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"Come insiiide and say hi to Bev..." Kieran whined, pulling helplessly at Nic's arm as he tried to make his escape. God. They barely managed to make it out of Portland alive with Nic driving, and he wasn't sure if he could survive another showing of a suggestive photoshoot featuring Kieran's beautiful face. "She wants you to."
"I really should be getting back to Kingsley. It's, like, one in the morning—Kieran," he groaned, feet skidding before he practically fell into the motion of walking towards through the back door of the Co-Op. "Would she even be awake?"
"Doesn't matter."
"Kieran. I can't believe you're like this with all your friends," he muttered to himself.
Kieran was silent and pouting as he dragged Nic around the house. Nic figured it was as close to hand-holding as they'd get at this point—a death grip to his wrist, forcefully yanking on his arm. He staggered after Kieran up a set of three stairs, and around the corner. He vaguely recognized the area, and how the weekend caused the house to be more alive than the day Nic visited Kieran to eat banana bread.
Most of the doors were open, filled with the murmuring of voices and laughter along the way. A few people greeted them along the way, but Kieran completely bypassed them. Nic waved to them, smiling apologetically.
The floorboards creaked underneath them as they wandered down the hall where Bev and Kieran's rooms were. Bev's door was open, and someone was leaning in through the doorway, throwing her head back laughing, and providing Nic a momentary profile-view of her face, and the peaked curve of her nose. He swore he recognized her from somewhere...
"Ellen!" Kieran all but screeched, dropping Nic's arm in favor of tackling her. He swung her into a hug from behind, arms wrapped around her shoulders as she giggled incessantly, reaching back and pinching his sides.
She looked... like a model, like she had everything in her life put together—the clear skin, the perfect hair, the on-point eyeliner. Her hair was infinitely longer than any girl Nic had ever encountered, and she had a distinctly bohemian style to her long patterned skirt and coverup. Her eyes flickered over to Nic, still smiling wide and showing off her perfectly straight teeth and her dimpled cheeks.
"Is this who I think it is?" she said as Kieran pressed his cheek to the back of her shoulder and stared at Nic. With both of their eyes on him, all Nic could think about was that intimate photoshoot of the two of them together—Kieran with his arms wrapped around Ellen like—
No. Not today.
Bev peaked out of the room with a gasp, and squeezed past to grab hold of Nic. "Nic! You're here!" she shrieked, reeling him in for a hug and herding him towards her room. Kieran was still clinging to Ellen as Bev introduced Nic to her.
Ellen lifted a hand and waved awkwardly. "Hey. I'd hug you, but I seem to have a leech on me."
"Not nice," Kieran muttered, pressing his face into her hair.
"Did... he drive you two back?" she asked Nic as they wandered into Bev's room, with her infinite fairy lights and tapestries.
"I drove. Kieran had a bit too much during the movie and the bored game afterwards," Nic explained. "And also, nice to meet you."
"You as well," she giggled, prying Kieran's hands off where his arms were slipping over her chest as he tried to keep purchase. "He gets like this when he's drunk."
"Ellen..." Kieran whined, and it was almost too adorable for Nic to even fathom. He sat on the bed and watched the show unfold as Kieran tried to catch Ellen again. She swatted him on the head for it, shrieking and running to the far corner of Bev's room. It required some maneuvering to get back there, and with the desk chair between them, Kieran had no hopes of catching her.
Bev hopped onto the bed next to Nic and said, "So how was it? What's Ronan like?"
"I dunno. He's, like... subtly a douchebag. He keeps it well-hidden. I think it's just his privilege getting to his head," he admitted, watching as Kieran came pouting to the bed and face planted into the comforter next to Nic. Bev tipped to the side to see if Kieran was doing all right, but he just groaned and rolled over, scooting up onto the mattress, making furious noises the entire time.
Nic covered his mouth to keep from laughing, and looked over at Ellen, who was still standing in the corner, now recording a video of Kieran's shenanigans. Nic made a "I don't know what the fuck is going on" face to the camera as she zoomed in on him.
"Hey Nic," Kieran said, and when Nic looked down at him, he was startled to find Kieran reaching a hand out to slap his arm. Kieran closed his eyes, inhaling deeply, before opening them and meeting Nic's eyes directly. "I want you to draw a picture of Ellen. She doesn't think you painted the portrait of me."
"Yeah, he put it up in one of the hallways, the bastard," Ellen said from the corner. "I figured he got an app or something that turns a selfie into, like, an impressionist painting or whatever."
"It's not impressionist. I call it a burst of color, thank you," Nic argued, and glanced over at where Kieran was giving him his best serious face, which... happened to be most of the faces he gave everyone. Nic sighed and looked over at Ellen. "Do you want me to draw you? I mean, a lot of people don't like to see themselves drawn because it contradicts their own personal image of themselves, but...?"
Ellen shrugged lazily and wandered around the desk again, coming to join them on the bed. "Clearly Kieran won't stop staring at you until you do draw me. So... sure. Why the hell not? You got a pencil and paper, Bev?"
"Sure!" she piped up, rustling through everything on her desk to grab what looked like an old, used sketchbook. She went on the hunt for some of her old drawing pencils, and came back with a tin of several missing ones, and others so used that they only took up half the size of their metal slots. Nic sorted through them and pulled out an H2 and a B4 pencil, and set to work from there.
Ellen took to sitting against one of the tapestries, near the head of the bed. Kieran sat directly next to Nic, leaning on his shoulder regardless of when Nic stuck his elbow out to get the right angle of the pencil against the page. Bev sat on his other side, observing the process. Music was playing off of her laptop speakers, and as he got into the drawing, his head bobbed and swayed from side to side, eliciting a soft grin from Ellen whenever he looked up to study her.
The lighting was soft on all angles, disrupted by the greenish fabric of the tapestry. Despite all the pressure from his professors not to blend with his fingers, he did anyways, and within minutes of shading, the pad of his index finger was grey, and the side of his palm was dirtied with pencil lead.
Eventually Kieran moved away from Nic in favor of laying on his stomach and playing on his phone. Bev stayed, though, and divided her attention between her laptop and Nic's work. He was nearly done when Bev told Ellen, "It's looking really good. Make sure you sign it, Nic."
"Ha! Yeah, sure thing," he laughed, rubbing his finger underneath Ellen's cheekbones before going in with the sharpened tip of a H4, and detailing her eyelashes, the hairs of her slim eyebrows, and the texture of the slight tiredness underneath her eyes. Her darkened irises were mostly pupil due to the dimness of the room, and the shadows of her brow were soft, dipping into the form of her subtle, undefined bridge of her nose. She had wide eyes, and therefore, a wide nose, and her lips were round with a minimal groove underneath her nose. She had a flat cupid's bow, and a natural curve to her lips, as if she was amused.
He signed his name in the corner after shading in her shirt, and handed it to her. "There. How's that?"
Ellen stared at it for a while, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to search for the words to describe how she felt. Her reaction. Whether or not she approved. Nic grew nervous as the seconds ticked by before Ellen finally turned her eyes up to him and said, "This is really good. I mean, I know next to nothing about drawing, but... this is me! This is totally me in drawing form! Do I get to keep it?"
"Really? You like it?" Nic said, startled as Ellen nodded enthusiastically.
"See. Told you he's good," Bev said, sticking her tongue out at Ellen. The blonde girl gawked at her, and lashed out to shove her by the arm.
"The fuck should I know! I'd never met him before now—I had a right to be suspicious!" she argued, and leant back with her arms folded, glare softening as she looked over at where Kieran was face-first into Bev's pillows. "He's out for the count. You planning on heading back soon? You live in Kingsley, right?" she asked Nic.
"Uh, yeah. But I'd feel bad just leaving," he confessed with a wince. They all studied Kieran for a moment, in his sleeping beauty, messy bun letting baby hairs fall against his neck, sticking up on the pillows and all. He had a hand tucked under his head, the other falling off the bed.
Ellen lowered the drawing down, and glanced over at Bev. Nic sighed, scratching the back of his neck before sliding off the side of the bed. "But yeah, I need to get back to Kingsley eventually. I could carry him over to his room?" he suggested.
"Sure, I could unlock the door for you," Bev suggested, climbing off the bed after Nic, plucking up Kieran's keys where they fell onto her comforter.
Nic gingerly rolled Kieran over as Bev went to go unlock the door. Kieran groaned a little, muttering, "What time is it...?" Ellen snorted from next to him, and Nic smiled to himself.
"Time for bed. I'm just gonna carry you over," he said, and draped Kieran's arm over his shoulders. Kieran seemed to give up any strength to argue, and simply let Nic wedge his arms underneath Kieran's knees and his back. He lifted Kieran from the bed and maneuvered out of the room and down the hall where Bev held the door for Nic.
"Make sure he drinks some water. I think it's on his desk," Bev said, and Nic thanked her before she left and closed the door as quietly as she could.
The Christmas lights were on, which provided a dim glow throughout the red-tinted room, with its white walls and curtains. Nic laid Kieran on the bed and went to go retrieve the water bottle. Kieran laid there, floppy and half-asleep. "I think... you're hanging out with Sav tomorrow? I don't know when but if it's in the morning, don't sleep in too late," Nic warned. "She gets bitter about punctuality."
"Good to know," Kieran murmured, pushing up onto his elbow to drink. He took several long gulps before taking in a breath, and letting it out. "And sorry for not telling you about that. I figured... I wouldn't be super entertaining after hanging out with Sav. I get tired out and... quiet, I guess."
"That's fine. If you want to chill on my futon or something I'd be fine with that," Nic confessed, and smiled a little when Kieran scoffed. "Seriously. You could fall asleep on my futon any time. Or just sit there in general and I could just... draw the crap out of you. You wouldn't even have to do anything."
Kieran stayed quiet for a moment, eyes focusing on the mouthpiece of his water bottle before asking, "Could I just do shit on my phone or whatever?"
"Hell yeah."
"Then you've got a deal. I'll come over after hanging out with Sav," he said, smiling as he held out a fist for Nic to bump.
Nic left and closed the door quietly behind him before heading out of the Co-Op. He said goodbye to Bev and Ellen, who were now reclining on Bev's bed with their feet in the air for some odd reason he never asked about. Ellen sat up and waved to him, saying, "Hey, I'll see you around! Bev gave me your Snapchat, so keep your eye out for me!"
"Also, thanks for taking care of Kieran. I really appreciate it, and he probably does too. You're beautiful on the inside, Nic!" Bev said, flopping her arm to the side so she could point at him.
"As if I'm not beautiful on the outside?" he countered, hand on his hip as he mockingly glared at her.
"I never said that," she laughed, heavy brown hair dripping off the side of the bed as she leaned towards him, half-falling. "You're beautiful on the inside and outside."
"That sounds like an impossible feat. I doubt Nic is capable of it," Ellen said, and winked at the shocked look on Nic's face. He barely knew this woman—how could she be so savage to someone she barely even met that same day? "Whatever. Have a nice night Nic!"
He gawked at her, and when he was finally able to gather up his bearings, he shook a finger at her and said, "Just for that, I'm not accepting your Snapchat request. This fight isn't over with."
"This fight was done the second you walked in. I've got you down to a 'T,' pretty boy. I know more about you than you might thing," she accused, falling back down and kicking her legs up alongside Bev's. "Sav tells me everything."
Nic couldn't even function correctly as he stormed out of the Co-Op. He had two things on his mind: 1) how adorable Kieran was, and 2) the fact that he was now obligated to kick Sav's ass.
***
"Seriously. How the fuck did you get both Kieran and Ellen's Snapchats before me?" Nic wondered aloud, only half-serious in demanding an answer.
They were at brunch, surrounded by the guys and girls on their floor, and the #1 RA Dad in Kingsley. As Nic groaned over his breakfast while Sav blinked innocently at him, everyone else was floundering over the fact that Leo went on an actual date. It was a goddamn, fucking miracle, wasn't it?
Sav took a long sip of her coffee before saying, "I just asked Kieran for it. I dunno. He mentioned her and I was curious, so we've been talking."
"Since when?"
"Since two days ago or something like that. I don't really know—not that long though, I can tell ya that," she told him with a tip of her mug before going in and scarfing down several bites of pancake. "And anyway, it's not that big of a deal."
"Aren't they best friends though?"
"Sorta, yeah. She's Kieran's squish," she said, and when Nic remained quiet with a dumfounded look on his face, she sighed. "You don't know what a squish is. Obviously."
"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. You're just severely uninformed about asexual culture, no big deal. It's not like they teach you this shit in school or anything. Gotta make everything heteronormative in health class, don't we?" she said, swinging her fork around before dropping her hands altogether. "Whatever. A squish is just... someone you want to be super good friends with. It's like... you're friends, but you want them to be 'more your friend.' Does that make sense?"
"...Not really," he admitted, wincing. "So, like, he has a crush on her?"
"No. No, it's not a crush. A crush suggests that he's pining for romantic affection. He doesn't want anything romantic from her. He just... really appreciates her as a person. So they're, like, really good friends. He's comfortable around her. That's all there is to it," she explained. "I don't think I have any squishes, but Ellen's good squish material, lemme tell ya."
"Why's that? And if she's such good friends with Kieran, shouldn't I, like... be on her good side?" he asked, frowning as Sav shrugged and continued to eat. "Sav, c'mon. Why's she such squish material and I'm not?"
"I'm not saying you aren't. All I'm saying is that Ellen and Kieran have a close relationship, and you don't want to fuck that up by acting all jealous of her," Sav said, and Nic retracted from the table a bit, raising an eyebrow. "What?"
"You make it sound like there's a reason to be jealous."
"C'mon, don't act like that. Now you're just making it weird."
They stared each other down over the dining table. Sav had her glasses pushed loosely up on her nose, eyes narrowing at Nic as he hovered over his waffle, furiously scowling at her. It wasn't until Leo snapped his fingers in front of them that they finally put an end to the charade. "C'mon guys, knock it off. You two look murderous," Leo said.
"Yeah, no one would want to sit at our cool table with you two lookin' like gargoyles," Flo said, and Nora snorted from beside her, snickering at them as Sav stood up a bit as if to fling a spoonful of syrup at her.
The girls shrieked, shying away from Sav as Leo yelped out, "Sav! Don't you dare!" He reached across the table and snatched her spoon from her.
Sav remained bitter about Nic's inability to comprehend "squishes," whatever those were. At this point shouldn't Nic be considered a squish? For some odd reason the title "boyfriend" was less compelling, but he wasn't sure why. As such, he spent the day during study breaks studying up on all his bookmarks surrounding asexuality. Sav helped him create the library of bookmarks on his web browser, and there were several bits about squishes he just... hadn't... gotten to yet. School was still a thing! He didn't have time for this shit 24/7!
After dinner, while Leo and Nic were lounging in their dorm working on homework, someone came knocking at their door. Leo got up, assuming it would just be one of the kids down the hall, so Nic went back to sketching until Leo let out a startled, "Kieran! What are you doing here?"
Nic perked up, leaning back on his desk chair to see Kieran standing there, blinking in surprised at seeing Leo. "Uh, hey Leo. I'm just... Nic said it was cool if I just chilled here for a bit. Is that okay?"
Leo glanced back at Nic, who put on his best "Yup, I totally said that" face. Leo held open the door wider, gesturing for Kieran to enter.
It was the first time Kieran ever set foot in Nic's room before, and as he wandered over to where Nic was at his desk, his eyes scanned all the sketches taped to the walls, and the posters, the photographs... everything on Nic's colorful side of the dorm.
Leo went to sit at his desk again, kicking back onto two chair legs. Nic studied him for a moment, as if gauging whether or not Leo was actually okay with this. Either way, Kieran leaned over the post of Nic's loft and pointed to one of the sketches on the wall. "Is this me?" he asked.
"Uh, yeah. One of the earlier sketches," he confessed, plucking it off the wall so Kieran could get a closer look. "I was just fixing up some exercises for another class."
Kieran dropped down onto the edge of the futon closest to Nic's desk, and the light from his lamp. "Cool. Keep working on it—I'll just be sitting here," he said, and promptly switched to his phone after plucking his earbuds out. Leo had instrumental music playing so they could concentrate.
After Nic finished up working on his homework, he moved over to sit on the floor near Kieran. His boyfriend was now lounging across the entire futon, legs kicked out and head elevated by a random pillow Nic's Ma insisted he keep. Kieran glanced over at Nic as he moved, and stationed himself with his sketchbook. "You want me to change positions?" Kieran asked, about to adjust himself.
"No, whatever's comfortable is fine," he replied, flipping to an empty page. It was his larger format sketchbook—the sort he used for the still life drawing. And now that that was over with, and they moved on to learning basic anatomy, he hadn't added anything to his sketchbook in almost a week.
Kieran relaxed back down, watching Nic as he roughly sketched out Kieran's form on the futon. By the time Nic went in for the details, Kieran was looking at his phone again, and letting the glow of it illuminate the contours of his cheeks, his nose, gleaming on his eyes. The longer strands of his black hair were loose, and fell back from his forehead and onto the pillow. He wore a simple tee under a flannel, and Nic drew in folds of the fabric, and mapped out the pattern with ease.
After half an hour, Kieran murmured, "Sav said you two got in an argument today."
"I wouldn't say that..."
"I wouldn't worry about it," he said, quiet, almost a whisper. Nic's pencil hesitated on the page, and he looked up to find that Kieran's cheeks darkened a fraction, and he met Nic's gaze for only a second before turning back to his phone.
***
That Monday morning, Nic was watching a video on it from his phone. He dropped his bag next to his chair in lecture, flopped onto his chair, and sank down to get comfortable. Out of the corner of his eye he watched a familiar, large fella take the seat beside his. Nic glanced briefly over at him, saying, "Hey man, what's up?"
"Not much," Milo replied, sighing as he dropped down into his chair and glanced over at what Nic was watching. "Didn't know you were into Youtubers and shit."
"Not really—well, a little," he murmured, rubbing sleep from his eyes before sniffing and meeting Milo's gaze. "I'm dying."
"Oh aren't we all buddy?" he said, reaching over and clapping Nic on the shoulder. "You'll make it. Why are you dying today, though?"
"I didn't sleep much," he confessed, slouching across his desk, propping his cheek up on his hand. "Watching videos and reading, mostly. I'm angry."
"Why?"
"Because squishes seem more profound than, like, being in a relationship," he explained, and Milo hummed thoughtfully, scrubbing his hand over his chin.
A moment of silence passed as Milo digested this newfound information. When it was over, he cleared his throat and said, "So, uh, enlighten me. What's a 'squish?'"
"It's, like... the best version of a best friend. You talk about everything with them, and you appreciate them so fuckin' much it's, like... unreal. It's like a relationship without the tags or obligations of romance and shit. How is it possible to be that open with someone?" Nic asked. "But it isn't about just about being open with someone. I've been thinking about it all night. Like... why do we have to show romantic affection? Is it for our own sake? Is it for our significant others' sakes?"
Milo gave him another pat on the shoulder. "Don't think about it too hard, buddy. Seems like you're about to crash and burn if you keep at it. This sounds like some deep two AM shit. Can't really comprehend it at nine in the morning."
"Yeah, you're probably right..." Nic sighed, and lazily dug around his backpack for his water bottle.
As he took a few sips, Milo opened up his notebook and said, "I'm honestly worried about midterms and shit. I already have one coming up in another class and if I don't start studying now I might as well sign off on an F, ya know?"
"I hear ya."
They were quiet for a while, before Milo said, "You seem like a night owl, and I study better with other people around. Would you want to have a study session one of these nights at Mayhew?"
Nic considered it for a moment, but he already knew two things: 1) he seriously needed to study and 2) he'd be up until one AM anyway. And honestly, of the times he spent walking back from the Co-Op, he had to admit that a late night walk seriously did wonders for his ability to sleep at night. And that, coupled with a bit of cherry juice... he'd be set and ready to go.
"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Mind if I bring a friend along? She's up late every night anyways," Nic asked, and Milo was all for it.
Lecture started, so they didn't finalize plans until afterwards. He got Milo's information on where to meet up and what-have-you, so they were set for a study session later that week. Nic hadn't been to Mayhew since Welcome Week, so he figured that was at least one reason for him to agree to it. He had to expand his limits somehow.