Just this year ( ON HOLD)

January 1

Dear Tanya

First day of the year, This day is believed to determine how your life will be throughout the year. On days like this, in previous years I was...... I don't know but It was like my hope was renewed on every first day of the year. Hoping that things will be better and that I will stop looking at myself with regret, because I will be who I want to be.
It's like the forces of nature are against me, Pulling me down no matter how much I try to get up. I'm still at the bottom, their least favourite person, someone whose existence disrupts their life .
It's like with each passing year , people gets more dissapointed, I want them to be happy. I feel weak , maybe I just have to accept it
This is me ......lying on this bed in this smelly room .