Lest any inquisitive reader should puzzle his brains to find out why, this foundling is thus clandestinely dropped at his door, let it suffice him, that the midwife of a printer was unwilling to help bring it into the world, but upon that condition, or a much harder, That of I my openly fathering it. I could make many other reasonable apologies if requisite: For, besides my having followed the modest example of several other pious authors, such as that of Εικών Βασιλικη [Eikon Basilike]<2>, of the Whole Duty of Man<3>, &c., who have studied rather their country's public good, than their own private fame. I think, I have also played the politic part; for should my offspring be defective, why, let it fall upon the parish: on the other hand, if accidentally it prove hopeful, 'tis certain I need be at no farther trouble: there will then be parents enough ready to own the babe, and take it upon themselves. Adoption amongst the Machiavellian laws of the Muses, is strictly kept up, and every day put in practice: how few of our now bright noblemen would otherwise have wit? How many of our present thriving poets would else want a dinner? 'Tis a vulgar error to imagine men live upon their own wits, when generally it is upon others' follies; a fund that carries by much the best interest, and is by far upon the most certain security of any: the Exchequer has been shut up, the Bank has stopped payment, South-Sea has been demolished, but White's was never known to fail; and indeed how should it, when almost every wind blows to Dover or Holyhead, some fresh proprietor amply qualified with sufficient stock.
I am in some pain for the event of this scheme, hoping the wicked will find it too grave, and fearing the godly will scarce venture beyond the title-page: and should they even, I know they'll object, 'tis here and there interwoven with too ludicrous expressions, not considering that a dry argument has occasion for the larding of gaiety to make it the better relish and go down. Besides, finding by the exact account tacked to that most edifying Anti-Heidegger<4> discourse, that eighty-six thousand offenders have been lately punished, and that four hundred thousand religious books have been distributed about gratis (not to mention the numberless three-penny jobs daily published to no ends, or purpose, but the author's); I say, finding all these measures have been taken, and that lewdness still so much prevails, thought it highly proper to try this experiment, being fully convinced that opposite methods often take place. Own, preferment-hunter! When sailing on with the wind avails nothing, does not tacking about steer you sometimes into that snug harbour, an employment? Speak, Hibernian stallion! When a meek fawning adoration turns to no account, does not a pert assuming arrogance frequently forward, nay, gain the critical minute? And say, learned Ward!<5> where a purge fails, is not a vomit an infallible recipe for a looseness?
To conclude, when my arguments are impartially examined, I doubt not but my readers will join with me, that as long as it is the nature of man (and naturam expellas furca licet usque recurret<6>) to have a salt itch in the breeches, the brimstone under the petticoat will be a necessary remedy to lay it; and let him be ever so sly in the ,application, it will still be found out: what avails it then to affect to conceal that which cannot be concealed, and that which if carried on openly and above board, would become only less detrimental and of consequence more justifiable.
Be the success of this treatise as it happens, the good of mankind is my only aim; nor am I less hearty or zealous in the public welfare of my country, than that noble<7> pattern of sincerity, who finishes his preface with the following paragraph:
and now, O my G-d, the G-d of my life, and of all my mercies, I offer this work to thee, to whole honour it is chiefly intended; that thereby I may awaken the world to just reflections on their own errors and follies, and call on them to acknowledge thy providence, to adore it, and ever to depend on it.