"Harry, I.." I stuttered in shock. What the hell is going on? "You.. I.. You don't even like me."
"Yeah, that's why I just.. Did that." He smirked. "I definitely like you, Louis. More than I should."
"I like you too.." I smiled, my heart pumping at a million miles per hour. He leaned in and our lips briefly touched before he pulled back with a sigh.
"But we can't be.. y'know, together." He shook his head. I gave him a confused look and he let out another small sigh. "I'm no good for you. Or anyone."
"Harry, you're--"
"Don't try to make things work, Lou. This can't work. This is why I didn't want to get close to you." He shook his head and stood up, leaving me on the floor.
"Why can't it work, Harry? We both feel the exact same way about each other." I said, not moving from the floor. He looked down at me, his curls falling over his eyes.
"Because.. I'm not.." He stammered and kneeled down next to me. "I'm.." He looked into my eyes. "Who am I kidding?" He questioned before crashing his lips to mine again as we leaned up against the end of his bed. I pulled him closer to me and he moaned at my touch, his tongue dancing across my own. He slid his hands down to my butt, moving his hands back and forward in an almost massaging way. He stood up, lifting me with him and tangled his fingers in my hair. He moved his lips across my cheek and down to my neck, sucking gently. He soon returned his lips to mine as I sat down on the edge of his bed, my hands sliding their way under his shirt and my fingers tracing his six pack. I'd never enjoyed a kiss so much in my entire life. This was more than a kiss.
He let a light moan escape his lips as he pulled away.
"Harry, I--" I started before his lips met mine again as he smiled a wicked smile. I laughed against the kiss as he pushed me back, climbing on top of me. He put his hand under my shirt for a few moments before completely removing it. I pulled his own shirt above his head, revealing his bare chest hovering above me. I pulled on his waist making him fall down onto me, our skin touching. I rolled out from underneath him so that I was now hovering over him. I felt slightly more in control. Harry pushed up on my chest and I toppled off of him. He jumped up from the bed, his jeans falling to the floor as he hit play on his stereo. Rihanna - Rude Boy started to play loudly as he jumped back to me, whipping my jeans off in one swift movement. I felt his bare legs touch mine as I pulled his chin closer with my finger tips. His body was moving across mine and making me crave for more. He tugged on my hair making me moan with delight. He pulled away and stared into my eyes with a smirk, before kissing me and biting my bottom lip seductively. He lifted my back from the bed, pulling me into his chest with his lips. I gripped his back, trailing my fingertips down the small of his back. I felt the heat coming from his body rising as we got more and more into it. He began to kiss down my neck again, making me throw my head back with pleasure. He smiled and I could tell he was enjoying making me want more. I pushed him back and began to do the same to him, kissing his neck gently while he pulled me even closer.
Soon, a slow song came on and our pace slowed to the tempo. He relaxed down onto his pillow as I kissed his neck. I relaxed down onto his chest and felt his breathing become deeper. I looked up to see his green eyes closed, framed by his long black eyelashes. I smiled and fell asleep with his arm draped over my waist. I woke up to him still breathing heavily. My eyes fluttered open and I realised what had happened as the stereo was still playing romantic songs.
What the hell have I done? I had a romantic make-out session with Harry Styles, the boy who had hated me for weeks. As I said, I liked him. I cared for him and wanted him to be happy. If he could be happy with me then.. That's great. If not though, I would probably get hurt. Shit, Louis you've really done it this time. He said you couldn't be together and now you've gone and let him seduce you. God, this is confusing.
As I thought about what the hell was going on, Harry's arm fell off of my waist onto the bed. I lifted my head from his chest and gently got off of the bed, grabbing my clothes. I walked through to my room and threw the clothes on the bed. The sunlight shone through my window and I checked the clock to find that it was 5am. No-one should ever be awake that early. Ever. So I closed the curtains and slipped into my own bed, sliding off my boxers. I got a couple hours sleep before the birds started singing and I couldn't sleep. I sat up and reached for my phone. I sent a few messages to my family - having casual text banter with my sisters.
"Whatever, at least I act my age! x" I text one of them
"Yeah, right. You act gay, if you ask me! ;) x" She replied and my heart skipped a beat. It hit me. Was I gay? I guess so, seeing as I hadn't had a girlfriend in ages, I was pretty much falling for Harry and also, I watch way too much America's Next Top Model. I tried to carry on the conversation as normal as I could before I heard a knock at the door.
"I'm making tea and coffee." Harry's voice rang through the halls, full of sleepiness. I gulped a little before pushing my naked body out of bed. I pulled on a dressing gown and walked outside, smelling the fresh coffee he was preparing.
"Here." He pushed a cup of tea over the table to me.
"Harry, what happened last night..." I started
"It can't happen again." He shook his head, his eyes trying to look anywhere away from me.
"Why not?" I asked, confused. I knew it. I was going to end up hurt. I cared for him way too much already and now I was starting to care even more.
"I told you. I'm no good for you. You don't know the shit I've done, Lou.. What I can do to people."
"To be honest, I'm not exactly scared." I chuckled. Total lie. I was terrified of being heartbroken after my last break-up with a girl. I was completely in love then I realised that she wasn't.
"Well, you should be... That sounds a bit threatening." He laughed slightly. "I'm not even trying to scare you. I'm just warning you. Don't waste your time with me... I'm nothing."
He walked out of the room and back to his bedroom, where I didn't hear from him for the next few minutes. I walked to the sofa and I felt an overwhelming rush of sadness flow through me. A tear fell to my cheek and I quickly wiped it away. I'd brought this on myself, I couldn't start getting all depressed over it. Yeah, I liked him and what happened was amazing - but nothing would ever come of it.
I finished my drink and put my mug in the sink, breathing deeply to hold back the tears. Stop it, Louis. You're only torturing yourself.
A couple hours later I sat down with another cup of tea, still pondering about our encounter. What the hell was I supposed to do now? Just sit around and wait for him to talk to me again? Forget that, I needed to speak to him about this properly. I got up from the table, leaving the mug there and walked down the hall. I pushed open his door and my eyes flickered around the room before falling on Harry who was laying on the floor in a fetal position. I took a sharp breath as my heart dropped. I hated seeing him like this. He may be a complete and utter dick head - but I had seen another side of him. A caring, loving and.. I guess.. sexy side of him. I saw a tear fall from his precious green eyes and land on the carpet. My eyes travelled up and down the boy as he muttered a "Go away." and soon I noticed the small familiar piece of metal, stained red.
"Harry.." I whispered in shock as I noticed the fresh wounds on his arms. I walked to him quickly and kneeled down beside him. I placed my hand on his shoulder and he sat up, pushing me away roughly with the palms of his hands. I fell back onto the wall, hitting my head hard. I gasped as he stood up, a tear falling onto my arm.
"I said go away, Louis! Just get out! Fuck off!" He shouted, pointing to the door. I stood up cautiously and I could feel the tears coming again. I parted my lips, but before I could speak he grabbed my arm, tossing me out of the room. The pain was slowly building in my stomach. How was he doing this to me? Why the fuck did I care so much about him when he was just doing this to hurt me? That's all it was to him. A stupid game. He had said it himself, he'd done horrible things to people. I bet I was just another one of his victims. I can't believe I fell for it and actually began to care for him. Worst thing was, I still did care for him. I rested my back against the wall next to his closed door which he had slammed behind me and felt my knee's start to give in. My back slid down the wall and soon my rear hit the floor. The tears fell from my eyes and I pulled my knee's to my chin, crying into them. No matter how many times I would wipe my eyes, the tears would fall again. I soon stood up when I heard movement coming from Harry's room. I fled back to my own room and launched myself onto my own bed and gripped the covers, pulling them to my tear covered face. Stop it Louis, control yourself for God's sake.
I sniffed and pulled my head back, sitting up from the damp bed sheets. I lifted my body from the bed and walked to the bathroom, heading for the mirror. I looked into my own red puffy eyes and shook my head. He's Harry bloody Styles. Why would he even think about me that way? It's time to stop thinking about it for good now. It was just a one time thing.
I splashed my face with cold water to take away the redness before getting ready to go out.
"Where you going?" Harry's hoarse voice said from the other room as I walked out the door.
"Why do you care?" I spat as I closed the door, pulling my jacket on more. I got in the car and drove to the studio. I felt kind of inspired, I guess. I pushed open the doors and walked into the empty studio, flicking all the lights on. The tears were begging to fall but I pushed them back and sat down in the dim office. I picked up a pen and started writing down notes, throwing away the rubbish ones. I pretty much just poured my heart onto paper. I sniffed a few times while reading over what I'd written, angrily scrunching my nose at the lyrics that didn't make sense. I screwed up the paper and tossed it into the bin. I grabbed my things and stood up, slamming the doors open and stepping into the thundery rain. I headed back to my car and flicked on the radio, driving. Just driving. Nowhere in particular really. Soon my phone blew up and Harry's face was appearing on the screen. I pulled over and clicked accept.
"What?" I asked bitterly.
"Come back?" Harry's voice sounded weak and I bit my lip, gulping.
"Why should I?"
"Because.." He stuttered. "I need some help here." he said before hanging up.
"Yes, Harry you definitely need help." I shook my head. I put the car back into drive and made my way back to the apartment. I wandered through the building before arriving at our door. I cautiously pushed it open and shut it behind me.
"What's up?" I tried to sound casual as I met him in the kitchen.
"I'm sorry for earlier."
"Oh make up your damn mind, Harry!" I shook my head at him.
"I'm just saying sorry.." he shrugged.
"It's fine.."
"No, it's not.. Look." He walked over to me, tracing his fingertips along the dark bruise from where he had gripped my arm roughly as he tossed me out of his room. "This is why I can't..." He trailed off. I went to speak but he cut me off.
"This is why we can't be anything more, Louis. If I'm not playing with your head then I'm physically hurting you." His voice was shaking.
"It doesn't have to be like that though." I almost whispered as he edged closer, our bodies inches apart. He leaned in a little, his eyes closing before he bucked his head fiercely and shaking it.
"I can't." He sighed, leaving the room. Really? I don't know what the hell was going through this boys head but to be honest, he can't just do that and walk away. I followed him down the hall and before he got to his room I grabbed his shoulder, pushing him against the wall. I pushed my lips against his and kissed him passionately, my hands not leaving his shoulders. His arms moved and he rested his hands on my hips, pulling me in closer. He soon moved his head to the side, breaking the kiss.
"Seriously, Louis. You're only making it worse for us both..."
"I don't see why you're so resistant.." I smirked, standing back as his hands fell from my body.
"I care about you, okay? Which is why I can't let myself hurt you." He tried to explain and my mind was racing, getting more and more confused.
"Could you stop speaking in code for more than 5 minutes? All I know is that I like you and you like me. Isn't it simple?" I raised an eyebrow at him.
"It's really not.." He pulled his fingers through his curls. "Louis, it's taking all of me to resist. Please don't make this any harder." He whispered, small tears gathering in his eyes as he walked away. Why is he 'resisting' anyway? The only explanation is that he's just trying to let me down gently or something. I'd done it again, I'd looked in his eyes and forgotten all about how I'd felt heartbroken for the last hours. Just 'cause I wanted a kiss. I rubbed my face with my hands as Harry clicked his door shut. I felt all the passion drain from me and the anger return. I pushed open his door quickly and glared at him.
"I've had enough of this. Explain to me exactly how you feel. Don't leave anything out. You say you don't want to hurt me, but not telling me why is just killing me. What the fuck is going on?" I blurted as he turned to face me with shocked eyes.
"Okay." He nodded, gesturing me to sit next to him. I was shocked as he was agreeing so easily, but sat down next to him ready for his explanation. This better be a good reason.
"Louis.. This started way back. At boot camp. When I first met you, I knew I really liked you. Then when we got put together, I found that I had pretty strong feelings for you. I don't want to be known as 'The Gay One' in the group. So I put it to the back of my head and tried to forget you.. But it's impossible, Lou. When you're walking around being so flawless and funny all day and I'm just here watching you and hoping you couldn't tell what I was thinking. Then the hate started to fly in and I started..." He looked down to his arms and I felt the tears welling again. "I knew deep down what my feelings about you really were, so I thought the more you hated me, the less chance there would be of anything happening. I've hurt people, Louis. I don't want to hurt you."
"Harry, you don't have to hurt me. Give it a chance. Please." I replied, taking his hand in mine. "I don't want to be heartbroken any more than you want to break a heart, trust me."
"Then don't let me do it."
"Why are you playing so hard to get?" I almost smirked.
"I just.. really this is..." He stared into my eyes and I got lost in his gaze again. I traced my thumb over the back of his hand, edging closer to him.
"Please.." I whispered, his breath on my face. I let my lips brush over his cheek as I spoke and he flinched a little, his hands tensing. He looked worried as I gave him a pleading look. I'd never wanted to be with someone so badly.
"I want you too, Louis I really do." He said, like he was reading my mind.
"Then let it happen." I smiled as he reached to my waist, pulling me closer.
"I love you, Louis Tomlinson." he whispered and I widened my eyes in shock. I looked him in the eyes and he nodded. "Do you need me to repeat that?" He smiled and I shook my head, kissing his lips deeply.
"I love you too.." I said, my voice breaking. He pushed me onto my back and roughly kissed me. I felt goosebumps spreading over my body as he touched me. I could feel though that he was still worried. Why was he so worried about hurting me? He was being so hard on himself for something.. But what? Damn it Harry, you've left so many questions in my head!