(And here it is! Leon's summary of the last four years of his life. Nanouk, I hope it was worth all of your effort ; ) Enjoy! xx)
I AM OKAY.
I am happy.
I am a successful businessman who lives in a lavish apartment with no care in the world.
I am also a businessman who recently saved his company from liquidation.
I have had no girlfriend for three years and eleven months (I am not counting).
I can also count the number of people I trust on one hand.
I am also doing this wrong.
I groan and run a hand through my hair. The purpose of repeating positive affirmations to start my day is ruined if I turn negative. Ludmila will be angry, she really hates when I mess this up.
But it was easy to mess it up; to think about the things that have gone wrong in my life. They run through my head the moment I have a second to spare, which I suppose is not a lot considering the business has just started to get back on its feet and money is flowing through it.
I looked up at the big building ahead of me. I was lucky that we owned the piece of land and, when things started to fall apart, we did not need to worry about rent.
The memories were still surreal. How could we go from a lucrative business to a business that was forced to retrench workers and had a bank overdraft?
Despite the severity of the situation (thousands of people would lose their jobs including me), I was grateful for the distraction, Because one month earlier I lost the love of my life and it was entirely my fault.
For a month, I tangled my life with Gery's. She was a burning reminder of what happened and how much I lost but I think that was why I could not let go of her. I needed to witness my mistakes each day to teach myself why I could never do it again.
Being with Gery felt like nothing. I felt nothing. I felt hollow whenever I was with her, more than usual. It did not feel like I was missing a part of myself; I was missing everything. I lost the love of my life so nothing else mattered.
Gery did not mind. She may have been labelled as my girlfriend to everybody else as the compromise of the contract but she knew that I using her. She seemed to find it humourous, knowing that the only reason I was with her was because she had previously been the other woman.
But sometimes, for fleeting moments, she became her during my heartbroken hallucinations. I knew it was not real because seeing her did not take away the emptiness I felt.
However, my relationship with Gery did not last long. She and her father were only in it for the money and when the Blanco Enterprises's bank account started to run dry: she left.
"Goodbye darling. It was fun while it lasted. I would wish you happiness...but we both know you are never getting over her."
And as much as I hated to admit it, she was right. I at least looked at Gery, even if it was just to remind myself that she was not her, but after she left I could not look at any girl again. I could not bring myself to even glance at a girl because it still felt like I was cheating.
Another delusion in my head. Sometimes I would say to myself that since we did not technically break we were still technically together. And then I would laugh at how pathetic I was.
I knew that I would have to get over her but I could not. Everything reminded me of her, after all we had spent more than two decades here. Every memory that I had in Buenos Aires included her.
I would hate myself for hurting her and Ludmila would tell me not to. Ludmila was one of the people that I could trust with my life. She was my sister after all. She had been with me through everything. We grieved together.
Of course, the fact that she had to grieve only made me feel worse. I had forced her best friend away from her, left her to run a company on her own. It was all my fault. As much as Ludmila tried to convince me that I needed to do it for our father and that she was also at fault for lying, I could not shake the guilt.
I still can't. Because sometimes I see her glance at the Caviglia household and remember.Ludmila's will made of stone would crack, but never break. She was the strongest person I knew and I would have died without her. She was the one who forced me to sleep, eat and shower.
But eventually, I was given my distraction in the form of a failing business. Anthony began to panic, something I had never seen before. He turned to Mr Lopez but to no avail. Mr Lopez left us.
We were forced to keep employees that were of the utmost importance only. It was easily the hardest thing I had ever done, watching their faces as I handed them their last paycheck.
Bills and salaries were very difficult. Anthony and I had to dig into our pockets and even Ludmila contributed in spite of our protests. After a small but helpful loan, we managed to restore some of the former glory.
It took long nights, sometimes pointless trips to see investors and lots of effort but the business is finally working towards what it used to be again. There is a steady flow of cash within the business and the loan has been paid. My father, Ludmila and I were quickly getting all of our money back.
But most importantly, I have been able to hire most of the previous employees. It was definitely easier than I anticipated. Many of them had already find new jobs but when I came with my offer, they took it immediately. There is something about creating a home in your job that cannot be replaced.
However, all of this extra time forces me to remember that I lost her. Considering I no longer pass out because I simply have no energy, I have dreams. And they never fail to be of her.
Ludmila is still there for me. Even though she has a wedding ( for which I will pay at least half) to plan she always visits. Everyday. There is not one day that I do not talk to her and she does not scold me for messing up my positive affirmations.
I am okay.
Or at least I will be.
Oh poor Leon. Little does he know that his life is about to be rocked once again with Francesca's return.
This book is very fast paced, and there is not that much development which is why there are chapters like this that pretty much explain everything. They are short chapters so I really can't develop that much but I still want to get in as much as I can so that there is no confusion.
I hope this answers many major questions. And maybe you even feel at least a little sympathetic towards him. His love life has been on hold since Francesca but she moved on.
Or is there a little more to her quick grief process? ; )
Thanks for reading 🙈 Sorry for any errors 💚
~Lexy 😈