Im not mad at Somi. Simply because she doesnt know what actually happen to me. But I dont know why my heart feels so heavy.
After taking longer than usual bath, I walk out of the bedroom with the pullover that Hyojin's mom's gave me. I stare at it for a while and it brings me to the hugs that Hyojin and I share. It makes me realize that we are being all touchy after just sleeping together. Then, it brings me to a trance, thinking about my first kiss. I shake my head in response, trying not to think over him again.
Slowly, I walk to my bag and bring out the cloth that I wore yesterday. It is stained with blood.
"What is that?" Hanseol asks, coming nearer to me. I quickly shove it back into the bag.
"No it is nothing." I lie but she seems to believe it and brush it off with a small nod.
After she enters the bathroom, I secretly put the bag in my closet and walk out of the room to the kitchen. There, Chaeryeong and Yuna are making food while Somi is preparing the table and pass them what they need to make things easier for the chefs.
"What took you so much time to bath?" Somi asks as she saw me walking in.
I slightly shake my head.
"Rhu, make a drink." Chaeryeong commands.
"Okay." I agree.
It doesnt take a long time to make it. Then, I bring a jugful of orange juice to the table, so that I can pour the juice in everyone's glass. Soon, Hanseol and Heejin walk out together from the room.
"Come and eat," Yuna says as she pulls up a chair and sit. Both of them fasten their pace, excited at the thought of eating.
We dont talk much during we eat as everyone seems so focused in eating. But of course, theres a vitamin Somi who talks too much, interviewing Heejin as if shes a reporter.
I take the last munch and finish my meal. I know that Heejin's eyes are on me. It means that she knows that something had happened for the past few days.
Ignoring her glare, I quickly stand up and go to the sink. The others follow too and soon we work together to tidy the table so that it would be mess free.
#
It is already past the midnight. The others had fallen asleep so do I but a soft pat on my shoulder wakes me up. It is Heejin.
"What?" I ask, with half-opened eyes.
"Living room. Now," she commands with a firm voice.
I am hesitated but she quickly holds my hand in her, pulling me to move out of my bed. We climb down the bed and tiptoeing to the living room just to make sure that theres no one that wakes up.
She gently push me to put on the chair and takes a sit beside me.
"Spit it." Her arm rests on the top of the chair, eyes digging into me.
"What?"
"Are you going to say what each time I ask you something," she mutters.
She takes a deep breath, calming herself. "Now, tell me."
Her soft voice makes my heart shiver. I want to tell her but nothing comes out from my mouth. Im at a loss of words. My body trembles as I hold my tears.
Why shes so kind to me?
"Im your friend. Friend is a place for you to rant all of your-"
"My father..."
She stops talking. "Did he hit you again?" A tender look is displayed on her goddess face.
I give her a small nod.
She quickly lifts up my pyjama and gasps at how my stomach looks like. It is more purple than light brown. Her mouth wides open for a few minutes before she pulls up my sleeve, just to see more bruises.
She sighs. Her head turns to the right as she bites her lower lips, stiffling herself from crying.
"Im okay." I say, trying my best to sound cheerful. Softly, I land both of my hand onto her cheeks.
"Im really okay. Look at me," I firmly speak and tilts her face straight to meet my eyes.
As her glassy eyes meet mine, her tears spill out of that big eyes. "Why are you crying? I am really okay," I say and pulls her into a hug. She is crying so hard so I gently pat her back. A few minute after that, her tears subside. She pulls herself out of my hug.
"I should have been there when you needed me the most." her voice trails off.
I flash a smile and respond, "It is okay. I know that you are busy with Loona. I can handle it by myself since I am already used to."
"It sounds sad though," she says before she pulls my head and places it on her arm. The other hand wraps around my body.
A soft chortle escapes my lips. She really love to be hug. We stay like that for a few minutes before Heejin's voice cracks the silence.
"So did you stay at your home yesterday night?" She asks. Usually after getting beaten by my father, I would be forced to stay for a few days. Just to make sure that no one know that I was beaten by him, I guess. There, I would be treated by the maids but sometimes if my wounds are too serious, his personal doctor would come and treat me.
I slightly shake my head.
"Then, motel?" She asks, tilting her head to me so that she can see clearer.
I shake my head again. Her eyes grow confused. She lifts her eyebrows, asking me in silent.
"I stay with Hyojin."
Her eyebrows knit together at the sound of his name. "Wait, what? Hyojin?"
She looks so confused.
"The center of Just Dance? That Hyojin?"
I nod and tell her everything about how Mixnine debut boys ended up to train together with us. How Hyojin and I got stuck at JYP at night before the day my father hit me. And how he ended up being the one that I like because she knew the story of him helping me on that rainy day.
"So, you are telling me that all the nine members of boys' debut team will train with you until YG got new trainer? What an actual fuck is that. I thought that YG is a damn rich CEO that will never runs out of money. Searching for new trainers isnt that hard though," she mumbles but loud enough for me to hear. I smile a bit. Yes, it does sound so ridiculous.
"But why did you rejected him although he is the one that you have a big fat crush on?" She wraps her hand around her body. Almost looks like a detective.
"I dont know. It just slipped from my mouth." As soon as I said that, she softly hit my thigh.
"Stupid. You should have your first kiss with him. That is like a perfect moment for the two of you."
"I just dont know why but I feel uncomfortable around him," I let out a loud mutter. I bit my lips at the sudden awkward that I feel.
"So you hate Hyojin but you also love him as the nice guy that help you on that rainy day?"
I nod. Yeah, maybe.
"Ughh, Rhu. Listen. You rejected him on the spot, no I mean few seconds after he confessed. Then he was the one who help you despite of how you broke his heart. Wow, tragic." She shakes her head slowly.
"But wait, did you live in together with him? I mean only two of you?" She asks again. Her eyes open wide.
"No, there is her mom."
Her mouth shapes into a circle as she goes 'ohhh'. "I thought you sleep with him."
I cough at the sound of it.
"Yah, dont tell me that you slept with him." She looks at me, eyes digging into mine. My lips parted, showing my white teeth which is an indirect answer for her.
"Wow, you are more advanced than me. I never have a hug from a guy. Let alone to sleep with a guy." She says, playfully lifting her eyebrows up.
I shake my head at the scene of her fangirling over my life. It isnt something that I wish to see.
"But shouldnt you fluttered eventhough you hate him? Because he is the same guy as the one that you love." She giggles.
"Mmm, a bit."
Hearing to my answer, she sweetly grin at me. "Oh my god, when will I." She mutters while giggling. I quickly changed the topic and ask her how she was doing. We end up chatting a bit and soon, we walk back to the room.
The small bed of mine is occupied by the two of us. She pulls my hand and wrap it around herself. Told you, she really love to be hug. Her sweet scene wafts to me. It smells so much like fruit.
She sings me a lullaby like how she used to sing when we were in Mixnine. Slowly, my eyes feel so heavy but she suddenly drags out my name when I am really near to sleep.
"You should get something for him as a gift for helping you." She speaks.
"Mmm," I nod, eyes nearly shut off.
"And you should hate him less." She says, not realizing that I am already sleeping.
#
Today is Sunday and of course, the boys are not here. We are now dancing with all the might because monthly evaluation is around the corner. During an evaluation, the first thing that would be evaluate is our weight. If we fail at this early stage, all of our efforts in dancing are going to be waste. As a result, our meals would be more strict and most probably would get just one meal a day for ten days. It is scary, right? Food is life.
I would love to score high in this month evaluation too since I never be in top 3. Yeji, Chaeryeong and Jimin would always be on top. The closest that I could get is only at sixth place. Still in top 10 but you know sometimes you got the urge to improve yourself in what you do. So do I. In fact, I want to do better so that my father would know that dancing is my thing.
We have been dancing for one hour but my body already feels the pain. The pain from the bruises.
"Are you okay, Rhu?" Hanseol asks from behind. I give her a quick nod and continue to dance as if I am really okay.
Little did she knows that someone is watching her from the outside, knowing that she had be beaten like a pulp but still had the energy and courage to do her best in dancing.
"I am so sorry, my daughter."