A/N: This scene contains some graphic and uncomfortable topics. I in no way condone the topics covered in this chapter and if you have any issues with anything, please private message me.
I drove towards Cost’s house slowly, remembering the few but wonderful times we did spend with each other. After Latimer Villa had gotten cancelled after two seasons, I was almost 19 and still fresh in the acting scene. But I had a good agent, Lizzy’s dad, Nolan Richards, had put me in touch with executives at the CW who were interested in using me on their new show after they had seen me in Latimer Villa.
The premise to the show was similar to that of my previous work, but this time the story took place in California as opposed to Florida. Oh, I could spot the difference now. But I went with it and was invited to do the screen test for a few scenes with the male who had been cast at the leading role.
His name was Cost Lemoyne and that’s how I first met him. He had done some action movies but was looking to do something a bit more laid-back and permanent, thus him being cast on what they dubbed as the ‘Californian’ version of Jane Austen novels. They wanted to introduce a cast of fresh-faced characters and interweave story lines to match popular Austen characters. Okay, now this sounded a bit better.
I was supposed to be play ‘Jolie’ who I presumed was supposed to resembled Elizabeth Bennet, but a much more hip version even if my character was a bookworm with the fashion sense of a hipster – that would not work in Jane Austen’s world.
Cost had been cast as ‘D’Arcy’ who quite obviously was supposed to resemble Fitzwilliam Darcy. Cost was really good at acting and it was quite obvious to the producers that we had really good onscreen and off-screen chemistry. We filmed the pilot after we had met the rest of the cast and before I knew it, ‘Winchester Heights’ had been given the green light.
It wasn’t until the first season wrapped that Cost and I were approached regarding dating. The producers didn’t necessarily want to push it, but it was highly suggested for our benefit and for the ratings of the show. And if the show had higher ratings, the more seasons it was likely to get renewed.
February 2014
I smiled at Cost. “This is pretty awkward isn’t it, them forcing us to date.”
“Well, they don’t have to force me to date such a pretty girl as yourself.” He had said, coming over and sitting next to me.
I blushed. It still felt awkward to be called pretty even after all this time.
“You are so cute when you get nervous,” he said.
I went to respond and he had silenced me with his lips. He was a nice kisser, it felt a bit weird since it was forced almost, but there was no spark. I didn’t want myself wanting more of him like I had with other people in the past. I kissed him back, hoping maybe if I put a little more into it, maybe I might feel something.
I pulled away and offered him a half smile. He pulled me close to him, wrapping his arm around me. “It’s just for show, Archer. We can probably date for a few months, get the ratings up and just say that we agreed we were better off as friends. No harm, no foul.”
“You’re right,” I agreed. But it still felt funny entering into a fake relationship with my co-star.
Dating Cost was fine at first for the few months and when I thought we were entering our wind-down phase where we could agree to go our separate ways, he had been spotted leaving a hotel with a busty brunette who was clearly not I. While it didn’t bother me so much personally, it bothered me that it could affect my image.
Elizabeth Bennett was a strong female character and so was Jolie. There was no way either of them would stand for that kind of behavior from their Darcy so why was I pressured to remain part of a united front and just say it was a friend. If it had been a one-time thing, it might have been a different story, but it wasn’t.
It happened twice again before the summer and a handful of times over the summer as well. The last time had been when I had heard from Hayley that he had a threesome with her and her friend the night before his death.
I remembered doing interviews at the end of July to promote the second season of the show and the reporters asking me if I thought Cost should go to rehab for being addicted to sex. I just laughed it off, and said he just had a lot of female friends. I would glance longingly as his picture came up on the big screen and say “How could he not with that caramel skin and those deep brown eyes that bore into your soul?”
The reporters would laugh and smile and pat my hand knowingly all the while looking at me like I was the biggest idiot known to man. I would smile back because most of the time I agreed with them. But if that was the biggest problem in my life at that moment, then I really had nothing to complain about. At least Cost was alive.
Luckily his house was only a ten-minute drive from mine and I parked ignoring the crowd of reporters who were already flocking to the scene. I pushed through the crowd of mourners gathering and identified myself to the police as his girlfriend and they let me through.
His parents were there and while I had only met them a few times, my heart broke for them. I knew what it was like to lose parents. I couldn’t imagine losing a son. Death was never easy no matter what form it came in. The police and ambulance were loading the body into the back of an ambulance before I walked in the front door of the house.
The tears that I had been holding back now began to fall freely and I brushed them away as I sought out a familiar face. I saw Bethany Figaro, a co-star of ours holding Celeste Hemmings, while Lourdes Santiago stood behind the both of them in the arms of Tyler Packham. We just needed Cost to be alive and we would all be here and everything would be fine.
I walked over to the girls and Tyler who immediately pulled me into his shared hug with Lourdes. The other two girls clamored around me, embracing me as well and offering their apologies.
“I’m so sorry Archer, I can’t believe this. I can’t believe this,” Celeste said, wiping her eyes.
“Thank you, Celeste.” I hugged her.
Bethany reached out and hugged me as well, “We all know he loved you even if he didn’t have the best way of showing it.”
I nodded, smiling sadly at her reference. I would take a hundred thousand interviews asking me about Cost cheating if it meant having him back here now.
Lourdes nodded as well. “He did love you, mami, but in his own way.”
Tyler agreed and I told them I would come back to find them after I found Cost’s parents. I wandered through the house. I didn’t have many memories from being at his house just some cast parties mainly. Most of our time spent together was in public since we had agreed early on in our ‘relationship’ we didn’t want to have sex with one another. But seeing Cost with all the other blondes made me wonder if he just didn’t find me attractive.
The kitchen was empty, most of the people either in the living room or standing by the bar having a drink. I thought that it was a bit rude they were drinking the alcohol of the man who had just died but then I remembered everyone deals with grief in their own way.
I walked upstairs to his bedroom where I was sure I would find his parents. And sure enough, they were in his bedroom. I knocked and Avril Lemoyne welcomed me in, holding up a shirt of Cost’s with ‘Winchester Heights’ printed on the front.
“I remember the day he called me to say he got the job. ‘They just need to find me a gorgeous co-star, Mom, and I’ll be all set.’ He was so excited for this role, I prayed and prayed that it would work out for him. The next week he called me again. ‘Mom, they found her. She’s gorgeous.’ I know you two had your ups and downs, but he loved you sweetie. He just wasn’t the best at showing it.”
I wondered why everyone kept saying that to me. Was there something I was missing out on because I was pretty sure Cost and I were the ones who understood our relationship? I pushed the thought out of my mind and went over to hug her.
James Lemoyne came out of the bathroom, wiping his face. “Hello, Archer. I’m so sorry for your loss.” His words were stoic. I hugged him and sat with the both of them for a minute.
“We’ll be handling the funeral arrangements tomorrow. I don’t think we’ll be able to have an open casket but we’ll see.” She pursed her lips together. “This all seems so surreal. I keep waiting for him to come out of that bathroom, laughing that smirk playing on his lips. I would be mad at him for years to come, but he would be alive. This just isn’t fair.”
“Life isn’t fair, dear. Let’s go downstairs. Archer, would you mind waiting in here while I take Avril downstairs.” James escorted his wife out of the room.
I nodded. I assumed Cost had either drowned himself or taken a bunch of pills. I didn’t want to see his death scene; it was enough seeing a black body bag and knowing your ex-boyfriend was in there.
I waited on the bed for James to return a few minutes later. “The funny thing about being a parent is no matter how old your child is, you always have a connection to them. Sometimes it’s almost like a sixth sense. You can just tell something is not right. Avril and I were on our way home from dinner and I just had this overwhelming feeling I needed to stop at Cost’s. I rang his cell phone and got no answer. The same went for the house phone. Thankfully we have a key and the code to the gate.”
He walked around the room as he spoke, unable to settle on one place. “I knew the minute I walked into the house. It was too quiet. It’s almost as if death entered the minute he died and settled over this place like an evil aura. It’s still here. You can feel it. It’s unsettling.”
He finally stopped pacing and stopped in front of me. “I found these on the dresser before I went in the bathroom. I didn’t need to look at them before I knew what happened. I’m not sure what yours says, but if it’s on the same lines as mine, Cost was hurting more than we know and I’m sorry that we didn’t get to experience the wonderful man he could have been.”
James took my hand in his, sitting next to me on the bed finally. “He did love you, Archer. He did. Avril and I have agreed to keep the letter private and not share this with the public. We don’t want to damage Cost’s wonderful memory more than this already may have. I hope you will do the same.”
“Of course, James. You and Avril don’t have to worry about anything. Thank you for giving this to me. And I’m so sorry Cost isn’t with us anymore. We will all miss him more than he could ever know.”
Cost’s father nodded. “Avril has your number. We’ll be in touch about the funeral. I would like some alone time now, dear, if you don’t mind.”
I hugged him once more before leaving the room. I had the note folded up and tucked into my pocket. The house remained a open tomb for the rest of the night with the living floating in and out in waves, offering their condolences and the unsettling feeling of death still hanging in the air, despite all of the love under the roof.
It must have been around 5AM when I finally made my excuses to leave the house. The Lemoyne’s had cleared the house out except for the cast and some close family. “You’re more than welcome to stay.” Avril had offered. I had declined, knowing I needed to return home and attempt to make sense of this situation.
The sun was rising, finally casting some light on the mourning household. I drove home slowly; enjoying the silence and listening to the birds begin to chirp their early morning songs. It seemed so peaceful. I wondered what had been so difficult in Cost’s life that made him want to end things.
Pulling into my driveway, I killed the ignition and watched the front door to see if I would be bombarded. Everyone must be sleeping or back at their own houses by now.
Thankful for a few more minutes of peace, I pulled the note out of pocket. The front of it was addressed to Archer. I realized I had never seen Cost’s handwriting before. It seemed unfamiliar. We had shared so many intimacies but lacked knowledge of so many simple facts about one another.
Archer,
Please don’t cry as you read this. I have to confess something to you. I haven’t been true to myself much less anyone else and this secret is something that’s been torturing me for so long, I couldn’t deal with the pain anymore. I realized how much pain I had been causing everyone living my lie and I couldn’t bear the thought of doing that anymore. I’m so sorry you’ve gotten caught up in my lie and it’s not fair that you did when you were a wonderful person. I have to confess to you that I’m gay and I can no longer live with knowing how many people I have hurt. I’m so sorry, Archer, I’m so sorry. I hope you can forgive me.
Cost