...aka the only chapter that should have been rated.
Marky's uncle was the taxi driver for the evening, offering his services to anyone who needed them. Since it was a long way to Vera's family house, she decided to accept the generous offer. The ride was quiet. Vera couldn't make herself to say a single word apart from thank you when they were getting out of the car.
Vera wasn't angry with Matt, even though it might look like it due to the silence. No. She was simply holding onto the picture which seemed to be burned onto her retinas. It was impossible to make it go away. Frankly, she didn't want it to, not really, despite the thought being intrusive, gnawing and incredibly annoying. Because. Matt. Kids. Right.
Shit.
Vera wasn't much for thinking about the future. Like... she really wasn't. Sure, there were things she knew she wanted, expected or knew would never happen, but... she had never spent too much time connecting these things and creating a whole picture. Like connecting the fact she wanted to have kids one day with the fact she was very much certain she wanted to stay with Matt and honestly couldn't imagine being with anybody else for a while now. Which inevitably led to only one possible end.
So. Yeah. That... there was that. One side of it. Her.
And then there was Matt.
What did Matt want? He had openly admitted during the infamous Nelsons Christmas that he wasn't thinking about the future too hard either. For obvious reasons; no matter how much Vera hated the thought, how much she liked to pretend it wasn't the truth, his way of living was dangerous. He was risking his life every day. Night. Actually both, day and night, considering a few not exactly safe cases of his. So. Kids. Out of question?
But Jesus freaking Christ, the stupid twinkling, the stupid light in his eyes, the careful and protective hold on the baby, the stupid, stupid smile when cradling the little boy and when the baby reached for his face— ježišimarja. Matt had looked like he had been born for this, as natural as he seemed when fighting, as if he was breathing. No one can just give up breathing.
So what? The moment Vera saw the baby in his arms, she was pretty sure that he wanted kids. But--
"Yes," he said softly as he followed her to her room, the door behind them closing without her noticing it. The word snapped her from her thoughts, her head spinning to him.
"What?!" she blurted out and for a split second, a horrifying thought struck her; did she say any of that out loud?
"I'm not sure what exactly you're thinking now, but I think I have a pretty good idea. And the answer is yes. I don't know how-- I can't imagine giving up the mask or the practice, I can't imagine making it work, not to mention I would be terrible at this, but-- yeah.... Yes, I would like to have kids one day," Matt admitted quietly, sheepish.
And he was right of course. Making it work with all the craziness around him? That would be tough. Yet, she felt a suffocating weight being lifted from her shoulders, the tension in them dissolving. The lump in her throat on the other hand, it didn't disappear, growing instead. Jesus, Vera was sure she wanted kids. But the new thing was, as the obvious threads were interweaving in her head now, that she wanted to have kids with him. She was one hundred percent certain of it. How crazy was that?
"You will be amazing, Matt," she whispered, or rather croaked, unable to find her voice, quickly escaping his unseeing eyes.
You will be amazing. Will I be by your side? Can you imagine it? Can you imagine us?
She breathed in shakily, exhaling slowly.
When Matt didn't say anything for a while, she carefully raised her gaze back to his face. His eyes were glassy. He looked like he had just gotten the biggest compliment ever. He was just a little frozen.
"You-- you believe that," he stuttered with disbelief and Vera realized he must have been listening to her heartbeat, checking if she meant it. Of course she was.
The uncertainty was killing her; he apparently wanted kids one day, he just confirmed her suspicion. But what exactly meant one day? One day when things are a little calmer? One day when I think I'm ready? One day when I meet the right girl?
Vera gulped at the last thought.
"Of course I do."
Of course he would be amazing. He would be the fun parent and mother hen in one person.
Matt pressed his lips together tightly, his chest shaking with silenced chuckle. He took few steps in her direction and she squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the inevitable line.
When I say 'one day', I mean when I find the right girl.
They had never talked about it together. Probably for a reason. Her heart began to break.
Matt wiped away few solitude tears from her cheek with what could be his thumb; Vera didn't look to make sure. She didn't even realize she had started crying. Of course she had.
"Why are you crying, sweetheart? You don't... you don't want kids? But I thought-- we'll figure it out. If you don't want your own, we can adopt or-- please, please, Vera, we'll figure it out. Together. I-" he spoke in tight voice and Vera let out a blend of sob and chuckle, colliding with his chest, silencing him effectively. Her heart just skipped a beat and she could feel that his own started racing after her attack.
'We'll figure it out. Together.'
He tentatively wrapped his arms around her, squeezing lightly, enough to make her feel safe, loved, not enough to make it painful.
"I know it's too soon. But I promise I'll try. We'll make it work. I know you'll probably just want to kill me most of the time, but I'll be doing my best. I'll be more careful when out. I'll be out less in the first place. I'll be there for you..."
"You really want? With me?" Vera mumbled to his jacket, barely comprehensible. She felt his lips in her hair.
"I just said that, didn't I?" he confirmed, sounding bewildered, his chest vibrating with the words. Vera swallowed against the lump in her throat, which was still growing, but now it the best way possible.
His body tensed all of sudden, his pulse doing funny things. "You-- you didn't think I would want this with anybody else, right?"
She let out a tiny startled sound, almost feeling guilty when hearing his tone. She felt his embrace loosening, so she tightened hers. Yet, his hands found her face, using maybe too much force to make her look up.
"Wow. Now I'm really offended. Do you think I would talk about that in front of you if I didn't? Do you really think I would be such an ass?" he demanded, indeed sounding offended. Oops.
There was not enough room for her to feel guilty though. She was on cloud nine and her chest was fucking heavy with something that wasn't quite unpleasant. He wanted kids with her. He expected them to stay together and have kids.
"Jesus, Vera."
"I'm sorry," she shrieked nonsensically and he faced the ceiling, probably pleading God to give him strength.
"No other way of doing this. No one else. She's gonna be so lovely. She's gonna be like you a lot. Definitely your hair." He ran his fingers through her hair gingerly, kissing the top of her head and she shivered. "Your laugh. It's gonna be contagious and when she's gonna laugh, everyone in the room will want to laugh too. Beautiful eyes. I'll have to chase away boys, because everyone's gonna love her."
"Your eyes," Vera heard herself mumble, biting her cheek right after the words left her lips. But to hell with it, Matt was getting sappy and she loved it, she could be sappy too. "She's going to have your eyes."
" 'Kay. But mostly she would be like you. She'll be driving us crazy, because she's gonna be stubborn. Brave. Smart. Caring. Just like her mom."
Vera was watching him in awe; his gaze was distant, dreamy, soft smile on his lips. She didn't need to see it, she could hear the emotions in his voice, but it was a marvellous picture. She wanted to snap a photo.
"What if it's a boy?" she asked, greedy for more.
Until few moments ago, she had no idea he had any kinds of imaginings close to this and now she couldn't get enough. He had been thinking about it before. Ježišmarja. He had been thinking about them. Together.
Matt looked down at her, one corner of his mouth raised in uneven smile. "Well, I hope he'll still take after you. Because if he's getting my temper... .But we could deal with that too."
He would love his kids. Matt would love his kids with his whole heart, she realized, the picture of the baby in his arms and the memory of the smile, that goddamn smile, flickering in front of her eyes.
"I love you," she blurted out and his smile widened, delight and tenderness. God, she wanted to kiss him senseless. She wanted to hold him and never ever let go. She wanted to-
"I love you too. I know it's too soon for that, but you deserve to know I want it." He kissed her lips lightly, but sweetly. "And I want it with you." Another kiss, lingering. "If you want it too." If he was about to keep those kisses coming, she would probably agree to anything. "Whenever you're ready."
This time Vera met him halfway, relieved and lightheaded, her fingers deliberately interweaving in his hair, her other hand clutching his tie, pulling him closer as she walked backwards to her bed.
"That soon?" Matt whispered to her lips, dazed and a little startled.
She silenced him by sucking his lower lip. Her knees hit the edge of the mattress and she almost fell backwards; a helpful arm quickly wrapped around her waist to spare her from the terrible fate.
"No, not unless you have some superpower you forgot to share. But we need practice," Vera hummed, sitting down and crawling back.
His lips followed, sweet and eager and there was something in his touches, something she didn't feel whole day or perhaps whole six days – she felt him losing it. She remembered his words earlier that evening.
'If I let myself take in everything about you, what you're doing and what you were doing during the dance, certain pieces of your clothing would go missing fast, trust me.' The idea was unfairly arousing.
"Agreed."
Good.
One arm as his support, his other hand rolled up the hem of her dress, fingers wandering up her thigh, stopping on her hip, tracing the line of her nylons.
Vera bit him gingerly and he parted his lips as an invitation, meeting her tongue immediately, his fingers pressing to the skin of her side, knees bordering her waist. Then his hand disappeared – before she could be disappointed, she caught him fighting with his jacket. Good thinking. She helped him to lose his shirt as well. She didn't want to bother with the ugly tie, so she let him deal with that.
Their lips never separated, but now, when he got closer, she knew that pressing her body against his would do just a little bit more than before. Once she did, he sighed to her mouth in appreciation, the sound sending a jolt of warm to her lower abdomen. God, she wanted him. And she wanted him right now, because she just couldn't wait anymore. Six days was it?
"Lots of practice," she gasped when Matt freed her lips in order to kiss a path down her neck, sucking a mark. Screw marks, she wanted to-- his hand mysteriously reappeared, finding a way to her inner thigh, heading dangerously high and close to her desired destination. "So-- much practice."
Her next words got caught in her throat when he actually did reach the destination, caressing her over the fabric. His lips returned to hers.
"You talk a lot."
"Make me stop," she challenged him and Matt didn't need to be asked twice. He didn't bother stripping her – he just slid his hand under her nylons and underwear. She felt his smile against her mouth, pretty sure he was more than content with how much she obviously wanted him to make her stop talking.
"So eager. So beautifully wet for me..." he praised, but before she could shoot something back, possibly check how much eager he was, his tongue slipped to her mouth the same time his fingers slipped into her. She pretty much lost ability to speak and think after that.
His mouth. His tongue. His fingers. Jesus.
Her hands finally caught up with what was happening and reached for his neck and side. And lower, for his belt. She wasn't thinking much, but when he twisted his fingers, forcing her to gasp into his mouth, she changed her mind, screw the belt, and touched him over his pants. His other hand – the less indecent one – squeezed her waist and he honest to god whined, a needy sound making her insides burn. He rolled up her dress, vainly fighting to get it as high he obviously wished.
"You're wearing too many clothes," he complained, his voice on the edge. She stroked him again and his breath got caught in his throat.
"So are you."
His fingers slipped out. Vera was startled at the loss; but he simply used both hands to pull her dress over her head, tossing it aside, quickly undoing her bra, hands on her breasts just a fraction of second later.
Whoa. She wasn't the only one who wanted something really badly. And right now, she felt betrayed, because he had just... stopped. That wasn't nice. That wasn't nice of him at all. She undid the buckle of the fucking belt and button of his pants and slid her hand under his boxers, stroking his length. So hard. Leaking. Gosh she wanted-
The tiny whimper that left his lips made her lower belly throb with need. He fucking tore the nylons, making her gape.
"You-"
Matt silenced her protest with his mouth, chasing her hand away, pulling his pants down just slightly. Before she could collect herself, Matt pushed her panties aside, fighting to attach their hips. Not very practical.
Vera didn't care, arranging her hips to help – and he finally slid into her. Her breath hitched and she moved towards him, a tremendous feeling tingling in her fingertips. Yes, please.
For several moments, it was just their laboured breaths, wet sounds, their hands wandering, body on body, their hips moving in wildly synchronized way. Her mind was blank. She wanted. No, she needed--
He sank deeper and she disconnected their lips only to throw her head back, overtaken by pleasure as he hit the right spot. He moved his mouth to her neck, obviously not bothered about the loss. She wanted to tell him to go faster, to go deeper, to do something, but she needed to swallow the words as she realized for the first time that they should stay quiet.
"Come on, I'd like to hear some pretty sounds tonight..." Matt purred in her ear lowly and she shook her head instead of an answer.
He moved in a rather smart way, finger stroking her clit, agonizingly slowly, making her want to let out one of the sounds he obviously craved. She bit her lip so she wouldn't. Something resembling a growl resonated in the back of his throat.
"Not happening," Vera breathed out, shutting her mouth before she could whimper at his next thrust, "thin walls." She fought bravely, her chest rising rapidly in quick breaths. "You can hear it an-"
She actually tasted blood as she bit her lip through.
"I like it better when you're not able to hold it in..." he teased, voice low and her irritation at his smugness just reached the right level to be put out, so she moved her hips in a motion maybe too resembling their dance and enjoyed the gasp and face he made. Success. "Had any experience in being too loud in here?"
And she was the one talking too much, huh? Vera thought of the answer carefully – well, she wanted to, but her brain was shutting down and it was totally his fault. "Actually, ye-"
She could immediately tell it was the wrong answer. Or the right one, depends. He thrust so hard and deep she let out a startled yelp or something indefinable – definitely loud though. Her palm covered her mouth quickly, but it was too late.
God, let her parents to be asleep. Deeply. Unconscious maybe, just to be sure.
"Good girl," Matt whispered to her ear fondly and she wished to be unconscious as well. She wished to black out from embarrassment. And she fucking wished the simple praise didn't make her toes curl and something in her insides twist in a pleasant way. "I knew you could be loud..."
"I hate you," she mumbled to her palm and Matt just pushed it away, replacing it with his lips, caressing with almost mocking tenderness.
"Now come on, that's not true, sweetheart," he breathed to her lips, his words vibrating against them. His finger kept fondling her clit, quickening, and with his small movements, small but still so deep, she could feel she was almost there. She whimpered as she was getting on the edge, the warm and tension in her abdomen rising, begging to be released. "That's it. Let me hear it. And tell me the truth. Tell me you love me."
She couldn't. If she opened her mouth to speak, another loud sound would escape her lips and she didn't want that. His finger disappeared.
God, she hated him.
"I love you," she whispered instead and he rewarded her with what she wanted.
Her muscles were tightening periodically around him and he pressed his lips to hers, muffling both of them, following her orgasm just with several more hard discoordinated moves.
His fingers were no doubt bruising her hips with his grip being so strong, but Vera couldn't find herself to care, letting the feeling of almost simultaneous orgasm consume her. God, she had never thought it was actually possible, before she had met him. Apparently, it was. She hated Matt and she fucking loved him at the same time.
His touch softened. He fondled her lower lip, wet and swollen, nose caressing with hers.
"You didn't mean it, did you?" Matt asked in a low voice, almost timid, his breathing still heavy. Vera realized she had thought about telling him how much she hated him when he teased her like that quite often, but the words had probably never left her mouth. Huh.
She opened her eyes, meeting his dazed ones with traces of sadness. Such a puppy look, dammit.
"Like you weren't able to tell," she huffed, running her hand through his sweaty hair. His eyes grew sadder.
"I couldn't. Your heartbeat was already too irregular," Matt complained as if it was her fault. Also, oh, she so didn't need to know that.
Vera sighed. "No, I didn't mean it. And if I did, it surely was in the best way possible."
Something twinkled in Matt's eyes and he pecked her lips happily. She rolled her eyes.
"Sometimes I think I already do have a child."
"'In every real man..." he hummed melodically and Vera snorted, smacking his bicep.
"...a child is hidden that wants to play.' Nietzsche. Who would think you can quote someone other than Thurgood Marshall."
"I love you."
"And who said that?" she asked playfully and he laughed silently, slipping out and falling to her side.
"Lots of people, I guess. Lots of people would say it to you too. But no one would mean it as much as I do," he declared, kissing her temple, making her heart flutter. "I love you."
"Careful, Matt. You're gonna spoil me."
"Now, we wouldn't want that, would we?" he asked thoughtfully, wrapping his arms around her waist, placing a kiss to side of her neck, then changing his mind and sucking a bruise there instead. Damn, she would have to wear a turtleneck tomorrow; the possibility of her parents hearing exactly how much she was enjoying her sex-life was enough, she didn't need her friends and family to see it as well. "Who are you gonna quote, you brilliant mind?"
Vera licked her lips, trying to think while he was leaving another mark, this time on her collarbone.
"Dammit, Matt, I'm not a chew toy."
It sounded like she was admonishing him, but... she just loved how he was using his other senses, making up for the one he lost. It meant lots of touching. So much touching. Hands. Mouth. Everywhere. And he was possessive as if there was any possibility of her running away to another man. Ha! Her running away from him. What a joke.
"Even Brett, the puppy, gets that."
"I'm not chewing," Matt objected, offended. "And I'm waiting. Come on. I bet you know plenty."
Yeah, for example Nietzsche's 'God is dead'. Not a good one. Vera couldn't help smiling when she figured out one which would be rather fitting right now.
"Vítězslav Hálek. Gimme a minute to translate."
"I thought English was like a second nature to you," he teased carefully, moving so he hovered over her, working on her other collarbone. Obviously; he had to make it symmetrical. She grinned mentally.
"Not when I need the melody to remain," she shot back, checking the rhythm of the rhymes. He stopped his work, head rising to her with curious expression. "Alright. 'If everything was true and love only a dream, I would never want to wake up – and forever fall asleep.'"
Huh. It actually didn't sound bad.
He smiled brilliantly. "Truth?"
Vera smiled too. "Truth. Am I dreaming now?"
Matt hummed, returning to his previous actions, and then kissing the slowly forming result gingerly, with something that dangerously resembled satisfaction; smug satisfaction. Such a child.
"Not sure. If you do, we share this dream." He straightened a little so his lips could reach her forehead. "Can you keep a secret?"
Vera wasted extremely annoyed look on him, not bothering with an answer. She thought that would be rather obvious. She considered it a rhetorical question.
"I don't want to wake up either."
---
Apparently, it wasn't just that he didn't want to 'wake up', but didn't want to fall asleep either. So Vera finished her thought from days ago, sinking to her knees. The frustration which had been building up for the past few days only disappeared when they made love once more.
Vera was tying up a thread around the blossom from her hair, for drying it for a memory, when he rose from his spot on bed he had nestled in after they had showered together, his hands wrapping around her waist and embracing her from behind. It was when she realized all over again that she never ever wanted to let go. He kissed her deeply when she explained her actions and confessed her thoughts. He let her finish her work and then carried her to the bed, lying behind her, snuggling close to her.
Vera was... happy. And if at least part of what she had been imagining would come true, she would be happy in the future too.