TYPICAL NIGERIAN

By PaulineSimonsSai

406 26 15

A story about an African (Nigerian)Teenager. Life can be interesting and we wish sometimes for it to never en... More

Merry Hollidays
Ring My Bell!
Author's Note

TYPICAL NIGERIAN

187 10 7
By PaulineSimonsSai

The picture above is from my Instagram @quotes_by_Paula please go follow if you find that interesting, there is more to come though in the upcoming chapters. So here's the big hint of this story if you want to find out more about African ways of life this story is just for ya!...sit back and enjoy my first book!
Ignore weird mistakes thanks

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Waking up again to see a new day is like some gift I'd always be grateful to God for ,not like I actually even have a soo too awesome life but I'd really like to rub it that its pretty awesomely awesome! Granted I have the worlds best friend to thank For that.

Cynthia and I have been friends since I was 9 and in Jss1(secondary school) and I'm guessing the Americans call it grade seven. Pretty weird I was that young in a class that high you might say, but I won't say I was actually super smart and all but to be sincere we Nigerians just are very fast when it comes to education not minding how poor our education system is,Yes! I'm not hiding my month of this one(slag-ish).

It was a very hot afternoon on my first day of school our weather is something though(skin frying) reason why we are mostly black, so considering the fact that its a fresh term after summer holidays and not to mention its the first day of school also this is automatically everybody in my class first day too Granted there would be no intimidation of any kind considering you a fresher and I am too. I was sitting out side that afternoon waiting patiently for my overly dramatic and not to forget to mention very busy  mother to come pick me up from school ,really still don't understand what's so wrong in taking the school bus where by in her words.

"Cmon Mona we've been through this for the umpteenth time, NO!  I can't allow you drive in a bus full of sweaty and loud children!"

Although I've always tried to tell her that I share the same class with those "LOUD" and "Sweaty" children which she doesn't buy and marks out the fact we stay at least 14inches away from each other in class considering how big each classroom is and she somehow succeeds every time that argument comes up and leaves me to wordlessly wait for her under the hot sun to come pick me.

On that day though it wasn't so bad Granted that I wasn't the only one waiting a girl who I recognized to be one of my classmates was sited not too far from me on the waiting bench outside the school,well you might wonder why not inside and out of the hot sun,well unfortunately my stupid school created that poor sheltered wait bench for children to wait for their parents to come pick them up because they wouldn't allow any student into the school after closing time because if anything goes missing it will be you whom they saw, pretty silly right?.

Well wait until you know why the waiting bench is poorly sheltered well Id just go ahead and spill it out either ways, not like they would tell us or anything but its clearly apparent that its because most kids don't take the bus and as smart as they are they build a poor wait bench so that when the parent picking up his|her child eventually make it to school on hot sunny days mostly feel bad for their child and as dummies the school expect them to be in that aspect pay for bus service and save their child the stress of the sun,my Mom strongly not part of that,for reason we all clearly know about. So this girl is looking not so happy but i just conclude its the sun or something she has this light skin that everyone well not really everyone some people in African would kill for including me although many dark skinned girls appreciate their complexion and don't go around buying bleachers and cream that bleach them fair at some certain areas and dark at areas like the ankle, elbow, armpits, which can be VERY disgusting she's petite though and a little skinny not to forget mentioning how awesomely pretty she is!..Well I take a minute to observe her and before I knew it she looks at me and sends me this heart warming smile and I know for sure there was a connection!

She comes closer to me still with that cute smile on her face and say to  me "Hi, I'm Cynthia, what's your name?" I return the smile  "Hi, I'm Mona Lisa nice to meet you, you are very pretty" I tell her. "Thanks" she replies  and after that tho we went on about tell each other about stuffs ones we do enjoy, love, hate until her Dad comes to pick her up we pretty much hung out a lot after that day.

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So I get up from bed and drag my lazy self into the bathroom for what I call "relief morning bath". Lol I invented that a week when I had nightmares all days of that week and every time I wake up to the fact that it wasn't real and my bathroom being the first place I get into before I start the day , might as well be the place I feel so relieved that those nightmares weren't true. Granted we have a break from school(holidays) for easter usually its two or three weeks but this one is rather too short, as its One week and five days, which really sucks.

I make my way downstairs, being the only one at home I make my breakfast of fried yam and fried eggs ,yeah if you haven't noticed my mom is at work , she's actually this kinda busy busy mom and  travels a lot and honestly, I don't mind because she can be so annoying and dramatic ALL the time and it pisses me off at times but other  times its pretty adorable.

As I eat I try to decide on  ways to celebrate my upcoming sixteenth birthday! Yas! ,Sweet sixteen finally! and I can finally get that phone I've been begging my mom for like forever and she's like "when you are sixteen" every time I bring it up.

She's very amazing tho My mom is, she's very good at Gists, any time she's not at work we pretty much spend mother I daughter time reading magazines, shopping, gisting, cooking and my best karaoke!, That's my best!  granted she's not that bad at all although it took her a terribly long time to get over my Dad's death.

I was only 2 when my Dad died,they just got married and I'm the only child which would hurt her a lot, obviously I don't know him much but considering the fact that my mom loved him so much it took her 5 years tops to totally get over him,after that she decided to just stay single and not get married again because she's sensitive about "step relationships" my mom is, but mostly she's trying to keep what she calls "matrimonial bed"sacred -Dramatic-  I tell ya. She usually tells me I look a lot like him,I mean I believe that because I'm NOTHING like my mom, and mostly because his pictures state it so clearly and I really see my self in him,Gray Caty  eyes,dark skin,and the height not so tall. While my mom is just so tall with a very light skin and black eye balls, she's so beautiful, My mom is and I usually make mouth with her(slang-ish).

After breakfast I settle for a movie on my phone ,its not really an excellent phone though its just an Android ..So considering the fact YouTube blocked many movies will I say blocked?.well that's what it seems like so, blocked *smiles* Its a Saturday!, what more can a fifteen year old do than to watch a movie?_yes, I know, a lot, but I choose to watch a movie.

So I scroll through my movie list and I find one I haven't actually come across before and its really surprising considering the name "irreplaceable you", sounds like something I would wanna watch!,so I'm half way into the movie when I hear a knock on the gate and I immediately know its Cynthia because we decided to have a movie marathon today, although I wasn't sure if it would hold because she didn't know if her mom would allow her go out.

Yes here in Nigeria, going out to see friends  a very  difficult task because you have to beg and beg, bucause its very dangerous for teens to be roaming around, and when i say very dangerous i mean VERY dangerous, we have plenty issues of kidnaps, serial deaths, bomb blasts, victims of black magic, kidnap most times though so our parents just are protective of us, not like they are not cool or something.

Though I know I should have just gone over to her house but considering the fact that the power supply is more steady at my side and a movie marathon isn't a good idea for a house both your parents is in I mean not minding its a holiday and all they would still be yelling to go read your books and all. So my house sounds just fine to me!

As we walk into the house " Lawson is like the bestest boyfriend ever" Cynthia screams.

"What did he do this time?" I respond laughing.

"We were chatting last night on WHATSAPP and I told him I was craving for Pringles, guess what!!?"She whines.

"What?" I ask still laughing.

"I heard a knock on my window I went to see the freak who has  the audacity to climb all the way up to my window at 10pm, and it was Lawson!" She said dancing around the living room.

"Awwwwwwwn, that's so sweet,literally the sweetest thing I've heard this year!" I said. She was just laughing and looking all dreamy.

Boyfriends aye?, well this gal right here, NEVER had one not that I haven't been asked out and all but I can't stand my mom's lectures how she goes on and on.

"Stay away from boys!" "They are deceitful!" "They would break your heart and leave!"

And I know she does all  because she loves me but seriously though,not all guys are like that. Though we are not allowed to date in this country its like a taboo unless you are like "ripe for marriage" so any thing we teens do that involves relationship with the opposite sex, we do in secrecy. But I just decided to stay single mostly because I haven't found the right one, granted I'm mostly alone at home so keeping a boyfriend wouldn't be the hardest tasks

Cynthia on the other hand has dated four..five boys and Lawson being her sixth, they have been together for about 3months tops, her mom obviously doesn't know about any of her relationships because of she did, Cynthia would be far from alive today and dead if she ever finds out she's been getting some, Cynthia being the very intelligent gal she is manages no never leave a trace for her parents to start some kinda investigation on if she's dating or not so she's pretty much safe.

So we decide to start up with the movies, Cynthia thankfully brought a Korean seasonal movie, I love them!, this one is called "High school love on",  do I hear highschool? Any movie that says highschool seriously tickles my fancy, I love that American school settings it's awesome!. So we are about to start the movie Cynthia inserts it into the DVD player and it begins_wow angel stories..not bad_

Fifteen minutes into the movie, well Cynthia being the worst movie marathon partner that she is is already dozing, that girl can't stay awake through a one hour movie and its not like she doesn't like movies, she loves them! But just likes to sleep too much sheesh.

"Are you seriously sleeping right now?" I ask her.

"Mona leave me alone" Cynthia whines.

"I asked Lawson to join us" I said in a sing song voice this causes her to jump up fully awake this time.

"Really?!, did you!?" Cynthia screams.

"Errrr nope" I said drawing my words and laughing sardonically.

Defeated, Cynthia takes a couch pillow and hits it on my head and in defense I hit her back with another pillow I was using to balance my head.

"Pillow fight!" Cynthia yells.

"Oh please I'm enjoying this movie" I whine at her ridiculous decision, and she sighs,stands up and goes in to the visitors room downstairs to enjoy the rest of her sleep I assume.

I don't really blame Cynthia for sleeping off anyhow, her mom gives birth literally every year, and i'm not even joking this is like her 11th child now and its really stressful, considering that Cynthia is the first child she helps in taking care of the babies, its really annoying how they force her to do it, her parents do like she the mother of some of them or something,they really abase her, her parents do which is so not fair.

I've told Cynthia to try abate that mindset of her parents by trying to stand up for her self someday,but it seems all too easy to say considering I'm the "only child" and have no experience, but Cynthia, that girl has her ways, she forges sickness almost everyday after school ill they started getting suspicious and decided to take her for a test because she never takes pills in their presence, luckily for her she was actually diagnosed with malaria, she was so Happy but not for long as that stuff hit her bad bad.

I'm  on the tenth episode and I look at the clock just above the couch at the other side of our fancy looking living room and I see its 1 O'Clock that's three hours since Cynthia got here and she has been sleeping literally for the past two hours. So much as I don't want to stand up, I really have got to check what's up with her,so I rise from the couch and on entering the visitors room, I see Cynthia smiling sheepishly at her phone, its not so hard to guess who she's chatting with as its so vivid that its Lawson.

"CYNTHIA!" I scream.

"What?" She replies.

"So much for our movie marathon" I say dramatically, mimicking my mom when she waves her hands in the air trying to sound sad.

"I just woke up", Cynthia says truthfully.

"Okay, alright, you sleep off all the time during a movie so I'm guessing movie marathons with you is a no no" I say.

Cynthia laughs heartily, oh she's so beautiful now at the age of 15 she has grown taller, taller than I am through out those years, definitely still has that cute smile, she's breathe taking

"So errr  can Lawson come over" Cynthia asks hopefully.

  "Sure why not" I reply in an awwwwn way.

"Okay cool!" Cynthia says happily grabbing her phone and I assume she's texting Lawson to come.

Lawson has been  to my house two..three times, he's actually not such of a jolly kind of guy he's really cool and all but not just the type I expect Cynthia and her juvenile mind to be dating, he's mature and that kind that could just play girls like Cynthia and go, now I'm not saying Cynthia is some kinda bimbo or something she's smart, but cmon!, Lawson might be in our class but he's 18 and she is 15 so anything can happen

"What's for lunch I'm starving!" Cynthia says in a sing song voice, its very easy to see how happy she is her boyfriend is coming over,  as you guys already know the reason why he can't even venture to meet her at her house.

"Your head" I reply laughing.

"you are so annoying" Cynthia says defeated.

"We cute like that" I say in a sing song voice, "So there is stew in the freezer  we would have rice and stew let me boil rice" I say smiling at Cynthia as she lights up at the sound of food being cooked and looking as cute as ever.

"Yasss" she yells

"So you guys  on a movie marathon and Cynthia slept off" Lawson says as he takes his phone out of his bag to plug it in to charge after he came in seconds ago.

"She's a sleep Queen" I say laughing at Cynthia's reaction to what I said.

"you guys are just so unbelievable" Cynthia says in a whatever tone.

"We cute like that" I say.

"And you still love us" Lawson says laughing.

"So who's up for My love from another star!" I yell hopefully that someone would say yes because as far as Lawson is here, they might as well be 'getting it on' in the visitors room, I shouldn't have let her invite him!, but then I'd look awful.

"Nahh we good" Cynthia says already touching and holding and hugging Lawson all over.

"Jeez get a room" I complain, and Cynthia and Lawson laughing so hard went into the visitors room and I just go back to the movie I'm watching which is by the way the most interesting Korean movie I have ever seen!

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I hear a bang on the front door and I'm startled because all strangers are meant to knock on the gate to if its not a robber,its a serial killer that noticed I'm always at home alone that has broken into the house and about to do bad things to me.

I jump of the couch as I hear foot steps, closer closer and I give a sigh of relief when I found out its just my mom struggling with her baggage and I realize the cause of the bang on the door, she had accidentally hit it with the baggage she's currently struggling with. If I were 5, I'd rush over to her singing "mommy oyoyo" like I always do when she gets back from somewhere but since I'm not I just go over to her give her a hug and help her with the baggage she's about to use to bring the whole house down with

"What's that smell!" My mom yells,and i remember i have rice i have not checked in an hour now on fire, I panic.

"Oh my goodness" I scream, running into the kitchen knowing fully well I'm dead today as my mom won't only  give me a slap, a very sounding one at that but will also won't  give me what she bought for me from Dubai on her 3days business trip.

My mom is back in time for easter, like she would allow me spend easter alone. 

"Do you know that you are insane!?" My mom asks me, obviously I'm not but I tell her that, I'd be asking for a slap.

"So this is what you do when I'm not around!?, try to burn down my house?, if they sent you tell them you did not see me o!" (Slang-ish) my mom complains.

"I..i'm so..sorry Mom" I stutter.

My Mom obviously being in a good mood just Waves her hand into the air and dramatically fans her self walking into the living room saying "this place is like a chimney, why are the light bulbs on in the day time?"

I was a about to answer when I remembered I have two juveniles getting some in the visitors room, and I just freeze where I am and start debating on what to do because if she opens that door, she won't only beat the living daylight out of me for allowing 'sin' to take place in her house intensionally like she always says, she would involve Cynthia's parents and with that, she's literally done for!, Cynthia is.

So I come up with a stupid plan to take my mom upstairs by force, even if its to relax and sleep off on the couch like she always does, is her plan right now, I'm not taking any chances as far as she's downstairs, anything can happen.

"Mom you look very tired, why don't you come I'd take you upstairs, heat up the water for you so that you can have a relaxing afternoon on your BED?"I say suggestively.

" Oh Mona, how nice of you but I'm enjoying this movie, what's the name?"

"Errrr mom does that really matter right now if you ask me I'd say we go upstairs!"

" Upstairs is too far, climbing the stairs make my leg hurt" my mom complains.

"Yea you should have thought of that before buying the house" I say under my breath for her not to hear obviously.

"visitors room is closer, I think I'd just go there".

"Highschool love on!",  I yell as my mom is about to get up from the couch.

" what's that?", my mom asks looking confused.

"The name of the movie!" I say.

"Oh that's nice, you and these Korean Films sha" (slang-ish) I laugh sardonically and I give a sigh of relief as my mom sits back down on the couch.

"You know what?, I'd just go upstairs and take a long shower and face time Sara" my mom says yawning, "okay" I say in a sing song voice,   grateful to God for her change of mind.

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Knocking briskly on the door "You guys open up!" I say whispering loudly enough for them to hear and for my Mom to not, Not that the door is locked or anything I just want to respect their privacy.

Cynthia opens after 4mins and I assume they were getting dressed quickly considering the fact that Cynthia has an unzipped gown and Lawson's shorts are still sagged and beltless I observe as I enter quickly and lock the door.

"What is it?" Cynthia asks with a lip of missing lip stick that has obviously picked a race(slang-ish) and her lips looking bare from all does kissing.

"Well newsflash, My mom is back" I said with a small smile as I observe the environment.

"Oh my gee" Cynthia literally screams.

"Jee Cynthia, keel your voice down" I say hurriedly.

"That doesn't sound like a good thing" Lawson says getting up and going into the toilet I assume to finish getting his cloths on.

"Its the worst thing as a matter of fact" i assure him.

"well where is she now" Cynthia asks trembling.

"obviously not any inch close as she would have been here by now considering how loud your scream was" I state to Cynthia.

"Then we should probably get going" Lawson said laughing.

  "Yea" I say sadly.

 Cynthia whose already done with wearing her cloths smiles and hugs me apologizing for how terrible a bestie she is, and I tell her its okay and release my self from her hug, yea  she's a hugger.

"We should hang out tomorrow" Lawson suggests, And with the both of us Cynthia and I agreeing to that I decide to go out before them and see if the coast is clear and they just remain in the room, I come back some moments later mimicking my moms voice as hard as I can.

"Cynthia Adaeze Samuels, what is it I hear you are doing in my house!?"

This causes Cynthia to jump in shock and I could also see the fear in Lawson's eyes just that he won't admit it.

 "You are crazy Mona!, you scared me real bad don't do that again"  Cynthia says almost crying, this made me laugh so hard,I kept laughing until I closed the gate for them as they left.

"What are you doing there?" I turn to see my mom standing at the front of the front door looking at me standing beside the gate.

"Errrrr, I heard a knock" I said in a way that its sounding more like a question more than a reply approaching her.

"But no ones  there" I added in a haste before she finds out my lying.

"Okay go inside and clear that pot you messed up" she said returning back upstairs and I matched happily to the kitchen like a soldier who just won a war, I guess its because I just did,I hate lying to my mom and  all but I seriously can't help it, a girls got to survive!

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Thanks so much for reading! It actually took me a day to write this, but its worth it! And you don't even have to worry about waiting because i'd update you guys everyday by midnight! Until I start work that is, and become busy I'd just adjust it by then but enjjoy this one while it lasts!

~Slang-ish (these are Nigerian slangs)
•Not hiding my mouth_Saying it all as it is
•Make mouth_To boast
•If they sent you, Tell them you did not see me_some kind of belief African parents think that somebody from the unseen world might have caused the child to do any bad thing he or she does
sha|o__you use it at the end of sentence to show how clear you've made yourself on the final decision
picked a race_not there again

Comments! Votes! I'd be so grateful!

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