After taking a shower, I blow dry and flat iron my hair. It looks great, but I'm concerned that I'm not wearing proper attire for such an upscale restaurant. I've never been to the Polo Lounge in my life, nor did I ever imagine I would be. A lot of LA restaurants have a dress code, but Harry reassures me the outfit I have on it perfect, his words put my mind at ease. I'm wearing a silver blazer with matching pants, a black cami underneath and black strapy heels.
"You look fabulous Will."
"So do you, Mr. GQ." I smile into his kiss on my lips.
Harry is one of those people who are blessed to look perfect in anything from casual to formal. He cleans up nicely, very sharp and sophisticated. He's wearing a pair of black skinny jeans, a black button-down dress shirt, a navy wool trench coat and black chelsea boots. His natural curls resting on his shoulders then down his back.
"I'm ready, let me grab my keys."
Harry gently places his hand on mine and shakes his head.
"No, I'm driving, I'm taking you on a date. That's how this is gonna work."
Is there ever an end to his chivalry? Because it feels like it's endless. If it were any other man, his demands may seem chauvinistic, but I know what his angle is. He's very aware of my past with James and the lack of care and compassion I've been given over the years. His only motive is to make me feel like a queen and I appreciate his efforts.
"Ok, you're the boss. What car are we taking?"
I saw his car collection and I'm curious what his choice will be for a date. I wonder if there's some rhyme or reason to his selection. Without hesitation he chooses the black Audi A6, it's not a flashy car, but it is elegant and dignified. His choice tells me he has no desire to show off, he simply wants to spend time with me and that makes me very comfortable. He opens the door and ushers me in with a sweet kiss on the back of my hand. Everything he does appears to be effortless; I wish I had half of the grace he does.
The ten-minute drive down Sunset Blvd to the Beverly Hills Hotel is lined with beautiful palm trees. I watch the scenery as we pass by. I'm still trying to figure out how I ended up in this place. Harry held my hand the entire drive and squeezed it periodically to let me know that he was still present. Just moments away from the hotel my stomach starts doing backflips. We haven't discussed how we'll handle the public. It seems really complicated and I'm starting to worry this might put too much pressure on us both.
"Harry, what are we going to do when we get there? It's kinda hard to disguise that I'm showing up with you in your car. What if someone sees us?"
"We're not going to hide anything. I really don't care if they see us together. I want to be with you and if they want to throw a fit or write a story about it, then so be it. We have nothing to be afraid of."
Everything in me wants to believe what he's saying, but somehow, I'm still nervous.
"Are you really sure about this?"
"Yes, I am. I'm going to take you inside and we're going to enjoy our evening. Do you trust me?"
"Without a doubt. It's not about my trust in you, it's the paps I'm worried about. It's them that I have no faith in."
"I'm not concerned with what they think. The only thing I care about it spending time with you and keeping you safe. Ok?"
"What if the word gets out about us, and Lark and Lily find out?"
"Hmm, I hadn't really thought about that babe. I'm sorry." He looks like he's struggling for answers. "Look, I don't think anyone will notice. I usually only have issues when people know I'm coming. The staff at the hotel is very discrete, they'll keep things quiet. I promise Baby."
"Alright, I'm sorry if I'm being a little crazy. This is all so new to me; my life is quiet, and no one has ever been concerned about my coming and goings before. This is a little nerve wracking."
"I'm sorry Darling. Will you be ok? Do you want to go back to my place?"
"No, I'm fine. I can do this."
"Good, because I'm excited to take you out."
***
The hotel is more impressive in person than what I've seen in movies and on tv. The elegance of the building and surroundings paired with the mid-century font reading Beverly Hills Hotel feels nostalgic to an era that's not my own. It's like rewinding time imagining all the amazing people and the fun times that happened within its walls, you can feel their energy.
We pull up to the valet, Harry hands over his keys and leads me from the passenger seat arm and arm. It doesn't take long for someone to notice him. He has a colorful aura surrounding him that's impossible to ignore. Couple that with the fact he's with a new woman and it sends everyone into a tailspin. I can hear whispers and then shouts from a few paps that seem to live outside the hotel just waiting for moments like this. Then the cameras start flashing and questions are being shouted from every direction, it's intimidating.
He can see how uncomfortable I am, so he wraps his arm around my waist leading me to the hotel entrance. Even though this is complete chaos Harry is trying to be gracious to the people around him while comforting me at the same time. For the first time he appears to be uncomfortable and lacking in confidence. Seeing him nervous, makes me feel the same, the adrenaline is flowing, and breathing is becoming difficult.
They want to know who I am, and what our relationship status is. It causes incredible tension to spread throughout his body. I grab him by the sleeve of his coat to lean in and whisper.
"Babe, let's go you don't have to do this."
He looks at me irritated.
"We're not going anywhere. I'm not letting them do this to us. C'mon I've got this."
He grabs my hand and stops to look at the group of people who have congregated around us. He motions to a member of the hotel's security to rescue us from the jungle of wild animals, quickly he swoops me inside.
"Are you okay Love? I'm sorry I didn't expect it to be like that, and I'm so sorry for snapping. I'm not angry with you, I just don't like seeing you uncomfortable."
"It's okay, it's not your fault. Honestly, I didn't know what to expect. It took me by surprise, that's all."
"Let's just forget about it and enjoy our night. How's that sound?"
"It sounds great."
He kisses me on the forehead as we're being led to a table in the corner. It's a rounded booth covered in royal blue velvet, the table is draped in white linen, with a small fuchsia blooming plant and votive holder that's made to look like a small lamp. The area is quiet and as private as you can get in this particular lounge. Harry waits for me to have a seat the way a gentleman would, then slides in next to me. He grips my hand to reassure me that everything will be fine, but it feels more like he's trying to convince himself.
"Willow are you okay? You look like you're about ready to take off. Please don't worry, just enjoy yourself."
He laces his fingers with mine, brings them to his lips and gently kisses the back of my hand. Something in his voice tells me that he's not as sure things are going to be okay. I can't shake this dreadful feeling. He wears his heart on his sleeve the same way I do. He's not fooling me; he's unnerved and far from happy.
I amuse him by agreeing to enjoy myself, doing my best to push the tension out of my mind. It's not easy to do when the discomfort is lingering over our heads and threatening a storm of chaos to ensue. But I'd do anything to ease his mind, so I put on my best happy face and move on.
We enjoy the Ahi Tuna Tartare together while we are waiting for our entree.
"This is excellent; I've never had tuna prepared like this."
"It's delightful, I'm glad you like it because it's one of my favorites. You're going to love the filet too."
As if on cue, the waiter brings the Filet Mignon to the table. It's paired with a mixture of vegetables like sugar snap peas and white asparagus. It's beautifully presented in absolute perfection.
Harry cuts a small bit of his filet and offers to feed me a bite off his fork. It's a romantic gesture on his part, just trying to ease the tension. I wink and giggle at him in acceptance of his kindness. The food is delightful, and the Cabernet is superb, but I'm seriously distressed by the feeling of unease between us that has yet to subside.
Until we showed up at the hotel everything has been storybook perfect. That should have been my first clue that this thing between us probably won't work. Something has changed since we arrived, and I can feel it like a heavy black cloud over us.
He's not acting different towards me, just around me. His self-reliance is shot, and he seems extremely edgy. I can feel my heart breaking because it's becoming clear that I'm going to have to make a decision that I don't want to make. I'm doing everything I can to keep it to myself until we can talk alone.
"I'm getting tired, why don't we go home."
"Of course, anything you want Love. I'm sorry this night has been so uncomfortable. I wish my life was different for you. If I could change it I would, and I'm not expecting you to be okay with it."
"Harry, I don't want your life to be different because of me. Please, let's just go."
He makes a heavy swallow and nods his head.
The valet has brought up the Audi so we can make a quick escape. When we leave the shelter of the hotel everything turns upside down again. Harry makes a run for the car and I'm trying to keep up with him. The valet opens the door and I jump in. Everything happens so fast, before I know it, we're back on Sunset Boulevard.
Tears stream down my face because I'm scared out of my mind and I'm not sure I can be in a relationship like this. Actually, I know I can't be a part of what this is doing to him. He seemed so happy before we left his home, but now he's a complete mess. He's growing more frustrated as he's cursing and hitting the steering wheel.
"I'm sorry Harry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm not mad at you, you shouldn't have to deal with this. I'm scared your girls will see something, that's exactly what you didn't want. I shouldn't have pushed you. I'm a selfish prick."
His tone is agitated and the last thing I expected was for him to raise his voice at me.
"It's obvious this is only fun for you when we're alone. We can't have a relationship like this. It's too much pressure for you and it pains me to see how distressed you are. I can't do this Harry. I'm willing to handle anything the public can dish out, but I can't handle what it may do to you in the process. I just want you to be happy, it's just too much."
He's trying to interrupt me.
"Stop! No! Please listen to me."
"No, Harry I won't stop. Me being in your life is going to cause you too much stress. Just take me back to your place, I'll get my things and leave."
"Damnit no."
"Yes Harry."
I'm uncontrollably sobbing now, everything about this hurts so bad. The pain is temporary, but I know this is what I need to do. I sit in silence for the rest of the way back to his house. He keeps trying to beg me to listen to him, but I've shut him out. It's the only thing I can do to keep from completely breaking down. I suck at confrontation and I know if I listen to him, he'll change my mind. I'm weak and I can't resist him.
He pulls the car into the garage and puts it in park. I reach for the door handle so I can run away. He grabs my hand and begs me again to stay.
"I promise everything will be fine. I don't care if my life becomes more complicated. We can do this together. Don't leave, I'm begging you."
"I'm sorry Harry, I have to go. Just forget about this weekend and go back to your life. It'll be better for you."
I hear him call for me, he has no energy to chase me, he's gutted.
"I don't want to forget; I just want you to stay."
I run inside and snag my keys from the table, then sprint out the front door to my car. I'm crying so much I can hardly see. I know I shouldn't be driving like this, but I need to go before I change my mind. I can't stand watching him cry, wondering what he can do to persuade me to stay.
As I'm leaving his long driveway my cell starts to ring. Of course, it's him. I turn off the power and toss it to the floor. I can't even listen to the ringing right now. I just cry and cry some more until I make it home.
Sam hears me come in the front door and snatches me in her arms. I damn near collapse on the floor, my broken heart has torn my body down too. I know without a doubt I've fallen in love with him. There's something magical in our connection which caused our love to grow prematurely. None of it matters anymore, forgetting about it is the only way I can keep our hearts safe from the angry outside world.
"What did he do to you Willow. I swear I'll kick his ass. What the fuck is happening?"
I shake my head and stumble over my words. I share all of it with her because that's what I do when I need someone, she's always here for me. After my explanation of the situation she's no longer mad at Harry, instead she's mad at the situation, obviously devastated for both of us. Without saying much, she just consoles me and listens. Knowing her, she'll take her time to figure out what to do to get me through this.
Sam takes me to my room and helps me dress in my pajamas. She tucks me into bed and lays by my side to comfort and protect me until I pass out. I've expended all my emotional energy and my body has just shut off.