Awsten grinned when Geoff met him on the staircase. "So you wanna go to a real party?"
---
The music was so enthusiastic that it was though it had come alive. Fiddles, drums, mandolins, harmonicas, bagpipes – steerage had it all. It wasn't nearly as dreadful or depressing as Geoff had imagined. Actually, it was quite fun. Geoff was sure he'd never seen so many smiling people in one place.
He sipped a beer as he watched Awsten spin around and around the smoky room with a little girl named Grace, who couldn't have been older than five. Her dark curls bounced wildly under her hair bow as she looked at Awsten like he'd put all the stars in the sky. Geoff could hear her giggles even over the music.
The song ended, and Awsten bowed to the little girl. She curtseyed messily, and when she smiled, Geoff noticed that one of her front teeth was missing. He knew he was supposed to want to take her up to first class with him, make sure she was clean and comfortable and that she had enough to eat, but Geoff was sure that he'd never laid eyes on a single child in his whole life in first class of anything looking so happy and free. He would never take that away from her.
"I'm gonna dance with him now, alright?" Awsten said to the girl, pointing over at Geoff.
She nodded.
Awsten stuck out his hand. "Come on."
Geoff looked at him with wide eyes.
"Come on! Come with me."
"Awsten..."
"We have to get a bit closer," Awsten noted, pulling Geoff toward him until their bodies were pressed together. "Like this." Awsten glanced at the little girl, who was watching with a pout on her lips. "You're still my best girl, Gracie," he promised.
She smiled a little.
"Go find your brothers, huh? I'm sure Jay will dance with you even if Nate won't."
She nodded and disappeared.
The music started, this song even quicker than the last. Everyone started moving together, and Geoff grabbed tightly onto Awsten. "I don't know the steps!"
Awsten grinned. "Neither do I! Just go with it. Don't think."
"Wait, Awsten - Awsten, wait!"
But it was too loud, and they were already flying across the dance floor with all the other couples. Geoff took Awsten's advice and let go of his thoughts. He just moved with the music, following Awsten's lead as they spun wildly.
Pretty soon, Awsten pulled them up onto a table. Geoff kicked off his shoes so he could dance better, and everyone was cheering for him, the man in the fancy tuxedo at their third class party.
Geoff couldn't remember ever laughing so much in his life.
---
After the dance, there was arm wrestling and enough beer to get an army drunk. Awsten grabbed a glass for himself and one for Geoff, too, and he stared in surprise as Geoff chugged more than half the liquid in one gulp.
At his shocked expression, Geoff smirked and said, "What, you think a first class boy can't drink?"
Awsten bit his lip and grinned.
All of a sudden, Fabrizio was darting past him, the last on a chain of dancers all hooked together. He grabbed Geoff's hand, and Geoff grabbed Awsten's, and they were off again.
---
"I had hoped you would come to me last night," Cal said over tea the next morning.
"I was tired," Geoff lied.
"Your exertions below decks were no doubt exhausting."
Geoff was stunned, but he kept his expression blank. "I see you had that undertaker of a manservant follow me. How typical."
"You will never behave like that again, Geoff. Do you understand?"
Geoff thought briefly of Awsten and decided he was finally going to stand up for himself. "I'm not a foreman in one of your mills that you can command," Geoff stated. "I'm your fiancé."
"My fiancé?" Cal whispered. And then he shouted, "My FIANCÉ?!" He slammed his teacup down, and it shattered on the floor. "Yes, you are, and my HUSBAND!" he yelled. He smashed his hand onto the edge of the table, flipping the entire thing on its side with a bang. The impossibly loud crashes of all the fine china echoed in Geoff's ears. Geoff was horrified.
"My husband in practice if not yet by law," Cal continued, "so you. will. honor me. You will honor me the way a husband is REQUIRED to! I will NOT be made a fool of! Is this in any way unclear?"
"No," Geoff whispered, his eyes wide.
"Good." Cal smoothed his hands over his jacket as he stood up straighter and headed for the door. "Excuse me."
"Master Geoff!" the maid cried worriedly as soon as Cal was out of the room. She rushed to him. He wasn't a 'master' anymore, but Trudy had been with them for so long that he supposed it was habit.
"We had a little... accident," Geoff lied, even though she'd seen the whole thing. Tears flooded his eyes.
"That's alright, Geoff."
"I'm so sorry, Trudy," he said shakily, getting to his knees to clean up the broken china. "Let me help you."
"It's alright." She wrapped her hand around his, and he let himself sit down on the carpet.
A fearful whimper of a sob escaped his throat.
"It's alright, Geoff," she repeated gently, not letting go of his hand.
---
"Tea, Trudy," Amy said sharply half an hour later, interrupting the maid getting Geoff ready for the day.
"Yes, ma'am," she replied quickly. She darted away.
"You're not to see that boy again," Amy ordered Geoff once they were alone. "Do you understand me? Geoff, I forbid it."
"Oh, stop it, Mother. You'll give yourself a nosebleed."
"This is not a game. Our situation is precarious. You know the money's gone."
"Of course I know it's gone. You remind me every day."
"Your father left us nothing but a legacy of bad debts hidden by a good name. That name is the only card we have to play." She sighed at her son. "I don't understand you. It is a fine match with Hockley. It will ensure our survival."
"How can you put this on my shoulders?" Geoff asked.
"Why are you being so selfish?" Amy snapped.
"I'm being selfish?" Geoff repeated, eyebrows raised.
Amy dropped her voice to a hiss. "Do you want to see me working as a seamstress? Is that what you want? To see our fine things sold at auction? Our memories scattered to the winds?" Tears filled her eyes.
Geoff looked down at his feet. He was reminded all over again that there was no getting out of this. God help him, he would never be free.
---
"Sir, I just need to talk to somebody."
"You're not supposed to be in here," the man told Awsten, blocking the door.
"I was just here last night! You don't remember me?" Awsten asked.
"No, I don't," he lied. "Now, you're going to have to turn around."
A man emerged from the church service, and Awsten pointed at him. "He - he'll tell you!"
"Mr. Hockley and Mr. Wigington continue to be appreciative of your assistance," the man from the service said flatly. He dug in his jacket pocket. "They asked me to give you this in gratitude-"
Awsten looked down at the twenty pounds. "I don't want your money. I just need to-"
"-and to remind you that you hold a third-class ticket. Your presence here is no longer appropriate."
"Please, I just wanna speak to Geoff, alright? Please!"
Instead, the valet handed the money to the men at the doors. "Gentlemen, please see that Mr. Knight gets back to where he belongs and that he stays there."
"Please!"
"Yes, sir." The man grabbed Awsten by the arm. "Come along, you."
---
"Mr. Andrews, forgive me," Geoff murmured after church, "but I did the sum in my head... With the number of lifeboats times the capacity you mentioned, it seems there are not enough for everyone."
Mr. Andrews stopped walking and smiled ruefully at Geoff. "About half, actually. Geoff, you miss nothing, do you? In fact, I put in these new type davits which can take an extra row of boats. But it was thought by some that the deck would look too cluttered, so I was overruled."
"Waste of deck space on an unsinkable ship," Cal muttered.
"Sleep soundly, young Geoff," Mr. Andrews assured, "I have built you a good ship, strong and true. She is all the lifeboat you need."
Geoff put the thoughts out of his head and trailed after the group, but before he got far, someone grabbed his elbow. He whirled around and gasped when his eyes landed on the man who had saved him. Awsten held a finger over his lips and dragged Geoff back into an empty room.
"Awsten, this is impossible," Geoff hissed. "I can't see you." Cal would kill him if he found out about this...
"I need to talk to you," Awsten insisted.
"No, Awsten, no. I'm engaged. I'm marrying Cal. I... I love Cal."
"Geoff... you're the most amazingly astounding, wonderful boy - man - that I've ever known, and..."
"Awsten..."
"Let me try and get this out. You're ama..." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm not an idiot. I know how the world works. I've got ten bucks in my pocket, and I have nothing to offer you. I understand. But I'm too involved now. You jump, I jump, remember? I can't turn away without knowing you'll be alright. That's all I want."
Geoff rubbed at his temple. He mustered up an unconvincing smile. "Well, I'm fine. I'll be fine... Really."
Awsten gave him a sad look. "Really? I don't think so. They've got you trapped, Geoff, and you'll die if you don't break free. Maybe not right away, because you're strong, but that light that I love about you, Geoff? That light is gonna burn out."
"It's not up to you to save me, Awsten," Geoff said softly.
"You're right," Awsten nodded. "Only you can do that."
Geoff swallowed, remembering the way Cal had screamed at him just a few hours before. "I'm going back," he whispered.
"No-"
He stopped halfway out the door to look back at Awsten. With sad, downcast eyes, he mumbled, "Please leave me alone."
---
Geoff sat at tea with his mother and some of her friends. Or rather, her company. Geoff knew better than to think that his mother kept friends. He didn't want to focus on the conversation – more planning for his wedding day with Cal – so he turned his attention to a little boy and girl at a table with their grandmother.
The old woman was making the children place their napkins perfectly on their laps and chastising the little girl for kicking her feet back and forth under the table.
Geoff didn't want to be like that. Geoff didn't want his children to be like that.
His mind drifted back to Awsten in that room this morning with his mismatched eyes and his sweet sincerity and his fumbled words. Awsten felt real. All of this up here on the first class deck was nothing, just lie after lie. But down there in steerage, all those people had been so authentic.
As the sun began to set, Geoff found his way to the third class deck. "Hello, Awsten," he murmured.
The other man turned around.
"I changed my mind." When Awsten didn't speak, Geoff said, "They said you might be up here-"
"Shh," Awsten whispered. "Give me your hand."
He did. He let Geoff lead him to the railing.
"Now close your eyes. Go on."
Geoff obeyed.
"Step up," Awsten murmured. "Now hold on to the railing. Keep your eyes closed. Don't peek."
"I'm not."
"Step up onto the rail. Hold on... Hold on. Keep your eyes closed." He took a quiet breath and gripped Geoff tightly. "Do you trust me?"
"I trust you," Geoff replied without hesitation.
"Alright." He slowly lifted Geoff's hands away from the rail. "Open your eyes."
Geoff did. The wind sped by him, and the sea sped underneath him. Geoff felt like he was on top of the world. "I'm flying," he breathed. And then he laughed. "Awsten!"
Awsten lifted his arms, fitting them right under Geoff's and lacing their fingers together. He rested his chin on Geoff's shoulder and smiled up at the look on Geoff's face.
Geoff looked back at him, and before Awsten knew it, their lips met.
---
"It's quite proper, I assure you," Geoff chuckled a few minutes later. "This is the sitting room." He cleared his throat. "Will this light do?"
"What?"
"Don't artists need good light?"
Awsten put on a French accent. "Oui, but I am not used to working in such 'orrible conditions." He smiled at his own joke and then gasped when he noticed a canvas leaning against the wall. "Monet!"
Geoff hated Monet. "Do you know his work?" he asked. He watched Awsten crouch down to see it up close.
"Of course! Look at his use of color here," he gushed, running his fingers over the paint.
"I know - it's extraordinary," Geoff replied sarcastically. He rolled his eyes and headed for the safe. "Cal insists on carting that hideous thing everywhere."
"Should we be, uh, expecting him any time soon?" Awsten asked. He tried to sound casual, but Geoff could sense his discomfort.
"Not as long as the cigars and brandy hold out." He walked back in with a necklace in his hand.
"That's nice," Awsten said as he looked at it. "What is it? A sapphire?"
"A diamond," Geoff corrected. "A very rare diamond." He glanced nervously at Awsten. "Awsten, I want you to draw me like one of your French girls. Wearing this."
"Alright."
Geoff swallowed. "Wearing only this."
Awsten's eyes went wide.
"The last thing I need is another picture of me looking like a porcelain doll," Geoff said softly, closing the clasp behind his neck. He handed Awsten a coin. "And as a paying customer, I expect to get what I want." He shed his clothes, stepping out of them and letting them lie in a rumpled heap on the floor.
The cabin air felt cool against his skin, and he shivered a bit. It was incredible, feeling so comfortable being nude in front of Awsten - they'd just met, but he felt safe. He felt handsome.
Awsten nodded, trying not to look as flustered as he felt. "Go over on the bed- uh, the couch. Go... lie down."
Geoff sank onto the sofa and drew his legs up. "Tell me when it looks right." He moved a little, getting comfortable.
"Put your arm back the way it was," Awsten directed, pointing with his charcoal. "Right. Put your other arm up... and that hand right by your face... Right. Now, head down, eyes to me... Keep them on me. And try to stay still." He started to draw.
"I believe you're blushing," Geoff smiled after a moment. "I can't imagine Monsieur Monet blushing."
"He does landscapes," Awsten replied, and Geoff chuckled.
"You're sweating."
"Shh. No laughing."
"Sorry," Geoff muttered, but the instruction only made him smile more. He pulled his face back to neutral, though, as he watched Awsten's eyes dance over his body. While Awsten studied Geoff, Geoff studied Awsten. The way the cords in his arms moved as he drew, the rich colors of his eyes, the way he bit his lip when he was deep in concentration, the way the candlelight made his skin glow...
"Alright," Awsten murmured twenty minutes later. "I'm done."
Geoff got up and draped his shirt over his shoulders, not bothering to button it. "Wow," he whispered reverently as he studied the art. Awsten had drawn him like royalty. He leaned down over Awsten's shoulder to get a better look.
"Do you like it?"
Geoff nodded. "It's perfect. Thank you." He tilted his head to the side, and Awsten gave him a gentle kiss on the lips.
Awsten signed the drawing AK and scrawled the date in the bottom corner. Geoff returned it and the diamond to the safe, and he'd just changed into a more casual suit when there was a sudden knock at the door.
"Who is that?" Awsten whispered sharply, his brow furrowed.
"I don't know," Geoff whispered back. He grabbed Awsten by the wrist and pulled him through a side door just as Mr. Lovejoy, the valet that Cal had sent to follow Geoff the night before, burst into the room.
"Wait, my drawings!" Awsten hissed.
"It's too late. Come on."
They snuck through that room and out another one into the hallway. Lovejoy must have heard them, because he followed.
"Come on!" Geoff cried as Lovejoy spotted them in the hallway. He and Awsten broke into a run, their fingers laced together as they sprinted down a staircase and around a corner. The elevator door was open, and Awsten yelled, "Wait, wait!" They made it inside, and Awsten quickly shut the gate behind them.
"Down!" Geoff instructed frantically. "Down!"
Lovejoy slammed into the gate in time to see them disappearing. "Bye," Geoff grinned, holding up his middle finger. Awsten gaped at him, shocked and pleased. Lovejoy practically growled.
Once the elevator reached the E Deck, Awsten spilled out of it, pulling Geoff behind him. They laughed as they stumbled down another hallway and behind a doorway with a portal window.
"Pretty tough for a valet, this fellow," Awsten chuckled, a little out of breath. "He seems more like a cop."
"I think he was," Geoff admitted.
Through the portal, Awsten spotted Lovejoy coming right for them. "Oh, shit!" he called, gripping Geoff's hand. "Come on!"
They dashed away again, this time down a maze of hallways. They hit a dead end, but Geoff found a door to the boiler room. They slammed it shut behind themselves, and Awsten clicked the lock into place. When he turned to Geoff, Geoff had his ears covered.
"Now what?" the older boy shouted over the sounds of scraping machinery.
"What?" Awsten yelled back.
Geoff smiled so widely that he laughed.
Awsten jumped several feet down to the floor, and he reached up to catch Geoff before he hit the ground. They made their way quickly past the soot-smudged crew, who all looked stunned to see two of the passengers wandering around such a dangerous area.
"Don't mind us," Awsten shouted. "You're doing a great job! Keep up the good work!"
After a bit, they found a door that led to a much quieter room. It was some sort of storage space for first class' large luggage.
"Look what we have here, huh?" Awsten smiled, drawing Geoff's attention to a nice car sitting in the middle of the room.
Geoff walked up to it as Awsten peeked into the front, and Geoff raised his eyebrows and cleared his throat.
"Ah," Awsten murmured. He quickly went around to open the door for Geoff, and then he held a hand out to help Geoff climb inside.
"Thank you," Geoff said as he made his way inside.
Awsten hopped in the front seat and beeped the loud horn twice. "Where to, sir?"
Geoff smiled dreamily. "To the stars," he whispered.
Awsten grinned. He climbed over the divider into the back of the car, where he and Geoff settled together. Awsten leaned them back until they were lying across the seats. As far as they were concerned, they were the only two people in the world.
"Are you nervous?" Geoff whispered as he played with Awsten's fingers.
Awsten shook his head. "No."