*Suga's POV*
As the door closes behind Daichi, I feel my smile fade and fatigue seep in. Funny how he can break down in front of me, but I just cannot bring myself to be weak in front of him. I drop to the floor. I can feel warm liquid running down my face. I hurriedly wipe them away.
6 years. And it still won't stop.
The racing of my heart each time those honest bright eyes bore into mine. The freezing of time with each hug he gives me. The warm glow in my chest everytime he calls my name. How my heart explodes when he laughs.
I'm tired.
Tired of liking someone who will never like me back. Tired of liking someone who has a wife and a child. Tired for being someone who has let a nice girl and innocent adorable child down. Tired of sinning against society's rules. Tired...of only being his friend.
Yesterday night's events are still freshly printed on my mind. Replaying and replaying, just like a broken DVD player. I keep seeing Daichi face flushed, looking at me like I am worth everything to him. I can still feel his rough kisses lingering on my lips. And I felt happy I remember, when I woke up and all the memories rushed into my head. I felt happy as I turned and looked at the unclothed man next to me.
The happiness was short lived. Guilt crashed over me, mixed with the terrible headache from the hangover. Why did I let him do that?
I had stepped out of the room, trying my best to ignore the ache of my back and down there, and the pain in my head. I took a hot shower. The pelting hot droplets of water on my face cleared my head, giving me a good reminder that yesterday's events were just an accident, a one night stand under the influence of alcohol. It was hard with all my emotions in a jumble but I had somehow managed to step out of the toilet, make breakfast and survive our awkward morning conversation.
I snap out of my daze, realising that tears are still streaming down my face. I sit on the kitchen floor and continue to cry, pouring everything, everything I felt out. Happiness, sadness, guilt, pain, all of them. I would very much rather be vulnerable now than let my emotions overflow and dig myself an even deeper hole later on by suddenly breaking down.
I cry and cry and cry, until my eyes dry and crust up.
Then, plainly exhausted from life's lemons, I shuffle to my bedroom and flop on my bed, hoping that a nap will miraculously erase away all my pain.