto my back. "Where and why?"
Important fact about me: I'm super lazy. I lay in bed pretty much all day long. My mom hates it.
Interesting fact number two: I have a secret stash of candy and junk food in my closet. It's hidden under my ugly blue sweatpants my mom bought me a few years ago. I snack on that all day, too. I'm so cool.
"We're going to the mall!"
The mall? Wait, no! We can't go to the mall. That's where the cheddar rolls are today.
"No, mom! No, no, no, we can't go to the mall today," I put my head in my hand. Why, oh why, of all the 365 days in the year, did my mom decide she wants to go to the mall today?
I've seen your closet," my mom calls up to me from downstairs. Wait, she's seen my closet? Is she implying that she found my stash? "Your wardrobe needs an update." Good, my chocolate and barbecue chips are safe.
"I can't," I shake my head.
"I'll drag you there if I have to," I hear footsteps coming through the hallway.
"No, mom, I really can't," I groan.
But, she is now in my doorway and steps inside. Knowing what's coming, I grip the side of my bed. My moms hands clasp around my ankles and try to pry me out of bed. I kick and yell and hold on with all my might. Alas, I am yanked onto my bedroom floor and dragged out of my room. When we reach the stairs, where apparently she isn't planning to stop dragging me, I surrender.
"Fine, fine! Let me go," I groan.
She drops my ankles and I roll down the stairs.
•••
Through the first hour or so, we go completely uninterrupted in our shopping. Since I apparently have 'not a speck of sense of style,' my mom is choosing a lot of the items.
I have seen people who look somewhat similar to one of the cheddar rolls, and I jump behind racks of clothes. Then I feel like an idiot because it's not actually them.
I'm starting to doubt that they actually came here to the mall.
"How about this one, Lili?" My mom holds up a green shirt with some flowery design.
"That looks like something Aunt Laurie would wear, mom. I'm not that old yet," I sigh.
My mom huffs and places it back onto the rack.
Aunt Laurie is my dad's insane sister. She isn't just abnormal. She is literally insane. She jumbles her words and makes no sense out of them and it is impossible to end a conversation with her. One Christmas, she gave me a used hairbrush with caution tape wrapped around it in the shape of a ribbon.
"This?"
My mom holds up the ugliest denim skirt I have ever seen in my life, but I'm not paying attention to that. I'm paying attention to the group of people that just so happens to be walking through the door.
The cheddar rolls just entered the store.
Of course my first reaction is to tighten the drawstrings of my sweatshirt so it covers my whole face.
"Wait, is that... Lili right?"
"Lili! Stop being rude," my mom's voice disapproves. "I didn't know these were your friends."
"They're not," my voice is muffled by the sweatshirt.
"Lili Sabrina. Where are your manners?" My mom pulls the good off my head. "You should go hang out with them!"
"Yeah, Lili, you should come hang out with us," Drew smirks.
"She doesn't have to if she doesn't want to," Missy frowns, crossing her arms.
"Let's go, Lili," Drew grabs my arm and drags me away. I look back at my mom in desperation, but she just smiles and waves.