The welcome darkness was brief, and Izzy found herself shooting back to consciousness, driven by the unrelenting pressure in her pelvic area.
She came to gasping for air, her hands flailing about for something to hold. Everything was a blur. The room was tilting and she was struggling with the urge to vomit. She couldn't make out their faces, but she knew Mara and the doctor hovered above her.
The pain wouldn't stop. An involuntary scream escaped her mouth, her eyes wide with fear. It felt as if her lower body was ripping lengthwise. She was going to die.
"Call my mother and father...please!" she gasped. She wanted to see them, or at least hear their voices again before she died.
But the pain was so excruciating, she considered dying quickly to end it all, with or without her parents.
They will be devastated when they learn of my untimely death, she thought. They'll regret the day they sent me to this dreadful place.
Perhaps Donnie would feel guilty, knowing she died having his baby. While he went off to college and led a regular life, her fate would be sealed in that colorless delivery room.
A flash of anger burned at the edges of the horrible pain. It didn't last long. All she could think was that she loved her family and she wanted to go home.
"Get her under control," the doctor fired at Mara, his hands gripping tightly onto her thrashing legs.
"Izzy." Mara's face was in front of hers. She gently gripped her wrists to calm her swinging arms. "The worst is almost over, Izzy. You're almost there."
"No!" screamed Izzy. "No! I don't want to die Mara! I want to go home! I just want to go home!"
"Izzy, look at me." Mara's eyes glimmered with empathy, but her expression was one of determination. "You're not going to die. Everything is going as it should. It will be over soon."
"It's time to push," said the doctor.
"Izzy, listen to me. When you feel tightening, push down against the pressure," said Mara, her eyes holding Izzy's. "You can do this Izzy."
As if on cue, Izzy's stomach tightened.
"Now push," ordered Mara.
"Agh!!" Izzy pushed against the horrible, gut wrenching pain until the whole area in between her legs burned.
The thought hit her, if she survived she'd be horribly disfigured. No man would ever want her. It would be impossible to hide the fact that she'd given birth. Life would never return to normal, not for her.
"Good. Well done Izzy," Mara said, wiping the sweat from Izzy's forehead with a towel. "Catch your breath, and then start again."
"How long," Izzy cried. "How long will this last?"
"Not much longer, now push," Mara answered.
The stabbing, burning pain multiplied and Izzy found herself on the edge of consciousness again. "I can't," she breathed.
"She'll need an incision," the doctor said. "The head is stuck."
"Hold tight to my hand," said Mara, leaning forward.
An incision? Izzy thought, her blood running cold. "What is he going to do to me?" she asked Mara, her hand shaking uncontrollably in hers.
Her entire body went into spasms. Her teeth chattered together like she was without a coat in a blizzard. She felt she was hanging on the edge of sanity. If she fell she may never return.
Mara's hand squeezed hers firmly. "It will help the baby come out faster."
The nurse turned and said something to the doctor, her voice low enough that Izzy couldn't make it out. In response, the doctor shook his head, his face stern.
Mara turned back to Izzy. "Focus on me. Breath with me," she said. "Squeeze my hand as hard as you need."
Izzy jolted and screamed, pulling Mara towards her as a hot, stabbing pain hit her from below.
"Breathe Izzy, breathe," Mara said struggling to pull herself upright. "It's done. The incision's done. Now push."
"No!" cried Izzy. "What has he done to me? When is this going to end?"
"If this girl doesn't calm down she'll go into shock," the doctor said sternly.
"She's scared out of her mind," said Mara, a flame in her eyes. "If only we could give them a proper education on what was to come. And the decency of analgesics."
The doctor shot her an irritated look. "You are not to counsel me young lady. Not if you want to remain employed. Now, do your job and help her to deliver this baby."
Mara wiped the towel over Izzy's head again. "Push Izzy. Give it all your might and we will put an end to this."
Izzy closed her eyes, her heart pumping like a jackhammer. She screamed as she pushed with all of her might, the pain exploding stars into her eyes. There was so much pressure. She was stretched so far she feared she'd split in half.
Then, the doctor reached in, pulling and prodding. With one final jerk something popped and the baby slipped out into his hands. The pressure ended instantly and Izzy's body collapsed into numbness.
She stared up at the ceiling, still shaking from head to toe. It was over. She was alive. Tears of relief filled her eyes.
A soft cry filled the silence of the little room, driving Izzy's eyes towards it. Mara held a blanketed bundle close to her chest.
She was holding a baby. She couldn't draw her eyes away from the little patch of pink that wasn't hidden by the blanket. Her baby.
Catching her stare, Mara quickly turned, her back to Izzy. The baby cried again, its voice fragile and shrill. It reminded her of the nay of a little goat, like the ones her uncle kept on his farm. She craned her neck, trying to get a better look despite herself.
She was interrupted when the cramping started again, bringing panic flooding back. No, no, no! It was supposed to be over. There was no way she could possibly go through it all over again.
"Mara," she cried. "The pain! It's starting again."
"The afterbirth has to come out," said the doctor. "Push."
In minutes she'd passed the afterbirth, never knowing what it was, only that it was much less painful than the baby itself. When she could focus again, she looked up to see Mara was gone with the baby.
The nurse returned a few minutes later with more instruments for the doctor. Izzy watched as she filled a basin with water at the sink. She avoided Izzy's stare.
"Lie still while I stitch you up," said the doctor. "Then you'll be finished."
"Stitch me?" Izzy tried to lift her head unsuccessfully.
"Your incision needs to be stitched," said Mara over her shoulder. "Don't worry, it will heal. Everything will go back to normal. But it will take a few weeks. You'll need to stay in bed until then."
Fortunately, Izzy was so numb, she didn't feel much pain as the doctor stitched her wounds. After the pain of labor, she felt she could endure almost anything.
When it was over, the doctor left the room and Mara stepped forward with the basin full of warm water. After wringing out a large, dripping sponge, she carefully washed Izzy. Still feeling dizzy, and barely able to lift her head, Izzy tried to ignore the large amount of blood that Mara squeezed from the sponge. When the nurse was done, she rolled her back and forth in a clever way to change her sheets while she still lie on the bed. All the while she kept silent.
"Is the baby alright?" Izzy finally asked, unable to bear it anymore.
Mara glanced up. "Yes, she is."
A girl. Izzy's heart fluttered, then abruptly sank. Stop it, she scolded herself. There is no baby. Put it out of your mind. Forget it.
"You did very well," said Mara, straightening. She winced momentarily, her hand pressing absently on her lower back. "Get some rest now. I'll be back soon."
Izzy was too exhausted to argue. The minute she laid her head on the clean pillow, she drifted off to sleep, a wool blanket pulled tightly to her chest.
She awoke hours later to a clanking and the sound of hurried footsteps in the room.
"Busy night," said an unfamiliar voice.
It was dark. Only the light of a small lamp shown on the wooden counter. She blinked her eyes, squinting at the new nurse who was rearranging things in the room. She didn't recognize her.
"Looks like I'll be here for awhile," said the doctor from across the room. "Two in one day. What is the world coming to? And this next one went and got pregnant by a negro."
"What will come of the baby?" the nurse replied, her voice low. "It won't be allowed here when it's born. There are other homes for colored people."
"I suppose it's our duty to keep it in the nursery until we can bring it to a colored orphanage," said the doctor.
The nurse was beside Izzy. Her hands gripped the front of the metal bed. Fully awake, Izzy winced at the pain in her lower abdomen and groin as she turned, her mind in a fog.
"I'm going to push you into the other room," the nurse said to Izzy. "Another girl will be delivering here."
The wheels on the bed squeaked as she pushed her through the open door into the adjoining room.
"Where's Mara?" Izzy asked.
The nurse left the bed to pull the chain on a large lamp, illuminating the room. She finished pushing the bed against the wall. "In the nursery," she said, her dark eyes studying Izzy. "How are you feeling?"
"There's a lot of pain, everywhere down there," said Izzy, wishing Mara hadn't left. She looked towards the door. Their words were playing in her head. "Who is the girl? The one who's in labor now?"
"Francine," said the nurse, then tilted her head at Izzy's expression. "You know her?"
"Yes. She's my roommate." Izzy's head was spinning. Francine? Francine's husband was a colored man? How could that be? She swallowed in disbelief. "She's having her baby now?"
"Yes, she's on her way down," said the nurse with a frown. "Quite a lot going on here right now. What with that little girl disappearing and then two girls going into labor in one night. I thought I'd be twiddling my thumbs on this assignment when I transferred here from New York. I guess I was wrong."
Dottie. Izzy's heart jumped. "Did they find her?" she whispered, afraid to know the answer.
The nurse bit her lip. "Oh, honey, let's not discuss that right now. You need your rest and I'm needed in the other room." She patted her arm in a motherly way before standing. "By the way, my name's Harriet. I'll be checking on you in a little while."
As Izzy watched her go, she told herself that the nurse's answer was a good one. Harriet didn't want to discuss Dottie because they believed she was dead. She took a deep breath. Dottie was safe.
Alone again, she stared at the shadows on the wall, her mind racing. Francine had lied to her. Or, perhaps she'd conveniently left out the part about her husband being colored. But, he wasn't her husband because that would be against law!
Back at home, it wasn't often that Izzy saw a colored person. They went to different schools and lived in different neighborhoods. She couldn't imagine how a girl like Francine could fall in love with one. How angry her parents must have been!
She lay still, breathing through the cramping in her stomach and watching the shadows rise and fall under the doorway. She strained to hear what was going on in the room next to her, but soon gave up.
It was then that her traitorous mind turned to the baby. Her little girl was lying in the nursery, only a short distance away. A sharp pain hit her chest and she gasped, her arms clutching herself. Surprised by the intensity of her grief, she curled herself into a ball and sobbed, tears saturating her pillow.
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