Keenan didn't know how much of a bad mood I was in.
He was great at reading people, yet he did a terrible job when it came to me. He usually ended up getting stuff wrong. I didn't blame him, but that didn't stop me from getting all sour. Hell, I didn't even know what I was so mad about. I would explain it to you if I could but to be frank, I don't really feel like getting into it.
We had to abandon the car after Irial touched it, and Keenan had suggested walking the rest of the way to the small town a few miles away from us. He was fine, but I was already exhausted, dehydrated, and nearly hallucinating by two hours or so.
Mid morning had finally fallen upon us; the faint growl of my stomach proved so. Earlier on, the sun had risen from the horizon beautifully, illuminating the green hue of the tall pines lined at the side of the road. Birds flew above us and hid in the trees, filling our silence with the sound of their songs flittering through the air.
The whole thing kind of seemed fake at some moments; as if I was looking at one of those fancy paintings you guys have around the halls. I mean, it was beautiful, but I wasn't looking for pretty at that moment. I was looking for something as broken as I was.
I remember that this was one of the worst days for me, no matter how nice the sky was or how sweet the birds sang. It was terrible because it was the first day I had to pretend that I didn't like him the way I did and it didn't bother me that he took no regard to my feelings. I don't mean to sound whiny, but I can't help getting a bad taste in my mouth every time I think about it.
You're a doctor, right? Can you please explain to me why it still hurts even though I don't care anymore? My chest feels like its being compressed by five sumo wrestlers at the moment, which is why I don't get the reason people want to find love so badly. Jesus Christ. It kills you.
"Are you sure you're not tired?" Keenan asked me for the millionth time. "We could take a break if you want—"
"I'm fine. The sooner we get there, the better."
Keenan took his eyes away from me, swallowing the rest of the words he wanted to say. He looked up at the tall trees, soon muttering, "I heard that the Seelie court is like this; always bright and upbeat, full of nature and flowers and all sorts of things that will probably make you puke sparkles."
I didn't laugh, but I decided to cut him some slack. "Do you wish you were brought up there rather than where you are now?"
"What makes you say that?"
I gestured to his appearance. "Your whole glamour is like them," I explained. "You even smell like them when you wear it. I figured that you're probably depressed that your mom couldn't—"
"Oh please, Jack, I'm not that simplistic. You out of all people should know that," Keenan droned, rolling his eyes. He stretched his arms above his head, thrusting his upper body left to right. "Frankly, I hate the Seelie court. They're too bright. Too musical. I only wear my glamour this way because it reminds me of my natural skin—the one that was stolen from me."
"So you like being Unseelie?"
"I like the violence and the blood, I will admit. It's almost an addiction." He glanced over at me, his eyes teasing. "Why do you think I'm so hung up over you?"
That small statement sent fire to my cheeks faster than I had anticipated. I knew he didn't mean it that way, but I couldn't help thinking that he did. It made me hate myself a lot more, believe me.
I kept asking God to make me numb to him, but I guess He wasn't really listening. I wanted Him to give me the strength to kick up dust and run the hell out of there like I never existed, but my feet continued to keep a steady pace with Keenan's lazy stride.
There were many times that I prayed, believe it or not. Even now. Thing is, I wouldn't call it a prayer since I'm so terrible at it. You probably won't believe me if I told you, but my parents brought Cillian and I up by the ways of the Bible. Short memories gave me scenes of little boys kneeling in front of their beds, their eyes shut tight and their hands clasped together as their mother watched over approvingly. You would think that those little boys would grow up to be something good, like a lawyer, doctor, missionary or even a goddamn priest.
I sort of feel bad about my mother's wasted efforts, so I guess that's why I pray at times. Short ones, though; nothing fancy like those pastors in snazzy suits on TV. They usually go like God, please don't let me wet myself tonight. Jesus, I pray that I won't wake up tomorrow. Holy Spirit, please possess the janitor to finally fix that fucking light.
Mom used to tell us that there was no way to pray wrong, but I think she lied. I mean, if none of my prayers have been answered yet, then I'm sure as hell not doing it right.
Keenan dropped his arms and continued walking, kicking the pebbles at his feet. "I met your brother here," he said suddenly, "in these woods."
"Seriously?"
Keenan pointed out to the surrounding trees, shoving his other hand in his pocket. "There was a dance going on in the woods. They were all solitary faeries, which meant they didn't belong to a court, so they weren't particularly glad to see me there. The vibe that was coming off after I showed up was pretty sour, so I left early after a few dances. I was walking out of the woods when I saw him."
"What was he doing all the way out here?"
"He was trying to off himself after he killed you. He was out of his own head and kept muttering that he could still see your face. His hands were shaking so bad that he couldn't even tie the rope on the branch properly. I didn't make the deal with him then, though. Not until your father left."
I waited for my heart to clench, or my knees to buckle, or the tears to start spilling from my eyes. But none of that happened. Don't go off psychoanalyzing me because of that, though. "This is the perfect place to commit suicide. This whole forest is like a death trap."
"You don't care?"
"Why would I?" I asked, shooting him a look. "He had it coming anyway. I mean, I would've done the same thing. I still would."
Keenan folded his arms over his chest. "You mean to tell me that if I let you, you would die in this forest?"
"Of course I would. You just don't get it; I hate life. I hate living. I hate the fact that I'll have to work hard to achieve something just to have it stolen from me in the end. You see, when humans die, we don't get to keep the stuff we managed to obtain. I'm sure you know that. So some rich bastard may have all the cars, houses, and sluts his goddamn money could buy, but none of that is coming with him when he goes six feet under. Or some idiot can try to steal a woman for revenge, but it's not coming with him when he dies. So what's the point of getting them in the first place? That's right; there is no fucking point. No point at all."
"Jack—"
"Speaking is just wasting useful energy. Let's just get to the town, alright? I feel like my legs are about to fall off."
To be honest, I didn't want to talk about it anymore since I was already upset. Keenan didn't say anything else about it, though. He allowed us to fall back into silence, leaving the birds to fill the words we didn't want to say.
***
I was already half dead by the time we made it to the small town. There wasn't much there to see other than some old houses guarding farms or crops, one shopping center, two gas stations right next to an inn and a small diner.
Only a few people littered the streets here and there as Keenan and I made our way to the diner. They stared at us like we were something good enough to eat, their eyes digging into my skin deep enough to irritate it.
"Seems like they haven't met a newcomer in years," Keenan muttered as he opened the doors to the diner, the bell at the top chiming in our ears. "Do you think we should just keep going—"
He stopped short when he noticed the tired look in my eyes. He coughed awkwardly, gesturing to the empty booth by the door. There weren't many people in the diner other than a group of four teens and an old man smoking by the kitchen.
Their gazes were squandered by an old woman that came hobbling towards us, her auburn hair crazed as if it hadn't met a brush in weeks. Just like the rest of the place, she wore a blue uniform with yellow and pink accessories, the bright colours nearly causing a migraine.
She looked back to her customers, waving her hand towards the door. Almost obediently, the old man and the teens got up from their seats quickly and shuffled to the door beside us, ignoring our eyes.
I opened my mouth to speak, but a gritty look rested on her face as soon as her eyes found Keenan, hollow fear hiding right behind it. She brought her hands to her hips and straightened her back, her lips curling over her teeth as she muttered, "Don't park yourself over here, kingling. This town doesn't need any problems."
Keenan looked up from the menu and gave her a smile. "The boy could use some water. Looks like he'll pass out any minute now."
"I mean it," she snapped. "I usually ignore your folk when they come passing through here, but I can't just ignore the fact that you're dragging this boy down with you. Now I know your kind isn't fond of taking care of others, so you can get up and leave—I'll take care of him from now on. You hear?"
I wasn't quite sure how the lady knew his true nature, but she was out of her damn mind if she thought she could speak to him that way out of the blue. I looked over to Keenan to see if he thought the situation was as ridiculous as I did, but Keenan didn't notice my gaze. His smile only grew wider, his eyes flashing with excitement.
"I didn't know this town had a woman with Sight. I would advise you to lower your voice," Keenan told her slowly. "You're scaring the kid."
The woman looked over at me, disappointment shining through her eyes. I didn't like looking at her; she sort of reminded me of my own mother. She put one hand on my shoulder and tried drawing me up from my seat. "You may not know it, but this one is bad for you. You shouldn't hang around with the likes of him, you hear? Don't travel with him anymore; I've got a place for you to rest and I'll find a way to get you a new life started—"
Keenan's hand shot out from across the table and wrapped around my wrist. His grip was so tight that I thought he'd leave bruises. "I don't know who you think you are to butt in so quickly, but this one is mine. He hasn't signed away his soul or made some deal with the king. He's just mine—it's as simple as that. He's not going anywhere without me."
It's a trick, I told myself. It's just another way to get out of this situation. Don't fall for it again. The woman stared down at our hands, drawing her fingers away from me. As soon as her hands dropped from her hips, all the tension slipped right out of me.
"What's your name, boy?"
It took a while to realise who she was talking to. "Jack, ma'am."
"What have you gotten yourself into, Jack?" she grunted, wiping sweat off her brow. "He dragged you out here against your will, didn't he? You look smarter than to get tied up with him. Do you even have the slightest clue of what he is? Have you got any idea at all?"
I slipped away from Keenan's touch as soon as his grip loosened. I stared down at my nails, knowing that if I looked up at her, I'd be too afraid to say anything again. "I know what he is, which is why I'm not smart at all. But I don't think I'm going to leave. Not for a while, anyway."
"So you really aren't going to take up my offer? You're going to stick with him even if it means digging your own grave?"
I thought about the old couple I had always daydreamed about, and how I promised myself that if I ever got the opportunity to leave, I'd find them. But now that she was standing before me, willing to fix the mess I had created, I found myself nodding my head.
"Yes ma'am. I'm sorry."
"Don't come apologising to me. You should be apologising to your mother, wherever her poor soul is. I bet she doesn't even know what her boy had gotten himself into."
"Listen, miss—"
"It's just Lynn," she answered, her voice surprisingly softer. "I didn't mean to startle you. I should've checked if you knew what he really was before spewing my spit all over the place. One thing I need to learn is not get into folks' business. You lost?"
"Uh, no. Our car broke down a few miles from here, so we had to walk the rest of the way. We're heading over to Rosebay."
"That's far off from here, boy. You've got somewhere to stay? Your skin's as pale as my husband's behind."
My eyes flickered over to Keenan, who caught my gaze and held it. Now I wasn't for sweet talking an old lady, mind you. It felt like I was taking advantage of her. But like Keenan, I knew she was exactly what we needed.
"No, ma'am," I spoke up once I realised no one had said anything for a while. "But I don't want to put you through any trouble."
"You're walking around holding hands with fae folk and you're telling me you don't want to cause trouble?" she scoffed. "It seems like I won't be able to pry you out of his grip, so this is the least I can do. My husband owns the inn a few blocks from here; I'll whip you up something quick before taking you over there. Maybe once you're all rested, you'll start to think straight and get out of whatever you've gotten yourself into."
She walked away before I could change my mind. I slouched in my seat as soon as she did, letting out a hot air through my teeth. "I can't believe you made me do that. I just might go to hell now."
Keenan ended up laughing despite my demeanour, playing around with the paper menu set on the table. "It was either that or the back of an alleyway. I could always call her back and piss her off if you don't want it—"
"Oh, shut up," I snapped. "Anyway, with the way she was talking to you, I would've guessed you guys went way back."
"People like her usually do that. I mean, they ignore us as much as they can, but once something sets them off, they'll start speaking anyhow. It's the reason most of them go mad."
"By people like her, you mean me, right?" I don't even know why the hell I said that, but I never did stop. "You think I'm going to go insane? Is that what you're waiting for?"
Keenan finally stopped fiddling with the menu and matched my gaze. He didn't say anything about it, which ultimately meant that I was right. I didn't strike another fight with him, though. I was getting tired of spewing the same crap over and over again. It wasn't as if he would listen to it any more than I wanted to say it. He never did.
"You're always telling me that I don't get things, but you're the clueless one," Keenan said after a while, looking back at the menu. "I'm not worried about you gouging out your eyes like the rest of them because you're already insane. That's what I like about you."
I could've died right when he said that. And judging the way it made me feel, I really should've.
A/N: Song introduction number 3! This song is Signs by Willowtree. This song is in every playlist for each of my books, really. There's something about it that gets me in touch with the main characters. I don't know how to explain it -.-
Anyway, it helped a great deal when writing this chapter. I hope you enjoy it c: