"Harry....something's happened." She says, her voice cracking and I immediately realize she's crying.
"Lou calm down, what's happened?" I ask her now feeling sick, worried exactly what her being upset has to do with Jordis...
"It's Stephanie...." she says pausing and letting out a sighed breath from crying so hard, and my mind immediately goes to thinking about the baby, maybe she's gone into preterm labor.... "Harry, she's.....she's gone."
But I was wrong.
Jordis is looking at me with her eyebrows furrowed together, no doubt wondering what's going on....
"Lou what do you mean?" I ask, already expecting the worst.
"Harry she's....they found her dead this morning....you have to bring Jordis here. Alex and their Dad are all here at his home. You have to tell her. Do not take her home. Do not let her go there. I'll explain when you arrive. Please don't take her to her flat. Come straight here okay? I love you and drive carefully." She says hanging up.
I feel burning in the pit of my stomach rising into my throat and I feel I may vomit. How in the bloody hell am I supposed to tell her this?
"Harry?" Gemma says standing next to Jordis...
"Harry, dear what's the matter?" My mum says as she looks at me concerned...
I feel faint.
Jordis looks at me... "Harry.....who was that?" She asks about to cry... fuck.
"Jordis....listen to me okay?...." I stand up and move towards her....
"Harry what's the matter? You're scaring me." She says looking panicked.
"Jordis I need you to listen to me okay?" I ask her and she nods....my hands are sweating as I take her by her wrists... "Baby, uhmm.... it's Stephanie...."
"Oh god has she went into labor? Oh no...oh god, it's too soon though..." She says looking at my mum...
"Jordis....." I shake my head looking down and then back up to her... "Baby they've found her and...." my voice cracks and I can't manage to just get it out..... "they found her body this morning Jordis."
"What? Oh my god." My mum cups her hands over her mouth and Gemma moves closer behind Jordis.
Jordis looks at me as if she's unsure of what I've just said. "Wh...what?" She says as the color leaves her face and her eyes well up with tears.
——————————————————————-
The drive to Mr. Brownsell's place was silent except for the faint sounds of Jordis crying with her head rested between her knees on her lap, her face cupped onto her hands.
My heart pounds in my chest and for some reason I can't pull it together to figure out how the hell to comfort her. I feel completely out of body.
This is beyond anything I'd imagine I'd ever have to break to her. I can't stand seeing her this way.
"Jordis.....baby?" I softly say rubbing her back with one hand as I drive with the other. But she doesn't answer me for a few moments.
"Where did they find her Harry? Did Lou tell you?" She asks not moving her face from her lap.
"I don't know everything just yet baby....we're almost there okay?" I try to reassure her.
This twenty minute drive feels like the most excruciating torture I've ever known.
We finally arrive and pull into the long car park of the Brownsell's and there is a police car parked outside.
I barely put the car in park before Jordis is out of the car running to the front steps of the house. I quickly get out and rush after her.
When we reach the door, her father opens it and Jordis collapses into his arms. I then hear a sound come from her tiny body that I never want to witness again as long as I live. Her shrieking cries against her dad's chest as they both weep in the doorway, rips my heart into a million pieces.
Lou and her sister Sam come over to me on the porch of the house and I wipe my face down with my hands from my eyes to my chin in disbelief of what's taking place before me.
Lou puts her arm around my waist and I wrap my arm around her. She's sobbing and I can't stop the tears that are escaping my eyes.
Alex embraces her sister and their father and I can't bear to watch anymore.
"Casey did it...." Lou tilts her head up to me and informs me.
"What?" I turn to face Lou...
She closes her eyes and takes a breath, "He found her at Jordis's flat and in a drunken rage he shot her after nearly chocking her to death and then took his own life. All happened around 2am. Neighbors heard gun fire and by the time the police arrived....it was too late."
"Jesus Christ." I whisper, not believing what she's just said.... "but she was....but the baby?"
"Harry....she was 6 months and there was no way after....after everything." She clinches her eyes closed as tears continue to fall onto her face. "She can't go back there Harry....it's absolutely terrible."
"I know." I say fighting the tears falling from my own eyes that can't be helped.
My attention is brought back to Jordis.... "Whyyy.....why, why. Why?" She cries out.
I cover my mouth with my hand and spin my feet in the gravel to turn and face the car park. How could he do this? No amount of anger justifies taking another life...two, for the love of god. Nor was taking his own,the answer. This family has lost so much after the death of Jordis's mother and now this? I wipe the tears from my face and put my hands into my pockets.
———————————————————————
"I don't understand? How...wh..." My mum says and stops to wipe her eyes with her tissue as we sit at the kitchen table for the second time today.
"I don't either." I shake my head. "What do I do? I don't know what to do for her mum, I've never seen her like this."
"Baby it's been an extremely traumatic tradgey and she is going to need time.... there is nothing you can do except be there for her. Be patient and be there for her." Mum says pressing her lips together forcing herself not to cry any more than she already has.
Gemma's sat next to me at the bar top in the kitchen, staring at the ground. "She could have been there." She says crying, "Jordis might have been there when it happened if she hadn't been here with us." Tears falling from her eyes.
"Thank god." Mum whispers. "My poor sweet Jordis."
I hadn't thought of it that way but I couldn't be more thankful for the relationship Jordis has with my mother and sister, otherwise she would have been home when this all transpired and god only knows what might have happened. It sickens me to imagine.
"I can't stop thinking about that unborn baby." Gemma says keeping her eyes closed and swiping her hand across her forehead. "I just don't understand how anyone could do that."
I know Jordis needed the time with her family to sort through the details of the tragedy but I absolutely could not stand being away from her when she is hurting like this. It's killing me inside knowing there is nothing I can do to take her pain away.
No one deserves what happened. No one.