Penn was stunned by the obvious 180 degree change in the Master at Arms demeanour and attitude toward her. She could sense that even Mia was aware of his change of heart as she relaxed her grip around her neck. Penn eyed the other wolf but could not detect any pretense. She truly felt he was at ease now in her presence despite the fact that she was a rouge. Though, she could not fathom the reason for the change. Especially after just giving him a death-glare over Mia.
Finding her voice after a long pause, Penn replied quietly. "My name is Penn."
"I'm Anex," he offered in a friendly tone.
Penn found it strange looking a grown wolf in the eye who wasn't suspicious of her and wasn't on the verge of ripping her throat out. Anex had soft, pale blue eyes that looked kind, maybe even fatherly, when he wasn't scowling. She wondered if she could trust him and just how far.
"Anex," she repeated aloud while giving him a curt nod. He gave her a corresponding nod and seemed to be waiting for her to go on. So, Penn decided to just come out with it. "I never went rogue," she explained evenly. "I was exiled."
Penn could see he was visibly shocked. Being exiled from one's birth-pack was a disgrace a wolf never lived down and it wasn't something one shared flippantly with a strange wolf. However, Penn managed to tell Anex in a voice devoid of feeling. So much time had passed that she no longer felt the acute shame she once did.
The feelings of self-loathing, confusion, hurt and betrayal just weren't there anymore. Ten or more years in the wilderness had put an end to the bitterness and the longing for her old life. The wilderness took all the feeling right out of a pack-wolf and replaced feelings with instincts. It turned wolves wild and the wild didn't feel much beyond, hunger, fear and the need to survive.
In fact, Penn hadn't felt much of anything for years until she met the Griffin orphans just six weeks earlier. Being with them, adjusting to pack life again because of them, watching over them and protecting them had stirred all kinds of emotions - both welcome and unwelcome - that Penn wasn't sure she was even capable of experiencing or expressing after so many years of isolation. It was strange that a person could kill feelings over time but it didn't take anything at all to revive them.
Her thoughts were interrupted when Anex let out a low whistle. Penn could see the wheels and cogs at work in his mind. Being exiled was a rare thing. It was very old fashioned and not something most packs did anymore. She saw it on his face that he was trying to work it out for himself. The list of exiled wolves was very short. She was sure he might be able to put a few of the pieces together once he knew what pack she was from.
Instead of waiting to be asked she simply offered up, "I was part of the Phoenix pack."
And just like that his eyes lit up with recognition. In that moment, she knew he knew just who she was. Penn wasn't sure how to feel about this but, for now, she just watched him process what he remembered.
She didn't have to wait long. He suddenly blurted out with conviction, "You were that 18 year old pup. Old enough to be in the games but not old enough to make it on your own without a pack," Anex declared with a touch of feeling.
Penn nodded, but said nothing else as she watched his eyes drift off for a moment. It was clear he was remembering more details. Had he been there that fateful day? Was he one of the many wolves who had come for the annual tournament held by the Phoenix pack? It was certainly possible. As a Master at Arms it was likely he'd been invited. What a spectacle he would have seen that year, Penn thought with a sigh of discontent. Perhaps she hadn't buried the shame as far down as she had imagined.
Anex heard her sigh and looked back over at her. He remembered alright. He remembered she was an oddball even then - a misfit - an anomaly in the Phoenix pack but no more than that. And he remembered that her jerk of an Alpha had exiled her publicly at the games as if she'd committed some kind of unspeakable betrayal. The memory was like a sour taste in his mouth. It had never set well with him then and it didn't sit well with him now.
It used to be, in years long gone, that pack leadership would exile members of the pack who committed some grievous act of disloyalty or double-dealing. Members were exiled, rather than out-right killed either to avoid war, if the wolf in question had powerful ties to another pack, or to humiliate the wolf's family and make a lasting example of them.
Only, Anex was there the day this girl had been exiled. She'd done nothing to deserve exile, but without a governing council overseeing all the packs in and around the mountain ranges, well, no one could do a thing about it. The Alpha was the ultimate authority in his own territory, and the visitors could only watch helplessly as it all unfolded.
In order to turn the decision around that day someone would have had to challenge her Alpha for his position. But that was rarely done anymore. The role was something a wolf was groomed for most of his life. It wasn't often that someone not hand picked for the job would challenge the presiding Alpha.
"I was there that day," Anex confessed to her. He felt a pang of remorse. He wished then and now that something could have been done to reverse the decision. "I'd been going to the Phoenix pack's annual Strongwolf Tournament for a couple decades. That was the last year," he told her while staring her straight in the eye. Not going back was his way of protesting what had transpired that year. Not that it made any difference.
Penn nodded. She had thought as much. Though she could not say she recognized him, she did think it was highly likely he'd been to the tournaments.
"By the moon that was a strange day," he said sombrely.
Penn saw the pity there and the remorse but she said nothing. There was nothing to say. No one could have anticipated what Alpha Carson was going to do. And, no one could have changed the outcome short of challenging him or declaring war on the pack. And for what? She was no one's mate. She was not a wolf of any particular rank. She had never quite fit in her own family let alone the pack as a whole. There was never going to be another outcome. Penn swallowed the sigh that wanted to escape her lips as she absently played with Mia's loose hair.
She looked back up at Anex when he started talking again - remembering again. "He was a new Alpha who thought he had a lot to prove. That's what I remember most about him back then."
'Back then,' - the phrase made Penn wonder just what Anex knew about Alpha Carson and her old pack now. Were they doing well? Had Alpha Carson become a better leader in the past decade? Was her family well? Had they survived the shame of having an exiled family member?
Penn felt an unwelcome pang in the middle of her chest - right where her heart beat. Remembering the past wasn't as painful as wondering how their lives had turned out. She decided it was better not to ask him though. She wasn't sure she could handle hearing that their lives had all moved on seamlessly without her. Instead, Penn decided to give him a little history on her former alphas - to fill in the blanks for him, so-to-speak.
"Sophia was our Alpha for the longest time and she had made the pack strong and vibrant all on her own. We didn't need a male alpha. She was Alpha enough, "Penn explained. "However, when she found her mate everything changed in the pack. He was an outsider, he was younger than her, less experienced with power, and a bit cocky to say the least."
Penn gave a little snort of disgust as she remembered all the run-ins she had with him that first year he was with the pack. He liked nothing more than to use his size and strength to display dominance over other wolves - herself included. She wasn't much of a fighter in those days. She kind of existed in her own little world. She couldn't understand why he was so hell bent on harassing her and proving he was so much stronger than her all the time. It seemed like very juvenile behaviour for a pack leader.
Penn tried to reel in the old feelings and the old hurts that were quickly rising to the surface of her mind along with all the awful memories. She'd never quite fit in with her own pack but that first year he was there really revealed to her just what a misfit she was. And now, as the memories stirred up long forgotten feelings, Penn wasn't sure remembering was a good idea. Still, she found herself continuing on with her story, despite her own misgivings.
"He didn't know the first thing about running such a large pack as Phoenix," she told Anex as she schooled her features to appear calm and indifferent even though she wasn't feeling it. "His birth-pack was just a small nomadic one that went through alphas as quickly as it did territories. Still, everyone was glad Alpha Sophia found her mate after such a long time and we were all willing to make allowances. That was, until she told us she was going to make him Alpha and relinquish her role as the Alpha of the pack. To say we were surprised would be an understatement. The pack protested but she went ahead and did it anyway. Once she did, there was no reversing the decision."
Penn still felt confused by Alpha Sophia's choice to make her mate alpha of the pack. She couldn't understand why any Alpha, male or female, would hand their pack over to someone who so clearly was not fit for the job. It didn't make sense then and it didn't make any more sense now.
She hadn't been the only one baffled by the decision. Penn remembered that there had been a period of time when the pack was almost split down the middle concerning him. Wolves were talking about leaving and forming their own packs. The pack didn't trust him in the same way they would have trusted one of their own because he'd proven to be a brute and a bully. It was a rough start for an ambitious wolf from a small and untested pack.
"He was inexperienced alright," she told Anex. She wasn't excusing his behaviour. She was just relating some facts to the other wolf. "He used brute force to keep the pack in line and under his thumb at all times too."
"All except you," Anex said to her with a knowing smile.
Penn laughed and gave him a small smile in return. "Yes, all except the one misfit in the pack who was too young herself and too dumb to keep herself from danger."
Anex was shocked by her laugh. He was hoping to lighten the mood a bit but he hadn't expected her to smile at all. It transformed her stony face into something quite inviting. Anex could feel himself warming up to her even more now. Something about that smile had melted the rest of the uncertainty in his mind and heart concerning her. She was no rogue. She was just the victim of a tyrannical power-hungry young alpha. An alpha, who ten years later, had no more respect from his pack then he did when this all went down.
But what Anex burned to know was how on earth had she survived ten years in the wild without a pack to call her own? It seemed impossible. It went against everything he knew and had been taught about isolated pack-wolves. He'd been told all his life that they went mad, losing all sense of self, and became too wild to integrate back into pack life.
That was the reason why packs killed rogues. They killed the ones who went wild because they couldn't trust them to re-integrate. The instability of their emotions, after going wild, was too much of a risk to the entire pack. No alpha would ever forgive himself if a rogue went ballistic without cause and killed a pack-wolf. It was unthinkable.
But, this woman wasn't wild like rogues were wild. She wasn't some half-crazed she wolf bent on self-destruction and the destruction of everything and everyone around her whether for vengeance, spite or just plain power. She wasn't a risk to the pups or to the Orthos pack.
Anex would make sure his Alpha and Beta knew it. They may not give her an open invitation to come and live as one of their own but Anex was determined that no one was going to run her off or kill her if he could do something about it. He might not have been able to do anything for her 10 years ago but he sure as hell was going to do everything he could for her now.
She was practically a walking miracle as far as he was concerned. She'd somehow survived longer in the wild than any packless rogue he'd ever met and yet she was as sane as he was. Plus, she went to great difficulty to bring the orphans here despite the personal danger to herself. This was not the act of a rogue but the self-less act of someone who valued friendship, pups and pack life. Anex simply could not make heads or tails of her, it was all so unfathomable, but he knew that she was no rogue. That was certain.
Their conversation was interrupted by the children waking and climbing out of their bunks to come to the kitchen for food. When they saw Anex they froze and looked anxiously from him to Penn. Everything seemed alright but at the same time they felt nervous. Penn put Mia down, got up from her seat, swept up Mia's bowl and beckoned the children to enter and get some breakfast.
"Come and eat," she told them. She smiled ever so slightly and that seemed to ease their minds.
Cassidy came in first and gave Penn a warm hug. Jackson followed right behind her also hugging Penn. When Ace and Archer both came and gave her a hug too Penn let out a little laugh. She wasn't sure what had gotten into the pups but it seemed like they were all feeling a little sentimental that morning. Penn allowed it. She knew it might be the last morning they spent together.
So, she ignored the curious stare of Anex and allowed each the children to hug her in turn until all were satisfied. Then she petted the littlest ones heads and told Cassidy and Jackson they were responsible for making sure everyone got fed.
Afterwards, she walked out into the living room where Anex was waiting. Penn hadn't been sure if he would return to his old self the minute the older children turned up but it seemed he hadn't. He was still giving off a very friendly vibe as Penn joined him in the living room.
She couldn't be sure but she felt that he was now looking at her much the same way Lara, her only friend and Luna of the decimated Griffin pack, had when they became acquainted. His expression was open, friendly and very curious. Penn still wasn't sure what to make of his sudden change of heart, and it had been a very long time since she'd spent this much time in the presence of a non-hostile male wolf. Was this just curiosity and it would soon fade? Or was there more to it?
In the middle of her thoughts, her stomach made a long, loud growl. Anex laughed and Penn looked up at him with unveiled surprise.
He gave her a big grin saying, "A kitchen full of food and you're hungry?" He was clearly amused and laughed goodnaturedly.
Penn wrinkled up her nose. "Not my kind of food," she simply replied.
As if a light bulb had just come on in his head he blurted out "You need to hunt!" with a look of astonishment on his face.
That look made Penn want to laugh but she schooled her features and kept her amusement to herself. She didn't know him well enough to laugh at him just yet.
Instead of laughing she simply said, "Not 'til the children are safe."
Penn would not leave the pups with 4 adult wolves they did not know and could not fully trust just yet. That would be reckless and foolish. Penn wouldn't allow herself to be lured away even for the taste of a juicy ptarmigan. She'd gone hungry before and survived. She could wait another day to satisfy her hunger.
She gave Anex a sideways glace and he was looking at her thoughtfully. He wasn't going to argue it seemed and Penn felt grateful that she didn't have to outright explain to him that she did not feel entirely safe with him just yet.
Cassidy came out from the noisy kitchen and eyed the two adults carefully. When she felt she was not interrupting anything and the mood didn't seem tense she came forward and addressed Anex. "Will we see my uncle today?"
He gave the girl a nod. "We'll head out as soon as you've all eaten and your uncle will meet us on the trail." He watched as the 17 year old's face broke out into a huge grin. Their horrific journey of escape was nearly over and soon they'd be with family again. Anex smiled warmly at her when he saw her tear up a bit. She very quickly wiped the evidence from her eyes and turned her beaming face on Penn.
"It's all thanks to you," she declared with feeling.
Penn smiled tenderly at her young friend and allowed the girl to throw her arms around her neck and hug her tightly. She gave her a swift hug back but let her go quickly saying, "The sooner you guys eat and clean up the sooner you can go."
Cassidy let her go but her smile faded and worry filled her expressive eyes. "Yes but," and she stopped to look at Anex a moment before she carried on, "You are coming with us, right?"
Penn gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze as she nodded in the affirmative. "I'll be with you. I'm not going anywhere until I'm sure you are safely squared away with your uncle. That's what I promised your mother. Understood?"
Cassidy sighed with relief and then smiled at both adults. She nodded her head and then happily returned to the noise and bustle of the kitchen. The very next minute Anex left saying he had arrangements to make before everyone could leave. Penn gave him a quick nod and then watched him exit the lodge. She then turned her attention to the bedrooms. She'd get started on the clean-up while the kids were eating.
She wanted to keep busy. She didn't want to think too long or too hard about the upcoming meeting. It was just a guess, but it was likely that Cassidy and Jackson's uncle wouldn't be interested in prolonging the make-shift friendship between her and the Griffin orphans and would send her on her way before they even got anywhere near the pack village. Having a rogue in their midst would just stir up unnecessary trouble.
Penn sighed deeply as she folded a blanket and stuffed it in a closet. Letting go was harder than she thought. How was it possible that the little brats had come to mean so much to her in such a short period of time? And how long would it take her to forget them? She sighed heavily again. These were things she had no answers for. It was better just to keep busy and not think about it at all.