Requested by @KaelynnAustin
It's been six months.
Six months of living with my friend Ally after being kicked out of our home.
Six months of leaving voicemail after voicemail, explaining how sorry and regretful I was for a mistake I couldn't take back.
Six months of wondering if there was any chance of our marriage surviving the walls she rebuilt when I broke her trust.
Six months of being without the keeper of my heart...all because I couldn't stay faithful...
~ Six months ago ~
"Let's start from the beginning," our counselor said.
I wasn't going to lie and say that I wanted to be here. Or that I wasn't expecting to be sitting here. I was. And I deserved it. What kind of person would I look like to deny the chance of ever putting back the thing I vowed not to break seven years ago? I'd look like a damn fool.
She looked at me with forlorn eyes, silently telling me to confess my wrongs to a stranger we paid to help us with our marriage. Her complexion was flushed, her eye dimples not to be seen, and her eyes were a depressing shade of black instead of the warm hazel/brown I always saw. I took a deep breath as I opened my mouth to begin.
"It started about three months ago. Dinah and I were having issues...financial, emotional, pretty much everything. Instead of talking it out with each other, we took it out on one another instead. There wasn't a day that went by where we didn't argue. If it wasn't in the morning, it was at dinner. If it wasn't in person, it was on the phone. It all became too much for us both. I started drifting a part from her. And because I worked closely with a friend of mine, she and I actually grew closer while Dinah and I grew more distant."
I looked to Dinah to see her eyes shut, head down, and hands balled up in fists on her lap as she had to relive the mistake I made. Everything in me wanted to go to her and comfort her; tell her how sorry I was and that it meant nothing. But I knew she wouldn't have it. The counselor looked to me as I brought my glance back to her, signaling me to continue.
"Her name's Ariana. She was the first friend I made when I started working at the dance studio. At first I thought nothing of her flirtatiousness and the way she would sneak some touches here and there. I made it clear that I was happily married and she respected that. But I made the mistake of confiding in her instead of confiding in my wife. The more we argued, the more I spent time with Ariana at the studio. It became a routine. After a while I would end up staying there until 11:30 every other night. Up until that one night it was always to make sure we had the choreography for our classes perfected. But that one night, things were different. I remember that morning, Dinah and I had an argument that was more intense than the one before. So much so it had effected my work day. Needless to say, Ariana noticed. She stopped the music and hugged me longer than usual. Her hugging me brought out every emotion I had bottled up throughout the past few months. Anger, confusion, depression, frustration, and helplessness. I busted into tears in her arms, causing her to squeeze my body. I looked up to meet her eyes, and in the heat of the moment...I-I kissed her. And I didn't want to stop. It was the most affection I received in such a long time I couldn't contain myself. One thing led to another and...w-we ended up sleeping together. I can't say the sex wasn't good because it was. But there's still nothing that compares to making love with the one person you're destined to spend the rest of your life with. She's not Dinah. She was just a fix. She was there when I was most vulnerable...and I was too caught up in my emotions to realize that I shouldn't have gone through with it."
"So needless to say, you regret sleeping with her," our counselor said.
"Absolutely," I replied, wiping away some of my tears. "Not a day goes by where I don't regret the mistake I made that broke the very thing I vowed never to break. I regretted it so much, I distanced myself from Ariana after explaining to her why that night was a mistake. Even though she understood, no one wants to be told that they're a mistake. Especially from someone they have feelings for. So she turned in her resignation at the studio and moved back to New York with her mother. I told everything to Dinah because I don't believe in lying. I believe in owning up to your mistakes and downfalls. I wanted her to know that I let her down. In the worst way possible. She didn't yell, scream, throw a punch. She just broke down in front of me. And the worst punishment, was that I could do nothing to comfort her. She wouldn't allow me to. She still won't. And that's what I deserve. And that's why I'm doing everything I can to gain her trust back."
I looked back to Dinah and she still wouldn't meet my gaze. Her eyes were now open, but were glued to the floor. I hated seeing my love so heart broken. After spending another hour with our counselor, it was decided that it was best for us to spend some time a part. We weren't getting divorced, thank God. But we were separated for six months. The first two months I spent calling her, only to be sent to voicemail constantly saying how sorry I was. After the end of the second month, I knew I had to give her the space she needed to cope. So I packed a few of my things from our house and moved in with my best friend Ally. She helped me to stay on my feet emotionally. She always listened when I needed to talk to her. And she made sure I was doing what I needed to do in order to mend the relationship I had with Dinah...
~ Present Day ~
Now I find myself in front of our mahogany door, boxes in hand, a heart full of hope and thankfulness. Dinah called me during her lunch break saying that she was ready for me to come home. I was so ecstatic, I don't think I've ever packed in such a hurry.
A few minutes had passed before she opened the door, a small smile gracing that beautiful face I've missed waking up to.
"Hi," she quietly said.
"Hi," I replied just as softly.
She stepped aside, allowing me to come in. I put down my boxes and looked around, admiring how she rearranged the living room. I breathed deeply and smiled as I closed my eyes.
Feels good to be home.
I opened my eyes and turned around, meeting Dinah's gaze. We inched closer to one another until we engulfed each other with a hug. She released tiny sniffles as I soothingly ran my hand up and down her back, comforting her and missing the way she felt safely in my arms.
"I missed you so much baby girl," I lovingly whispered in her ear.
"I missed you too," she replied, bringing her hand up to my chest to feel my heart beat like she used to do when we first got married.
I smiled at the familiar gesture and brought that same hand up to my lips, kissing every delicate finger until I heard that beautiful, melodic sound that could cause the numbest of bones to ignite with fire...her laughter. And oh how I was so richly rewarded.
"I missed hearing that sound."
"I missed you making me make that sound."
We both laughed as we continued to hold each other. How could I be so stupid to give myself to another woman when I had the perfect one waiting for me? Yes we had issues that, at the time, proved to be too much to handle. But at the end of the day, there was no one else I'd rather spend the rest of my life with.
"How about I help you unpack, and then we can order take out and have a movie night. It's already five and we have to get up for work tomorrow."
"That sounds perfect."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was now seven in the evening. Dinah and I put my clothes back where they were prior to me moving out. We ordered an assortment of wings from B-Dubs and settled on the floor as we hooked up our Amazon fire stick, opening our Kodi app to watch one of our favorite Broadway productions; Wicked. She personally wanted to watch Phantom of the Opera; the 25th Anniversary show at Royal Albert Hall. We agreed to watch it tomorrow since it would be the weekend. As the movie began, I looked to Dinah to see her cutely nibbling on her wing, getting sauce all on her cheek. I couldn't help but chuckle at how cute she was.
"What?" she said confused.
"You have sauce on you cheek babes."
"Oh!" she laughed as cleaned her face.
She crawled her way over to me as I lifted my arm to make room for her by my side. After about two hours of singing at the top of our lungs, Wicked finally ended, and we got ready for bed. I was going to sleep in our guest room, thinking it was too soon to sleep in the same bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked me with childlike innocence.
"I was going to sleep in the guest room. Figured it'd be too soon for us to sleep in the same bed you know?"
"Mani, I've been sleeping alone for the last six months. I want you next to me tonight."
How could I say no? So I made myself comfortable and stripped out of my pajamas, satisfied with sleeping in my panties and tank top just like Dinah. I made myself comfortable on my side of the bed before I turned around to face her, meeting those beautiful, big brown/hazel eyes I fell in love with years ago.
"I know that you came to me and told me the truth about everything," she began after taking a deep breath, caressing my face. "But why didn't you come to me about how you were feeling?"
"I honestly don't know," I replied. "We were arguing so much, I guess I just felt that if I came to you about it we would just end up in another argument. It was becoming too much for me."
"So you thought the best thing to do was to sleep with your co worker?"
"Okay I deserved that jab," I said, looking away from her in shame. "Dinah you have to understand that at that point in time, I was at such a vulnerable place. She was literally right there in front of me and my emotions were guiding every action I made that night. But you also have to understand that I meant every single word I said in that first counseling session we had. She was nothing more than a fix and a mistake. She's no you. She never was and she never will be. I regret sleeping with her every day and if I could go back in time and do it again...well I wouldn't. You are the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I was so incredibly stupid to give myself to someone else because of where I was at emotionally. I want to live up to that mistake I made. I want to earn your trust again. I want us to break down our walls and rebuild what we spent years perfecting. I love you Dinah Jane Hamilton. I want to have a family with you, go on adventures with you, grow old with you, die with you. I. Want. You."
I said the last part between sweet kisses. Tears were falling down her face the entire time I spoke. I could tell that she was still hurting, but it wasn't nearly as much as before. She was getting her glow back, and she was allowing herself to heal by letting me back in.
"I love you so much Manibear."
"I love you more baby girl."
From that night on, we slowly began building bridges back to one another's hearts. Dinah Jane Hamilton was all I would ever need. And I'll be damned if I ever let her slip away from me again...