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Gina's POV
John is that Johnny?
My eyes widened with a shock. That's impossible. It couldn't be real. He shouldn't be.
I shook my head. Tears welled up inside my eyes. My hands and also my lips started to tremble. I was speechless staring at the photo.
A little boy was sitting on a big stone with a car toy in his hand. He looked the same as that boy who was the biggest enemy of my life. He was the one I hated most and also the one I wanted to kill ever. He made my life upside down.
I cleared my throat and asked him that boy was him. I was so nervous at that time. I didn't want to hear the word yes from him. It was the biggest fear to me right now. If I could shut my ears, I might do that.
I was praying inside my mind, wishing he would say no. I hoped he wasn't that boy but I knew my wish was useless. I was watching his childhood pictures now and I am sure there was no way that boy would be the other boy.
As my guess, he told me that was him when he was ten years old. Few drops of tear fell from my eyes after hearing this. I should have close my ears. I wasn't ready for the truth.
I saw a waterfall with some tall trees behind him. It looked similar to that place where I didn't want to go again in my life, L.A national forest. I knew for sure it was that place but I asked him the location. I still hoped that he wasn't that boy. I was so scared to lose him.
My hopes were totally shattered after he confirmed me. He said he took that photo there. My breath stopped at the end of his words.
The time I spent there was a hell. I didn't want to feel that misery ever in my life again. It was the worst. A lump started to form inside my chest while watching. I felt suffocate. I couldn't breathe well. I needed some oxygen right now. I needed some air.
I closed my eyes for awhile and calmed myself. My mind was such a mess. I couldn't think anything. My brain wasn't functioning at this moment and my blood was boiling inside me.
I was so stupid. I already knew that his mom sometimes called him Johnny and he once told me it was his nickname. I was a dumb for not recognizing the biggest enemy of my life that I wanted to kill even though there were many hints telling me.
I remembered that boy's face so clear and yet I didn't know that was him. I didn't think that they were the same person even in my dreams. All the time, I thought of him as my prince but actually he was the devil of my life. He was a demon.
I laughed humorlessly. I couldn't believe this. I watched that photo again and again. I still didn't want to accept the truth but that photo was too obvious that I couldn't deny it.
As I watched that more, it became more evident that John and Johnny were the same. I had to acknowledge the truth now. I let out a brittle laugh. My heart was bleeding like hell. I felt like I was betrayed by everyone including my parents and his parents who I thought they loved and cared for me. The truth was they hurt me again. They arranged this fucking marriage.
Now, I got it. I understood the meaning of his parents' eyes when I first saw them. They were looking at me with sorrows in their eyes. They pitied me.
HA! I couldn't believe this. How could they stay quiet? Why didn't they tell me this at first? How could they watch me happy while preparing the wedding? I was a fool to them.
The pain was so deep and unbearable. It was like someone was stabbing my heart with a sharp knife. I started to feel dizzy. I am going to faint because of too much pain. My world was collapsing. Every person I loved and trusted stabbed my back. Among them, I couldn't believe why my parents did this.
Why did they agreed with this arranged marriage? How could they do this to me? They loved me, weren't they? How could they let him marrying me? How could they choose him as my future husband?
My mind was full of those words. They loved me more than their lives and they cared me a lot. I was their princess but I couldn't understand their decision. I was certain that they wouldn't do anything to hurt me. But why did they choose him? They knew already that he hurt me so badly. Although I love them so much, I hated them now. They trampled my heart.
I gritted my teeth. I hate myself too. "How stupid am I!" I screamed in mind.
I was kissing, sleeping and falling in love with the same guy who ruined me so awful for a long time. I even planned to marry him. I flinched. I was disgusted of my stupidity.
My whole body was shaking with anger and I was ready to explode. I didn't know I still loved him or not. Right now, I only knew that I couldn't marry him.
My dreams and also my imaginations fragmented. I was lifeless now. I shook his hand off me. His hands were so loathing to me now that I wanted to chop his hands off.
I went far away from him. I didn't want him to touch me. I despised his touches. They made me want to kill him more.
He was asking me why? How dare he ask me like that, you jerk?
He seemed that he didn't recognize me either. He was furrowing his brows while running his hands through hair. I am sure he had no idea what was happening to me. I glared at him. Didn't he recognize my face? Did he forget me?
I was so angry that I couldn't say anything. My whole mind and body were full of anger. My sight became blurred because of tears inside my eyes. I couldn't continue controlling them and some rolled down on my cheeks while my body was trembling.
He held my arms and asked me did he hurt me?
My anger exploded at his words. I shot daggers through my eyes at him.
"Yes, you hurt me, you jerk. You hurt me so badly that I wanted to kill you and chop you into pieces right now" I yelled in my mind while glaring at him. I couldn't restraint my anger.
My heart was breaking into million pieces. It was throbbing with aches. The one I love most was the one I hate most in my life. I laughed mirthless.
He continued asking me and I let my words out of my mind. I snapped at him. I was beyond my anger that I called off the wedding and threw the ring he proposed me at him despite the fact that it was my most precious ones.
"GINA ... WHY ARE YOU CALLING OFF THE WEDDING? WHY? GIVE ME A PROPER REASON, GINA." He rose his voice and yelled at me.
"HA! A PROPER REASON? HOW DARE YOU YELL AT ME LIKE THAT, YOU JERK? LET ME GO!" I yelled back him with the same voice as him.
He didn't let me go. He even tightened his grip on my arms to avoid me running away from him.
"I won't let you go. What is your reason, love? Why are you calling off our wedding? We are in a good term, aren't we? What did I do wrong, Gina? Tell me. Don't you want me to be your husband now? We love each other so much, aren't we?" He said with a teary pleading voice.
I looked at him. He was crying right now. My heart ached seeing him like this. It made me forgive him for what he did to me in the past too. But I bit my lower lip and shook my thought.
"Don't ever forgive him. Remember how he hurt you and how you suffered, Gina" I reminded myself and repeated those words in my mind.
My lips curved up with a distaste and glared at him.
"Reasons? Fine, I will tell you"
"Please, Gina. I don't understand why you are calling the wedding off. What did I do to you?" He said while staring at my eyes.
I held his eyes. His eyes were so mesmerizing that my heart was beating widly inside me now. I wanted to slap myself. How could I feel like this after all of those matters? I growled and cursed my heart,
"Stop beating and feeling hard for him."
I cleared my throat and faced him.
"Do you remember Chrissy?" I asked and his hands cringed a little on my arms.
"Yes, kind of. I met her when I was ten. Why? Is she the reason why you are calling off our wedding? Is she related to you?"
"So you remembered. Yes, indeed. She is related to me." I said with my eyes blazed with anger.
"I knew you are the only child in Meirs family. How could she related to you? Stop kidding me, Gina. This isn't a good thing to joke about calling off our wedding."
"Do you think I am joking right now, John? HA! I am being serious. I am calling off the wedding. I won't marry you. I won't ever do that. Why would I have to marry such a jerk like you?" I huffed with a cold glare.
"SO TELL ME THE REASON PROPERLY. WHY YOU ARE CALLING OF THE WEDDING, GINA?" He yelled with a loud frustrated voice. His eyes were furious and his face turned bright red. He was snorting at me.
"I AM TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW. Don't you remember what had happened between you and Chrissy, you bastard?" I raged.
How dare he angry at me? He had no rights for that. He had to beg me everyday for his sins. I didn't think it was enough for me to forgive him. He was the first person in my life who used my trust and betrayed me. So, how could I forgive him?
I couldn't control my anger. I really wanted to kill him now. He was eating my nerves alive. I clenched my teeth hard and clumped my fists to prevent myself from killing him. I didn't want to see him die in front of me. I am sure it will tear my heart apart. I couldn't bear to watch him dying in front of me. I loved him from my heart and my soul. He was the only one in my life that I loved from the deepest part of my heart.
His hands started to tremble while holding my arms. I observed him. His eyes were full of tears. He was controlling them not to fall down. His red face turned pale. He didn't meet my eyes. His eyes weren't stable but he stayed silent. His lips were also shaking at that moment. He was speechless and sometimes glimpsed at me.
I tried to shove his hands but I couldn't. He still didn't let me go. I am sure he was puzzling the matters in his mind right now. Many emotions were running over his face.
After a few minutes, he stared back at me. His eyes seemed hurt. He was in pain. He couldn't blink his eyes. He only watched at me with froze body. Slowly, his mouth opened. He let out his words one by one. There were hesitations in his voice. He seemed to afraid of continuing his words. Fears plastered on his face. He looked so scared. I am sure he now doubted that I was her.
"Are ... Are you ... C-Chrissy?" he stammered watching me with a teary eyes. I gave him a sly leer. He blanced suddenly.
"Don't tell that you are Chrissy, please Gina." he muttered and few drops of tear fell despite his control.
He looked so horrified to hear me saying that I am Chrissy. He was pleading me so much that I wanted to comfort him. I wanted to soothe him and hugged him tightly until his sadness and fear were gone. He looked so terrified that made my heart throbbing with aches and sores. Bit I couldn't do that. He was a satan of my life. He was my misery. I had to hate him. I knitted my brows at him and snorted.
"Indeed, you demon. I AM CHRISSY FOR GOD'S SAKE"
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