I walked alone to my destination. I had gotten used to traveling by myself without my Power Armor. It was liberating, being able to trust myself and my abilities enough to travel without being anxiety-stricken.
I entered the gates of Goodneighbor for the first time in months, though it felt like longer. It was March now, and everything was the same as it had been in November. Daisy and Cleo were still running their shops in front of town, and the State House still stood sturdy as ever beside them.
I walked upstairs to Hancock's office, the butterflies in my stomach almost causing me to feel queasy. To my surprise, however, there was no one there. I asked one of the watchmen where Hancock was.
"Do I look like the mayor's babysitter? Him and his bodyguard are in the Third Rail. Now, scram."
Inside the Third Rail, the live band was playing a jive, but Magnolia wasn't performing. The Third Rail was packed with drifters and locals who were watching the game of Gin Rummy take place at a table in the middle of the bar.
Fahrenheit sat with her back facing the bar, Hancock sat facing the entrance, and MacCready had his back turned to me. The fourth chair was empty, but people were hovered all around the table, placing bets.
Fahrenheit teased the guys, claiming she was going to win this one.
MacCready protested with a whiny, "Nuh-uh, not if you keep breaking house rules. No runs, only sets."
"Which is fucking stupid," Fahrenheit complained.
"My house, my rules, heh heh," declared Hancock.
I slowly approached them; I didn't want to interrupt their game.
They played on for a little while, and I took a seat in one of the chairs at an empty table. I found it odd and kind of funny that I used to feel more at ease when I was home in Sanctuary because now I only felt that way in Goodneighbor. Or was it only around Hancock?
Every now and then, one of the patrons would shuffle out of the way, and I'd catch a glimpse of Hancock's face, his serious expression as he thought of his next move, that toothy grin when he found something funny, or the way he confidently folded his cards.
He looked up at one of the patrons that was partially blocking my line of sight, said something to her, and then looked slightly behind her. His dark eyes went wide, and he shot up from his chair.
My eyes were dinnerplates, too; his sudden movement not only startled me but startled MacCready, Fahrenheit, and all the people surrounding their table. Hancock caused the table to jar, knocking a few cards from its surface and onto the floor beneath the table. His eyes were locked onto mine.
"Aw, shit, Hancock!" said Fahrenheit, gathering up the loose cards from the floor.
"Well, I guess that game's over," MacCready grumbled.
"... Gwen?" Hancock asked.
All heads swerved toward me. I suddenly felt naked and exposed.
MacCready's eyes lit up and a wide grin spread across his face. "Gwen!"
While Hancock and MacCready made their way to me, Fahrenheit cleared the room of the staring people, albeit somewhat perturbed.
I stood up and caught MacCready's hug first. The physical contact felt comforting.
When I let go, Hancock butted in and picked me up in a giant bear hug. When he set me back on my feet, he didn't let go. And neither did I. It felt good to just be held by him. He had a familiar smoky, woody, earthy smell to him, causing me to breathe in deeply and close my eyes. He really did smell like home. The warmth of his body washed over me and caused every muscle to relax. My eyes started to tear up, my cheeks felt hot. And above all else, my heart beat hard against my chest with a sort of happiness like cured homesickness.
When he pulled away, he could see I was tearing up. "Are you here with good news or bad news?"
"Good," I managed to force out. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Good news. The Relay will be ready tomorrow."
"The Relay? Hancock was telling me this crazy stunt you're trying to pull. You're gonna teleport into the Institute and you didn't even invite me? For shame."
I blinked the tears away and sniffled. "You can come, MacCready."
"Gladly." He smirked.
"So this means you're leaving again," Fahrenheit said with arms crossed as she approached.
"'Fraid so. Duty calls."
"'Duty calls?' Coming from the mayor who leaves whenever he wants."
"Fahr, don't do this." He turned toward her, fully prepared to argue.
Buts he held up her hand. "Forget it. I know you have to do this. I'll hold down the fort."
"I owe ya," he said with a relieved smile.
____________________
The three of us traveled back to Sanctuary together, regardless of the lack of daylight.
During the trip back, MacCready told me that he managed to find the cure he was looking for and sent it to his son in the Capital Wasteland via caravan. Last he heard, Duncan was making a slow recovery.
Hancock told me that not much had changed with Goodneighbor but that after traveling with me, things felt boring afterward.
When we arrived in Sanctuary, it was well past midnight, and we were tired. Sturges was sleeping, and I couldn't bring myself to wake him, so I saw to the sleeping arrangements for the three of us. I dragged one of the spare sleeping bags from the workshop into my house and put it in the spare bedroom for MacCready while Hancock took the couch he was so familiar with. Codsworth checked with us to make sure we had everything we needed.
As I lay there trying to rest, however, my eyes wouldn't stay shut. I tossed and turned as my pulse banged away behind my ears. My heart was beating with loud thuds against my chest. All I could think about was finding my boy in that godforsaken Institute tomorrow.
I got up with a defeated sigh, goosebumps immediately beginning to raise as I left the warmth of my blanket; I couldn't stand to sleep in anything other than a tank top and shorts. I slid my pants back on and shrugged on my jacket. I slid my feet into my old house slippers and shuffled my way through the hall.
Hancock was nowhere to be seen in the house. I grabbed a bottle of purified water, drank half, and set it back on the counter. Curious as to where he'd run off to, I searched around for him. There weren't many people outside; most of the settlers were asleep in their homes. They got up with the rising sun and went to bed with the setting sun, as was the life of hardworking farmers.
I spotted the red of Hancock's frock in the moonlight on Mama Murphy's front porch. She was still sitting outside in a rickety rocking chair, a throw blanket on her lap. No doubt she was stargazing when Hancock found her. I crossed my arms and grinned as I watched the two of them chat, wondering if she told him a vision tonight and how much he believed in those things.
I went back inside and wandered around the living room for a moment or two in deep thought. This house was falling apart, and I knew it. I should have spent more time fixing it up before Shaun's arrival. I was just too busy. Or was that just something that I told myself so I wouldn't feel so guilty?
I went back to my room and grabbed my wool blanket from the mattress and wrapped it around my shoulders; the chill of winter was still apparent in the air. I walked back outside and examined the exterior of my house. Shambles. Holes everywhere. The siding was rusted and peeling. With a heavy sigh, I swore to myself that I would fix up the house if I found Shaun tomorrow.
I shook my head. "If?" What am I thinking? When I find him. I will find him.
"Hey, couldn't sleep either?" asked the gruff, melodious voice from behind me.
I turned to face Hancock. I glanced at Mama Murphy's porch across the street and didn't see her. She must have finally retired to bed.
"No," I admitted. "I can't stop thinking about tomorrow."
"Relax. You'll do fine. If the Institute knows what's good for 'em, they'll hand Shaun back without a fuss."
I smirked. "If only it will be that easy. I don't think they're ones to surrender or negotiate."
"Everyone has their weakness."
"I wonder what it's going to be like in there..."
He shrugged. "I never really thought about it. Kinda pisses me off if I paint it like they're livin' in the lap of luxury, so I try not to think about it."
"There's no way they're worse off than us."
"Exactly."
I pulled the blanket tighter around my shoulders as a slight breeze started blowing.
He patted my shoulder. "Let's think about it tomorrow, though, yeah? You should get inside and get some rest."
"Well..." I bit my lip.
"... What?"
"We were supposed to talk about something. You said it was important to you. And I... well, we might not survive this..."
His face fell somber, his eyes drifted to my mouth that was now a thin, serious line. "Don't say shit like that. We're gonna survive this. And we'll have plenty of time to —"
"No, I'm tired of waiting on everything!" I snapped. "I need to know, Hancock! Months I've waited. Months I've felt so... alone. I've thought of only two things: finding Shaun and how much I missed you." My voice trembled as the nervousness and embarrassment crept their way inside me.
Hancock placed his hands in his pockets, his eyes softening. "To tell you the truth, I'm a little nervous, heh heh. I'm not very good at this sorta thing. Bein' a Ghoul and all... you learn not to get too close to people. Hell, even before I was a Ghoul, I wasn't very good at affection. Travelin' with you, though, has made me realize a lot of what I've been missin' out on. You want the truth about how I feel about us? We make a damn good team. And I'd be lyin' if I said I didn't think about you these last few weeks. I've missed the hell outta you. I'm just..."
I hung onto his every word, but I got worried when he trailed off. "... Just?"
"... I'm just afraid to run you off." He kicked a pebble across the road with his boot. "I dunno, it's complicated. There's still a lot you don't know about me. You know the happy-go-lucky chem addict, the mayor who's quick to anger, the charismatic icon in the Commonwealth's shadiest town. I have forty-six years' worth of a past behind me, most of which I ain't proud of. And you're so... good. Hell, you're prewar. And I'm..." He motioned to himself. "Well, just look at me."
I suddenly felt offended. I wasn't sure why, but hearing him talk down about himself made me irritable. "I am looking at you. There's nothing wrong with you."
"Heh. Awful nice of you to say, but give it time. You'll see what I mean."
"Is this your way of... trying to keep me from getting close to you?"
He rubbed his neck awkwardly. "Nah, this is just my way of warning you of what you're gettin' into. But hey, we'll talk more about this tomorrow." He gave me a reassuring smile. "When we're done kickin' the Institute's ass."
____________________
I didn't have it in me to argue with Hancock, so I went to bed. But everything he said kept nagging at the back of my mind. I couldn't help but feel like he was trying to talk me out of wherever this thing between us was going. It scared me. It was too close to rejection.
After finally getting a few hours of sleep, I got prepared to meet Sturges by the Relay.
The teleporter consisted of a control console, a molecular beam emitter, a relay dish, a stabilized reflector platform, three huge gas-powered generators, and one smaller one. Sturges knew the ups and downs of each piece of equipment, but I didn't know the first thing about them.
The reflector platform was a thick, triangular piece of metal that sat in the clearing of Sanctuary, down the hill by the river. Above it was a molecular beam emitter, held up by three huge metal legs, topped with a rounded coil of copper and two power pylons. Blue sparks flew out of it, sizzling with electricity. It looked like something straight out of a Sci-Fi comic book or an alien-based Hollywood film.
I eyed the smoking generators. Sturges wasn't kidding; this thing took a lot of juice. Lots of wires ran from the generators to the console, relay dish, and the other pieces of machinery.
MacCready and Hancock walked close behind me as we made our way to STurges, who was studying the console with forced concentration. He looked nervous.
"Hey, there you are," he said as I approached. He leaned up from the console and straightened his work belt. "Everything looks good on my end. You ready to see if this thing actually works?"
I glanced up at the huge bolts of blue electricity flying out of the top of the emitter. "Shouldn't we... test it first?" My voice came out meek.
"I wish we could, but we've only got the one frequency code. There's no way to test it without jacking into the Institute's signal. And as soon as we do that, we've used our one and only chance. As soon as the Institute figures out what we did — and I gotta believe those brainiacs won't be caught napping twice — that code we've got is useless."
I sighed with a shaky breath. It was then or never. I only got one shot. "Let's do this, then."
"You sure?"
"Sturges, don't make me second guess it. I'm already terrified."
"... Okay. Your part is simple. Just step onto the platform. I'll start scanning for the Institute signal to lock onto, then... I figure her up and we see what happens."
"We'll all be able to fit on that little platform?" asked MacCready from behind me.
Sturges scratched his head. "Yeah, about that... I can only send Gwen through. She'll have to head in on her own."
"Bullshit," said Hancock. "I'm squeezing my ass onto that platform."
Simultaneously, MacCready yelled, "She has to go in alone? Who's supposed to watch her back?"
Sturges jsut threw his hands up. "Look, If eel the same, but it was dumb luck that I got this thing up and running. I'm not a miracle worker. Gwen goes in alone, no one else. Once she goes in, this thing shuts down for good because we won't have another signal code. This is it."He turned to me with an apologetic look and asked, "Do you understand, Gwen?"
I nodded. "I'll be back with Shaun, or I wont' be back at all."
"Well... you do what you gotta do," said MacCready.
Hancock scowled. "I ain't comfortable with this, but... if this is the way it has to be, then here." he took some Med-X out of his pocket and handed it to me. "Just in case. It's all I got that may help."
I took it with a shaky hand. He noticed my trembling and placed his other hand over mine before I took the Med-X from him. He stared into my eyes and squeezed my hand, a silent reassurance that he had faith I could do this.
With a nod, I put the Med-X into my bag. "Thanks."
"Please be careful in there," he said.
"Thanks for everything. All of you."
I looked each one of them in the eyes, suddenly painfully aware that this could be the last time I ever saw them. I had to believe I was going to make it back in one piece. I had to believe that.
I stepped onto the platform and searched their worried faces. Even though they looked scared for me, I could tell that they believed I could really do this.
Codsworth floated his way over. "Oh, Mum! I am so glad I caught you before you left! Please do be careful!"
"I will Codsworth."
Sturges pressed a bunch of buttons. "Okay, hold re-e-e-eal still. I don't want any corruption of the molecular beam..." he pressed a few more and then walked up beside me. "Hey, by the way, I figured this was a golden opportunity to find out as much as we can about the Institute and what they're up to."
The beam started to power up overhead. He took the holotape out of his overalls pocket and handed it to me.
"This holotape's all set with a program that will scan their network and download anything it finds!" he yelled over the sound of the beam.
As I took it and put it in my pocket, a hose broke free on the side of the molecular beam emitter.
"Shit!" I exclaimed and jumped.
The loose half of the hose flew around wildly in the air.
"Uh-oh! Uh... yeah, we better hurry! Don't worry about that tubing wiggling around! It's, uh... there for decoration!"
The beam was fully powered up now. The generators looked like they were ready to blow. Hancock and MacCready stood, eyes wide and mouths agape. MacCready had removed his hat from his head and was wringing it anxiously in his hands. I caught sight of Preston running up the road, waving and mouthing something, but I couldn't hear him or read his lips; he was too far away.
"Scanning for the Institute signal... tracking RF... and got it! Hold onto your butt!"
Sturges mashed one more button, and a blue light overtook my vision. For a split second, I felt weightless, like I was floating. Then, I couldn't feel anything at all. I couldn't even think. The sensation lasted all of about two seconds, then my vision returned and the blue light faded.
I could no longer hear the noises of the Wasteland — not the crickets or the grasshoppers, not the wind blowing or the dead grass rustling on the ground. It was the silence of a small, dome-like room. Lights and buttons and circuitry surrounded me.
In front of me was another room. A bigger one. A computer console and a desk awaited me. I quickly removed the holotape Sturges gave me and inserted it into the computer. I clicked on "initiate network scanner," and it immediately started downloading information from the network.
I looked around the room while I waited. My heart was pumping so loud, it nearly drowned out my thoughts. As far as I knew, I was alone in the room. For now. Everything looked so clean and high-tech. The walls were white. more lights and circuitry lined the walls in various places. Alloy boxes lay around on the floor near the far walls. It was almost like this was a storage room of sorts.
The computer beeped. The scan was complete. I ejected the holotape and shoved it back into my pocket. I straightened my later armor and combat helmet and pulled my gun from its holster on my side.
I turned to the only exit — the stairway behind me — and walked as quietly as possible. It was all for naught because I immediately heard a voice overhead. It was a man's voice. He sounded sort of elderly.
"Hello."
I stopped dead in my tracks, eyes wide with fear.
"I wondered if you might make it here. You're quite resourceful. I am known as Father; the Institute is under my guidance."
I didn't know how he was talking to me or how he was seeing me. I pressed my back up against the wall on the stairway, made myself small, and listened for any footsteps that may have been headed my way.
"I know why you're here. I'd like to discuss things with you, face-to-face. Please, step into the elevator."
Elevator?
The man's voice went silent, but it took me forever to move. I stood there, taking shallow breaths, for what seemed like an eternity, riddled with fear.
Finally, after forcing myself to move, I crept slowly down the rest of the stairs to find another clean-looking white room with a metal floor and an elevator in the center. The elevator was made of glass. It was rounded with a slanted door. The bottom of the glass had a hexagon pattern all over it. I could barely see the bottom of the elevator through the glass and wondered just how far down it went.
As I stepped inside, I didn't even have to press the red button on the control pad. The door shut behind me, and I was transported down through the floor.
"I can only imagine what you've heard, what you think of us. I'd like to show you that you may have... the wrong impression."
Within a matter of seconds, the glass elevator entered a huge room. I gazed upon the Institute in its full glory. It was amazing, yet somehow horrifying. There were live, healthy trees with beautiful green leaves inside this room. Waterfalls with clean water coming from two slits near the ceiling. It was like an indoor park. Standing below were scientists in lab coats holding clipboards and pens, speaking to each other. A few kids played in the grass with their toys. The room was brightly lit by fluorescents.
"Welcome to the Institute."
I took a deep, shaky breath. Is this real? What exactly am I seeing?
As if he could read my mind, he clarified. "This is the reality of the Institute. This place, these people, the work we do. For over a hundred years, we've dedicated ourselves to humanity's survival. Decades of research, countless experiments and trials... a shared vision of how science can help shape the future. It has never been easy, and our actions are often misinterpreted by those above ground. Someday, perhaps, we can show them what we've accomplished. But for now, we must remain underground."
The elevator went down into the floor of that large room with all the trees and finally came to a halt in another room underneath. The glass door slid open, allowing me to step out. The air smelled... foreign. It smelled of sterilized tools, plastic, and filtered oxygen. I took a few steps down the hall in front of me.
"There's too much at stake to risk it all," he continued. "As you've seen, things above ground are... unstable. I'd like to talk to you about what we can do, for everyone. But that can wait. You are here for a specific, very personal reason. You are here... for your son."
My heart leaped into my throat. It was at that moment that I knew that my every move had been watched from the start. My coming here was predetermined. My thoughts went back to the Courser we killed and his cryptic words. It makes sense now why he didn't attack me, how easy it was to get the chip from him.
I continued down the hallway.
Thump-thump.
Then to the left, an elevator.
Thump-thump.
I pressed the red button. The elevator took me up.
Thump-thump.
A door opened, leading into another white room. I peeked inside.
Thump-thump.
There, on the other side of a glass cell, was a little boy... with dark hair... about ten years old...
Thump —
My whole body was trembling. It was Shaun. My Shaun. I finally found him. My weak legs carried me over to the glass. I couldn't take my eyes off him. The rest of the room just didn't exist to me.
He was sitting cross-legged on the floor with toys strewn around him. There was a bed inside and a long metal table that had food and water on it. A shelf with a first-aid kit was mounted on the wall over the bed.
I put a hand on the glass. I could barely see through my own tears.
"Shaun?"
"Huh?" he turned to look up at me. His big, brown eyes gleaming with life had so many questions in them. "Yes, I'm Shaun." he stood up and faced me, his head cocked to the side in confusion.
"Shaun, I've been looking for you for so long." My voice broke and a lump made its way into my esophagus.
"Who are you?"
"Shaun, it's me. I'm... your mom."
"Father!" he cried suddenly. "What's going on? What's happening?"
I put both my hands up to the glass. "Shaun? Are you okay? Are you hurt?"
Shaun's sudden upstart shook me out of my shocked state, and I had sense enough to check the door to see if I could get into his glass room. It wouldn't budge, and the keypad on the door was inactive.
Damn it.
"What's going on? Father? Father!"
"Shaun, can you open the door?"
"I don't know you! Go away! Father! Father, help me!" He was frantically searching the room with his eyes.
I wasn't sure if he called for the man that greeted me upon arrival or a man that staged as his father. Both thoughts made my blood boil.
"Father! There's somewhere here! Help me!"
I began looking through the room for a heavy enough object to bust the glass cell open, all the while speaking to Shaun in a hushed, calm voice. "Shaun, please calm down. I'll get you out of here."
It was no use. I could barely hear myself speak over the child's incessant cries for help. he must have thought I looked like a maniac in my leather armor and guns strapped to my body.
The doors to my right slid open with a quiet pressurized hiss. In walked a tall, gray-haired man with a short beard. He wore a white lab coat, a green shirt, dark green pants, and a pair of brown dress shoes. His face was wrinkled with smile lines and brow creases. His eyes were a deep brown and full of wisdom. At first, he looked like every other Institute scientist from the indoor park.
He spoke, and I recognized his voice as the man who greeted me.
"Shaun... S9-23 Recall Code Cirrus."
Shaun finally calmed down. In fact, he slumped over on his feet and stood there, lifeless. His arms were limp at his sides. His eyes closed. Almost like he... shut down.
"Fascinating, but disappointing," said the scientist. "The child's responses were not at all what I had anticipated. He's a prototype, you understand. We're only just now beginning to explore the effects of extreme emotional stimuli."
He droned on about things I couldn't comprehend; I could barely comprehend what I just witnessed. I cried against the glass, my breath covering it in fog. I had so many questions, but only one answer: this was not my Shaun. And the pain in my chest was so great, I could barely breathe.
"Please, try to keep an open mind," he said calmly as I broke down. "I recognize that you are emotional and that your journey here has been fraught with challenges. Let's start anew. I'm Father. Welcome to the Institute."
Is this what dying feels like?
My insides felt as though they were being twisted around with knives, and I felt myself fighting back the bile that threatened to exit my mouth. My heart felt as if it were bleeding out of my chest.
I turned my head slowly to look the scientist in the eye, with all the rage and heartache swimming on the surface as if to attack him with it, to make him feel what I was feeling.
"Are you following?" he asked with concern.
"I could kill you. Right here. Right now." My voice shook, and I unintentionally spat my words.
"Yes. Yes, you could. And I would be powerless to stop you."
"I want — no, I need answers, asshole. Now."
"Under the circumstances, I will forgive your... vulgarity. But I need you to realize that this... situation is far more complicated than you could have imagined. You have traveled very far and suffered a great deal to find your son. Well, your tenacity and dedication have been rewarded. It's good to finally meet you, after all this time. It's me. I am Shaun. I'm your son."
I blanched with horror. I didn't know if I should believe him, or if he this was some Institute ploy. It took me a while to process the probability of this old man being my son.
"I hope you're not too overwhelmed," he said in his usual calm demeanor.
"That's... That's bullshit. It can't be."
"Is that so? After all the things you've seen and experienced in the Commonwealth? Think about it... In the Vault, you had no concept of the passage of time. You were released from your pod and went searching for the son you'd lost. But then, you learned your son was no longer an infant, but a boy. You believed that ten years had passed. Is it really so hard to accept that it was not ten, but sixty years? That is the reality. And here I am. Raised by the Institute, and now its leader."
"Sixty years? But how? Why?"
My world came crashing down on top of me, almost so physically that my legs couldn't support my weight. They buckled beneath me; my knees hit the floor and my back nearly arched, threatening to send my head plummeting to the floor. Everything that had kept me going the last five months, everything I was working toward, everything I had hoped for... was pissed away in that single moment.
I gasped for breath as I cried uncontrollably. "It wasn't right," I wailed. "What they did. Taking you from me like that!"
"To you, that would certainly seem true. But to the Institute, it made all the sense in the world. At that time, the year 2227, the Institute had made great strides in Synth production. Scientific curiosity and the goal of perfection drove them ever onward. What they wanted was the perfect machine. So they followed the best example thus far: the human being. Walking, talking, fully articulate, capable of anything. Human-like Synths. The Institute enedeavoured to create synthetic organics. The most logical starting point was that of human DNA. Plenty of that was available, of course, but it had all become corrupted. In this... Wasteland... radiation affected everyone. Even their attempts to shield themselves from the world above, members of the Institute had been exposed. Another source was necessary. But then the Institute found me, after discovering records from Vault 111. An infant, frozen in time, protected from the radiation-induced mutations that crept into every other human cell in the Commonwealth."
I took deep breaths to steady my breathing. Everything he said made sense. Painful, ridiculous, rage-inducing sense.
"I was exactly what they needed. And so it was my DNA that became the basis of synthetic organics used to create every human-like Synth you see today. I am their Father. Through science, we are family. The Synths, me... and you."
I picked myself up off the floor, unsteady and still in pain. I studied his face; I found it as the universe's cruel joke that he turned out looking just how I had imagined Nate to look when we got old together. The reality was finally beginning to sink in when I saw those brown eyes, that angular nose, the shape of his jaw. This was Shaun. This was my boy. Nate's boy.
"Shaun... it's really you..." I squeaked.
I took slow steps toward him and wrapped my arms around him. I hugged him tightly to me. My baby wasn't a baby. Nowhere close to it. As I hugged him, his whole body stiffened up; I knew he didn't want to be contaminated, as I was completely covered in wasteland dirt and dust.
"It really is," he said and backed away subtly. "I know you must have questions. Please, anything I can do to help you understand."
I tried to shake off the hurtful feeling of his lack of affection. "Your father... He never got to see you grow up."
"Yes, what happened to I'm was... I've gone over the records of the incident, of course. It seems what happened to him was an unfortunate bit of collateral damage. For many years, I never questioned who my parents were; I accepted my situation and that was that. With old age comes regret, and asking 'what if' more often... but what matters now is that you and I have a chance to begin again."
"H-How? I can't return home with my baby boy. You're... You're —"
"Old?" He smiled. "Unfortunately, no, I won't fit in a crib anymore, but... perhaps we can cultivate a different relationship. Even a simple friendship. What else can I do to ease your mind?"
"Kellogg. I... killed him, looking for you. He worked for you, didn't he?"
"Kellogg." His face went sour, his voice clouded with irritation. He sat down in a swivel chair to his right by a desk, slowly bending his knees so as not to hurt himself. "He was an Institute asset long before I arrived here. It wasn't until I became Director that I learned of all the things he'd done... What kind of man he was."
"Y-You knew he was a psychopath, but you used him anyway?"
"Would you have preferred I turn him loose on the Commonwealth? At least keeping him on a short leash kept the collateral damage at a minimum. The Institute took advantage of Kellogg's vicious nature. I will freely admit that. Institute technology prolonged his life, and his usefulness, far beyond any normal human lifespan. He never failed the Institute, but his cruelty became more apparent with every completed objective." He rested his elbow on the desk and rubbed his temple. "I won't lie: it's no coincidence your path crossed his. It seemed a fitting way to allow you — or us — to have some amount of revenge."
I scoffed. "It was no coincidence that a lot of things happened... The Courser. You knew I would find it and kill it. The scientist, Virgil — the only reason your Synths haven't found him is because you needed me to find him. You're the reason I got out of the Vault in the first place. You... set this whole thing up..."
He nodded.
"You planned everything from the start."
"Yes. That is correct."
"So that means... you're in charge of it all. All of this." I weakly motioned around the room.
He nodded again and laced his fingers together in his lap. "I am the acting Director, yes. I spent decades working to reach this point. It's a responsibility I take very seriously. The Institute... It's important. It really is humanity's best hope for the future, no matter what those above ground think of us."
"Why you? This all feels like a sick joke."
"I was the most qualified for the position, obviously. I've lived my life within these walls, dedicating to science like every other member of the Institute. My hard work has paid off. Ultimately the Commonwealth has nothing to fear from us. Whatever you've seen or heard, I know I can convince you of that. Just... give me time. I know there's more for us to discuss, but... the Institute is on the verge of some important breakthroughs. Your presence would be appreciated as we approach them. I've been part of something amazing here. I've helped to build a life for myself and the people of the Institute. And now, after all these years, you have an opportunity to help with that. Doesn't that intrigue you? Isn't that what you want?"
"What I want? What I want? What I..."
I was dumbfounded. What I wanted and what he thought I wanted were two completely different things.
"Just take your time and think it over. You're welcome to stay."
"Wait, you want me to stay here? In the Institute?"
"Yes, that is what I propose. Is that so hard to imagine? The Institute can provide a better life than anything of that above ground. You've been in the Commonwealth. You've seen what it's like. I assure you that you are better off with us."
"How can you say that?" I took a step back. "How can you be so dismissive of all those people, everything —"
"Because it's the simple truth, and I believe you know it, too. I simply ask that you give the Institute — give me a chance. A chance to show you what I've been telling you. We really do have humanity's best interest at heart. Will you take that chance?"
I shook my head. "You have humanity's best interest at heart... Humanity... But not the Synths you've enslaved or the Ghouls whose DNA is so corrupted you don't consider them human." The tears were back again, and my lip trembled.
He sighed. "I can see that the rumors above ground have already altered your opinion beyond what I may be able to repair. Those above ground know nothing about us."
"And you know nothing about them. There are people up there who have helped me. People who would never do anything to hurt me. I love them! I can't just... abandon them all! Without their help, I wouldn't have even found you!"
Although the reality was harsh, this was my son. I was expecting my child, but I got the Institute Director instead. But his offer wasn't worth forsaking those I'd come to know with such fondness.
The people up there mattered. Piper, Nat, all the missing people she reported in Diamond City, Hancock, all the other ghouls of the Commonwealth that people so easily shun away, MacCready, Duncan, Preston, Ronnie, all the Minutemen that fight for a free Commonwealth, Deacon, Desdemona, Tom, all the Railroad agents, all the Synths they've saved, Nick, Ellie, and so many more.
"I'm sorry," I said in almost a whisper. "I just can't. I can't stay with you."
He breathed deeply through his nose and huffed out his mouth. "I'm sorry to hear that. I had certainly hoped we could work together, but every man and woman must make their own decisions. If you choose to leave, I cannot force you to stay. However..." His face went sullen. "Understand that I cannot allow you to remain within the Institute. You may have safe passage where you will be sent back to the Relay where you will be sent back to the surface, but from that point... you must be considered hostile."
My face contorted with shock and disgust. He didn't even seem upset that I declined his offer. He seemed more... passive than anything. After all this time, he wanted to see if I'd come to find him, and after I finally reached him, he acted as though he could care less if I stayed or if I left. Was I an experiment to him? The insanity...
"I'm sorry," he went on, watching my face. "Understand that we put first the safety of the Institute. And in the cruel world that we live in, those who are not with us are against us." He turned his back to me in his swivel chair. "The elevator will return you to the Relay."
I stood there a moment, processing all that was just exchanged. He never looked back at me, just sat there with his elbows on the desk, hands in front of him, fingers laced together. When I finally turned to leave, I took one last glance at the Synth child in the glass cell. My heart ached. I felt like I had just fought a battle and lost, humiliatingly.
I went back down the elevator and through the hallway, so dissociated that I felt as if I were floating. I got back in the main elevator and watched all the clean water and greenery pass me by. I took in the sight of it one last time, knowing I'd never see it again.
A wave of nostalgia washed over me as I gazed at their healthy green leaves, remembering days long past when Nate and I would visit the park or go on road trips, taking in the sights as we went. Days of my childhood, playing in my mother's front yard or helping my grandpa pick his ripe tomatoes out of the garden.
The view faded away from the glass elevator, and I entered the next floor above me. It opened automatically, allowing me to exit the way I entered. I couldn't believe he was making me see myself out. I stepped into the Relay room again and a flash of blue light sent me whizzing through the air as molecular particles back to the surface of the Commonwealth. In the blink of an eye, I was whole again and alone.
So very much alone.