For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.
- Matthew 16:25
Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction.
- Isaiah 48:10
I have sought but a kindred spirit to share it, and I have found such in thee.
- Walter Scott
She was stiff, her muscles ached, and everything in her begged for sleep and rest. And more food.
She could not recall the last time she wished for sustenance so, and was so incredibly tired.
Who could tell that physical exertion could bring so much discomfort? Anneth swore never to indulge in it again, for the soreness in her legs was truly a pain, and regardless of what she did, it would not leave. Why, she could scarcely walk with the horrific tightness of her calf muscles!
With disdain, she watched as Voronen easily glided along, showing no sign of fatigue or weariness. Blasted strong ellyn with their better gifts in physical strength.
Then again, Anneth should rather have intelligence than strength, though this goes not to claim that Voronen had no intelligence. Unless that was according to his sister, who then would say that Voronen was the most daft, idiotic, inane dolt ever to walk Ennorath and set foot in Imladris.
Pained groans were uttered each time she attempted to walk from one place to the other, and one might believe the elleth was diseased and nearing death, for it took all her might to merely walk and all her strength to carry on routine activities. 'Twas rather like an elderly human that she walked and felt, and that was quite humiliating. In that moment, she would be angered when Voronen told her, but later, the time would come when she turned back and looked upon this occurrence as wonderfully amusing and quite hilarious, yet when it was her reality, it was not so.
Anneth never imagined that such agony could be felt in the depths of her muscles, and in sense, it was slightly invigorating, for she knew that when the pain left, she would have been stronger than before, better.
Thought it was a minor and superficial happening, it was this day she understood more what having one's character refined was. To refine silver, one must burn away the dross, and to burn away the dross, one must put the silver through fire, destroying it, before once again making it whole. In order to strengthen muscles one must work and endure the pain that exertion brings. And to refine a character and a heart, one must face tribulation and hurt, pain and suffering. Only through this can one be changed.
And yet, some face tribulation and change, and then return from whence they came, return to same way they lived before they were tested and tried. They forget what they have learned, what they had changed, and the pain they endured. These are the foolish souls, the ones that are lazy and do not seek to better themselves and change that which is unsavoury in their being. These are the ones that never do see great happiness, never do they know joy in its truest and most wondrous form, and these are the ones that shall never leave any lasting memory on those they have met, for with disdain some will see them, with pity others shall weep for them.
'Tis great tragedy to have gone through trials and seen the refining fires and trying storms, only to emerge from them no different than the way they were when first they saw the fire and storm.
With desperation I hold to him, the faces registering in my mind.
When I had been in the moment with those evil creatures, they had merely had blurs for faces, I could not see them. 'Twas merely a dark shadow upon their shoulders and I did not look into their malice filled eyes. And yet now I can see their faces, clear as this night's sky, evident in my mind. I can see their snarls, the disgusting words pouring from their rotting mouths, their deteriorating teeth sending pungent, abhorrent scents into the air.
Their threats ring in my mind now, the purely evil and loathsomely repulsive wishes resounding in my head.
It was these things my brother saw before he departed, my father saw when he faced a wound so terrible he would not live more than a day afterwards.
My breathing quickens just to see the faces and imagine what it was when my brother took his last breaths and my father met the blade that would be his end. Each breath is laborious and my heart pounds irregularly.
The world spins about me.
It seems as though the orcs still surround me, their minds foul, and their only want to kill me.
"Anneth..." A voice breaks my imagination, and I breathe out in relief. "All is well now."
I cringe and shudder to think of what I have just seen, burying my head into the strong shoulder before me, no longer worrying of staining his garments with my tears. I have not the strength to worry or care.
"Goheno nin, Anneth," Legolas softly whispers, "I should not have left you. I did not believe any orcs would come, and that was foolish of me, terribly foolish, for the blood surely would draw them, and they roam these plains often. I nearly was the cause of your untimely death, as well as your sister's husband's, and most likely, your sister's also. I would not find myself angry if you no longer considered me among your friends."
I do not answer. I cannot answer.
If I had more strength I might find that I am angered or hurt by his actions, yet instead I feel terribly weak and weary, and in his arms, I again find safety, the threat of death gone.
This is surely counted the greatest quandary I have ever landed myself in, and though I should have perished today, it was not Eru's will to take me from this land today. I have found some hope within myself, and hold a renewed hope and faith in the plans of He whose thought shapes the world.
Finally, I discover my voice, though it yet wavers, faltering with every word, quiet, hoarse. "No, it is I who is to blame. 'Twas my choice to ride here to be some noble hero that I am not. Why, it was not even my action that enabled him to live."
"You closed his wound. If you had not done so, he would have bled to death here and perished, and your sister would have faded, Anneth," he fervently tells me.
"But it was an arbitrary decision, you cannot deny that."
"And you say I am impulsive, mellon nin."
In spite of the circumstance, I smile weakly, struggling to remain as alert as possible.
"You are," I answer quietly.
"Oh, I regret that you were forced to see that, and that against your will you were placed in a position where combat was called for and you must defend yourself, though you are not skilled. Although, I was correct in that you were not as terrible as you thought yourself. Five orcs, Anneth. I must admit, I am myself astonished. I had told you that so that you would not lose hope, even as I did believe it, I knew you would scorn such a thought." He sighs. "I am sorry."
"Good, and not evil, came from it, and for that I am grateful."
He responds by tightening his hold on me and kissing my forehead softly, and, weary, I drift off to dreams, despite my valiant efforts to remain awake. All strength really has left me.
The dreams that follow interchange between comforting dreams and frightening ones.
I cannot forget those leering, evil faces, grasping to cause death and bring about chaos with their own hands. In that instant, I could see them not, and now, they are far too real.
Orcs I have seen before, but I have not been threatened by them so.
Those moments I spent on those plains in the night will never leave me.
I awake to a foreign setting, soon identifying it as Laineth's front room.
Immediately after straightening myself up, Laineth's arms fly about me, and she embraces me tightly, tears flying down her face.
"Oh, Authiel, thank you!"
I embrace her tightly in return, glad to have my sister here and not dead and cold as she might have been, had Thandion died.
"It was not I, Laineth, for I could not have done a smidgen of it on my own. We both must place our thanks in Him who has seen it fit to give us all another day."
"I believed he was to die, and I was to fade along with him. When you left, I believed you were abandoning me to fade alone, to live in horrible grief and sorrow for my last moments, before I would depart. And instead, you saved my husband's life." She pauses, still holding on to me, and I find myself weeping with her. "For more than a moment I doubted our friendship, all that we had seen together, and I thought of you without allowing you the benefit of the doubt, slandering you in my mind." My chest tightens to hear this, to hear the pain I caused with that, though I know it was right to save Thandion. "Terrible things crossed my mind, Authiel, and I am ashamed. Yet when Legolas brought you in the night, all hateful thoughts left me, for then I knew why you had gone, and I was reminded of why I had always looked up to you."
I smile widely, holding my sister and remembering all we have seen together, all the moments we had as sisters and friends, the gladness of having such a friend overflowing my heart. Oh, how overjoyed I am to have her well and joyful herself, the resignation and pain I saw in her face and eyes the night last completely faded, having given way to pure joy and happiness.
"Oh, sister, I would have done anything to have wiped away the sorrow and pain from you."
"I know, and it terrifies me to think of what might have transpired. Prince Legolas told me it all before he left."
I look to the nearest window, marvelling at how gloriously beautiful the world seems this day, sunlight beaming through the clear crystal of the windows, the birds' merry song playing airy and clear in the autumn air, and the Song itself seeming brighter and greater than ever I have perceived it.
Perhaps I have merely been granted another opportunity to behold what I have been given for the blessing that it is, to see what I have instead of that which I lack. To no longer look upon my life and scorn its value.
"How did I get here, Laineth?"
"The prince brought you, carried you here. It really was a most heartwarming spectacle, sister, and if not for his title, I would believe that he cared for you deeply, more than a mere friend. I still am not accustomed to knowing that you are friends with him and that–you know. I know you do not like to speak of it."
Perhaps now I can learn to forget the love I believe I have for Legolas, to see it for what it was–infatuation.
But I have known infatuation, seen the fleeting feelings that lied and believed the lies. Neither of them brought so much pain when they had gone, nor did they tear at my heart. The questions Nana gave for me to ask myself all were answered with one resounding yes, and yet still I doubt. If he had been any other ellon, of any other rank, any other title, or without a title, I would not think twice of whether I loved him or not, for it would be utterly clear, plain as the Sun in the blue sky on a clear morn. Yet having known my silly fancies as a youth, having foolishly dreamt of falling in love with some gallant prince, I cannot allow myself to believe there is love when all that is there is my longing to fulfill those dreams.
And there lies the impending departure of the Company, who are to journey to Mordor in hope of casting the Ring into the fires of Orodruin, to bring about peace and life to our dying world once more. I would selfishly attempt to convince Legolas to stay, but I know how silly that is, how ridiculous and horrible such a thing would be. It is his duty to accompany them, for already has his word been given and his path set.
"Authiel?"
"Oh–yes–forgive me, I was lost in my mind."
"You are forever lost in you mind, sister, and surely you have been since the day you were born, I am convinced," she declares, releasing me from her suffocatingly tight embrace.
"I do believe that is true," I laugh, recalling some of the fanciful thoughts I yet remember.
Laineth smiles, her eyes bright again, the life returned. The memory of the hope and life being drunk from her by the evil that sought to take Thandion just the night past burns in my mind, and though I wish to forget it, I know that I have been taught much by this. There is naught that Eru places in the life of any that is all in vain.
"I thank you once again, sister, for risking your own life to save his and mine also. I never could be as noble as you, Authiel," she tells me through tear filled eyes, the brightest smile delicately painted on her face, and joy in every part of her.
"If I had not gone, I never would have lived content again, living with the knowledge that your husband died and your heart was shattered so you faded. It would have been utterly heartless of me to allow sorrow to abound when there could have been none, to seek my own life where I should look to risk it for those I love. I am not as noble as you think me, sister."
"But still I am glad to have you as a sister and friend."
Again tears fall from my eyes, and I reply, "I am glad to have you also, and that you still are with me."
•••••
A day has passed since the most traumatising experience in my recent days occurred, and this morn did Amarwe, her husband, and her children and their children also, did depart.
I knew she was to leave, but I did not believe it would have been so soon.
I feel numb to it, unbelieving that she is gone and I shall not see her until the day I make the voyage across that sea. Many days shall pass before I truly understand that she had departed and is gone from me, moons it shall be before the deep realisation dawns upon me.
The Sun has now just begun her rise in the East, and still the morning is cool and the air breaks fresh upon the trees. On the trees near my home, there are beautifully coloured leaves, that now have begun to fall in varying amounts, the earth surrounding their thick trunks now covered with a myriad of beautiful colours. When winter comes, it shall turn the trees bare and brown, and the leaves that blanket the ground will become a drab brown also, but as of now, the ground is gorgeous shades of reds, golden oranges, purples, and yellows.
The yellows are by far the ones I love the most, for they remind me of bright days and cheerful hearts, times when cares were few and there was little to worry of. It reminds me also of the days I strung them together as a small child, making a crown which I deftly plunked upon my head, and paraded around pretending to be the Elvenking.
Only the Elvenking is most intimidating, and I, as an elfling, was precisely as intimidating as the leaves I wore upon my brow.
I suppose I still am as intimidating as a minuscule leaf, but that is entirely agreeable, for I have no desire to be seen as an intimidating figure.
These strolls alone in the trees that envelope my home are most invigorating, and I do love them, though I love them yet more when I have a companion. But this day there is none, and I do not mind, for there is much to ponder.
With my eyes closed, I navigate the path, knowing precisely where I must go, having traversed it on so many occasions.
And, of course, I find myself crashing into something, a person surely, for I have not veered from the path.
I open my eyes quickly to see Legolas, my face flushing greatly, and I avert his gaze immediately, feeling much like a child who has just tripped and fallen in a most unceremonious manner.
"Anneth!"
"Well met, Legolas." He smiles. "Would you ever consider calling me by the name most call me?," I ask, and he shakes his head.
"I call you what I wish, for both names are equally fitting.
I know the smile on my face is far wider than it should be, yet there is nothing I can do about it.
"What if I should object to such a thing?"
"Ah, mellon nin, that is where the privilege of kindred spirits appears."
I groan. "Legolas, enough of this kindred spirit nonsense!" He laughs. "There is no dissuading you from calling me what you will, for I could not convince you to not call me an orc if you so desired to call me as such."
"It would be unfruitful to refer to you as an orc, for you have slain four of them."
I bury my face in my hands, laughing and wishing to weep at once. "Oh, how perfectly pathetic it is, that I can count all the orcs I have killed on a single hand, and you have slain too many to be counted. But I would not change that, for I yet despise combat and the likes of it."
"'Tis far from pathetic, Anneth, for if you had been pathetic, you would not have found it in you to go after him, and if you had, the moment you knew there were orcs, you would have fled to save your own life."
"Still, I am inferior," I assuredly reply, laughing. Legolas shakes his head and pulls me to him with a single arm.
"I am inferior to such a good and dear friend as you."
"No, I am, for willingly you came with me, when there was nothing you knew of Thandion, and still you were glad to accompany me."
"'Twas the knowledge that if you went alone, the risk that you and your brother in law should die was high, and I could not bear to see one of my dearest friends gone, or watch as you were forced to see your sister fade. It could all be avoided, and I saw that and knew it."
"Really, you would not be able to bear the death of one who you have known for nearly a moon and a half, and whose presence could be replaced easily with another's," I answer, unsure of how to reply, my cheeks burning, but a single glance into Legolas' eyes show that he is honest, and truly sees me as a dear and good friend. My heart leaps at the mere prospect of it.
"Yes, truly. I was in need of another friend, and your friendship I value greatly. 'Tis my wish that it should never be torn apart needlessly."
It is my wish as well, though I would have it torn apart if it meant I could love him and he could love me also. The amount of time that I can bear being a friend and being called 'friend' slowly diminishes every moment that I see him or am near him. Soon his friendship truly will not be enough in the slightest, and it all will seem to shatter before my eyes.
okay tbh I don't understand why all the lotr Legolas fanfics with tons of reads always have some warrior lady like for once why can't we have a girl who doesn't care for any of that
and she always is sharp tongued and like sarcastic and super confident why can't we have girl who doesn't always have the most bruising comments
lol but in other news i finally updated guys
I'm so bad at this I'm so sorry
when i was writing twaf i literally wrote two 3500 word chapters a week and published both of them and now I've written 30 chapters of this story and have only published 18
rip
vote, comment, and pls pls pls leave feedback like i am begging
may your pantries be full of lembas bread as i go to find the Sun