"(F/N), I might not be able to come to school this week," you said as you looked up from your breakfast to face Tsukishima.
It was Monday, and you were meant to have classes with him, but he was dressed casually, as if he wasn't planned on going to class.
"Why?"
"We're doing a photoshoot outside of town, and I'll be gone for a week."
You couldn't say anything because you didn't know anything about his job or career. Tsukishima revealed that a new collection is due to be released this month, and they are pushing the shooting for the launch.
"This will be my final shoot; I'm quitting modeling after all of this; I want to focus on my studies, and of course, you and Keiko are my top priorities right now."
"But, Kei—"
"I'm serious, (F/N), I never planned on being a model in the first place."
"How about your boss? Does he know?"
"Yes, and he was cool with it; he gets what I'm saying."
You went along with Tsukishima's decision. You departed for class that day, leaving Keiko with Akiteru, while Tsukishima was busy packing for his out-of-town photography. You didn't say anything and simply departed. You entered the University campus.
When you entered the main building for your first lesson, you noticed a familiar figure going ahead of you. You caught up to that person as you both ascended the stairs.
You chirped, "Good morning, Keiji-senpai!"
"(F/N)-san, good morning," your senior said with a little smile on his face. "Where has Tsukishima-san gone?"
"Well, he's going to take a week off," you said, your smile fading.
"Did something happen?" Akaashi asked, pausing between the stairwell steps.
"Oh no, he's fine; he's got an out-of-town photoshoot for the clothing brand he works for."
"I thought he ran away somewhere else," Akaashi said, relieved.
"Again?" you asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Ah, yes, you were still not present when that happened."
Your lesson continued as usual, but your mind was elsewhere. You couldn't stop thinking about what Akaashi had told you this morning while your professor was teaching Anatomy 101.
Akaashi treated you for a cup of coffee at the cafeteria one hour before your first subject. You went ahead and asked your senior what he meant earlier after you bought a cup of coffee.
"It was around after a month that he became a University student. Exactly when he joined the club, he was acting out of the ordinary. After a week of joining, he suddenly stopped coming to the practice. I heard he was also taking a leave of absences. His professors shared their concerns with Tsukishima's class performance, which was gradually dropping. No one knows what was happening to him."
"He did that?" You couldn't believe it as you listened to your senior.
"It was really surprising, considering we're talking about Tsukishima-san. The student who aced the University Entrance Exam. We didn't know what was happening to him until his mother called to tell us."
"Tsukishima-san was diagnosed with clinical depression," Akaashi sipped on his coffee.
"Depression? Kei has a depression?" you blinked.
"At the time he stopped coming to practice, he attempted suicide; fortunately, his neighbor discovered him and he was immediately taken to the hospital; it appears the Dean was aware of what was going on and kept his situation confidential."
You said nothing as you listened to Akaashi. When you think back on your interactions with Tsukishima, it seemed almost too good to be true. He doesn't appear to be the type of person who would fall to depression. But then you understand he's also human. No matter how frigid he appears, he is still a human with feelings. He will be in this kind of predicament.
"After Tsukishima was diagnosed with depression, he didn't plan on doing anything and accepted it, but when his parents found out what had happened, they decided to start the therapy right away." Akaashi looked up to the ceiling, "I clearly remember the day we visited him. He looked devastated, he's so skinny and his glow had vanished. The worst version of Tsukishima you know now. It's hard to imagine that went through that kind of pain."
"Do you know why he's depressed, senpai?"
"The only response we got from him at the time was that his world stopped spinning when he lost you."
You had no idea why, yet you could hear Kei say those words.
"He got better after six months of therapy, and then he started seeing Sakamoto; we thought Sakamoto helped him get better, but he was just getting good at hiding his pain."
"(L/N)-san?"
You slowly looked up to see the entire class staring at you. They were all frowning, including your professor, who appeared astonished to see you. When you stretched out to touch it, your cheeks got damp. You were crying for no apparent reason.
"Are you okay?" your professor said. "Do you feel sick? You can go to the infirmary."
"Please excuse me," you said as you gathered your belongings and exited the classroom.
As you walked aimlessly across campus, tears streamed down your face. You collided with someone just as you were about to round the corner.
"Oh, god! I'm so sorry about—(F/N)-san!?" You looked up to see Lev looming over you. His eyes widened when he noticed your tear-stained face. "A—Are you all right? I'm so sorry!" he exclaimed.
"No, I'm the one who's sorry, Lev-kun," you pushed yourself up, forcing a grin.
"Do you want someone to talk to?" Lev asked.
You two ended up hanging out in the school park. You sat under the tree as the other students went out with their different groups of friends. You softly hug your knees close to your chest.
"That did happen to him, I remember."
"Was I the one to blame?"
"No, he was the reason he lost you; he realized what he had done was wrong, but it was too late."
"Keiji-senpai mentioned that he searched everywhere for me, and when he realized that I had not enrolled in any of the universities that I intended to attend, he began acting strangely."
"He actually went to ask me if I had any news about you," Lev sighed. "I don't know why he put up with Nanami-san; if he loves you that much, why did he stop looking for you?"
"Because Kei is the type of person who does not force himself on someone who does not want him," you replied, "and I guess he only got Sakamoto at that time when no one else stayed."
"Keiji-senpai mentioned that he searched everywhere for me, and when he realized that I had not enrolled in any of the universities that I intended to attend, he began acting strangely."
"He actually went to ask me if I had any news about you," Lev sighed. "I don't know why he put up with Nanami-san; if he loves you that much, why did he stop looking for you?"
"Because Kei is the type of person who will not force himself on someone who does not want him," you explained, "and I guess he only got Sakamoto at that time when no one else stayed."
"True love never dies, huh? You really are a nice person, (F/N)-san. You see beauty and goodness in people even after they have done something bad to you, and you forgive them so easily," Lev said with a smile.
"I just don't want to harbor any hatred within myself; I want to move on and not dwell on what can't be changed."
"The past cannot be changed, but it can be corrected," Lev smiled.
You nodded and said, "Took the words out of my mouth."
You two chuckled as you took in the morning wind.
After learning what happened to Tsukishima after you split up with him. You've been looking forward to seeing him shortly. You wanted to apologize, and you wanted to know how he was doing. You just want to know if he'll suffer through the same darkness you did when you left.
--
The days passed, and the week came to an end. Your classes were completed by Friday afternoon. Your day was actually rather strange.
When you arrived this morning, students were staring at you and whispering. It's not like it bothered you; you're used to being the subject of gossip, but it can be annoying.
"(L/N)-san, Tsukishima-san is waiting for you outside," one of your students stated, leaving you alone inside the classroom. You hurriedly packed your belongings and rushed to meet Kei.
You didn't know when he'd return, and you weren't expecting it to be this soon. You eagerly exited your classroom to see him.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" you couldn't stop yourself from smiling.
"We need to talk," he stated solemnly.
"Okay, but why?"
He groaned and took your hand in his, and you both began walking down the corridor with him leading. Students were still present on campus.
They were all staring at you, and some of them were whispering to one another. You could hear Tsukishima click his tongue and quicken his pace, and you could barely keep up with him. You made it to the volleyball court.
"Okay, Kei, what's going on? Why are the other students staring at us earlier? I mean, they've been giving me glances and whispers since this morning," you asked, your voice concerned.
"Hinata,"
"What about Shoyo?"
"He posted some of the photos he took at Keiko's birthday, and my manager said it was already all over social media, so now everyone knows about Keiko and about you."
You paused for a bit before reacting, leaning against the wall, trying to take everything in. It's not that you wanted to keep Keiko's identity hidden from the rest of the world, but the idea of people discovering she's Tsukishima's daughter worries you.
He is well-known not just as a model, but also as one of the finest middle blockers in the prefecture. Aside from that, he's well-known in your university. Women had been eyeing him for quite some time. And now that the truth has been revealed, everyone knows you had a child with him.
How do you believe those people would react? Rumors about your past will undoubtedly circulate soon. You despised being in the spotlight or being the subject of rumors.
"What do we do now?" you asked, looking at him.
"Well, there's no reason for us to lie,"
"I'm so confused..." you sighed.
Tsukishima grabbed both of your shoulders and said, "Hey, let me handle this, ok? It's my fault for not telling those guys about keeping it private until we're ready."
"All right, Kei, I trust you to handle this; I just don't know what to say if someone asks; I don't want to mess up or ruin your reputation."
"Whoa, stop it!" he exclaimed, his voice rising slightly, "I don't care about my reputation; all that matters to me is you and Keiko. You're my top priority besides school and volleyball, and I won't be able to stay still if I know someone I care about is worried about something I could fix, so calm down (F/N) and let me handle this."
"S—sorry," you said, biting your lower lip, "I just don't know what to do or say in this situation."
"Perhaps you should rest today, go home, and look after Keiko; I'll be home later, and I'll take care of everything from here; it's the least I could do to alleviate what's been bothering you recently."
So he noticed something about you and is doing things to help you feel better. But why are you upset about what he's doing? You should feel grateful, but instead you were displeased. You were perplexed by his actions; everything he did when you were together was slowly resurfacing, and you were terrified.
"Why are you doing this?" you asked. "Stop confusing me, Kei!"
Your loud voice stunned Tsukishima, and he stared at you with astonishment and perplexity. You were just standing there for a minute before urging him to quit confusing you, which confused him as well.
"Why are you getting angry with me?" he said, his voice irritated. Tsukishima doesn't like being yelled at; theatrical girls irritate him, after all, and you weren't the kind to lash out on him so quickly.
"It's you! What you're doing! Everything! I just don't get it anymore!" You were becoming agitated by this point.
"You're the one who's perplexed here," Tsukishima pointed out. "What did I do this time?"
"You're confusing me, Kei!"
"What is there to be confused about (F/N)?! I explained everything to you and I'm confident that I can handle everything, so stop worrying."
"It's not about that," you scowled, "you're showing me things that make me want to love and trust you again, and you're giving yourself a reason to be like that again."
Tsukishima looked at you for a brief moment. You were standing there, your hand going white with rage.
"I don't understand what you're talking about."
"Just please don't talk to me."
"What are you afraid of? Why are you hesitating?"
"Of course, I'm afraid of getting hurt!"
The pain of the past and the fear that he will commit suicide because of you scares you.
"You already know the truth! That was one time, (F/N), and I was so stupid, but I regretted everything. Everything!"
"That one time broke everything! It broke me, and it's hard to get everything back to how it used to be, Kei. You know I have trouble trusting people, and I gave you that trust, and it broke you as well." Your tears were already falling, but you were too caught up in the moment to notice.
"And I apologized! Look, I don't care what happens to me. It's painful not to have you around. It's crazy not to have you in my arms!" Tsukishima was growing frustrated. Frustrated with the scenario and witnessing you cry in front of him. While you stood there, he sighed.
"..." You stayed mute, your tears freely pouring.
"I know that no matter how many times I apologize, things will never be the same, I can't change what happened in the past and I can't bring back what we had before, but all I ever want is for you to give me a second chance, that's all I ever want. I'm not asking you to trust me, I know it'll take some time to regain it, but a second chance will give us a start...to make things right, to make things better this time."
You lifted your tear-stained face to him. He did the same thing, and for a little while, everything around you became silent, and time stood still. There was only you and Tsukishima at the time.
You closed your eyes as he leaned down slowly. You soon felt your lips brush up against his. Butterflies flooded inside of you, and you kissed him back before snapping back into reality.
You shoved him away, too embarrassed to look at him, and ran away without looking back. You dashed away as fast and as far as you could, your cheeks burning from what had just happened. You halted near the corner to catch your breath after you were certain he couldn't follow you.
The memories from earlier replayed inside your head. You blushed once again while you cover your lips with the back of your hand.
--
It was just you and Akiteru in the evening of the same day. Your daughter will spend the night with her grandparents. You had to check in on them after what happened; your parents promised to bring her home safely the next morning.
You haven't left your room since you got home. Akiteru invited you to supper, but you respectfully declined, not even having the appetite to eat. Kei arrived that night, and while entering his apartment unit, he found his brother by the living room. Akiteru immediately spotted him and smiled.
"Do you want me to reheat the meal?" he offered.
"No, thank you; I ate back in the office," Kei said as he sat down alongside his brother on the couch.
"How was it? It appears that the photos have been circulating even faster than we thought; they did not even bother hiding (Y/N) and Keiko's faces; your fans must be curious about them."
"My manager said he will prepare a small interview during the launch of our newest clothing collection, so I had no choice but to settle things through media, as that way the information will spread faster throughout the country," Kei said, leaning back on the couch.
"You've really messed up your life, Kei," Akiteru remarked.
"Tell me about it. One problem after another," Kei groaned. "However, I believe this will be the first and last time (Y/N) and our daughter will be involved in my career, as I have already handed in my resignation, and the launch of the new collection will be my last."
"On the plus side, you know what your priorities are," Akiteru joked.
"Did (Y/N) eat dinner?" Kei said, turning to face the door to your room.
"Just give her time," Akiteru said, shaking his head. "She seemed really down when she got home early. Her eyes were really puffy. I'm not sure what happened between the two of you, but I hope you fix this for your daughter's sake. We don't want you to fall apart just as you're starting to rebuild what you had."
"I know," Kei says while massaging his temples. "I just hope she gives me another chance."
"Give it some time, you'll get there," Akiteru said, patting his younger brother on the shoulder.