[unedited]
A/N: Well hey! I've read all of your comments. You seem to have a good idea of what you think will happen. So I won't rant too much! Enjoy this chapter, and I WANT YOU TO LEAVE A COMMENT.
~ Autophobia: the fear of being alone.
Chapter VI
There's a moment in your life where you think: "I've never been so scared."
Maybe you've said it a lot. Scarier things come along and introduce a whole other level of fear to your mind, making your body react in various ways.
There's shaking, a pounding heart, hyperventilation, clammy hands, and the worst of all: Actualization. That's where you know the possibilities, the possible outcomes; how everything could end up. Your fear has never-ending roots. It's mortifies you; even sometimes scars you. It eats you alive.
Unfortunately, I was dealing with all stages of panic, fear, and dread. I was a mess, rocking on the bathroom floor, trying to calm myself. Of course I was here alone; God knows where Jeff was. It was hard to be here, going through all of this, alone. I hated being alone.
I snap out of my thoughts the second realization smacks me. It has been over five minutes now.
It was time.
I get to my trembling feet and face the sink, where all three tests align in a row. I was hesitant about going over to them, because I didn't want to find the news by myself. I wanted Jeff here with me, so I know that no matter what happens, I'm not in this alone. Especially from the beginning. That's when I'll need the help most.
"Suck it up, Kate," I breathe to myself. "You can do this. You're okay. It's all okay,"
I grab the first one and slowly open my eyes.
Positive.
I feel my stomach turn.
"That was just the first one, it's okay, it could be wrong, it's okay..."
I grab the second one.
Positive.
Tears spill down my cheeks as I feel my heart sink. I knew my fate already but still decide to check the last test.
With all of my hope crumbling into the ground, stripping me of all rights to proceed on normally, the test reads:
Positive.
I'm pregnant.
~*~
It was the second I heard the door open when I realized I had been in a trance for almost an hour now. Doing nothing, lying in bed, using the blank wall ahead of me as my canvas for my thoughts to roam and take me under. I was hopeless; gone; letting the pain eat me alive willingly, because I couldn't fight it away any longer. It was too obvious to try to ignore. I was done.
Jeff walks into the room and stops once he sees me slumped on the floor with the bed against my back, tears springing down the sides of my face. He could tell right away he was in for bad news; I could see it in his eyes. Yet he just stands there and waits for me to tell him, which hurt a lot more with each passing second. He knew it was coming but I knew it was something he couldn't believe was true.
I couldn't bring myself to say it. So I toss him all three pregnancy tests, that eventually land on the floor below him, right beside his feet. He leans over, studies them all, and then after a few seconds of paralysing shock, he lets out a long breath and makes his way over.
No words were spoken yet; he just comes beside me and sits down, resting his forearms on his knees and looking ahead. I coulnd't imagine how hard it must be for him to take in. Here he was, a murderer for years and years, and then I come along and ruin his life by getting pregnant with his kid. I always fuck up. It was always me.
"Stop thinking those things."
I look over at him, finding his face hard and stern. His cold gaze was shooting ahead and getting lost somewhere behind the wall. I didn't have anything to say, though. So I remain to myself.
"You just don't get it, do you? Kate, you always think so badly of yourself, and it's really pissing me off to know you think that way. How the Hell would any of this be your fault? Neither of us knew this would happen, and if you believe that someone is to blame for this, it's both of us. Because I'm caught up in this shit just as much as you."
That shut me up.
I still looked downwardly about myself, because I felt bad for bringing this on him. You can't possibly tell me that Jeff is a great father figure.
No, I'm not saying he's not, because I have absolutely no idea how well he deals with children. But if you stay above the surface of the subject, Mr. Killer doesn't exactly scream 'Daddy'.
He had a face that would be horrifying for children, the man kills all of the time, and he's even hurt me and he loves me. He could very well hurt a child too without meaning to do it. Only the child wouldn't be able to handle such an injury as I have. They're too small; too weak. We would lose them, if we were to raise it. That's hard for anyone as it would be for me.
And I'm a killer. How could I be able to deal with such a delicate thing as a baby?
My head begins to spin and I fall into Jeff, my eyes sending trails of little tears down his shirt, and soaking through the fabric. I let each tear fall in silence as Jeff's hands reach over and pet my hair, running his fingers down onto the dip between my neck and shoulder. I close my eyes and try to relax so I could get a grip on myself. I didn't want to lose myself anymore. I was now responsible for another. I couldn't be so selfish.
"What are we going to do?" Jeff asks quietly, stroking my hair with his light fingers.
I open my eyes. "I don't know.... But I do know one thing."
"What's that?"
"I'm keeping it."
I feel him tense in surprise. "W- uh, really?"
I nod. "I think abortions are terrible, and a waste of goddamn money. Well, unless the consequences of knowing the mother or baby would die at birth. But I'm okay. So... I see it cruel and useless."
I know, I know, ironic how a serial killer thinks abortions are horrible. But in my defense, I've never killed a child. I set fire to houses that I know children aren't housed in. The youngest person I've killed in cold-blood was a slutty thirteen year old that was mistreating a kitten. That shit doesn't fly by me. Animal abusers are my favorites to kill.
"And..." I speak up. "You don't have to.... you know..."
Fuck, that hurt to say. I didn't want to go through this alone, and I definitely didn't want to go home to Andrew, or any other person, pregnant with a serial killer's baby. But I wanted Jeff to know I'm not forcing him into being there for the kid. I wouldn't want that either, I suppose....
Jeff moves and makes me face him, softly grabbing my face in his hands and wiping the few tears that still remained on my cheeks. "I'm gonna be there, Kate."
He places a soft kiss on my forehead and lets me lean back into his chest while he rubs my back and comforts me.
"Oh God, see what you did? You made me all soft and sappy..." he complains, frowning.
"I've got you wrapped, kid." I laugh.
He smirks. "Yes you do."
~*~
Sneaking back to my old house was scary. Nerve-racking, really. The fact that I could be caught and turned in immediately any minute was making adrenaline flow fast through my veins.
And I liked it. Because it was almost like the same rush I feel after a kill. It's like a drug.
I had parked my car at an abandoned lake up the road from Andrew's house, which was now froze over with ice. I had to walk through the woods like a maniac so I wouldn't make myself too easily seen.
I peek over into the yard and look around, finding Andrew's car gone, and the house empty. Pure luck, on my part. I trudge through the snow and slink up onto the porch and to the door, breaking the lock in with one quick jerk of my bolt cutters. I was inside in seconds, opening the creaky door and revealing a trashy, empty home.
It was so dark, and little wrappers of food were strewn everywhere. The source was the over-turned trashcan, where a yellow, mangy cat runs from to get to me.
Remember how I said last time I saw Weebles he was really plump and wonderful? Well now his little spine was showing and he's obviously dropped a few pounds.
That motherfucker starved my Weebles.
He rubs against me and cries, acting like he hasn't seen anyone in weeks. And maybe he hasn't....
I fix him a huge bowl of food while I gather the things I need. Clothes, food, drinks, blankets, sheets, dishes, the microwave, a portable oven, the toaster, cooking utensils and silverware, cat food and cat litter, hair dye, makeup, curtains, cleaning supplies, two space heaters, lamps, and I even managed to find the other pack to my contacts that I've had forever. I could use them when I needed to go out in public.
After I stripped the place of everything I desired, including expensive jewelry to sell, I snatch Weebles and make my way to my house.
You'd think I'd need another car, or to make a couple trips, but I've come to find that I have an undiscovered talent for stuffing a car full of random things. I thought the vehicle would burst from being so full, but it got me home just fine.
Not comfortably, but fine.
Soon I had everything set up the way I wanted until I could get some actual furniture to set up around here. I even mopped, vacuumed, and scrubbed the bathroom. With everything clean and livable, it looked pretty nice. It was our cute, little apartment and it was warm! And it's still winter! Can you believe it?
All of the sudden Weebles dashes to the door in excitement, and I furrow my brows.
"What the Hell....?" I hear Jeff's voice.
I peek around the corner to find Weebles weaving in between his legs and purring like no tomorrow.
"Surprise!..." I say sheepishly, smiling as he gives me the 'what the fuck' look.
"Is this yours?" he asks, referring to Weebles.
"Yes," I nod.
"And.... the things everywhere? Are they yours?"
"Mhhmm. I'm making this a house."
"Oh." he says casually, trying not to trip over the cat.
He walks over to the sink, that know worked, thanks to me, and tosses in a muddy, crusty, bloody knife.
"Where'd that come from?" I ask.
"Found it. I must've lost it a while ago." he says.
I turn on the faucet and begin washing it when Jeff stops and grins. "Oh, and, Kate.... You should probably go to the doctors soon. Just to see if, um.... It's alright,"
I touch my stomach slightly and nod. "I know..."
"What do you want?" Jeff whines to the lovable cat as he meows and purrs at him to get his attention. I giggle as Jeff caves and ends up picking up the cat cradle-style and carrying him away.
"Yeah.... You are a softy," I giggle.
"Shut up."
~*~
A/N: Yo, yo! It's almost 3am and I'm writing this chapter FOR YOU. I'm camping all weekend and decided (out of the kindness of my heart) that I would give you an update so you wouldn't have to wait so long.
THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO VOTE AND COMMENT. Let me know what you think and stuufffff (:
Kay, imma sleep now. Thanks for reading! ❤️
~ Saylem November Wolf Hendricks