"Do you think we'll find anything useful?" T asked, eyes scanning the empty streets.
"I think we're out of options," I answered as I peered through my rifle scope.
I tracked Carol and Daryl as they made their way cautiously through the town heading to a general store. The small town we were raiding didn't look promising, but since we were literally starving to death beggars couldn't be choosers. Scavenging on the highway was too dangerous to be practical, a fact everyone now agreed on, and we hadn't stumbled upon any houses lately, so here we were in a little town that was picked clean looking for anything viable.
"Have we been here before?"
I pulled my rifle away, glancing around at the scenery that looked like every other one we'd traveled through the last few months.
"Maybe, maybe not, these shitholes are all starting to blur together."
T exhaled sharply, "I think we have. The herds are forcing us in circles."
I shrugged because I didn't have anything to add. He was right, but there was nothing we could do about it. With the dead grouping together in massive herds we had to take what we could get even if it meant going places we'd already been, twice.
This little song and dance was getting old. If we wanted to head east they forced us west. If we tried to go north they pushed us south. It didn't take a genius to deduce at some point the herds might converge and surround us like paratroopers at the Battle of the Bulge, except we didn't have Patton's 3rd Army coming to our rescue.
"We can't keep doing this," he huffed, "Eventually we'll make a mistake and it'll be over."
I glanced at him, my face blank and I saw irritation flare in his normally carefree eyes. It was a constant struggle to remind myself how hard this was for everyone. Unfortunately for me this life wasn't all that different from my old one. The only change being now both the living and dead were trying to kill me. I was the product of a system that ensured I not only survived this world, I thrived in it. The thought made my stomach knot up and put a bad taste in my mouth. I was born into violence, as comfortable with running and killing as breathing. A monster that reveled in chaos and the world wasn't short on chaos as of late.
"You're missing the point," I commented dryly. His eyes flew to mine, face scrunched up in confusion.
"How is staying alive missing the point?" It was phrased as a question, but the sarcasm coating the words made me hold my tongue. He wasn't done yet. "Enlighten me Obi-Wan, what is the point?"
Someone had their diva pants on today.
"We're not fighting to live." Ignoring his grunt of disapproval I paused, looking him dead in the eye like I could will him to understand. "We're fighting for each other."
He swallowed thickly, nodding with jerky motions as his eyes glistened. He turned his body away from me and out of courtesy I looked the other way giving him time to gather himself, but his ragged breathing betrayed his emotional state. He didn't have anything to be embarrassed about, but I knew better than most how horrifying it was to break down in front of someone else.
Shoulder my rifle again I peered through the scope, locating Carl and Rick as they crept towards a line of cars on the edge of town. A rustle of bushes in the tree line caught my attention and I aimed my rifle slightly right, twisted the scope to better focus the sight. Three walkers popped into view with stark clarity as I took a deep breath, lining up the first shot and squeezing the trigger. Before the remaining two walkers even realized their buddy was dead, again, I shot them both in the forehead with two, well placed, silent shots.
Rick stumbled as the three dead walkers fell at his feet, turning and peering up at the water tower before nodding slightly and continuing forward. I angled my rifle forward, checking their anticipated route, but saw no additional walkers and relaxed, letting my rifle drop slightly.
I felt T's stare boring into the side of my head and looked at him.
"What?"
"Boo-boo, you got some made skills."
I rolled my eyes, smothering my smile as I continued scanning for danger. Glad the T I knew and loved was back. If he got emotional then I'd get emotional and then we really would have a situation on our hands.
I focused on the mission, even if it pissed me off. The sound suppressor on my rifle made it the perfect long distance weapon so I was never surprised when my number was called for sniper duty, but it didn't mean I liked it. I enjoyed it even less when it involved being stuck in a giant, rusty, water tower on the verge of collapse as the rest of the group raided a town straight out of a horror flick.
Unfortunately our options were severely limited for this shitty detail. The only other person capable of pulling off a shot at this distance was Daryl and he was on Rapunzel duty last go-round. He protested extra loud when I tried to volunteer him for the duty behind his back.
"Ain't no chance in hell Red," he declared, giving me a look that made most people pee their pants. It made my sausage wallet swoon like it was in a Jane Austen novel.
"Actually, it is. That's how 'not it' works. You said it last so you're stuck in the rickety water tower of death. Get it ?"
Rick buried his face in his hands as he stood in-between us. I bet he felt more like a referee than an apocalyptic group leader when the two of us went head-to-head. In my defense if Daryl hadn't snuck up on us while I was throwing him under the bus none of this would be happening.
"Ya ain't going into that town without..."
"But you can go into without me?"
"Woman if you'd let me finish a damn sentence."
I pointed my finger in his face. "Don't take that tone with me Hanna."
Rick groaned. "Jesus, I thought you guys sounded like an old, married couple before you started sleeping together."
He left his statement hanging in the air like dirty laundry as Daryl's jaw snapped shut with such force he probably cracked a tooth, the tips of his ears going red. He liked living in fantasy land where no one knew we cuddled naked. I, on the other hand, didn't give a flying fuck who knew and they all knew.
"He's the one with a splinter in his boot," I accused, "And let's not forget his entire point doesn't amount to a mountain of beans."
Daryl crossed his hands over his chest as he shook his head at me.
"That made about as much sense as tits on a bull."
It didn't take a genius to know I got the expression wrong, again. Why in the mother bitch couldn't I get these sayings right? I was fluent in four languages for fuck's sake, but somehow I still couldn't communicate in basic hillbilly.
"Listen Oliver Queen..."
"Enough!" Rick roared, interrupting us. Both our heads rotated to him as we stepped away from each other. "Daryl you're with Carol on the north side of town. Alex, you're in the tower."
Before I could lodge a detailed complaint regarding his organizational skills he was gone and so was Daryl, throwing a shit eating grin over his shoulder as he sauntered off. I decided to handle the loss like a mature adult so I flipped him off, walking to the water tower that was doing a spot on impression of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, not even trying to hide my pout. When this thing fell over and I died he was going to be really sorry.
Rick selected three groups of two for the raid on the town. Each group was assigned a section of town to search so we could systematically pick the town clean in the least amount of time possible. Maggie and Glenn were on the south side making their way through what appeared to be a warehouse. Rick and Carl were slowly checking all the abandoned cars in town which was slow and dangerous work. That left Carol and Daryl on the north side of town, the furthest away much to my chagrin, searching the boarded up store fronts.
Lori, Beth and Hershel were safely hidden a few miles back. The pregnant woman was much too far along to do anything other than focus on incubating Nugget. There were no fast getaways where she was concerned. She moved with the grace and speed of a drunken college chic on Spring Break.
This was Carol's first foray into the world of scavenging, and I was nervous, both for her and Daryl. I personally worked with her all winter and the scared, timid woman I first met on the farm was a distant memory, but she wasn't exactly Annie Oakley either. She was a decent shot, sometimes, and she could now hold a knife without almost cutting her hand off, but she needed real practice to solidify her newfound skills. Sheltering people in this world wasn't protection. It was a death certificate with a blank end date.
I bit my lip as my edginess escalated to dizzying proportions that had nothing to do with the height of this death trap. I understood the need to harden our group, to mold them into survivors, but the thought of Daryl being down there without me made me want to puke. It wasn't that I didn't trust Carol. I didn't trust anyone who wasn't me where Legolas was concerned.
"What is that?" T's voice brought me back to the present as I followed his outstretched hand, raising my rifle and looking through the scope.
My blood ran cold when I saw a sizeable group of men moving through the woods towards the town. I counted twelve, but that was just what I could see, but even that was too many. We only had six people down there, two of which were a child and a rookie.
I heard T fumbling with his walkie talkie and reached behind me, stopping him.
"Don't. They're too close. If they don't already know we're here they will when they hear your voice."
"We have to do something."
His voice was panicked so I squeezed his hand briefly, offering him what I hoped was a reassuring smile before I knelt down on one knee. I tucked my rifle firmly into my shoulder, bracing my right elbow on my right knee as I searched for Daryl.
"We are," I told him absently, focusing on Daryl as he crept forward along the sidewalk, oblivious to the danger lurking nearby.
Watching him for a beat I whistled, a distinctive three notes that carried in the wind. He froze instantly, grabbing Carol from behind and pushing her down behind a car before joining her, his senses in overdrive as he clutched his crossbow tight, eyes scanning for the danger he couldn't see.
"Holy shit, how did you know he'd hear you?"
Pulling back from the rifle I looked at T like he was nuts as he squatted beside me.
"The man can hear a mouse pissing on a cotton ball at 100 meters. I may as well have commissioned a plane to sky-write a note."
I watched Daryl draw Rick's attention, the ripple effect of my warning cascading to everyone in our group in less than a minute. Thank god we used our downtime wisely, most days.
"True, but still, how did he know what it meant?"
"What else could it mean?"
I tried to keep the mocking out of my voice, but failed miserably.
He glared at me. "Don't sass me, it's a legitimate question. You whistle some busted ass tune and somehow he knows it means we're at DEFCON 5?"
"Ex-cu-se me," I drawled, outraged, "My whistling is not busted and how do you even know what DEFCON 5 means?"
"Call of Duty." I rolled my eyes so hard I almost fell over. "And you didn't answer the question."
Shaking my head I looked back through the scope. I honestly couldn't believe we were having this conversation now of all times. A hostile force was converging on our friends and he wanted to dissect my Vulcan mind meld with Katniss.
"He just does."
"That's some Hunger Games shit on the real," he mumbled.
Glancing back towards the group of men I watched as they hesitate at the edge of town, spreading out slowly to the left and right before proceeding forward. Either they were appropriately cautious or they already knew we were here. When I watched two men point directly at Rick and Daryl's hiding spots before breaking apart I knew it was the latter.
"Shit."
I turned the infrared laser on my rifle on, a solid red beam traveling from the tower to the concrete at Daryl's feet. As usual his hunter eyes missed nothing as he stared at the red dot, and I said a silent thank you it was an overcast day. I put my hand in front of the laser interrupting the beam for a split second before moving my hand.
One.
I repeated the process again.
Two.
I kept going until I reached twelve then looked through the scope at Daryl. His crossbow was on the ground, one hand raised with a single finger extended, the other hand displaying two.
There are twelve.
I put my hand in front of the laser sight and moved my hand back and forth quickly, the red dot blinking twice.
Yes.
He nodded once, turning and relaying the information to Rick as quietly as possible. I turned my attention back to the approaching group.
"How do we even know they're hostile?" T asked.
His heart was too big. He was always looking for the good in people.
"Everyone who isn't us is hostile."
"This is why you don't have any friends. We need to work on your pessimism."
Someone fired a single shot shattering the glass of a car window dangerously close to Rick and Carl. I followed the trajectory of the bullet back to the shooter, putting his head directly in my crosshairs and firing, his body dropping to the ground less than a second later.
I glanced at T, "Some other time."
A man standing near the one I just killed shouted to his companions, his eyes gawking at the dead man at his feet. Then all hell broke loose. The once stillness of the day was replaced with gunfire, shouting and sound of bullets being fired in rapid succession. And here I thought today was going to be boring.
I picked my targets carefully, making sure to eliminate anyone with the audacity to venture too close to my friends on the ground. The louder the mayhem, the more intense the bedlam, the calmer I felt. The distinct sound of Rick's Colt Python firing, Maggie's voice calling out targets for Glenn, Daryl shouting instructions at Carol, all of it was familiar, comforting. The chaos settled me into a state of absolute focus even as the adrenaline surged through my veins like a drug. I both hated and loved the feeling.
I spotted a man creeping closer to Daryl and Carol as they tried to work their way out of the town, careful to stay behind any cover available, but their purser was also careful. His head was on a swivel trying to pinpoint my location, but no matter how hard he looked or how careful he was it would never be enough. Attacking us in this town was a fatal mistake on his part. The fact he was currently stalking Daryl made my vision go red. Madness bubbled inside me as I tracked him as he ducked behind a car, his eyes honed in on the man who meant everything to me. Daryl was shielding Carol with his body, keeping her safe while exposing himself. I expected no less of him, but it scared the beejesus out of me.
The man stayed hidden behind the trunk of a car and I kept my rifle pointed at the edge where I expected his head to pop out at any moment. With each passing second my fragile emotional state passed rage and was closing in on cray cray. I tried to keep the violence at bay, but it was a waste of time and energy. Where there were previously only fissures in my fragile barriers there were now gaping holes. A damn broke inside me. The walls keeping my base instincts in check shattering like the broken glass littering the streets below me. There was never a chance of holding it in. That evaporated the moment the man set his sights on Daryl.
Letting my old self out to play was dangerous. I was a hammer and everything was a nail. There was no middle ground. At this point I was more like a goddamn sledge hammer, but if my family needed the viciousness locked inside to keep them safe I would sacrifice my soul to save their lives. It wasn't even a choice. I would sacrifice even more than that where Daryl was concerned.
As predicted the man left the shelter of his car just as Carol sprinting from behind cover heading towards a building. Before his finger could even wrap around the trigger he was dead, the contents of his head plastered against the wall of the building behind him. Daryl's eyes flew towards the tower and I pulled my rifle away, swallowing hard as I looked at him. He nodded once and I returned the gesture even though I was fairly certain he couldn't see it.
Carol's shriek pulled my eyes away from him as I scanned the streets for her. I found her sprinting down a street as gunfire erupted at her feet, two armed assailants trailing slightly behind. Hearing her cries Daryl sprung up, ready to intervene, but a round of gunfire to his left made him dive for cover, the bullets missing, but keeping him sufficiently pinned down.
The group was getting over the initial surprise of having to contend with more than your run of the mill survivors. They regrouped and were converging on the town, methodically pinning our people in place and leaving Carol alone and exposed. I couldn't find an angle for a shot on any of them now that they were acutely aware exposing any vital body part was rewarded with a ticket to a dirt nap.
I scanned left, right, up and down, but there was nothing. My options were severely limited. I could fire with no chance of hitting anyone hoping the gunfire would scare them enough to keep them immobile, but this wasn't the movies and we didn't have an endless supply of ammo. Plus, Carol didn't have that kind of time.
I stood up, looking around for some way to get to her. Climbing down the tower would take too long, leave me utterly exposed to a bullet in the back, and since the rusted ladder barely held when we climbed up here that wasn't an option. I grimaced when I noticed a cable running directly past the tower, about five feet away from the walkway encircling the structure. The cable continued all the way down to a building a few blocks over. Oh man, this was gonna suck.
"Take this."
I thrust my rifle into T's hand, pulling my belt off and wrapping one end around my hand as I climbed over the railing. The metal shook, a screw popping loose and clattered to the ground. I swallowed the bile in my throat as I looked down. Man, that was really high. I hooked another leg over, holding onto the railing, trying to control my breathing as my heart hammered in my chest.
"What are you doing?"
I took a deep breath, trying like hell to find my Zen, as I shuffled around the railing, getting as close to the cable as possible. When a part of the railing snapped off in my hand, my body pitching forward precariously I decided that was far enough. Discarding the piece of metal I tossed it over my shoulder.
"Alex!" T yelled, his eyes wide as he clutched my rifle.
The cable was almost directly in front of me and I swallowed thickly looking back at him.
"Keep them away from the others," I instructed.
His eyes bounced from me to the cable and he shook his head frantically back-and-forth. "No, no this is crazy."
Yes, yes it was.
"There's no other way. Carol's in trouble and someone has to cover the others. Just point and shoot. You can do it."
His mouth dropped open as he held my rifle away from his body like it was a venomous snake.
"I can't..."
"You can," I cut him off. "You have to. They need you."
Another burst of gunfire made us both look away and T's determination set in. He could do this, he had to. It was the only way.
"Daryl is going to kill me," he muttered, shouldering the rifle.
"He'll probably kill me first if it's any consolation."
He glanced at me, eyes serious. "Don't die."
"You either," I grinned at him. "And don't hurt my rifle or Daryl will be the least of your problems."
Looking away from him I eyed the cable as it traveled at a downwards angle over the road and to the top of a building about 50 feet away. Suddenly my plan felt a little more like madness than brilliance, but another cry from Carol followed closely by a gunshot nudged what little self-preservation I had out the window. I bent my knees, curling my hand so tight around my belt it hurt as the leather dug into my skin. Screw it.
I jumped.
I stretched my body out, using my height to my advantage as I soared towards the cable. When I was close enough I swung the loose end of the belt up and over the cable, my body sailing just underneath it. I wanted to cry with relief when the belt curled around the thin wire, but I wasn't out of the woods yet. I frantically reached for the end of the belt with my free hand. My hand smacked against the leather of the belt as I curled my fingers around it, squeezing hard, but my grip faltered. My hand slipped down the belt almost a half inch before I was able to curl my hand around the belt stopping my fall.
OK, well, the hard part was done. Now I just had to hold on while my momentum carried me down the cable at a dizzying speed. The smell of burnt leather reached my nose and I swallowed hard, holding on with all my strength. One slip, one wrong move and I was done. I wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. I couldn't believe this was working. I saw Tom Cruise do this once in a Mission Impossible movie, but he had stunt doubles and padded landing areas. I had a worn out belt, a 30 foot drop onto asphalt, and no do-overs.
My exit was fast approaching and I tried to prepare myself for the inevitable pain as I eyed the roof. This was going to suck balls and then some. When I passed the ledge of the roof, my body completely over the top of the building I let go of the belt. I was carrying too much speed to attempt landing on my feet. I kept my feet and knees locked together letting my momentum carry me forward as I tucked my body into itself, rolling as I hit the roof to lessen the impact. It worked, kind of.
A couple of disorienting combat rolls later I was on my feet, suppressing a groan of pain as I glanced at the top of my shoulder. My shirt was shredded, exposing a nasty road rash that was little more than a flesh wound, but hurt like a son of a bitch. My hip and side strung, a rainbow of purples and black already forming on my pale skin. Considering I just zip lined off a water tower using a belt I was getting off rather light.
My aches and pains were forgotten the instant I heard another gunshot. It was Carol's gun. I'd recognize the sound of it anywhere considering I was the one who gave it to her. I ran forward, sprinting across the roof as fast as my legs would carry me. I heard the others shouting and firing as they fought for their lives on the street, but I had to believe they could handle themselves. Carol I wasn't sure about. It didn't escape my notice I was on a roof again. This really was starting to become a habit.
Without slowing down I jumped up on the small, raised ledge at the end of the roof, leaping for the adjacent building and landing with significantly more grace than my zip line dismount. Another scream made me veer right, jumping another building as I made my way to Carol. She was in trouble that much was clear and the thought had me desperate.
My legs burned with effort as I scaled the arched roof, the 45 degree angle punishing. Sweat poured down my face as I pushed myself harder, faster. Once I reached the peak of the roof I threw my body over sliding down the opposite side. I kicked my right leg out, stretching my left arm behind me as my leg contacted the neighboring building, stopping my slide. I straddled the building looking at Carol standing directly below me with two men boxing her in. She was weaponless, arms raised in surrender, but the men armed men stalked forward. I waited for the closest one to pass underneath me and once he was I raised both my arms above my head, removing my foot from the wall.
My body plummeted towards the ground as I felt the brick wall on either side of me scraping against my exposed skin. My feet crashed on top of the man behind Carol and I heard his neck snap like a twig. He was dead before he hit the ground.
"Down!" I screamed at Carol who dropped into a crouch immediately.
Bracing my palms against the wall I jumped over as the man lunged forward with a knife. I used my right hand to slam his into the wall. The knife clattering to the ground, but I didn't stop as I grabbed a handful of hair, pulling his head down as I swung my knee up. His nose shattered with a sickening crunch at the contact, his cry of pain muffled by the blood filling his mouth. He raised his head, hands covering his broken nose and I brought my elbow forward slamming it into the side of his face. His head snapped sideways, striking the wall with an audible crack as he stumbled back dazed. I kicked my left foot into his stomach sending him flying backwards to the ground. Snatching a knife from my belt I pounced on him, sinking my blade into the side of his head. Pulling my knife out I stood up, turning to look at Carol who was now staring at me her face pale and legs trembling.
"You OK?" She looked down at the dead men at her feet, swallowed hard and nodded. "Come on, we have to find the others and get out of here."
I didn't wait for an answer, mainly because I knew I wouldn't get one. Shock was a powerful drug and Carol was flying high at the moment. I also couldn't bear the way she was looking at me right now. I sincerely hoped the fear I saw was due to her near death experience and not me, but I wasn't waitinig around to find out.
Drawing my PPQ I moved towards the end of the alley as I sheathed my knife. No use in being quiet at this point. All we needed was a little glitter, a few dollar bills and we could really make it rain. At the edge of the alley I stopped briefly checking left and right before motioning her to forward. We hadn't taken two steps before I heard a trigger cocking behind me. I froze, mentally berating myself for my haste.
Sloppy. Stupid. And now it might kill us both.
I turned slowly, Carol following suit as I raised my hands in the air. The man in front of us was big, at least 6'3'' with wide shoulders, huge biceps and legs that looked more like tree trunks. A full beard covered his filthy face, but it was his eyes that held me. They were cold, calculating, and deadly.
"Drop the weapon," he commanded, his knuckles white from the grip on his own.
I bent down slowly, setting my PPQ on the ground before standing back up, hands still raised. I could hear Carol sniffling beside me, but I kept my eyes on the danger in front of us. It was telling he hadn't put a bullet in the back of our heads and called it a day. The fact he had the drop on us and didn't kill us was bad news. I didn't know what he had planned, but whatever it was I wanted no part of it. Rolling my shoulders I readied myself for anything the unpredictable man might throw at us. I hadn't just executed a perfect swan dive off a water tower to save Carol only to die now.
He opened his mouth to say something, his posture relaxing slightly now that he incorrectly assumed he had the upper hand. That was it. That was all I needed, a moment, a heartbeat to change the tide. Lunging forward I grabbed the slide on his weapon taking care to point the weapon away from me in case he got a lucky shot off. My fingers deftly found the slide release on the side of the weapon, pressing down as I released the locking mechanism on the vital part of the weapon. I pulled on the slide and it detached completely rendering the weapon useless.
His eyes went wide with shock as he reached for me, but I swatted his hand away, planting my foot on his hip as I grabbed his shoulder and hoisted myself up. I wrapped my legs under his armpits as I sat atop him as he reached for me, trying to find a way to throw me off. I twisted my shoulders and body, chest towards the ground as I reached for it. He yelped in surprise as his massive form fell. He hit the ground out-of-control, sprawled and confused while I landed in a crouch on the balls of my feet directly over his chest. I rotated the slide in my hand making sure the sharpest end of the impromptu weapon was positioned over the hallow of his throat, using my other hand to slam the object into the soft skin. His eyes bulged as an awful choking sound spilled from his lips, blood pouring from the gaping, jagged wound. It didn't take long for the light to fade from his eyes, his life ending with a final puff of air and I let out a slow breath.
Once he was gone my senses, that had only seconds before been focused solely on survival, slowly returned to me. The first thing I noticed was the stark quietness. Clearly the gunfight at the OK Corral was over. The silence was overwhelming and I desperately wished for gunfire, shouting, explosions, anything to drown out the debilitating sound of nothing. Death, destruction and mayhem I felt comfortable with, facing the reality of my situation not so much.
Glenn was the first person I saw when I looked up. His face was blank, but not without considerable effort on his part judging by the shaking in his shoulders. It didn't escape my attention he was using his body to shield Maggie who was hidden slightly behind him. It was an unconscious move on his part, his body's most primal responses kicking in. Nevertheless it hurt worse than the gravel embedded in my shoulder blades.
My eyes flicked over his shoulder to Maggie and I saw a similar expression on her face. Oddly enough she didn't look surprised, just scared. Her heart classified me as a friend, but her brain saw me as a predator, and there was no overriding instinct.
Rick was beside Carl, his lips pulled into a thin line as his eyes assessed the scene. I explained in graphic detail what I was capable of, but this was his first time seeing it and that was an entirely different animal. Judging by the look on his face he longed for the days when I was only a former Soldier with better than average combat skills.
Carl didn't look the least bit troubled and that was the most disturbing of all. He was only a child, but this type of violence was second nature to him. It wouldn't be long before he had a hard time recollecting anything but brutality and death. I hated that I perpetuated the cycle. The innocence all children possessed was sucked out of him the day the dead started walking.
Carol was still crying behind me and didn't need to look at her to know her face was deathly pale. Slowly, Maggie moved from behind Glenn, making her way to the distraught woman, offering me a small smile as she passed I couldn't return. It was her way of telling me it was alright, we were alright, but standing there covered in a dead man's blood it was hard to believe.
My eyes scanned our group, looking for the only thing that would help me. Daryl stepped forward like he could hear my thoughts. His crossbow was in his hands, arrow notched, body ready to spring into action at a moment's notice. Starting at the tips of his worn boots I scanned his body for any injury, finding nothing obvious. He was covered in blood, but I could tell none of it was his, and I finally let myself relax. When my eyes finally made it to his face I frowned. Instead of fear or relief I was greeted with fury. The man was pissed, plain and simple.
What in the...?
Something caught my eye overhead and I glanced up. I winced internally when I saw the thin cable and was reminded I Supermaned off a water tower, zip lined on a questionable cable with only a belt, jumped over several buildings, and ended my aerobatic routine by dropping 30 feet to the ground without a net.
Clearing my throat awkwardly I looked away from his angry scowl focusing on retrieving my weapons, and trying to figure out if it was too late to make a run for it. Suddenly twelve armed men trying to kill us felt like child's play compared to the snarling hillbilly.
"Everyone alright?" Rick asked as the group reported in they were fine one-by-one.
I kept quiet, trying to make myself as small as possible which wasn't easy considering I clocked in at almost six feet. It was a far too late to hope no one noticed my Jackie Chan imitation, but a girl could always hope for invisibility.
"Glenn, get T and let's get the hell out of here. The herd has to be moving this way."
Glenn scampered off as Maggie walked by, her arm around a shaking Carol, but before they passed Carol stopped wrapping me in an unexpected bear hug. My arms hung limp at my side as her tears soaked my tattered shirt.
"Thank you," she sniffled, voice quiet.
When she pulled away I bit my lip, nodding at her as Maggie guided her back towards our waiting cars.
Keeping my head low I tried to follow them, but was stopped when a mountain suddenly moved directly in front of me. It was so large it all but blotted out the sun and I cringed. I was so done with today. We were officially breaking up.
Since the mountain had yet to move and I doubted my ability to go around it unscathed I decided to face the music, tilting my head all the way back so I could look at him. I plastered what I sincerely hoped was an innocent looking expression on my face. I was aiming for a sad Puss in Boots. Judging by Daryl's face it went over as well as a turd in a punchbowl.
"Hey Merida."
His face darkened and I almost took a step back, his rage hitting me like waves crashing against the side of a cliff. I should have kept my mouth shut. Daryl didn't have a humor chip and so far my thorough inspections of him hadn't turned up a chill one either.
He slung his crossbow over his shoulder, stepping into my personal bubble with slow, predatory steps. A smart person would run screaming, but I had never been accused of being brilliant. Instead of fear I felt heat shooting to inappropriate parts of my anatomy and I cursed my fucked up internally wiring. It wasn't my fault. Literally everything this man did turned me on. The other day I watched him bite the head off a fish and swooned. That wasn't normal. His eyes scanned me from head to toe slowly, checking for injuries much like I did earlier. His face was all hard edges and barely contained wrath as his hands ghosted over my shredded shoulder. I hissed in pain as he gently pulled the fabric aside inspecting the damage.
"It's not bad," I told him. His eyes flicked to mine briefly before going back to the wound, a clear dismissal. "Really, I'm fine."
He exhaled sharply, stepping away from me with his fists clenched at his sides.
"Fine?" His voice was low, more a growl than anything, and this time I had enough sense to keep my mouth shut. I was 80% sure that was rhetorical. "Ya jumped off a tower and a handful of buildings, yur shoulder's all fucked up, and ya call that fine?"
The calmness in his voice did nothing to disguise his true feelings. He was holding onto his temper with nothing more than hopes and dreams. I upped my initial estimate to 90%.
"Ya ain't got nothin' to say?"
I put my hands up, trying to be as non-threatening as possible, "I'm gonna be honest, I'm having a hard time navigating this conversation. Answering your questions seems hazardous to my health, but staying quiet isn't looking like a picnic either." He scoffed, spitting onto the ground at my feet before pivoting on his heel and stalking away. "Daryl wait," I called out, trailing after him, but he rounded on me so fast I almost fell over in an effort not to run into him. One second his long legs were carrying him away faster than I could keep up and the next he was in my face.
"Ya don't take nothin' serious!" he roared, finger in my face. "Do ya want to die? Is that it?!"
I couldn't hold his intense stare so I looked away. Staring at the street like it might offer a different answer. No, I didn't want to die. I hadn't since I was a little girl locked in a closet promising myself I would survive no matter what even if it was only to spite someone. That being said I knew he would hate my answer, and maybe me too.
"Better me than someone else," I whispered.
I expected my answer to cause screaming, yelling, maybe even the dodging of arrows, but what I wasn't expecting was nothing. He didn't say anything. I didn't even hear him breathing so I looked up and instantly wished I hadn't. His face was a stormy cloud of emotions that were flittering across his face so quickly I was at a loss to decipher them. The only one I was able to pick out with relative ease was his infamous murdering scowl. This was the first time that look had ever been directed at me and it stung. I would have said anything to erase that look, but he was gone before I had the chance.
I watched his retreating back for a moment, eyes fixed on the angel wings stitched into his vest. I wanted him to look back, but despite my silent pleas he didn't. I wanted to say something to make it better, but words failed me. At the moment I wasn't sure what hurt worse, my body or my heart. I might have stood in that street forever if I hadn't heard the low moans of the dead getting closer. With achy limbs and a heavy heart I followed him, knowing tonight would be no better than today. How naïve to think jumping off a water tower would be the hardest thing I did today..
The bike ride to camp was more awkward then when you try for a silent fart only to have it come out like machine gun bursts. It was physically impossible to keep my distance from him while on the machine. Well, not without falling off the back.
Normally plastering myself to Daryl was my favorite way to pass the time, but today it was like hugging the strange Aunt you only saw at family reunions who felt the need to kiss you on the lips, blood red lipstick and all. He was stiff as a board and silent as the night. The latter wasn't a complete departure from his normal demeanor. Daryl was fluent in silence, but this wasn't just silence for silence sake. It was a careful decision based on the fact he doubted his ability to talk to me and not throw things. I sometimes had that effect on people.
Back at camp I longed for the distraction of modern conveniences like my cell phone. Nothing made sitting with a group of people in silence more tolerable than pretending to be absorbed in texting until the weirdness blew over. Instead, I opted for the first watch, picking a spot as far from camp as I could get while still offering any semblance of protection should the need arise. Between the fury rolling off Daryl and the uncomfortable glances from everyone else the need to bury myself under a rock was tempting. That night, before I had a chance to slink away, Maggie pulled me aside briefly, trying her best to calm my fears.
"What you did today..." she began.
"I'm sorry if I scared you. I would never hurt you, any of you, I was just..."
"Alex, no one is scared of you." When I raised my eyebrows at her she only grinned. "I'm serious. What you can do, it's amazing, and we're blessed to have you with us."
I scoffed, "It's not amazing. You don't know what you're saying."
"I know enough. You're my sister. We're family. That's all I need to know."
I pressed my lips together, blinking rapidly to hold back the waterworks as she pulled me in for another hug. This woman and her hugs. I swear she was trying to singlehandedly make up for my shitty childhood one bone crushing hug at a time. I wrapped my arms around her, trying very hard to believe her.
Acceptance was a fickle beast and I had little practice with taming it. In my experience most people had one of three reactions to me: annoyance, hatred or disregard. As I settled against a tree, facing away from camp with my rifle across my lap I turned Maggie's words over in my mind again and again.
Could it really be true? Was it that easy?
I had no experience with strangers who accepted you, who claimed to love you. I discreetly watched the looks directed at me as I entered camp carefully looking for any sign of fear or hatred, but saw none. They all went about their normal routines as though today was any other day, and unfortunately I suppose it was, even the fighting with Legolas part. Daryl and Rick were the only ones privy to the details of my past, but it didn't take a college degree to know there was something distinctly different about me. From all the evidence I collected over the months it appeared no one cared. It was a strange feeling, acceptance. I felt a presence behind me and tensed for a split second before recognizing the distinctive gait.
"There are laws against stalking," I told Daryl.
He could have easily snuck up on me in utter silence if he wanted to so I knew my hearing him was a direct effort on his part. Smart move considering our last conversation. Our arguments were the stuff of legends. Not much was off limits once the gloves came off except hair pulling. That was a bitch move no matter how you sliced it. Per the norm he said nothing, simply sitting down beside me, leaving a good foot between us, and I tried not to bristle at the distance. He hadn't said a damn word and yet I knew all I needed to know. He was still pissed and I still wasn't sorry. We were at an impasse.
The silence between us stretched out as I scanned the forest for danger and he did nothing from what little I could see from the corner of my eye. He came here for a reason and if I learned anything being with him these past months it was you couldn't rush him. He moved at his own pace, lived his life to the beat of a drum no one else heard, so forcing something out of him was as useless as a knitted condom.
"Hershel look at ya?" he asked not looking at me.
I resisted the urge to groan. He knew he had. He hovered nearby like a mother hen the entire time the old man picked out every piece of gravel as I bit down on my knuckle to keep from hollering.
"Yeah."
I saw him nod his head and sighed. At this rate we would still be having this conversation next year. I tried not to let my thoughts spin out of control as I remembered the last time he shut me out. I couldn't go through that again. It might hurt my pride to mend this fence, but having him pull away would shred my heart so it was an easy decision.
"I'm sorry I scared you," I conceded. He glanced at me, his face half concealed by the darkness of the night. "I know you want me to be sorry for what I did, but I can't. Carol's life was in danger and I was the only one who could get to her. I won't apologize for saving her."
He leaned against my tree, his body slightly closer now.
"I know." Those two words eased some of the tension in my body. "I'd have done the same," he added. My head turned sharply, my mouth hanging open. He snorted, "Well, I wouldn'ta done it quite like that but ya get the point."
"Bet you wish you were the one in the tower now huh?" He scowled at me. "Too soon?"
"Yeah Red, too soon." I shrugged, picking up a stick and stripping away the dry bark. "What ya said before..." he trailed off and my hands froze. "It ain't true."
"Daryl..."
"No, ya had yur turn, now ya get to listen," he interrupted.
"So bossy. I like it."
He pinned me with a serious look. "Stop."
"Spoil sport."
He rolled his eyes before continuing, "I ain't no good with words and I'm even worse when it comes to...us."
I tried not to smile. It was obvious he didn't know what to call our relationship and he wasn't the only one. Labels were difficult. Boyfriend sounded juvenile, like we were in high school asking each other to go steady. Lovers sounded cliché, like something out of Carol's porn books. Partner sounded too platonic and nothing I felt for Daryl was platonic.
"Ya think it don't matter. That no one cares if ya live or die." He paused, biting on his thumbnail, a nervous habit that flared up when deep in thought. "I care. I wouldn't...I can't..."
I reached over and grabbed his hand, "I know. Me too."
"Do ya?"
Even in the dark of night I could see his piercing blue eyes clearly.
Unable to hold his penetrating gaze I looked down, "I do, and I know you don't believe me but I don't want to die. I just...there's this part of me, buried deep down, and sometimes when I open myself up to it I can't control it. Today when I saw you and Carol get separated, when I heard her screaming I didn't think, I just reacted. I can't explain why I do what I do, but for better or worse it's a part of me. It's in there and it always will be. I'm sorry I made you worry, but I need you to know even when my actions look reckless they aren't. I'm doing everything in my power to live...to make it back to you."
Tears slipped out of my eyes as I struggled to keep my composure. Daryl's hand snaked under my chin, tilting my head up as his hand brushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear, cupping the back of my head.
"I don't deserve you," I admitted. "I never will. I understand if you can't do this."
"Alex don't."
"It's true and you know it. You said you were nothing before all this like it's a bad thing." I grabbed his wrist, keeping him close. "There are worse things than being nothing. I can't stand the thought of you seeing me for who I really am, a monster."
The last word was barely more than a whisper.
"That ain't what I see when I look at ya," he murmured. My hands were flat against his chest, our faces inches apart.
"What do you see?"
"I don't see what ya can do. I see who ya are."
"Who am I?"
The million dollar question I'd never been able to answer.
"Mine," he answered simply.
He pulled me the rest of the way to him, brushing his lips against mine. The kiss was passionate. Our relief today ended with everyone alive and relatively unscathed heightening our need for each other.
My body melted into his, our lips fitting together like two pieces of the same puzzle. When he pushed I yielded and when I took charge he surrendered willingly. His hands played with my hair as my hands explored his body.
When we broke apart, what seemed like a lifetime later, he looked at me at me with such tenderness the world and all the horrors in it disappeared. My entire life I was unsure of my place in the world. I drifted from one thing to another with no destination in mind. Ironic it took the end of the world for me to find my place. I finally found a home and it was in the arms of a man who held my heart in the palm of his hand.