Faith POV:
Weston curls up closer to me in bed, making my scar ache. I've felt nothing by antsy these last few weeks. The DA is trying my father for assault.... for a maximum of eighteen months... It'll be a part of a plea deal that had Tim outraged. He tried to get them to add on charges for killing Colton, but they told him there simply wasn't enough proof, and that Colton's death had been ruled accidental anyhow. It's not fair.
The doctors told me I was lucky... The knife missed any of my arteries, as somehow dodged my lungs. I lost a lot of blood, but help arrived fast enough where it was mitigated. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt... I feel like somebody has gone inside of me and scooped out a part of my chest. It feels odd, even though I know that I'm fine.
I sit up slowly, carefully peeling West's arms off of me. I reach over toward my nightstand, grabbing my cell phone and seeing one notification on the screen.
Inbox (New Email) - Tim McGraw
I take a deep breath, subconsciously swiping it open. The email has no message, just an attachment. I click the document attached to it, only to have a pop-up tell me my phone can't open the file. I roll my eyes, slipping out of bed and walking over to my desk in the room. I pop up my laptop, logging in, and going right to my inbox. I click the document once more, feeling a little surprised at what I see. It's a song...
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Caught up in a whirlwind... I'm just a dragonfly flyin', and my wings ain't helping me... I'm in a little trouble... I sure didn't see this coming and I have no clue what I'm gonna do now...
And ask me who put me in this twist... Ask me who is responsible for this...
She is... Everything's all her fault... I'm caught up in a whirlwind, and no one can help me... Just ask me who's responsible... She is... Everything's all her fault... Now I'm in love, and I didn't want to be... All because of she...
Days ain't long enough, nights are even shorter, this ain't fair... Time don't wanna give me what I need.... All I'm asking is forever... Forever in a moment... Listen to me this ain't how I talk... I don't know what she done to me... but I like it
And ask me who's putting me in this twist... Ask me who's responsible for this
She is... So everything's all her fault... Caught up in a whirlwind... No one can help me... Ask me who's responsible... She is... Said everything's all her fault... Now I'm in love and I didn't wanna be... And all because of she...
Said it's getting hard for me to picture me without you, with every passing day baby... But it's easy to answer who's the owner of my heart... Simply look at you and say... she is...
Everything is all her fault... I'm caught up in a whirlwind, and no one can help me, just ask me who's responsible... She is... Said everything's all her fault... Now I'm in love and I didn't wanna be... And all because of she...
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I take a deep breath, feeling my chest pound. It's beautiful... I look at the time of the email, to see it was only half an hour ago. What is he doing up at four in the morning? I shut my laptop before I can let my mind run. I stand up and walk into the hall, pacing for a moment. I notice the door to Gracie's room is cracked, making me wander inside. She sleeps peacefully, curled up in a small ball on the edge of her full bed.
I curl into bed beside her, brushing my fingers through her straight blonde hair. She reminds me so much of him, in more ways than she can imagine. She thinks like him... When decisions need to be made quickly, she's always able to think through things and come up with good solutions. She even writes like him. All of her songs, stories, and poems all sound just like the ones he writes. I feel my eyelids grow heavy, to my own relief. I should probably let myself sleep a little more. I know I'll regret it in the morning if I don't.
Tim sits on the couch in his dressing room, staring down at his boots, before two chuckling little girls run in. His face lights up, as I follow them inside, witnessing him lift them up and hug them tightly. He gives them kisses on the cheek, and widens his eyes as Gracie wipes away where he kisses.
"Yuckie!" She shouts, laughing. He drops his jaw, before giving her even more kisses. She erupts into violent laughter, squirming until he puts her down. She pants, trying to catch her breath, while Maggie quickly finds the markers and coloring books in the room. Tim smiles at them, before looking up at me.
"Hey baby." He says, giving me a quick kiss. He sits down on the ground beside both of them as they draw, eager to get some much needed time with them between rehearsals and the show. We've been going nonstop this week, which has left no family time for us. I sit down beside him, leaning my head against his shoulder, as they try to show him their abstract drawings.
"It's Momma!" Maggie exclaims, holding up a picture of a yellow blob with two black dots in the center. Tim fights laughter, looking down at me.
"That's spot on, honey." He says, making me roll my eyes. The girls become engrossed in their drawings, letting us just watch for a moment. "I don't want them to ever grow up." He releases quietly. I let out a small smile.
"I'm kind of excited for it." I admit, seeing him raise his eyebrows.
"Really?" He asks, while I nod.
"I'm excited to see what hardheaded women they become." I say, laughing a bit. I know they'll be even more stubborn as they grow up, and that's likely due to the fact that Tim's wrapped around their finger, and I'm fairly difficult to deal with anyways.
"I think your crazy." He remarks, making me laugh. "I think they're going to make society crumble once they figure out independence." He jokes, making me laugh even harder. "We'll be runnin' for the hills." He says, looking down at me. "You'll probably be the ringleader, actually." He adds, making me grin.
"You know it, baby." I comment, shutting my eyes for a moment. He kisses the top of my head, wrapping his arm tightly around me.
When I open my eyes, I'm no longer in the dressing room, but rather back in the Ranch. Tim stands in the master bedroom, looking older than he does now. He stares out the window, before looking at pills lying on the dresser - organized per day, two times a day - in a large container, each day holding around eight pills. He looks gray. Gracie walks in the room, sparing him a smile.
"Hey Daddy." She says, taking a deep breath. "You want to come downstairs for a bit? Everyone would love to see you." She tries to convince him. He continues to stare out the window, shutting his eyes for a moment, before grabbing onto a cane that rests against the wall. He limps - relying heavily on the cane - to the door. She helps him gently, following behind him down the stairs.
Audrey and Maggie sit in the kitchen, talking quietly, before spotting him. Maggie spares him a smile, while Audrey seems almost saddened by his appearance. He forces a sad smile, before lowering himself down in on a barstool. Gracie walks over to the cupboard and grabs a glass, filling it with ice water and setting it in front of him. He takes a sip while the girls make small talk, his hands visibly shaking.
"Justin was talking to me yesterday, and he said Lily was singing along to 'I like it, I love it' in the car on the way into school Monday." Gracie says, as I notice a ring on her finger. Maggie wears one too.
"Aww..." Maggie says sweetly, while Tim cracks a smile. His smile quickly fades, dragging down the girls' smiles with it. "Dad, I wanted to see if you'd like Mom's old window bench. We have it in the guest room, but since we are converting it to a nursery, there's just no space in there, and I really would hate for it to go into storage." Maggie words carefully. Tim looks down at the counter and nods. He doesn't say a word, but the nod seems to be enough for them. "Alright. I'll have Mark drop it off sometime this week." She adds, while he nods once more. She seems relieved, like she's been waiting to get that off her chest.
"Oh, do you have that package from Kim?" Gracie asks. Tim nods, and stands up slowly.
"It's in the office. I'll grab it." He says, limping down the hall. The girls all watch him, before taking a collective deep breath, looking at one another with sadness in their eyes. Tim stands in his office, staring down at a notebook he accidentally knocked off the shelf while grabbing the vinyls Kim sent Gracie as a birthday gift. He sees the handwriting on the pages, and sets down the package. He starts to crumble, hitting his knees before pressing his forehead against the carpet. His shoulders jerk, as he starts to sob, letting out quiet howls. He grabs onto his chest, shaking his head as his emotions get the best of him. He rocks back and forth, keeping his forehead glued to the floor, as he tries to coax himself into calming down. His cries grow louder, until evolving into painful wailing.
"Dad?" Gracie calls out, pushing the door open. She sees him, before seeing the notebook on the ground. She cringes, rushing to his side. She rubs his back slowly, before lying her head on his shoulder and wrapping her arms around him. "It's going to be okay." She reassures him, getting choked up herself.
"I should've been there... I should've been there, Gracie..." Tim howls, clasping his chest with both hands. "I should've been with her... this wouldn't have happened if I was there..." He rambles hysterically, as Audrey emerges in the doorway. She watches from a distance, as Gracie tries to comfort him.
"There was nothing you could've done. You know that." Gracie says, breaking down now. He continues to cry, unable to catch his breath.
"I was supposed to protect her..." He shouts, his voice rasping as Audrey cringes. "It's my fault..." He lets out, causing Gracie to pull on his shoulder. She forces him to look up at her, holding each of his shoulders.
"You did not put her in that situation... it is not your fault." She asserts, while he starts to get a hold of himself. "You are as much to blame as the rest of us... We were closer. We could've done something much easier than you could have... But we can't go back and tell ourselves that someone was going to attack in broad daylight... We didn't know. We did the best we could with the information we had, and it still happened. There was nothing any of us could have done." She says firmly, while he nods, catching his breath. She hugs him tightly, while Audrey looks down at her feet before turning around and leaving the doorway. He sits up, painfully stretching out his left leg. He stares down at it, before shaking his head.
"Every day that I wake up and feel this damn leg start hurting... it makes me think about it. I just... I can't move on, Gracie. The universe will not allow it, and I'm not exactly sure what else I'm supposed to do." Tim says, making my stomach ache. "If I can't get over it, then I have to go through it, and I just don't know where to begin... I can't stop thinking about how it should've been me. All the signs said that it should've been me. The fact that it was such a fluke... it kills me..." He says, rubbing his knee. "I can't tell you how many days I've woken up, and thought that I shouldn't still be here... It just feels wrong without her, and I don't know what to do." He expresses, looking over at her. She nods slowly, grabbing onto his hand and squeezing it.
"I think you need to live to the best of your ability. You know she would hate to see you here, constantly caught up on what happened. Yes, it hurts, and it's supposed to, but you can't let the rest of your life be a funeral... You loved her, you lost her, and now it's time to fall in love with something else... whether it be music, or writing, or dogs, or even Sara..." She says, causing him to wince. "You just need to find something to be passionate about, Dad. I know you can find it, you just have to want it." She adds, smoothing back his hair. "You know what Mom would've loved?" She croaks out, a bright smile appearing on her. Tim looks her way, smiling a bit too as his tears dry.
"What?" He replies.
"She would've loved it if you started writing songs again." She says, making him laugh, a warm smile breaking across his lips. "You remember how much she loved hearing what you wrote?" She brings up, while he nods. He sniffles a little, as the sun starts to shine through the window in the room, warming the moment. He glances out the window, seeming to find comfort.
"Mom?" Gracie says, snapping me out of my dream. I jump awake, feeling my heart pound and hearing myself hyperventilate. "Are you okay?" She asks quietly. I nod, sitting up and grabbing my chest. I cling to her comforters, trying to refill my lungs. "Mom, you were crying..." She releases, making me wince.
"It was just a nightmare, honey... I'm sorry..." I let out, gradually coming down. She turns over and starts to drift to sleep again, while I see my phone resting on the nightstand.
Missed Call {5:03 a.m}- Tim x3......... Missed Call {6:27 a.m} - Kim x12........ Missed Call {6:39 a.m.}- Jason x4........
My heart sinks, as I lose the ability to breathe again. I dial Tim's number, and walk out into the hall. I rush into my room, grabbing a sweatshirt and putting some jeans on quickly, feeling my heart ache as I go to voicemail. I dial Kim, hearing her pick up on the first ring, as I grab my keys.
"Is he... Did he..." I spit out, feeling nauseous. Kim is silent for a moment, making me start to shake.
"What?" She finally releases, as I hear myself start to cry.
"Is he dead? Did he... did he hurt... hurt himself?" I let out, my shaking hands having a difficult time finding my car keys. She remains quiet, causing my imagination to rush from end to end, trying to figure out all the possible reasons why they'd all call me numerous times in the middle of the night.