(3 days later)
I can't believe I gave in.
I can't believe I just watched 2 hours of his rehearsal. Why did I give in? I shouldn't have . . . ugh . . . everything is ruined. . ever since the kiss we shared in his hotelroom, I'm in over my head . . I have a feeling that I'm starting to care about him more than I should . . . more than I'm allowed to.
And I can't let that happen.
He's talking to his manager . . I think that's his manager . . he's got a cigar in his mouth and looks like he loves to eat. I actually had a great time watching him rehears.
Michael truly has talent and you can really tell that he loves doing this . . being on stage, that's what he's really passionate about. . I just wish he would take it a little easier . . he really needs the rest . . . and he needs to eat more.
The woman he was rehearsing with is really beautiful. I love her long blonde hair. I believe her name is Sheryl. Michael comes over to me after changing his sweaty shirt. He's still a little out of breath.
He's sitting next to me now, breathing in my face . . but it's ok . . his breath smells nice. . . . but why am I thinking about his breath? . . . this is so weird.
"I'm so glad you came . . did you enjoy the rehearsal?"
"I did . . you're really good . . but ummm, I will not be able to come to London with you, unfortunately . . I have a lot of stuff to do . . and I have my evaluation . . so, I just wanted to tell you now. . but it was nice watching you rehears . . you're really good at what you do :) . . but umm, I think you should relax now . . you need to eat something and take a nap"
"Yes, I definitely will take it easy for the rest of the day . . but that's too bad . . what a shame you can't come . . I would really love to have you there"
He puts his hand on mine, giving me a smile.
I look at his hand . . it's so big compared to mine.
"Yes. . . too bad . . anyway . . I think I should be leaving now"
"Already? we're gonna have dinner . . you're welcome to join us"
"Umm . . no . . that's very nice of you to invite me but I should get going"
"Why do you always ''have to go'' somewhere, Megan?" he asks boldly. I give him a serious look.
"Because I'm a busy woman. . I have a job . . and it's Misses Miller"
"I'm your job . . . why are you pushing me out of your life?"
I swallow nervously. "I'm not pushing you out . . I have things to do. . I can't come to London with you and watch you perform . . and I can't sit with you and your people and have dinner . . I simply don't have the time, ok? . . and I want you to remind yourself that I'm your psychologist . . not your friend"
The smile on his face slowly disappears.
"Of course not . . of course we're not friends . . I know that"
I can see the hurt in his eyes . . ugh . . I shouldn't have said that . . WHY DID I SAY THAT? I guess my walls are talking . . the walls I have to put arround me so he can't come in . . I can't look at him and not think about the kiss . . . it's all right in front of me . . . I can't act like it never happened, it's just not possible.
And I know the reason why I sat here and watched him rehears for over two hours is because of the simple fact that I care about him more than I know. . more than I realize.
What the hell is going on here? . . why am I telling him to eat and sleep? . . that shouldn't be any of my damn business . . it shouldn't concern me if there's food in his stomach . . . . but it does.
~ Michael's point of view ~
It's 8:30pm . . we all had a great dinner together in this very fancy restaurant. They closed it for me, so we could all have a peaceful dinner. . which was very nice of them and that's why I gave the restaurant a very generous tip.
I'm back in my hotel suite now . . . I really wanna go to London . . . I am ready . . . I don't wanna sit around and do nothing . . the wound on my neck healed almost completely . .
I'm on the bed eating KFC, watching random channels on TV. Tomorrow is another rehearsal but I'm not gonna ask Megan if she wants to come . . . I know I'm moving too fast . . she's never going to fall for me if I keep pushing her to spend time with me.
It feels like, the more I reach out to her, the further she goes away . . . I don't want that . . I want her to like me . . . . I turn the TV off and decide to go to bed . . . as I'm taking off my shirt I get a unexpected phonecall . . . . I pick up:
"Hello?"
"Mister Jackson . . hi . . it's Megan . . "
"Oh . . hi Misses Miller . . I hope you made it home safely"
"Yes umm. . I'm calling because there's something I want to talk to you about. . . I thought about it and I just have to do this . . I think it's best for the both of us . . . and I hope you will understand"
"What?
"Mister Jackson . . . I'm sorry to tell you this but . . I think we should stop"
"Stop? . . with what?"
"Therapy . . ."
"What? . . why? . . what did I do?"
"Nothing . . I just. . I have a lot of stuff going on and I won't be having much time for you . . and I . . umm . . I think I'm not the best person to help you"
"You're saying this because you think I'm in love with you, right? . . please let me tell you this, I know we can't be together . . and that's ok, I respect that . . but please don't put a stop to this . . you are great at what you do and I really love talking to you . . you make me feel better . . and that is all I really need. . . I would hate for you to leave me like that"
"Mister Jackson . ."
"And I really hope that you realize, what you did for me so far has helped me more than anything I've ever tried to make me feel better"
"Michael . . I . ."
"I understand . . you don't have to explain anything . . I'm giving you a wrong feeling, is that it? . . . and you feel uncomfortable talking to me because I kissed you, right? . . I'm sorry . . I should've never done that . . I'm terribly sorry"
"Michael . . can I please say something here without you interrupting me?"
"Yes . . I'm sorry"
"Michael . . . my problem is that I can't work like that . . I'm in over my head . . I'm confused . . this has never happened to me before and I . . I'm just . . I can't think straight anymore . . I can't collect my thoughts because they're all over the place"
"Why? . . I don't understand . . why are you so confused? becaue of the kiss? I apologize from the bottom of my heart . . . it's never going to happen again"
". . . Michael . . it's YOU . . YOU confuse me"
"I confuse you? . . what do you mean?"
"Michael . . I can't work with you . . ever since we kissed. . I . . it's just not possible anymore and I hope you understand . . I will find someone perfect for you to talk to . . I promise you that"
"Megan . . I don't wanna talk to somebody else . . if I can't talk to you then I don't want any therapy at all . . you don't understand. . for me, this is not just talking to someone . . it's connecting . . and I connect with you . . I'm usually not opening up to strangers like that but I did with you . . . because I felt comfortable talking to you since day one . . . I don't need a new psychologist . . . it's either you or no one"
"Mister Jackson but you NEED someone to . . ."
"YES! I NEED someone to talk to! . . you are RIGHT! and YOU are that person! why are you throwing me out like that? . . I know I'm not like normal people . . I GET IT . . I have ''special'' needs . . but I'm a person and I have feelings like everybody else . . I don't undertand how you can just put a stop to this and send me to another person . . . this hurts me . . do you understand? . . I opened up to you . . about a lot of things . . and now you slam the door in my face because I CONFUSE you? thanks for letting me know . . I'll tell it to a bird . . or a monkey . . they will probably understand me better than you do"
"Mister Jackson. . ."
"Do you know how many times I'm awake in the middle of the night talking to myself? . . giving myself company just so I won't feel alone? . . and I sometimes walk around the neighborhood at night, just hoping to find someone to talk to . . . but I can't . . I can't talk to someone on the street like you can . . . I need bodyguards surrounding me 24/7 no matter where I go . . . if that CONFUSES you so much then I will just have to agree with you that we can't work together. . . . good night"
*HANGS UP THE PHONE*
To be continued . . .