Sunday, June 10th, 8:00 pm. The living room was bathed in a momentary glow of warmth.
Your brother and Jin were sitting in the living room with you, helping you do some final studying. You were over prepared for your exam tomorrow, but still insanely nervous.
"Y/n you're going to be fine!" Yoongi insisted.
"I know! But what if I don't remember the steps of a root canal!" You stressed.
Jin pulled you into a hug, "Y/n I promise you will do great!"
Jin was cracking joke after joke, cheering you up. Yoongi brought you a cup of decaf tea, he knew it helped you relax.
8:10 pm. Black clouds tumbled over each other.
You were about to crawl into bed to get an early night's sleep when you heard raised voices.
You entered the living room again and saw the cup of tea, which you had forgotten to grab, fly across the room and shatter into a million pieces as hit the wall. Inches from where you stood.
Shock.
Fear.
Paralyzed.
8:11 pm. The sun came in rays, through cracks in the black mass above. The living room was washed in gray, before the sun was shut behind a door, draining your house of all colour.
Jin turned his attention to you:
"Y/n answer me!"
"God fuckin' damn it y/n!"
"You know what I don't want your fuckin' help anymore."
"Have a great fuckin' day."
You found your voice.
"Jin, I don't know what you want from me." You said quietly.
Your eyes fell on your brother. He looked how you felt.
"You know what's going on!" He screamed.
"I don't." You said, even softer. You felt a single tear roll off your chin and land on to the floor. "Please- explain to me " You begged.
"No." He said bluntly. His glare burned you.
"Please " You felt another tear roll down your face.
Jin didn't respond. He only glared. As if whatever was happening was somehow your fault.
You felt void of happiness. The air in the room almost was suffocating.
"Is it something I did?"
"No."
"Something I didn't do?" You tried.
"Yes."
"What didn't I do?"
"No."
"Please tell me, I want to help, I can make it up to you."
You were crying now.
Jin's face and voice remained stone-like.
"Please" You begged.
"Not fair."
"What's not fair?" Your voice was almost inaudible.
His words felt scheduled. Planned. And that made it hurt more.
"I'm not telling you." He said coldly.
"Please, Jin! Why not?" You desperately tried to keep from breaking down completely.
"No."
You were shocked. Absolutely dumbfounded. You could feel your heart sink into your chest.
Heartbreak.
You went in circles with him. Getting nowhere.
"Please tell me!" You begged again.
"No."
No.
That's all he ever said. To any question. No.
"Please tell me what I didn't do! I can't fix my mistake if you don't tell me!" You voice wavered from the pain.
"No."
"Why not?" Another wave of tears hit you.
"Because it's your fault." He said coldly. Lifelessly.
His words hurt you more than his physical touch ever had.
"We were fine! Please, Jin! Please tell me!" You raised your voice, trying to shield yourself from his verbal bruises.
"I'm sorry." You cried.
"I know."
" Please " You sobbed.
"No."
"I'm so sorry for whatever I did!"
"Good. You should be." Jin said, emotionlessly.
"I can give you a better apology if you tell me what I did wrong!"
"No."
"Please tell me! If you tell me I won't make the same mistake!"
"No need."
"Please move so I can apologize to Yoongi!" You said.
"He's not involved."
"Please!" You raised your voice to a shout.
"No." Jin said with an eerie calmness. Breaking your heart further.
The three of you spent the next moments in silence.
His words were like a sword, a burning sword stuck in your chest. And Jin was wielding it. Holding you down.
It was the worst pain you had ever felt.
Worse than your brother's drunken threats.
Worse than your parent's abandonment of you and your brother.
Worse than your father's drunken threats and your mother's neglect.
Worse than anything you had experienced.
You had given your heart to him. And he shattered it.
But you needed him. You missed him already. Your best friend.
"I can forgive you, please let me make it right." You pleaded.
He only looked at you. His anger burned into you deeper.
A few moments passed.
You felt so empty, but at the same time racked with a million emotions.
Jin broke the one-sided staring contest and left the apartment.
Yoongi was too shocked to move. He only stared at the door, his mouth agape.
You found your feet and ran after him. You saw his black striped hoodie round a corner.
You caught up to him halfway down the hallway. Keeping a bit of distance, you spoke.
"I love you."
Your voice a mear whisper
He paused his trek down the long hallway, but didn't speak, or turn to look at you.
When he started walking again you spoke to him, for the last time.
You muster every last drop of your remaining courage.
"If you apologize we can be fine." Your voice felt heavy in your throat.
He turned on the spot.
He looked you dead in the eyes.
The walls of the hall felt like they were closing in on you.
His face displaying a worse, more terrifying version of his cold glare.
"No."
The final 'no' hurt more than all the others combined. All the happy memories, replaced by the utter of a single word.
You didn't love him anymore. You hated him, and everything that could possibly remind you of him. He had crossed a line, and that was unacceptable.
He started walking again, leaving you in a dark abyss of misery. He turned the corner an went out the front door. You chased him outside. And stood before him. But you weren't greeted with a 5'10 person, but rather with a small brown kitten, with a black, stripped back. The kitten looked at you. Emotionless. Unloving. It was Jin, but it also wasn't. It was his body, but not the same heart. The cat ran away into the bushes. Gone. Forever. Gone to restart the cycle. Leaving you to hurt.
Yoongi ran out the front door and into you.
You watched his eyes follow your gaze, they rested on the last known spot of SeokJin.
He hugged you. As if to apologize.
"Is it my fault?" You asked weakly, tears soaking your brother's shirt.
"Never, y/n. This will never be your fault." Yoongi's voice, shakey, but filled with strength, it reassured you.
You had just gotten comfortable with him.
You had just forgiven him.
Come to terms with his actions.
And he left.
Was he destined to hurt you from the beginning?
Were you an easy target?
Should you have seen this coming?
Is happiness too much to ask for?
Why must everyone hurt you?
Is this punishment?
Where do you go?
What do you do with yourself?
Will you ever recover?
Can you find it in yourself to unconditionally forgive him?
Do you have to forgive him?
Should you?
Why now?
You have been nothing but wonderful to him, why did he hurt you?
Who else has he hurt?
How many times has he done this?
Who do you turn to?
You've been through this pain before with your parents and to an extent with your brother. So why does it hurt so much?
Who's to blame?
Were there signs?
Should you have been more cautious?
Your brother is speechless. As he turns your chin to look at you, a single tear rolls down his cheek and onto your bare shoulder. Your brother loves you. More than that bastard ever did.
You find yourself thinking; 'I can never forgive him' and you know Yoongi won't be able to either.
You stand on the front step of the apartment building, crying. Grieving. Mourning the loss of Jin.
He left your life just as quickly as he came.