Chapter 38: After Dreaming
I woke up to a cabin that was absolutely better than the one I used in the Obsidian. The walls were clean and painted cream with reddish brown on the edges. The bed I was lying in was softer and larger; it had clean pillows and thick blanket. The signet used by the Weston was neatly framed and settled on the wall. I was still sailing on the sea because of the calm humming of the engine from the distance and the gentle swaying of the bed. I couldn't remember getting in here. All I knew was that I passed out after my eyes lost the sight of the Pirate City and the Obsidian to the horizon. It was like having all the strength pulled out from my body and I had no choice but to fall down. Tears started brimming in my eyes when my brain started working to remember what happened: the death, the broken promises and the fall of the Pirate City. Before I realized it, the silent tears turned into noisy sobs and someone was already opening the door before I could make it stop.
Cecilia immediately ran to my side and pulled me to her arms. I couldn't say no to the warmth and comfort she was offering and my body felt like it was desperate for it. I clung in to her embrace until my loud crying subsided.
"They're gone, aren't they? The Pirate City is gone! Obsidian is gone! And all I did is watch them and cry. How could I be this weak and helpless?"
More tears escaped from my eyes until Cecilia decided to lift my face in her palms so I could face her. Gone was the strictness in her face, the woman who was facing me at the moment was a kind one who sympathized about how I was feeling.
"A heart that knows when to cry is not weak. It is a heart that braves the agony and pain, the joy and sadness. It is a heart that understands the need to be soft and kind during the dark days. It is a heart that can bring sunshine and rain, both a necessity to grow - and Primrose, my love, it is your heart. And a heart like yours is what we need at this moment."
My hand made its way to my own cheeks and brushed the tears that were continuously escaping from my eyes. It was like I brought the whole ocean with me and they were now leaking in small river of tears on my face. This ship would probably sink before I stop crying.
"Everything will be fine, my dear," she said and pulled me again in her arms.
We heard soft knocks against the door and when we didn't answer, the person behind it turned the knob open. I gasped in surprise as I saw the face of the man I never thought I would be seeing at that moment.
"Tarnus?" I whispered, shocked.
"Lady Primrose, we transferred you to the marine ship when you passed out," he said before bowing his head low in respect. Instead of answering him formally, I stood from my bed and ran into him. He seemed to be a little bit surprised at my action but caught me immediately in his arms. His embrace tightened and I closed my eyes as I smelled the familiar fresh, clean cloth of his marine uniform. He smelled like the East Land.
"The lady is emotionally fragile at the moment. Please take good care of her," Cecilia said in a formal tone. She seemed to be uncomfortable around Tarnus as she made her way out to the door. I felt Tarnus relaxed when we heard the door closed.
"Please tell me you aren't hurt. Please tell me they didn't do terrible things to you," he pleaded in strained voice. He seemed to be trying to control his anger; he was always composed and collected as I remembered him. But he was showing emotions at that moment and his resentment towards the pirates was evident.
"The pirates are not the monsters we thought they are. They took care of me. They saved me more than a few times."
I thought of the times I was attacked by the pirates but the memories of my adventures with the Obsidian outweighed them. I found myself defending them from the man who sailed the ocean to save me.
"Is it some kind of a brainwash? Don't worry, Lady Primrose. You'll be alright. I just have to bring you back home safely," he answered frowning. He was clearly unconvinced with what I had said.
Home. I should be excited and relieved that finally, I would be able to go home. But why was this sadness weighing my heart down, burying the yearning to be back to the East land deep in the sea. I pushed away from his chest and looked up at him. I was happy to see Tarnus, my protector and friend, again. But the idea of being away from the sea made me feel like I, too, was sinking like the Pirate City.
"You don't understand. I'm not brainwashed. I am -"
I stopped in my sentence realizing that he would never understand me and my emotional state didn't actually help in proving that I wasn't hurt or being taken by the pirates didn't take a toll in me. I walked away from his arms and sat on the bed. He looked at me worriedly as new tears made their way down my cheeks. It seemed that these tears had grown their own mind and made decisions to come out whenever they wanted to. He was immediately on my side and wiped my cheeks with his fingers.
"Why did you kill them? Why did you bring the Pirate City down?" I asked in between sobbing.
He frowned and looked at me in confusion. "They kidnapped you. They held you captive. The leading families and the council gave their support to the West land's fleet to make their marines more powerful. We've been planning this rescue mission for months ever since they took you away. The mainland wants you back."
The weight in my heart became heavier. "What if I didn't want to be back?"
The question left Tarnus speechless. He looked at me like he didn't know me at all - like I had changed and the person beside him was a complete stranger. He also looked hurt and disappointment crossed his face.
"Then all of this would be for nothing," he answered sternly. I had been friends with Tarnus ever since we were children and he never got seriously mad at me. He would scold me for my mistakes but he never gave me his cold shoulders or even this tone he was using at the moment. Maybe I crossed the line this time.
I looked down on my fingers sadly, regretting what I had just said. He had to leave the East land to sail the sea and save me. And all I could tell him was I didn't want to come back. Just how ungrateful and selfish I could be?
"I'm sorry," I said silently. I was sorry that I couldn't bring myself to be happy that I was saved. I was sorry that I didn't want to go back to the East Land. I was sorry that at that moment, there was only one person my heart was yearning to see.
I felt his fingers touched my chin and pulled it up so I can face him. Gone was the coldness in his eyes and all I could see now was the same sadness mirroring mine. "People died, milady. Marines and pirates died for this war. I sailed the ocean for weeks just to find you. And all I wanted in return is to once again see your smile. Can't I have at least that?"
I looked at him. I haven't seen him for a very long time. He was my friend and protector and he was sitting right at my side. I lost the Pirate City and the pirate world was slipping away from my hand. But he was here, and I shouldn't feel alone with him.
"Is that your way of saying you missed me?" I asked sadly.
A blush made its way to his cheeks and he turned to the other side of the room avoiding my gaze. I tried to smile for him but it seemed that smiling was one of the hardest things to do at the moment. He looked back at me and smiled kindly at my effort.
"You don't have to, if you can't. I'm sure I can still see it in the coming days. For now, I'm just happy that you're back," he said.
I put my arms around him again, and even though my heart was dying in every second that we were sailing away from where the Pirate City used to be, I found comfort in his embrace. We spent hours in conversation like old friends who met each other after a very long time. He told me about the things I missed in the East Land and how my parents were worried about me. He asked me about what happened during the times I was with the pirates and I wasn't able to start telling him about my adventures. For every time I thought about it, I thought about the Skull and I would then feel my heart being crushed from the inside. Memories of him were both beautiful and painful. He understood it and changed the topic back to the mainland.
"It's a good thing that the West Land has a person in the Pirate City or we wouldn't be able to know where you are or even plan the attack properly."
His statement caught my attention. "There's someone from the West Land in the Pirate City?" I gasped, shocked. And somehow, I felt a little bit angered. Someone double-crossed the Pirate City and I couldn't help but felt betrayed as well. "Who is it?" I asked.
I looked back to what happened during the war and suspicion rose inside me. No, it couldn't be. It's not possible. But who was I to know what's possible from impossible. I was probably just the size of grain in a huge pirate world.
"She was able to send a message to us through a pirate who we paid bunch of golds. Cecilia made sure that you would be safe until we come for you," he answered casually as if it was something I had to be grateful of.
I knew it. "Cecilia? The woman I was with moments ago," I muttered. It made sense. I saw her talking to a pirate the morning before the war. Who knew how long she had been doing it under Captain Rowaen's nose? It was the same ship that came for me in the sinking grand vessel.
"Yes. She and the other pirates who shifted to our side will receive their rewards once we reached the Sea Port City," he said.
I stood up abruptly and walked out of the room. "Where is she?" I asked angrily when I felt Tarnus rushing after me. The interior of the ship was more modern compared to the Obsidian. The marines who were resting in their uniform looked at me and bowed their heads in respect. I ignored them and continued walking up the stairs towards the deck.
"Lady Primrose!" Tarnus called but I didn't listen to him. I continued on my way up and found Cecilia with the wounded pirates. I walked brusquely to her and grabbed her arm so she could face me. She looked at me a little surprised, and when she saw the anger in my eyes, understanding dawned at her.
"You betrayed the pirates! How could you do this?" My scream was full of hatred. I knew that my grasp in her arm was a little bit tight and harsh, and it might bruise her. But she didn't do anything to keep me away from her. She received my anger with her eyes looking straight at me. The wounded pirates around us looked up to her waiting for Cecilia to deny my accusation.
"It was something I had to do," she finally said which earned glares from the pirates.
"Something you had to do? For what? For golds?" I asked her disdainfully.
Tarnus reached out and tried to pull my grasp on Cecilia's arm. I let it go but not without giving her my deadly glare. "You said if blood would be shed, it wouldn't be blood in my hands. Well, I guess it makes sense now - because the blood of those people who died in this war is actually in your hands!"
I marched away from the deck back to the room. Tarnus didn't go after me and I was thankful for that. I needed some time alone. My heart was being eaten by sadness and anger and I didn't know how much this beating muscle of mine could take. I was drowning in negativity and it felt like there was absolutely no way for me to swim in it. I refused to eat the food they brought in my room. I didn't want to talk with anyone and I just wanted to stay in the comfort of the bed, crying my heart out. At that moment, I welcomed the weakness and let it pulled me down to the darkness. I fell asleep with a hope that somehow, between those hours that I wasn't awake, everything would be alright.
However, it seemed that even in dreams, the fall of the Pirate City followed me. I was haunted by the blood and death caused by the war and my inability to stop it. I was visited by the face of the Skull saying that he would come back for me. And I would have stayed in that dream and lived in his promise if it wasn't for the hands that were shaking me causing me to wake up.
When I opened my eyes, the first thing I felt was the coldness of the surrounding. I saw relief in Tarnus' face when I woke up and he put another thick blanket on me. I wanted to stand and ask him to leave me alone but the simple task of speaking and moving my arms was taking a lot of strength in me. It was like I was in another battle in my dream and it drained my energy. I was hurting in most parts of my body. Tarnus touched my forehead with his hand and looked at me worriedly.
"You're burning with fever, Lady Primrose," he said and I closed my eyes. I guessed things would not get any better this time.