Copyright © 2018. All Rights Reserved.
I've made a grave mistake.
Nic thought this that same night as he lay with his eyes on the ceiling over his loft. He could hear Leo's soft, even breath across the room, and realized that he was probably the only person in this entire goddamn hallway who was up at this hour thinking about how stupid he was. Sav was right. He shouldn't have let the fact that Kieran was ace get in the way of true love, or whatever bullshit his mind was trying to convince him off.
Nothing would exactly cure this dilemma, except for actually facing the facts and confronting Kieran once and for all. The fact that Kieran had no idea that Nic was planning absolute warfare was unequivocally hilarious. It was so amusing that Nic even smiled a little. The chances that Kieran was up at night thinking about Nic were slim to none, so why was Nic suffering like this?
He was starting to think that being asexual made life so much easier. Maybe he wouldn't be fawning so hopelessly over Kieran at four A.M.
Fuck.
When Nic finally woke up after a shallow sleep, it was to the streak of sunlight that managed to slip past the small gap in the curtains. His phone said eight o' clock. Fine, I'll get up I guess, he muttered to himself. It was Saturday, which just didn't seem fair at all, and surprisingly he found Leo already awake fiddling on his phone. He had his pillow propped up against the wall, legs crossed at the ankles.
"Mornin'," Nic said as he descended from the loft. He landed on his desk, the chair, and at last onto the floor.
"Wow, what are you doing up," Leo asked.
"Couldn't sleep," he confessed, rubbing his hands over his eyes and saying, "I saw Kieran yesterday. Sav and I both, actually."
"No kidding. How'd that go?" he asked, and Nic shrugged. His silence seemed to unnerve his roommate. "What, so you spend all week rambling about the guy, and you just drop him? Like that?"
"I am not!" Nic shrieked, voice cracking. "I'm just—It's complicated now. I don't know. We'll see what happens."
"Are you serious right now?" Leo complained. "Do we need to have an intervention? Because I am fully qualified to set one up."
Nic scoffed as he dug around in his little cubby of a closet, and started to strip. He shimmied into fresh boxers and shorts and prepared to head to the showers. "No, I don't need an intervention. It's just—I don't know. Did you know he's ace? Kieran is asexual."
"Pff, that doesn't exist," Leo said, and he was out of view so he didn't get to see the way Nic's jaw dropped. "It's biologically impossible."
"So are you suggesting Sav doesn't exist? I mean, sometimes I find it hard to believe that nerds like Sav exist because that level of nerdiness is just bizarre, but..." Nic started, and he swore he could hear Leo roll his eyes.
"It's just not a thing. Sure, you can decide you don't want to have sex and I respect that, but biologically we're all programmed to hunt for the perfect mate and procreate. That's just how it is. And yeah, I mean... I feel like we're starting to move away from the 'procreate' part because we'll all die from overpopulation if we don't, but... we're far from an asexual mindset," Leo said.
"You've lost me. It's too fucking early for this argument," Nic muttered as he stepped out of his closet to grab his phone from where it was charging up on his loft. He jumped up and snatched it. "Besides, Sav says ace is more than just not liking sex. It's romance too, and I don't know what Kieran's all about yet so I don't feel... qualified to ask him out, you know?"
"Well, if you're looking for sex or romance, then I'd say you're out of luck," Leo commented, now rolling onto his stomach with his cheek pressed to the side of his mattress, staring down at Nic fiddle with his bluetooth speaker. "I mean, you never really talked about Kieran like he's someone you'd have a fling with. Sex or whatever."
"That's the thing. I don't know what my end-goal is yet," Nic confessed. "I'm pretty sure it's more than just being friends, ya know?"
Nic went back to his closet, and just before he prepared to leave for the showers, Leo said, "What about, like... a muse? Artists have that, don't they?"
"A muse?" he repeated. He'd heard the word plenty of times, but it just made him all fidgety inside. It was... weird and stalkerish in his opinion. Kieran would definitely find that stalkerish, wouldn't he? If Nic was anyone's muse, he'd definitely find it bizarre. "Pff, no. Definitely not that. Totally not. Why would you suggest that? S-Stop talking about it! We're done here—too early to talk about fuckin'... fuckin' whatever-the-fuck!" Nic squeaked out before hurrying out the door, leaving Leo to laugh tiredly from atop his bunk.
He scrambled out into the hallway, face red and beyond annoyed. He wondered if Sav got like this when people claimed that asexuality wasn't a thing. But then again, Kieran was right about that tidbit—Sav never really flaunted it around. The only reason they ever got onto the topic was after one long day during Welcome Week where they collapsed in her single room and talked until past midnight, drinking booze her older brother bought her as a "Welcome to college!" present. If that hadn't happened, Nic was certain it never would have came up. Prior to then, they just had this... mutual understanding that there would be no flirting between them.
When he got out of the shower and dressed for the day, he spent a solid thirty minutes laying on the ground until Leo finally got out of bed to get ready for the day. He swung down off his loft and landed swiftly on two feet—narrowly missing Nic's arm by a few inches. He put his hands on his hips, looking down at Nic with a look of concern.
"You good?" he asked, and Nic shrugged, purposefully exaggerating his pout. Leo rolled his eyes with a scoff, nudging Nic with his foot before moving over to his closet. Nic peered up at him, watching as Leo stepped in front of his mirror, upside down, and combed his hands through his hair. He met Nic's gaze through the mirror and said, "Could you turn away? I'm gonna change."
"Fine," Nic whined, rolling onto his stomach and bracing his hands on the carpet. He hoisted himself up and went over his backpack.
They worked on homework together until the dining hall opened for brunch. By then, Nic's stomach was growling angrily at him, and there was absolutely no need for Leo to drag him to the hall. There wasn't anything special about the Kingsley dining hall, aside from its exquisite ability to reuse the pasta noodles for the entire day and then some—and also their excellent french toast. Yes, that too.
Nic grabbed three of them because he was a growing boy with a metabolism that could devour an entire pizza, no sweat. He knew Leo was giving him a weird look, and wasn't all that surprised when Leo said, "You don't even fucking work out enough to justify that."
"It's called the Freshmen Fifteen."
Leo shook his head, smiling as he said, "C'mon, you know as well as I do that comes from drinking excessive amounts of alcohol you wouldn't normally have consumed in high school. It's definitely not the dining hall food."
Yeah, 'cause the dining hall food isn't good enough to get fat on, nor is it worth the cost, Nic mused to himself as he scooped up some floppy bacon and let it slide past. Bacon was good, even when it was bad.
Contrary to popular belief, Nic's RA wasn't stuck up and somehow managed to befriend everyone in their hall—in other words, Leo was one of the cool RAs in Kingsley. That's not to say the rest were trash; it just so happened that Leo was comically conversational with the freshmen. It was sort of in the way that dads tended to embarrass their kids, and everyone just found it hilarious. Maybe it was because of Leo's tendencies to geek out at the weirdest shit with the dorks of their friend group.
Nic found their table easily—it was by the window, and was where Sav sat slumped over her bowl of oatmeal, slopping her spoon around in it without much care. "Hey, rough night?" he joked as he slid into the chair opposite her. He greeted the others before Sav finally answered.
"Sorta. Stayed up 'till three trying to finish my homework so I don't have to worry about it for tonight," she confessed.
He was in the middle of shoveling handfuls of bacon into his mouth. "Why?" he asked, covering his mouth with his hand so he could chew.
Sav glared at him. Jesus, it looked like she was hungover—but that was pretty much any morning for her. "Why? You're the one who invited me to the fucking frat party tonight. I've suddenly made a habit of doing my homework on Saturday nights and I change my schedule and you don't even remember the party. For fuck's sake—"
"Hey, I totally remembered!" Nic blurted out. He totally didn't. "Olivia invited me to it, right?"
"God, you don't remember at all. You have the memory of a goldfish, and by that I mean it only lasts six seconds," she hissed at him, and the guy next to her nearly spat out his milk.
Nic refused to be offended by it. He stuck his nose up and said, "Whatever. At least get some sleep before the party. You look like death."
"Thanks, I try."
The second Leo swept in to take the spot of a girl who was leaving, the entire table erupted into shouts and cheers and claps, and Leo graciously bowed to them before taking his seat. "All right, that's enough. We don't want to disturb anyone's breakfast, or their hangovers," he said, and then pointedly glared at them all. "Which, I totally don't condone."
"Wow, you must be fun at parties," someone laughed, and Leo pegged them with yet another glare and earned a bunch of "Oooh, you've done it now!" exclamations.
"I'll have you know, I was a beer pong champion last year. Surprisingly I have incredible depth perception when I'm drunk," Leo said, and quickly cleared his throat as he rose his orange juice glass to his lips. "And by that, I mean I don't drink at all. Stop looking at me."
Nic concealed his laugh with a cough to his elbow before getting back to eating. Sav was smirking over the rim of her coffee mug.
* * *
Nic spent the day challenging his neighbors to a few games of Mortal Kombat before settling on watching one of them play Last of Us for hours. Sure, he had homework, but that was what Sunday was for. He knew his brain and body would destroy him for it after tonight, but... it was totally worth it, right? It was his first frat party—of course he wouldn't go to it sober. What was he, an amateur?
Probably.
He started drinking way before Sav. They still had some of Matt's booze left, so he drank from that while Sav changed in her closet and fretted over how she looked. "I like the shorts. I think you should just go with shorts."
"It'll be cold out, though."
"So? It'll get sweaty in the frat."
"Yeah, and how would you know?" she chastised, and he went pink at the ears. Even his tan wouldn't help him there. "Exactly. But... do I look slutty wearing shorts? I don't want to look slutty."
"You won't. I promise," he said, but it came out as a drawl. His tongue was working slower than he intended. She frowned at him and marched over, grabbing the bottle and capping it. "But—!"
"No butts," she said as she stuffed the vodka into the freezer. He found it funny because when she bent over, her bum stuck out towards him. He had half a mind to slap it, but knew he'd get slapped for it, so he didn't.
When she stood up again, she tugged down on the patched-up hem of her high-waisted shorts and said, "I dunno. I think... tonight I wanna try dancing with a guy? Would you be my wingman?"
"Wait, really?" he said, startled by it. She shrugged.
"Well... yeah. I mean, I should probably try it out once just to see how it is. I mean, is it fun? Dancing with girls?" she asked him, and he rolled his eyes. "C'mon, you probably danced with girls at school dances, right?"
"Pff, yeah, but I dunno. I was kinda gay back then, too," he laughed, but Sav didn't find it funny. "Look, it's not a big deal. I'll be your wingman, okay?"
She looked nervous, but nodded anyway. She wasn't wearing glasses that night, and her eyes just looked kind of small without them. But then she went and sat in front of the mirror for another fifteen minutes applying makeup, and suddenly they popped. She caught his eye through the mirror and smiled, purple lipstick and everything. He smiled back. "You ready?"
"Yeah, I think so."
He took out the vodka and offered her it. She took a quick swig and gave it back, a purple rim around it now. "Let's do this," she said.
They went in their jackets because September was turning into winter faster than they intended. There were people up and about even at this hour—it was nearly ten now, and it took a good fifteen minutes to walk to the frat. Maybe because they were taking their time. Maybe because they were both nervous. Nic couldn't really tell. But eventually, they found themselves at the door to the frat, waiting in line to pay and get their names checked off on the list.
Sav was fidgeting next to him, looking small in her leather jacket, and the collar that lifted around her ginger curls. "You think there's a lot of people in there?" she asked, nodding towards the tinted windows down the side of the house. They could see the shadows of people in the flickering strobes.
"I dunno, probably," he laughed, and she bumped hips with him. It was their turn to go up to the table.
It was just inside the open doors, and the orangey light of that hallway highlighted the guys gathered in the foyer, practically guarding the house. There was an archway behind them—a glimpse into the living room where people danced. "Name," the guy said, tipping his eyes up to meet theirs.
"Um, Nicolas Sandoval," he said, taking out a five dollar bill and handing it to the cash box guy. He got his name checked off.
"Alright. Get your stamp right over there," the guy told him, gesturing towards one of the guard-looking dudes with the ink laying open on the table. He held his hand out, and the guy laid a stamp over the back of his palm. It was a star.
Nic waited for Sav, and he could already tell it'd be too hot for their coats. "I'll take care of the jackets. You go ahead and scope it out," he told her, already shrugging off his jacket. Sav nodded, swallowing hard and offering a brave smile.
"Cool, cool. Come find me when you're done with that," she said, and wandered off through the archway. Something just seemed... eerie about how the foyer was lit in orange, and the open door outside and the archway just seemed so dark.
Nic found the coatroom easy enough, and had their names put onto the jackets and hung onto the racks. He made sure to grab his phone and make sure Sav's wasn't left behind. It helped that they both kept their student IDs tucked against the back of their phone cases.
He let out a deep sigh as he crossed the foyer again, and went into the living room with the dazzling lights, and the mass of moving bodies across the floor. There wasn't so much a sway to the music as there was a conglomeration of drunken idiots throwing their arms up and out and writhing against one another. Nic stuck to the outer rim of it all—talk about claustrophobic.
He searched the crowd for Sav, and his gaze stuck to this outer rim he found himself on. It was near the wood paneled walls, and the window sills where guys and girls sat together, or kept their drinks on standby. He spotted Sav standing on the edge of a group of people lingering around, her hands clasped over her stomach and staring at them all. Most everyone around her had to be a head or two taller than her.
When he approached her, he was careful to make himself present in front, so she caught his eyes and beamed at him. "Hey! You found me," she shouted over the bass.
"Yeah! Yeah wanna dance?" he asked, and her eyes went wide. He laughed and said, "Not like—I didn't mean us, just in general!"
She laughed. "Oh, sure!"
He led the way through the throng of people, until they found themselves in the thick of it, letting the rhythm of everyone else carry them. It didn't take long for Nic to find himself squished between a few strangers, laughing as he let them take the lead, holding onto his arms, his hips. He looked over at Sav frequently enough to see that she'd found a partner to dance with—a girl who looked to be several years older than her. It wasn't that much of a surprise, considering Sav was a young prodigy who skipped a few grades along the way.
The had their hands clasped together, and the girl was saying something that made Sav burst out laughing. Nic smiled despite himself as his eyes coasted past the girl he was dancing with, almost as if his attention knew juuust where to land—
—on a familiar head of raven black hair, and the shadow of a profile he remembered all too well.