Bismillah.
Thanks everyone for the two thousand reads! Allahu akbar! ^___^
Is it just me or Isaac's words in the previous chapter keep on repeating on your mind too? <3
Chapter Fifteen: Promise Me
Flashback
"Hey Fatima, RM has been MIA for a week now. Does he still have the flu?" Kenny, our Student Council President asked me as we were getting ready for the session.
:"Hmm, maybe. But I will visit him after today's meeting. I would let him know of the house bill approved by the board," I told Kenny.
We started the meeting and I couldn't shake off the fear inside me. This morning, I received a very weird text from RM. I grabbed my phone from the table and read it again.
"Thanks for everything," the text message said.
It maybe just random or nothing but when I dialed his number, his phone was switched off. Why do I get this feeling that RM is saying goodbye to me? His Mom died last month and he didn't look that hurt or grieving. He even kept on saying it was for the best that his drug addict Mom passed away because of overdose.
"Now I can live without worrying about her," he said after the funeral.
Not wanting to have regrets in the end, and trusting my own gut feeling, I stood up and the President, Vice President and my fellow seven senators looked at me in surprised.
"I cannot be in today's meeting. There's been an emergency. I have to go," I apologized, carrying my binder and putting on my knapsack.
I ran towards the exit gate and hailed a taxi cab. I gave the driver RM's address and tried calling his number again. Still it was switched off.
After 30 minutes, I arrived at the familiar subdivision. I ran towards his house, not minding the stares of the passerby. I knocked at his door so loudly.
"RM, are you there? Open up! Open this door! I need to talk to you," I yelled.
"Go away Fatima," he yelled back.
"What? No, whatever it is you are going through. I am here for you. So open the door right now."
He didn't answer anymore.
I kicked the door and of course, I am just a skinny girl, so it was to no avail. Still I kicked and kicked. I look at his windows and they were made of glass. I looked for a big stone. Finding one by the flower pot, I got ready to throw it to the window so I could open the door knob.
"Rapmon, I am going to throw a big stone at your window so I could open this door. Move back if you are near the window or just stay in the kitchen."
Still no sound from him, making me panic even more. Without a second thought, I threw the stone and it made a heavy crashing sound. The window broke and I'm guessing his glass table in the living room too. I put my hand inside the window, on searched for the door knob then I hurriedly opened it. I entered his house and searched for him.
"Rapmon! Rapmon!" I called out as I made my way from the living room to the kitchen, to the dining room and then to his bedroom which was halfway open.
IAs soon as I got inside his room, I saw him sitting on his bed with a razor on his right hand ready to cut the vein on his left wrist. I instantly went to him and grab the razor as it bled my fingers.
"Astaghfirullah al – azim. La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah," I cried out.
I moved away from him, still holding the razor in my bleeding fingers. RM looked at me and he was too shock to response. He looked at my hands then at my face.
"What the hell RM?!" I screamed out to him.
Tears started to form in my eyes. But I care not to wipe them away.
"You want to end your life?" I asked him.
Then I broke the small razor blade into pieces and threw them out of his window.
"If you have killed yourself, you will be in Hell. Your soul is too good to end up in hell," I said to him.
RM just shook his head and he was crying. I went to him and sat beside him.
"Who cares if I die Fatima? Nobody needs me anymore," he cried between tears.
:"That's where you're wrong Rapmon. Allah cares for you that's why we met right? For me to show you why Allah is The Most Merciful. And .... I need you RM. I can't imagine my life without you. It would really totally suck not having someone who can write as good as I can. Besides, who will I watch Harry Potter 7 with?" I joked on him.
He chuckled and then he touched my hands. I took it away from his grip gently. He knows it's haram in Islam.
"Let me first aid you," he said.
I shook my head.
"Let's sit still for a while. I am still too shock," I admit.
My body was trembling. I am not exactly a brave person. I am just trying to be.
"And I don't want you out of my sight. You might do something stupid again. Promise me you won't try to kill yourself again," I begged of him.
"As long as you promise me one thing," he uttered.
His lips look pale and so is his face. He hasn't eaten for days I guess.
"What?"
"Promise me that you'll always need me?" he said.
"I promise you that I will always need you for as long as I'm breathing," I pledged with my right hand raised.
He chuckled.
"Like the flower needs the rain?" he pressed on.
"Yes and like the flowers need the sunshine," I cheesily said.
He bumbed my arm and he gave me a smile. My heart raced a little with the cuteness of his smile. Rapmon was one of a kind. We were compatible in our likes and hobbies. And in shaa Allah, he will become a Muslim too.
End of Flashback
Present Time
Fatima's POV
How do you break up with your best friend? That is what I am about to do to Rapmon. My best friend for almost six years. I never thought this day would come. I always thought Allah will overlook our closeness with mercy and understanding.
But Ustadzh Nouman Ali Khan, a renowned Islamic speaker in one of his talks said that if we do a sin thinking that Allah will forgive us so we continue doing it is one of the tricks of Shaytan. I remember him saying, "If you consider your sin as a minor thing then it is a major thing for Allah. If you feel bad about a simple sin, and you make tawbah and regret over it and promised not to do it, then Allah will forgive you. HE would even convert your mountain of bad deeds into good deeds. Allah will say – On Judgment Day, I don't want to see that mountain of bad deeds, I will turn them into good deeds. Then Shaytan will tell you, hey, do sins as many as you can, just make tawbah so that Allah will convert them into good deeds."
It's all about taqwa, piety. I must do this to please Allah. If I choose to be close with Rapmon despite all the evident signs Allah has showed to me of its danger and consequences, then that would make me an ingrate slave of Allah, ungrateful and disobedient. To be ungrateful of all Allah gave to me is something my heart couldn't do. Allah showered me and my family with good health and I even have a great job that pays well. How can I deny his favors by intentionally disobeying his command? Astaghfirullah.
"No Rapmon, Isaac did not talk me into this. I've been analyzing things since last night and I had to admit that you were right. You were my distractions. I am emotionally dependent upon you and it's not fair to you. I know... I know you have developed feelings for me and I shun you away. I pretended that the hug didn't happen, that I am not aware that you have been having those feelings for me ever since we were in college. And last night, I made you worry. I was selfish. I shouted at you. I am so sorry for last night and for a lot of things. And I am sorry but I have to ... to...," I could not continue.
My eyes were blurry with tears. Rapmon inhaled and he cursed again. I wanted to just cry and not end our friendship. I wanted to tell him about Suga nad how fascinating it was meeting him I wanted to tell him that Isaac confessed his love for me last night and it blew me away. I wanted to tell him I am so happy he came here this morning because I love having conversations with him. I wanted to tell him that I think he will be a good husband to me. But I also wish I could tell him I think I am starting to have feelings for my boss. However, Rapmon is proposing tomorrow and I am so so scared of hurting him. How can I say yes when all I could think about last night are Isaac's eyes and sweet words.
"You're ending our closeness? You want me to keep my distance and stay away?" RM asked.
I wiped my tears and nodded at him. His eyes were teary – eyed and it hurt me even more.
"Fatima, you're my world. Please don't do this to me," he pleaded.
I was crying non – stop and a whimper got out of my voice.
"I lost my Mom already. Dad has another family. You are the only family I have in my heart. If I keep away from you, who else will I have?" he reasoned out.
"You have Allah and your friends. You will find a girl that will be your world," I comforted him.
He wiped his nose and looked away. His lips were moving, trembling and he was biting his lower lip.
"Are you not only ending our friendship? Are you rejecting me too?" he said, looking back at me.
I couldn't answer him so I just continued crying.
"Wow, you won't even grant me the chance to court you, or to ask for your hand in marriage or at least make you fall in love with me too? Not even for old time's sake? You're just going to send me away? How easy and convenient would that be for you huh?"
RM rose up and I wanted to stand up and stopped him from walking out the door. If he goes away like this, I would never be able to fix us. I would be out of his life, completely. And I don't think I would ever want that.
But I couldn't move at all.
RM wiped his tears and his phone began to ring. He ignored it. But it rang again. So he finally answered it.
"Suga, I'll be there," he simply said.
"I wish you had loved me the way I loved you Fatima. I feel so betrayed .. ahhh...."
He was struggling for words. And then he cleared his throat with his right hand forming into a fist on his mouth.
"Okay, I'll let you go as you wish but promise me that you'll never ask for my help in anything ever again. Don't text me. Don't call me. Unfriend me on facebook. Let us both just be civil to each other. You chose to hurt me, again. You did this once in a very nice way when Harun wanted me out of your life. But we communicated, I visited your family with you. Now, it's different but altogether the same. You like your Boss and you're kicking me out of your life again. He must have made a very good impression for you to completely be certain that Raphael Monstefar means nothing to you. You can survive without me. You can do without me. Fuck Fatima, didn't you even think if I can survive without you? If I could do without you? How could you do this?" he asked angrily.
I rose up and looked at him in the eye.
"It's just that, I love you a lot Fatima," he said, looking down, teary - eyed and fighting back his tears (image above).
"RM, this is hard for me to," I said to him.
"Hard? You're the one leaving me. You're the one asking me to go. You're the one choosing a man you've only known for two weeks. You're the one throwing our years together. I know our friendship is in itself haram and wrong. But I am ready to right those wrongs by marrying you. And you won't even let me do that... how can you be so sure that you don't love me back Fatima? Maybe this is right. Maybe we should really end. One day, you will wake up one morning and you're gonna miss me. One day, you would yearn to hear my voice. One day, you're gonna want so bad to see me. One day, your heart will break realizing that it is I whom you truly love. But on that day Fatima, I ain't gonna be there for you. I will be gone, as I am now," he said with tears.
He began walking out of the door but stopped. He got two tickets from his suit and placed it on the table.
"The groceries are on its way to your family's house today. I hate wasting money so just use this ticket to go home to your family. This is the last thing I am doing for you Fatima Maryam. Goodbye," he uttered.
I watched him opened and closed the door. I got the ticket and it was our ticket. This month, there would be no RM to accompany me in coming home. Tears formed into my eyes again. I miss him already.
Oh ya Allah, I hope I made the right decision.
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Jimin's POV
I watched as RM stormed out of Fatima's apartment with tears on his face. What happened between those two? I am guessing that Fatima must have rejected him already. I feel sad for my friend. This could mean that he will not propose tomorrow anymore.
I dropped by her house this morning to ask my driver to give Fatima the dresses I bought for her last night. I wanted her to wear one of them today. She liked them very much.
I do not have the intention to intervene Fatima's dilemma between RM and Isaac. I just want to do what I can for a rare beautiful lady like her. She makes the world, this world a happier place to live in.
"Franky, you may now, knock on her door and tell her I gave that to her. Make sure she does not refuse them," I told my butler.
"Yes Sir."
He climbed down the car while I answered Suga's call.
"Calm down Suga. I'll be on my way," I told him.
Suga has always been the impatient one. He has the temperament of a lion. But I could understand. It's his first grand convention with an international speaker. Sheikh Wahaj Tarin will be the speaker of the Grand Islamic Convention for Muslim Reverts. All eight of us will be there. I wonder whether Fatima will be there too.
After a minute, Franky returned, without the shopping bag.
"What did she say? How did she take it? How is she?" I asked him when he got in the driver's seat.
"She must have been crying Sir. But she smiled and thanked me. She also said that she will pray for Allah to reward you for your goodness," Franky answered.
"In shaa Allah. Let's head now to Suga Convention Center," I said.
She's been crying. I sighed. Fatima, you are too beautiful in this cruel world. Even your very own best friend has the power to hurt you. Even you can hurt yourself too.
This is the first time I have ever felt this way.
To be sad for a woman I barely even knew. Still, I will do more for her, unconditionally.
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Isaac's POV
I watched as Jimin's car left the area. He must have given her dresses as I saw the Worldwide Apparel logo on it.
No, nobody can spoil her except me. I got my phone and dialed Pindah's number. She's my cousin who is a stylist and fashion designer.
"Assalamu alaykum. Pindah, can you get me the best stylist of your company? I want her to be in charge of my secretary's dresses, veils, shoes, bags and over – all look. Hmm, and also be her shopping partner or shop for her, whatever works for my secretary."
"Wow, are you marrying this secretary? It's like giving her the entire world already. We ladies love shopping!" Pindah teased me.
"Well, I intend to marry her, so I hope so, in shaa Allah."
She giggled and wanted to ask many questions but I got a call waiting from Suga.
"Pindah I need to go. Your stylist shall meet with her on Monday, on my office alright? Thank you so much. Don't worry about the payment. Put it on my bill. Your stylist gets to be paid by me too. That would be all. Assalamu alaykum."
I switched the call and answered Suga.
"We would be there in fifteen minutes. Yes, my secretary will attend the convention too. She loves Sheikh Wahaj Tarin. I don't want her to miss it. Okay, see you," I said to him.
"Sir how much longer are we to wait for Miss Maryam?" Wadel, my driver and butler asked me.
"Until she leaves the house. Until she's feeling better," I answered.
"Sir with all due respect, what if she has no plans to leave the house?" Wadel asked with worried expression.
Wadel knows my presence is needed at the Presidential table on the convention. The convention is sponsored by IGCAP which means RM, Jin, Jimin, J – Hope, Taehyung and Jungkook and I will be seated in front together with the city Sheikhs and Ulama.
"If she does not leave the house, then it's fine," I told my driver.
I texted her already that her presence is needed at the office before 8am. I didn't tell her she would attend the convention. I wanted to surprise her. And I also know Suga's presence there might either excite her or make her feel uncomfortable. I really still haven't figured out how she feels for that man.
But when I saw RM leaving her house in a fit of tears and anger, I knew she had finally ended their closeness.
It would only hurt now Fatima. It will get better soon. Allah says that if we leave the haram for His Sake, HE will grant us something far more better than we could have ever imagined or anticipated for.
And in this case, I will be that for you. In shaa Allah.
The door to her apartment opened and there she was wearing a gray dress with a dark pink veil. She looks so elegant, and beautiful yet humble and modest.
I climbed out of the car, buttoned my suit as I saw her looking at my direction. I walked towards her and smiled at her. She smiled back at me. I felt the familiar butterflies swarming on my tummy. I really like being close to her like this.
"Ready?" I asked her.
"Why are you here Sir?" she asked.
"I'm here to fetch you. We're attending the Muslim Reverts Convention. Sheikh Wahaj Tarin will be the speaker," I said.
Her eyes which appeared swollen from too much crying appeared happy.
"Really? Sheikh Wahaj is here? And I'm going?" she exclaimed excitedly.
I was too relieved and too happy that I was able to make her smile and be excited despite the morning drama she had to endure a while back with RM.
"Yes baby. We will be watching Sheikh Wahaj Tarin LIVE. Come now," I told her, not bothering that I just called her the endearment I have for her.
Strangely though, she does not seem bothered by it. Alhamdulillah. I just hope her mood will continue to improve as the day goes on. Although we will be with them at the morning convention and the barbecue restaurant meeting this afternoon, there's a slim chance that that may not be the case.
Wadel opened the door for us and we both got inside the passenger seat. Wadel started driving and her apartment disappeared from our sight.
"Sir Isaac, how long have you been waiting outside my apartment?" she asked, not looking at me but straight ahead.
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"One must close the files of the past. Episodes of the past, which when recalled only induce pain, should be forgotten and eradicated from one's memory. Thus, a new life for a new day!"
- Don't Be Sad by Dr. Aid – Al – Qarni
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My heart broke for RM and Fatima on this chapter.
Vote and comment. <3
Thanks for reading! Next update is on Saturday, in shaa Allah, or tomorrow if I can't help myself. :)