*Rose's POV*
We woke up a little bit later than we wanted it. We all fell asleep on the couch next to Sophie. I've changed into some clothes that Grayson got me and I have to admit he has a really good taste in clothes.
Since I can't take Sophie in her pajamas to the police station we decided to get her some clothes. Sophie loves rainbows so we got her a nice sweater with tiny rainbows on it and some lovely shorts.
She seemed really happy and it's making everything even harder for me. I don't know how to explain this all to her. I don't know if she'll ever understand. On the way we also got some ice cream with sprinkles.
When she asked me questions about why she would be here, how she came here, where we actually are and who Grayson is, I tried to answer them as good as I can without confusing her. She told me that it wouldn't matter as long as I would be with her and that broke my heart.
I'm not sure if I'll always be able to be with her. I feel like a fraud that is betraying her really really bad.. she's still so young and I believe that she has a chance of a beautiful future with a normal family and happy memories..
I want to save her as long as I still have the chance to. One day she'll understand. She'll may hate me now and she probably won't forgive me but one day she'll grow up and understand me because I'm not sure if I can save myself.. even if I'm acting like everything is fine or everything is getting better.. it's not and I can feel that..
Grayson is the only thing that keeps me alive.. if I lose him.. I'll lose myself. Honestly if I lose him I accept that I lost this game. I'm going to do exactly what I've planned a while ago.
»Rose?« she says from the backseat while we're stuck in traffic. I turn my head around. »Yeah?« she smiles and kinda blushes. I've never seen her like this. »I had a dream last night.« she says really shy and kinda quiet. I furrow my eyebrows but smile.
»Really? Tell us about it!« I say full of excitement. She pressures her lips and that make some even more curious now. She stays quiet. Obviously it wasn't a nightmare. It makes her happy.
»What did you dream about Sophie?« I Ask her still smiling while Grayson keeps a rhythm with tabbing his fingers on the wheel.
She whispers »A boy!« Grayson and I look at each other eyes wide open at the same time. My jaw drops. I don't know if I should laugh or take her serious. I swallow.
Grayson is about to burst out in laughter but I speak before he does that. I don't want Sophie to feel stupid or regret that she told us. »Oh! Tell us about him! How did he look?! Was he handsome?« I Ask also about to burst out in laughter.
»Yes! He was really handsome! He was tall and really muscular! His arms looked like big balloon!« she says tasing her little arms. My jaw drops again. »W-what did he do?« I Ask shaking my head..
»He picked me up from my bed and drove me somewhere. I've been in his arms all the time..« she hugs herself smiling. Grayson and I look at each other again. »CARTER!« we both scream at the same time. And I burst out in laughter. I can't hold it in anymore.
She crosses her arms in front of her chest and looks at us with furrowed eyebrows. I swipe my tears away and look at her again. »Sophie do you like him?« she looks away..
»Maybe..« I'm not sure if she knows he's real and I'd like to know what happens as soon as she finds out that he's real.. that really made me laugh and it's hella cute... I can only hope she'll always have dreams like these.. only good ones that'll make her feel something.
***
When we park in front of the police station I hold my breath. »Sophie could you wait a few seconds here?« I Ask her and she nods. Grayson looks at me questioning. We get off the car. »I changed my mind.« I say totally disappoint in myself.
»Thank god.« he says taking a deep breath. »Well not actually.. I'm still going to talk to Ella..« he crosses his arms in front of his chest. »I'll only tell her a few things and ask her for help. I should've done this earlier.« I say looking away..
»If you think this is a good idea.. then go on.« he says. My stomach drops. »Are you mad?« I ask. He tilts his head a little bit.. »Babe I could never be mad at you. I know you're trying your best..« he kisses my forehead and we get Sophie out of the car.. I take her hand.
*Grayson's POV*
Just when we're about to walk in I see Ethan standing outside talking to other officers. Actually I shouldn't be here. It's like they're only waiting for me but at the same time they can't do anything because I'm already done with them... but when I see Ethan..
I remember something that I need him for. »Babe go and talk to Ella I'll be right behind you.« she nods and I walk into the other direction towards Ethan.
After the last time we saw each other I didn't hear anything about him. Means it worked and he understood but now.. I need him..
He looks shocked when he sees me.. not afraid. More pissed but I don't care. Then he smiles when I stand in front of him. »Where are your friends? Are you going to beat me alone?« he asks still smiling.
He's making me freak out.. I could actually beat the hell out of him but I won't.. I hate myself for so many reason.. I hate myself because of what I screamed when I fought with him.. I told him I would know that I'm not good enough for her and that she'll never be mine..
Now she is and I'm still afraid as hell.. I'm still afraid of hurting her or losing her and I know I will.. if she finds it about what I've done with Elijah and Daisy.. she probably won't forgive me. She already hated how they lied although it wasn't their fault but as soon as she finds out that this all was my idea.. she'll hate me and it hurts me.
It's killing me.. I need to find an excuse or something else until that moment.. until she finds out. I'll make sure she won't find out but if she does.. I'm dead. I don't want to be who I am when I'm without her. I'm turning into somebody else.. no.. I'm turning into me.
»Nope. I need your help.« I says and he laughs. God give me patience. »With What? Arresting you?« he asks. I shake my head and roll my eyes. What a stupid ass..
»It's not about me.. it's about Rose..« I says and he gets serious. I hate this fucking bastard and how he takes everything serious when it comes to Rose.. »I thought I should stay away from her..« he says. I take a deep breath.. »This is something else..«
I didn't tell her about this and I don't think I will.. but I need to do this. I know she wouldn't want this and I know she already things I do too much for her.. but it's worth a try.
***
*Rose's POV*
We get out of the police station.. Ella gave me some papers that I need to fill.. she's been very nice like always and she was really glad to see me. She said she would be proud of me that I decide to come and talk about everything.
Actually I'm proud too and while Sophie was playing with some toys that they had there for kids I was talking about her.. I told her that I wouldn't want to give her away since I don't have the right to but that I would want her to go to a better place than this even if it's without me..
She told me about a few options and when I couldn't decide she said she would handle it. She would know a good place for her and that I could trust her. I'm going to trust her.. she also said I could visit Sophie whenever I would want to. It won't be really easy but she did a lot to make everything easier for me and I really appreciate that. She's helping a lot.
So she's going to pick Sophie up tonight.. I don't know when I'll see her again but I need to explain her somehow that she won't see me for a while but that she won't have to worry because I'll visit her.
When we come back we find Grayson sitting in the car.. he's looking worried.. »Where have you been?« I Ask him. He gets out of his daydream. »Uh.. I talked to someone here. Nothing important.« I furrow my eyebrows but don't ask more.. who did he talk about and why did it take him so long?
There's no time for unnecessary questions I think.
He turns the engine on and holds my hand like always.. that he's doing this makes everything a lot better. »Are you going to marry Rose?« Sophie asks from the backseat again. My heart stops.. I can't even look at Grayson.
I never bought about this.. we never talked about this. We don't talk about these kinds of things but she's chuckling while I'm blushing hard as fuck. So I look away...
»Yeah..« I hear Grayson saying.. my jaw drops and I look at him. I don't know if he's serious.. but it's making me feel some type of way..
He smiles and I try to smile back but I don't really success..
We stay in silence during the whole ride.. I don't feel like talking. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like shit about everything and I don't know how I'm going to fix this..
I don't know how I'll be able to make this feeling go away.. everything is stressing me.. just everything. I wish I would go away..