TW: Mentions of molestation
"Er, we need to stop. Mika and Lizzie can't keep walking." Dad said.
Before all this shit, I was a calm child. Behaved, quiet, and calm. I liked to sit and read. But since losing Mom, I had never felt more agitated. And every time Dad spoke, I wanted to claw my eyes out. "We can not stop until we reach a safe place. We walk during the day, and lay low at night. It is our safest option."
"And who put you in charge of us, Eria?" Lizzie asked.
"Considering I am the only person being smart, it was an obvious choice."
I could tell by the look on Dad's face that I had struck a nerve. I think he was exercising patience, he knew I was grieving. We all were, and we all channeled it differently.
"Eria, this isn't you. You've been on some sort of adrenaline rush since ... since she left. I have seen you do things on end without pause and that isn't healthy. One day the high is going to go away and all you will be left with is the crash."
"Would you stop saying she left? She didn't leave, Dad! She died and no one else was strong enough to kill her, not even you!" My voice cracked, laced with pain and shame. Not shame of my family but my own self-shame. I was ashamed of who I became. Who was I? I knew my name and I knew who I used to be but at this moment I knew that I wasn't her anymore, not even a shell of that person.
Maybe I was no better than the corpses that walked around us.
"Why would you say that?" Lizzie asked with pure disgust. "At least Dad cried over her you heartless monster! You killed her. Maybe there's a cure out there for this but we won't ever get that chance because you killed her, Eria!" She yelled, throwing the closest thing to a temper tantrum that an 11 or whatever-year-old can throw.
"Lizzie shut up. I am being practical. Mom wouldn't want us all dead because we were distracted by grief. I'm protecting you. Despite you acting like a brat, I want you safe!"
"Can we please just rest?" Mika sighed, flashing me with her big 'ole chocolate button eyes. I don't know if she knew the hold she had over me, but I did. Lizzie was always a brat, but Mika was pure and innocent. She was too good for this world.
"Fine," I sighed. "There was a shack a block or two back. Looked abandoned."
"Thank you," Lizzie groaned and wasted no time turning around.
We hastily made our way and I checked for any dead ones, thankful there were none. We hadn't come across too many since Mom died. Before Mom died, we were on our own for several months until our neighborhood was overrun by the dead ones. We took off with whatever our packs could hold and made camp in empty buildings, but then she was bit. Now all we do is run.
I set my pack down while the rest of my family took a deep breath and relaxed. I sat down, leaning against the wall, and closed my eyes.
I must have fallen asleep because a noise woke me up and Mika was pulling on my arm.
"Er." Mika whimpered and ran to my side. "I heard pops outside. Like fireworks, but like a gun."
I pushed Lizzie out of my way and grabbed my knife, carefully and quietly walking to the doorway. I held my hand up and then put a finger over my lips to signal them all to be quiet.
I heard the first set of footsteps on the south side of the building, snaking around the wall slowly. I heard the second set of steps stop on the other side of the wall stop and I could practically hear their breathing through the wall. My own breath stopped, tears stalling in my eyes. This was it, this was the crash of the adrenaline. Now I was just a terrified girl that was seconds away from death.
They suddenly started shooting through the wall and we all screamed. I rushed over to the girls and covered them, helping them duck for cover. The wood that remained left big enough gaps for them to smash in and corner us.
"Well well, what are such pretty little girls doing with a fat fuck like this?" The tallest of the two smirked. All my eyes could focus on was his teeth. Half of them were missing and they were coated in a yellow plaque that almost made me barf. Pieces of what looked like grass were stuck between the teeth.
"Don't talk about my dad like that!" Mika yelled and stood up. I mentally cursed her and physically reached for her but Mister Bad Teeth grabbed my wrist and twisted it in a unnatural way.
"Oh! Fuck you!" I screamed out in agony. The pain pulsed through to my fingertips, twitching from the pins and needles feeling. It felt like every nerve, vein and anything in that area was on fire, burning and pulsating even up to my elbow.
"What a mouth on this one! You gotta be what, 14? 13? I was in prison for having younger. Maybe one of these little girls could do." The other man said, enticing a look of pure terror in my Dad's eyes. What an idiot, he had a knife on his belt and here he stood, letting him talk about his daughters this way. This is why I had to take charge. He froze like a deer caught in headlights.
The partner looked at Mr. Bad Teeth and smirked as he grabbed Mika's arm. "No!" I screamed the kind that slices your throat in complete desperation.
"Oh no you don't." Mr. Bad Teeth hissed and knocked me into the wall. "The fall of the old world was a blessing. I was in prison then all hell broke loose. I got to escape, now I get you." He said in a sultry tone, hands groping my breasts. They started to trail down and that's when I clenched my eyes shut. If I had enough food in my stomach, I would have vomited.
I heard a few more people barge in and a gunshot rang near my face. I let out a scream as blood coated my face, opening my eyes and having a red tint on my vision. Both of our attackers were on the ground, bullets in their brains.
Then there stood our saviors. A man with what looked like a permanent scowl and a woman with short grey hair. The man's face was dirty and his hair unkept, a crossbow slinging over his shoulder as he made sure the man didn't hurt Mika. The woman looked at me with a familiar glance of sympathy. Her eyes told stories I couldn't imagine.
"Are you ok, kid?" She asked softly, offering me a bandanna to wipe my face. I shook my head, still in shock. I always saw these moments in movies. Someone watches someone get killed, covered in blood, and become absent from the world. Shock. Was this my shock? Was shock the word to describe the experience of being groped and then covered in his blood?
"We've been tracking them for a while. We turned the prison they were in into a home, but they got away before we could deal with them." The woman asked, keeping an eye on me.
"My name is Lizzie Samuels. This is my dad, Ryan. That's Eria, my older sister, and Mika is my little sister."
The woman nodded. "Well hello. My name is Carol, and this is Daryl. We can offer you a home at the prison if you want. It doesn't look like you have much, no offense."
"None taken," Dad said, finally speaking. "We are running out of supplies. Didn't know how much longer we would last. Poor girls have lost so much weight."
"Pack up, it's not far," Daryl said, walking outside. The girls quickly followed and dragged Dad out, but I had cement tied to my ankles. Nothing. I couldn't even move my chest to breathe. He was breathing one minute but now ... his brains were all over me. I hated him but I was never one to even believe in the death penalty for terrorists. Let them rot in prison. Guess they tried, though. And they still got out to attack us.
"Hey," Carol said softly and touched my shoulders. "You're safe now."
I jittered at her touch and started to breathe again, feeding my oxygen-deprived lungs. I looked at her and stumbled over every word.
I was in prison for having younger.
Those filthy words were still ringing in my head. I finally took a step to grab my bags and walk to the doorway. "We will never be safe."
All I could do was put one foot in front of the other, feeling the sun bake the blood onto my face. Carol kept looking over at me and every time she opened her mouth to say something, she would just close it. That's how it went for about thirty minutes before we approached a fence that surrounded the prison everyone seemed to be talking about.
It was a bland grey like any prison would be but this one was surrounded by people. The front had multiple benches and picnic tables surrounding a grill that was cooking some meat and when the smell reached my nostrils, I grew weak in the knees. Actual food. And actual, alive people. People walked around and mingled and talked, and some people at the fence picked off the few dead ones that tried to cross over the wooden spike barricades they had set up for extra protection. This couldn't be real.
"Well guys, welcome to the prison," Carol said with a small smile. She led us through the gates and I kept my eyes on the ground before my feet. I could tell from my peripheral vision that people stopped and stared. I thought they were all staring at just us new people but when I looked up, they were all staring at me. Makes sense that seeing a teen girl covered in blood, but it made me uncomfortable. When I looked up, I locked eyes with some boy who had the bluest hues I had ever seen. So blue, almost like ocean eyes. He stared at me as I stared back until I ran right into Daryl.
"Ey, you alright?" He asked, watching me carefully as I backed up into a person and let out a scream. At this point, everything was caving in on me and my chest was about to close in and crush my heart. My vision was blurry, my breathing erratic and causing a scene. Was this a panic attack? Was this what it felt like to just have a meltdown, to not be able to stay grounded to reality and just live like a normal human being if there was such a thing as normal?
" ... he would be able to help, or at least get her to a bed." I heard a male voice saying. Through my tears, I saw Daryl, Carol, the blue-eyed wonder, and a young blonde girl in front of me.
"Carol said it was a man trying to hurt her, do you really think a man is what she needs? She might trust me. I'm a girl and closer to her age." The blonde girl said and stepped closer to me, kneeling to my level.
"Just help her please." I heard my dad whisper.
"Eria? Hi, my name is Beth Greene. I live here and I was wondering if you wanted a shower, we even have hot water here." Beth said softly, scooting to kneel closer as I started to calm down. I had cowered myself against the building, rolling up to hide myself. Hot water, cooked meat, all these nice people? It wasn't believable, too good to be true.
"Yeah." I finally mustered out as another man ran over and stood next to Daryl.
"Who - what's going on?" He asked, a Southern accent thick on his lips.
"We found them escaped rapists finally, they had this family trapped and was gettin' to her." Daryl responded.
"And the blood?" The other man asked.
"His blood. She's in shock." The other man nodded as Daryl explained the whole situation and he looked around at the crowd.
"Get her inside and away from all these people." The southern man said. He must be the leader type.
Beth helped me stand up and somehow when I looked up, I made eye contact with Blue Eyes and he had a look of sadness as he looked at me. Pity.
"You're going to love the showers. So nice and hot. Maybe not so much the beds but hey, better than the ground. We have three meals a day and we typically don't have a shortage. We have been here and few months so we have been able to stockpile a bunch of food for reserves. You're safe here now for the time being."
At least she didn't say safe period. Safety isn't a luxury. She's right, you can be safe for small periods of time but these dead ones have a habit of ruining good times, coming in and sucking every ounce of safety from your life, and sometimes taking your life.
Beth led me into one of the shower spaces and pulled the homemade curtain rod to give us privacy. "Please don't leave me alone in here," I mumbled and grabbed her arm. Beth nodded, helping me pull my shirt off. It should have been weird, getting naked in front of a stranger, but she wanted to help and I felt safe next to her. Not safe from walkers, but safe enough to bare my soul to. She seemed like a natural nurse like she was meant to take care of people. She only washed my face, hair, and back and she stepped back.
"I am going to go find some clean clothes for you if you want a moment alone. I didn't want to violate you any further." She said and smiled as she backed out and shut the curtains. I nodded and finished washing my body. I sunk down to the ground and let the warm water just wash over me. This was a heartbreaking sob that made your throat sore. But this wasn't because I was violated. This was because I was here and I was here without my mom by my side.
I finally willed myself to turn the shower off and wring my hair out with the towel that was sitting there. It felt damp like it had already been used but I honestly didn't care. I was just glad to have a towel at all, a shower even. All of this was just amazing and a relief. Maybe I could finally take a break. The girls and dad would be ok, I wouldn't need to defend them. I could just lie down right now and sleep for a week.
"Hey here are some clothes. You look about my size so it's just a tank and some old yoga capris. We don't have a ton of options but it feels like the summer is starting and I'm sure you know Georgia summers are awful and humid." Beth chuckled and held out the two pieces of clothing with a pair of underwear. They looked and smelled clean so I didn't worry much about it. Wearing dirty underwear might be where I would draw a line but thankfully that wasn't an issue. The future issue might be no bras. Boob sweat isn't exactly enjoyable, but mine weren't big enough to worry about that yet.
"Thank you so much, Beth," I said softly and stepped out once I was dressed. Beth had a wide smile and grabbed my hand.
"There's a beautiful face under all that blood. You can bunk with me. Come on and I will introduce you to my boyfriend in the cafeteria because I'm sure you are hungry. Then I can braid your hair and let you sleep."
-
I gasped awake from a bad dream I had already forgotten. I looked around and realized I was back in the cell and Beth was asleep in the bunk under me. My braid kept nice and tight during my nap and it felt nice to wake up clean. My stomach still growled even though Beth gave me a chunk of deer and some boiled potatoes earlier.
I looked around the cell to realize it was dark outside and slightly cool. My guess was about 1 in the morning. I slipped off the bunk and landed on the concrete with a thud, immediately checking to make sure Beth was still asleep and she was. When I looked out the cell door and didn't see anyone, I made my way to the closest exit to get some air.
I made my way down to the first fence and watched the dead ones on the other side. Sometimes I would try to get a good look at them and I would begin to wonder about my extended family. I had cousins, aunts, and grandparents. Sometimes I hoped I would see one of them just to get some closure.
I started to panic again, clawing at my chest to get some relief from the pain. "Mama," I whispered, tears burning my eyes. The clawing turned into hits as I tried to ground myself.
I felt a hand wrap around my wrist followed by a shushing sound. "Hey, hey! It's ok, no one is hurting you."
I didn't recognize the voice so I opened my eyes and was met by Ocean Eyes. He was holding my wrist and reached for the other one.
"Sorry, If I woke you up or anything," I said after calming down. "I didn't mean to at all."
"No, no. I always get up after my dad falls asleep and my baby sister Judith wakes up. I hold her until she stops crying and then I come out here. Seeing the walkers kind of reminds me that I'm not safe and that I need to continue protecting her. I'm Carl by the way. Eria, right?"
I nodded and took a deep breath. "You are the first person to make sense here. My little sisters and my dad kept trying to tell me to stop killing them, that they were people. They aren't, they are monsters that bit my mom to make me shoot-" I suddenly stopped when the memory came back.
"Beat this world, but don't let the world beat you. Now, Eria, I'm ready."
"Me too." Carl suddenly whispered and I turned to look at him. "My mom lost too much blood giving birth to my baby sister and I was the only one that could shoot her."
Finally, someone who understood the toll that takes on a person.
"None of them wanted to be strong enough," I mumbled.
Carl tipped his hat, "Here's to the 'Damaged Mom Killing Club'."
I shouldn't have laughed, but I did. He had a nice smile, and those blue eyes were so pretty. He was due for a haircut, but so were we all. "Thank you, Carl."
"It's nice to talk to someone my age like me. I try to be friends with Patrick, but all he wants to do is play with Legos and keep his innocence. I killed someone when we took the prison, I have none of that left."
"I want to protect my family, and naive doesn't get anyone anywhere. I don't want to be a child anymore. I couldn't save my mom from death, so maybe I can save everyone else."
"I know how you feel."
I smiled at Carl, feeling a blush creep on my cheeks. "Thank you again."
He nodded. "You should go back to sleep. For now, this place is safe. Enjoy it until it's not."