Chapter 45: This is Halloween
A million things were going through my head at once. Multiple voices said I was an idiot. Others said this was the right thing to do. My own voice was drowned out by the others' screaming. I knew what I wanted and why.
But would the end justify the means?
I would have to go either way. This way, I'd have control over my life. Besides that, it would come back for me again, so there was no real point in waiting forever. I knew Griffin wouldn't be happy with me, and I couldn't blame him. I decided to write him and the others letters. Two months from now, once it's done, they'd all have something personal from me. I wanted to spend one last Christmas with my family before leaving them once and for all.
I could only hope that was enough.
As much as I wanted to sit in my room and prepare for the next two months, I had a lot to do. It was Halloween, which meant a party and last-minute costume shopping with Griffin. I was excited I finally had someone to do a couple costume with.
I decided I wanted to be the Queens of Hearts while he was the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland. I made sure to get the rest of my costume before today, so I'd have everything. All I needed now was the crown. Griffin still needed his rabbit ears and, surprisingly, a vest. The one from last year wouldn't work and he didn't have any others.
I threw on an oversized hoodie and leggings. Kira argued that I should take one of Griffin's, but he didn't wear them. He never had a reason to since it took a lot for him to get cold. I slipped into a pair of flats and joined my boyfriend outside in his car.
Ooh, I like the sound of that.
Wait really?
Of course! That means his hot voice friend belongs to me.
I rolled my eyes and sat down in Griffin's car. It was just as nice as it was the last time I rode in it. He turned to me with a smile.
"Hey, Mackenzie," He leaned over and kissed my cheek.
I felt myself freeze for a moment, flushing, "H-hey Griffin."
Immediately, he became alarmed, "What's wrong?!"
"Just a bit cold," I lied, turning to face the window.
With that, we rode to the store silently. Griffin hummed comfortably, while I silently suffered. He had become a lot more affectionate lately and I was never prepared for cute moments like that. It sent me into a frenzy every time.
It didn't take too long to get to the store. Before I could take my seatbelt off, Griffin was at my door, opening it for me. I rolled my eyes, smiling like an idiot. He was such a cheesy person. I grabbed my phone and we headed into the store hand-in-hand. His large hand shielded mine from the cold fall breeze.
Once we were inside, I let go of his hand and disappeared into the costumes. It was a bittersweet feeling to be back in the costume shop. I didn't expect to be here again, and I knew I wasn't going to be here again. I stood there awhile, absorbing it all. I knew exactly where the crown was, but I wanted to spend a few minutes remembering the details.
"Mackenzie?" I glanced at the girl from the corner of my eye. "Mackenzie Oliver?"
"Yeah. Who are you?" I turned completely to her.
She smiled, "I go to Applewood and-"
I sighed, "If this is about me being popular-"
She shook her head, "No. I'm in my senior year and I need advice. You survived even with everything that was thrown at you. Any tips?"
I smiled at her. She seemed genuine. Her large blue eyes were eager like she was ready to take notes. Just seeing her so happy about something other than popularity was enough to bring me to tears. Without warning, I threw my arms around her and squeezed her to me. Though she was caught off guard, she hugged me back. I could tell she was confused, so I pulled back quickly, taking a breath.
"Sorry, it's just so nice to hear someone actually consider me for something other than being the 'popular girl' or Micah's ex," I sighed. "I got through my senior year by thinking of every day as my last. Friends are nice too, but only the true ones. You need that support sometimes. Also, the most important thing is your grades. Nothing else will matter afterward."
"Really? That's it?"
"I doubt you'll have a boyfriend that gets mad at you because you said he wasn't allowed to cheat, then tries to hurt you because you're happy," I shrugged, before grabbing the crown. "If you do, dump him immediately and leave. It's not worth the trouble. I have to go but thank you for being such a good person. Well, from what I can tell. I hope my advice helps!"
"Before you go," She placed a hand on my shoulder. "We all knew you as more than just some popular girl with a boyfriend. Mackenzie, you weren't popular because of Micah. You were popular because you're a good person with a big heart and we all saw that. If anyone deserves to be happy, it's you."
With that, she sent me one last smile before walking away. I stood there for a second, replaying her words over in my head.
You were popular because you're a good person.
I smiled to myself before hurrying off to find Griffin. He was no doubt picking up the wrong things and confusing himself. As I rounded a corner, someone in all black jumped in front of me, yelling. I let out a scream before taking off in the opposite direction. Seconds later, I realized I was in a costume shop and it was probably just some kid in a costume.
I spun around to see Griffin collapsed on the floor, on the verge of tears from laughing so hard. He was in the Grim Reaper costume he despised so much. I rolled my eyes at him, throwing the crown. It hit him square in the head, stopping him mid-laugh. He frowned, sitting up.
"One year later and you're still an ass," I huffed, going to retrieve my crown.
He feigned hurt, "That's not fair! It's Halloween! Don't you guys do this sort of thing?"
"To little kids!"
He stood up, grabbing my crown in the process, "Well, you're a kid compared to me. You're also short in comparison to me-"
I rolled my eyes again before leaving him to check out. Before I could get far, his arms were around my waist, stopping me in place. I stood my ground, crossing my arms over my chest. He chuckled, and I could feel the soft rumble of his chest.
"I'm sorry," He offered. "Let's get back to the task at hand."
-*-
Hours later, I was dressed up in my costume. The skirt was homemade. There were red, white, and black strips with small black hearts going down the front. I paired it with a black V-neck shirt and knee-high white socks. My heels were sleek and black. The crown sat atop of my head, slightly tilted to the side.
My lips had a red heart in the middle. Lindsay helped make my eyes just dramatic enough to go with the outfit. She did a black smoky eye with red liner. As a nice final touch, she added a red heart under my left eye and a black one under the other. She then outlined both with gold eyeliner. It was perfect.
She was The Cat in the Hat. She was in a black bodysuit with black heels to match. She had a red and white hat on her head. There was also a red bowtie around her neck. Her makeup consisted of black eyeliner and red lipstick. She went over her lashes a few times with mascara. The most dramatic thing was thickly filling in her eyebrows. She didn't want to be too flashy with her face this year.
"So, Andrew told me something this morning," She commented, checking her teeth for lipstick. "Is there something you wanna tell me, Kenzie?"
I furrowed my eyebrows, "I don't think so-"
"That's cute because it seems like you've failed to mention GRIFFIN'S YOUR BOYFRIEND!" She exploded, turning to face me. "That's kinda important!"
I shrugged, "Not really. The only real difference is sometimes we may kiss."
She threw her hands up in exasperation, "Mackenzie! This is your first boyfriend since Micah! Not to mention the fact that he's a year younger than me. This is a big deal!"
Before I could respond, the doorbell went off. I shot her a smile before rushing off to answer the door. If I stayed in that room any longer, she'd have my head. I wasn't in the mood for that kind of irony. I swung open the door, knowing it was Griffin. He looked nice in his costume. It was exactly how I imagined. Everything but the fact that he was wearing jeans instead of the trousers I suggested.
"Griff, I said trousers. Why are you wearing jeans?!"
He shrugged, "They weren't comfortable."
I sighed, shutting the door behind him. Not too long after, guests began arriving and the party was in full swing. Red cups filled the room. Almost none of them contained non-alcoholic beverages. Tanner was hanging out with a few of his friends, talking about their last season together. Lindsay, as always, was the center of attention. Andrew's arm was lazily slung over her shoulder, now wearing her hat. It was always nice to see the way he looked at her with so much adoration.
It was the exact same way my dad looked at my mom when she wasn't watching.
It was love.
I turned my head to see Griffin giving me the exact same look. At that moment, my heart could've exploded, and I wouldn't care. He smiled down at me, pulling me closer to his side. He planted a kiss on my temple before resting his head on mine. I felt like the world was perfectly calm. Everything was perfect.
Except the fact that your best friends are-
Nope! Not tonight! Maybe tomorrow morning, but not tonight.
She slipped back into silence, allowing me to enjoy my surroundings. If only for one night.
Unfortunately, that didn't last long. Taylor strolled over to Griffin and me with the biggest grin on her face. When she was right in front of me, she shifted her weight to her left side, sticking out her hip. She was dressed as a bunny this year.
At least, I think she was.
She was in a revealing white dress with bunny ears on her head. She was grinning at Griffin, not even acknowledging my presence. I could tell by her demeanor where this was headed. Even so, I wanted to see how it played out.
"Hey, Griffin," She greeted. "Long time no see."
"No long enough," He sighed. "How did you even get in here?"
She shrugged, "I have my ways. Anyways, I was wondering if you were open tomorrow night? I'm having a party at my place and I would love for you to be there."
He frowned, "There are so many things I would much rather do than go."
She reached over, running a finger down his chest, "Oh, I think you'd enjoy yourself. It'll serve as a nice change! Especially considering..."
I smacked her hand away, having seen enough, "Yep. I'm toeing the line. Hop somewhere else, Taylor. He's taken."
She frowned at me, "I don't think I was talking to you."
"Well, you are now," I smiled sarcastically. "Either you get out, or I could escort you out myself."
She looked to Griffin for help, but he just shrugged. After a few seconds, she huffed and marched away. I knew she would be one of the things I wouldn't miss. Griffin turned to me, raising an eyebrow.
"It's not jealousy," I stated, rolling my eyes. "I'm just not very good at sharing."
I smiled up at him and left to get a drink. I didn't want any alcohol. If this was going to be my last Halloween, I preferred to spend it sober. As I poured my drink, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist. A familiar scent filled my nose and I leaned into the touch.
"Can we please leave? I have a better idea in mind," Griffin whispered directly into my ear, sending goosebumps down my spine.
"What do you have in mind?"
He pecked my cheek before pulling me into my room. For a moment, I thought he just wanted to escape for a make-out session, but then my room disappeared before my eyes. We were near the lake. The very same one I went skinny dipping in with my friends.
The moon lit up the world around us, making the water glisten. It was way more peaceful than the party at my place. With a single glance, I could tell Griffin was way more comfortable out here. He preferred more secluded areas. It only made sense. He grew up virtually alone, so large crowds were bound to make him nervous.
Still, I had to tease him.
"If you took me all the way out here to kill me, you picked a beautiful spot," I shrugged. "I approve."
"Why would I do that?" Griffin sounded genuinely curious. "You're entirely too marvelous for me to deprive the world of such beauty."
I spun around to see him on his phone. That was a first. Griffin usually hated his phone. He really only used it because I asked him to. It was sweet, but I wished he would use it more. There was a whole other world he was missing out on. A few moments of silence passed between us.
Suddenly, music began flowing from his phone. It was a song I didn't recognize, but it was nice. It was a slow song. Griffin's expression was soft as he approached me. I could tell by how quickly he relaxed that this song carried some sort of significance in his life.
He offered his hand, which I accepted immediately. His arm was wrapped around my waist while he held my hand with the other. I giggled to myself when we began to sway back and forth. He stared me straight on, perplexed.
"We're dancing like an old couple," I smiled. "What song is this?"
"You like it?" He inquired, twirling me around. "It's a song my mom used to play before tucking me in when I was a kid. I thought it was fitting."
I grinned, "Because you're going to tuck me in soon?"
"Haha," He rolled his eyes. "Do you remember what I said to you in the hospital?"
I took a second to replay his words in my head, "You said you loved me and that you knew I felt the same. You also said you never had trail mix, which is a can of worms-"
"No, I said you were my Grace Ryder. You and my mother share the name 'Grace.' I thought it was fitting to play one of her favorite songs."
I took a moment to absorb the new information, "What does that mean? Me being your Grace Ryder?"
He smiled, "It means I love you more than I could possibly explain. That I'd do anything to see that smile every day and have you in my life. It means you have my heart and I can't do anything about it and somehow, I'm okay with that."
He pulled me close to him. So close that I could feel his breath tickling the small hairs on my face. There was so much adoration in his eyes, it was almost suffocating. I knew I'd miss him the most. It may not make sense considering I cared so much for my family. I'd miss them too, but somehow not as much as Griffin.
He was more than just a guy to me. He was more than just a boyfriend. Griffin knew more about me than anyone else in my life. He found ways to be there for me when no one else could. He was there in ways no one could be. He gave me assurance when I needed it most. He loved me when I didn't love myself. Even if it wasn't always romantically.
When my grandma died, I lost my footing. Instead of falling, I began floating. At first, I thought it was okay. I thought I was okay. Floating wasn't spiraling, so I had to be okay. I was wrong. Floating wasn't what I wanted or needed. What I needed was solid ground underneath me. I needed to exist as Mackenzie, not the shell of her.
For a while, my family and friends were pulling me back down. Even Micah helped a bit with that. Although they were tugging, I still wasn't back on the ground with them. I was just above them, never quite meeting them.
Griffin was the one to grab a rope and yank me down. Beyond that, he held me down himself, daring me to try to float again.
I fought back the tears as he bent down to kiss me. He pulled back immediately, noticing the rogue tear that escaped. He was quick to wipe it away and ask what was wrong.
I was beaming through the tears, "Thank you, Griffin. For everything."
He frowned slightly, "You're welcome?"
I just pulled him down to kiss me, smiling against his lips.
Only two more months.
Please, just shut up.
I'm just saying, you don't have to do this.
For the first time, I was beginning to doubt my decisions. Maybe she was right. Maybe I didn't have to do this. One last look at him and I knew I did.
I have to. For Griffin.
//
Woo! Chapter 45 DONE! I gonna warn you now, the next chapter is gonna skip a lot of time... meaning it's gonna be December. You'll understand when you get there. Also, I'm sorry this is up on a Tuesday. Finding time to write and upload is difficult now since soccer season started. On the bright side, I've been inspired! I forgot what did it, but something inspired me and I'm writing whenever I get free time! Anywho, thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this and I love you all so much!
Tatty bye <3